Do guys ever change their minds

LegacyUser

Do guys change their minds about someone they turned down.

Over Christmas, I asked a guy out and he said no. It's been a few weeks but I still feel pretty crap about it. I can't ask him again. He knows I like him, so I guess it's up to him, but I already got my answer. Do they ever change their minds? Does it ever happen?

Ellie2008

changeofmind wrote: »

Do guys change their minds about someone they turned down.

Over Christmas, I asked a guy out and he said no. It's been a few weeks but I still feel pretty crap about it. I can't ask him again. He knows I like him, so I guess it's up to him, but I already got my answer. Do they ever change their minds? Does it ever happen?

Ah OP! I felt compelled to reply to you. Does it matter whether guys ever change their minds in general? If you asked someone out & he said no you have as you said got your answer. I could tell you to play hard to get & see what happens but tbh I don’t think that would be good for you as you wouldn’t be moving on. I’m sure it’s devastating now, I’ve been there but don’t forget the bigger picture! Please don’t let this take up all your energy & time. Do something that focuses on you to keep busy!

Tails142

Do guys ever change their minds? Yes, as a guy I would say most of the time I don't even know what I'm saying.

My wife asked me out to the cinema when we first met and I said no I had to go home and play on my PC, D'OH! We got together a couple of years later... I would say ball is in his court now though, do you think he is shy or panicked about what to say when you asked him?

Dog day

Hi OP, I don’t know what age you are but suspect you may be pretty young. People are all different, gender aside, some are indecisive, some rarely reverse decisions.

Well done on being brave enough to ask this guy out. It didn’t work out this time but don’t let that deter you. Please don’t wait around or waste your time wondering where he’s at & if he’ll change his mind. Instead focus on the things you can control, your own words & actions!

If you’d like to meet someone, get out there, have fun & who knows who’s around the next corner

skallywag

I think you need to let this one go OP.

Stateofyou

Well if he turned you down he isn't worth a second thought. Change your mind and find someone who's all about you.

Idle Passerby

It's possible but as the balls in his court now, do you really want to sit around twiddling your thumbs waiting for a guy who doesn't want you to decide "actually, maybe she's ok"? Surely your time is worth more than that?

skallywag

I'm quite curious about the 'ball is in his court posts'.

He made it blatantly clear that he is not interested. The balls are packed up, in their boxes. Not in play anymore?

Idle Passerby

skallywag wrote: »

I'm quite curious about the 'ball is in his court posts'.

He made it blatantly clear that he is not interested. The balls are packed up, in their boxes. Not in play anymore?

Yeah that's true. I just meant that the OP has done all they can at this point. If he was to change his mind (doubtful I'd say) he'd have to decide that by himself, more prompting from her will only make him double down on his initial decision.

LegacyUser

Dog day wrote: »

Hi OP, I don’t know what age you are but suspect you may be pretty young. People are all different, gender aside, some are indecisive, some rarely reverse decisions.

Well done on being brave enough to ask this guy out. It didn’t work out this time but don’t let that deter you. Please don’t wait around or waste your time wondering where he’s at & if he’ll change his mind. Instead focus on the things you can control, your own words & actions!

If you’d like to meet someone, get out there, have fun & who knows who’s around the next corner

I don't intend on sitting around waiting. I'm just finding it very hard. I really liked him. If he changed his mind now, I probably would. Does it normally take 3+ weeks to move on?

leggo

I’ve had second thoughts and what if’s before, but none that I ultimately regret and any time I have given someone a second look it’s only really proven my initial thoughts correct. And tbh someone hit the nail on the head when they say that prompting only makes you double down. It’s painfully obvious when someone is just trying to hang out in your peripheral view to be available if you change your mind, and it’s annoying too because you feel like you’re being pressured or strong-armed into doing so.

Like others have said OP, focus on finding someone who’s all about you instead. The things you’re missing and pining over are hopes you had, not realities, and the good thing about that is you can still have all that but with someone else.

blue note

Fair play op for asking him out in the first place. That takes balls and even if you didn't get the answer you wanted in my opinion it's better than wondering.

As regards him changing his mind. He might or he might not. But I wouldn't wait around for him to change it.

joeguevara

It’s such a broad question and there is no right answer. A couple of things to think about is how did he turn you down. Was there a genuine reason, was he nice about it and what happened after.

Certainly there are many occasions for me where it was right person but wrong time for various reasons. Are ye still friends and is there any interaction.

But, don’t stop living your life in the hope he will change his mind. It could happen but it might not and you could regret other missed opportunities. One thing I do know is that if someone sees you enjoying life, having fun etc it may make him think.

Now, just take care of yourself. Don’t worry about things you can’t control. Hope everything works out.

ILoveYourVibes

OP i honestly think you need to respect his decision.

Trying to read subtly into it or finding a subtext that isn't there is not fair to him or you.

He said no.

Ask yourself why you are so hung up on this one guy?

Why do you feel crap about it?

Did he make you feel crap? If so was that something he did in being rude? Or are you insecure?

Either way it doesn't sound healthy.

Focus on the amazing guys who do want you.
Or focus on yourself.

Dog day

changeofmind wrote: »

I don't intend on sitting around waiting. I'm just finding it very hard. I really liked him. If he changed his mind now, I probably would. Does it normally take 3+ weeks to move on?

Hi OP, there have been further posts with great advice, ostensibly the overriding consensus here is to try to move on. Regarding your direct question as to how long that takes...once again this is a very individual thing but I’m sure you could speed up the process by having some great nights out with good mates or simply by doing more of whatever it is you normally enjoy. Well done again on having the guts to make the first move, I’m sorry it hasn’t worked out on this occasion. I really wouldn’t spend anymore time thinking about what you like about him or question his decision, just try to invest your energy positively on yourself. I wish you well.