Unwanted Advance on Christmas Night Out

Gatestill

Hi all, I'm totally at a loss at how to handle this situation and was hoping to get some opinions. During our Christmas night out, a female colleague put me in a very uncomfortable situation on more than one occasion. I had never met her prior to this, and tbh it ruined my entire night. It was a loud place, she pretended to be saying something into my ear having only spoke to her one-to-one briefly earlier in the day (don't know how on earth she got any signals), and she then all of a sudden she proceeded to start kissing and biting my neck? I pulled away and told her I had a girlfriend. She started saying so what essentially, I have a girlfriend too I'm bisexual etc etc and so I made an excuse and went to the bar to dodge her. Then half an hour later she did the exact same thing again and I got more cross the second time around and told her firmly to stop. She accepted it and that was that.

My concern is that if my other colleagues thought something was up. I didn't want to be rude and cause a scene so I dealt with the situation as calmly as I could. When somebody starts dragging out of your arm it's very awkward, it's not a position I like being in at all. The problem is, when explaining that the girl had bitten my neck to another colleague I didn't get the chance to fully explain the situation, that it was just out of the blue with the noise where we were. I'm worried it could be misconstrued that I was up to no good, and I would never do anything to jeopardise my relationship with my girlfriend. I'm probably not close enough to any of my colleagues to message them about it, and I'm worried that it might come across as me covering myself. There's the issue of whether I should just let it go or say it to my girlfriend, I didn't do anything wrong but at the same time she will definitely blame me and start asking me questions on why didn't I notice or push her aggressively etc etc. It's just not in my nature to be honest, but I was pretty pissed when it happened. Has anyone ever been in a similar position? This is the last thing I wanted on my mind going into Christmas..

amdublin

I'm sorry this happened you

Report her to HR. That would be the advice if the roles were reversed and if it does get back to your girlfriend, it would help your case.

12gauge dave

At least you know you've still got it

amdublin

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Report her to HR. That would be the advice if the roles were reversed and if it does get back to your girlfriend, it would help your case.

I agree

Weltsmertz

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Report her to HR. That would be the advice if the roles were reversed and if it does get back to your girlfriend, it would help your case.

Someone made a pass at you. And you are upset and offended. Get over it.

And the advice given is that you should report her to HR. What a repressed, intolerant, puritanical society we have become.

12gauge dave

Weltsmertz wrote: »

Someone made a pass at you. And you are upset and offended. Get over it.

And the advice given is that you should report her to HR. What a repressed, intolerant, puritanical society we have become.

I was gonna say something along those lines but frightened of a ban on a forum I'm not familiar with.
Shows you how ridiculous its gone when your even frightened to speak your mind on boards.ie.

Weltsmertz

Weltsmertz wrote: »

Someone made a pass at you. And you are upset and offended. Get over it.

And the advice given is that you should report her to HR. What a repressed, intolerant, puritanical society we have become.

Who's offended?

OP is upset at what happened and is worried about long-effects regarding his relationship. Creating a record of it to protect his relationship is a wise thing to do.

Gatestill

Weltsmertz wrote: »

Someone made a pass at you. And you are upset and offended. Get over it.

And the advice given is that you should report her to HR. What a repressed, intolerant, puritanical society we have become.

Context is important here though. Sure, a person made a pass at me. The person is young, people get drunk, people flirt, they might get the wrong idea, it happens. My issue is that it happened a second time, like I may as well have been speaking Japanese when I turned down the advances the first time.. The fact that there was no conversation before it too. I mean if that was acceptable behaviour a person looking for action could just go around biting people's necks all night until they get lucky.

But most of all it's grating me that people could gossip that there was something going on when there really wasn't, I can't speak about it for over two weeks now with anyone and I don't want to be seen as a cheat

OU812

Confide in your girlfriend first. Tell her the whole truth. If anything comes out in the future, she’s going to want to know why you didn’t tell her.

Secondly, write a ”confidential disclosure” email to your boss detailing what happened. Make sure you state that it’s a confidential disclosure. You’re then protected by law. Tell him/her on the opening line that you do not want to report it to HR, but you do want a record of it in case the other party says anything. Ask him/her to acknowledge receipt of the mail and then to store it & not say anything in the hope that the issue will just dissolve.

This way you’re protected from both aspects.

Sorry you went through this.

facehugger99

Jesus - you're way overthinking it.

Forget about it and move on - it's no big deal.

Dial Hard

It's happened to all of us and it sounds like you handled it pretty well.

If you want to cover your ass in work just to be on the safe side than the confidential disclosure email suggestion above is a good one but if you're going to do it, do it now, two weeks have already passed and generally the sooner you do these things, the better it looks.

I'm curious though, how exactly do you think this is going to get back to your girlfriend?

facehugger99

facehugger99 wrote: »

Jesus - you're way overthinking it.

Forget about it and move on - it's no big deal.

I'd do this personally. Forget about it.

facehugger99

facehugger99 wrote: »

Jesus - you're way overthinking it.

Forget about it and move on - it's no big deal.

Can you imagine saying this to a woman who rejected a guy and the guy continued to pursue in the way this person did.

ManOfMystery

Surprised by some of the responses in here. And I say that as someone who's absolutely not a fan of the current PC climate.

As the poster above me put it, if this was the other way round - and a guy had grabbed a girl not once but twice, bit her neck, tried to kiss her - it's highly likely they'd be going not only to HR but also the Garda.

But because he's a male, and she's a female, he should suck it up and move on?

They didn't know each other prior to this, so this was not a case of misread signals or banter between friendly colleagues being misconstrued. I don't think the OP is emotionally distressed about it or left with severe anxiety over it. But the fact remains her behaviour (drunk or not) was completely out of order, and if you're going to apply standards in any workplace then it has to be across the board.

The J Stands for Jay

This scenario was covered in some training I was made attend in work, except the genders were reversed. The night out is a work event, and what happened isnsexual harassment. When you report it to HR, it should be dealt with appropriately.

If it was me, I'd tell my girlfriend about it.

Edit: all staff were made do this course, I didn't do anything to be singled out for it.

The J Stands for Jay

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Who's offended?

OP is upset at what happened and is worried about long-effects regarding his relationship. Creating a record of it to protect his relationship is a wise thing to do.

You could argue about letting one proposition go, but a second one coming after a firm no is very different in my opinion.

ManOfMystery

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Surprised by some of the responses in here. And I say that as someone who's absolutely not a fan of the current PC climate.

As the poster above me put it, if this was the other way round - and a guy had grabbed a girl not once but twice, bit her neck, tried to kiss her - it's highly likely they'd be going not only to HR but also the Garda.

But because he's a male, and she's a female, he should suck it up and move on?

They didn't know each other prior to this, so this was not a case of misread signals or banter between friendly colleagues being misconstrued. I don't think the OP is emotionally distressed about it or left with severe anxiety over it. But the fact remains her behaviour (drunk or not) was completely out of order, and if you're going to apply standards in any workplace then it has to be across the board.

I'm really against PC-culture as well and that's well documented on this site. But the fact is it has affected the OP and he's worried about his reputation and also his relationship.

The idea of sending it to the boss and bypassing HR is good. I didn't think of that.

It's nonsense to belittle it because he's a man. Woo he's still got it my hole. I've been in similar situations before and it is really uncomfortable. Thankfully it's never been a work environment in front of people.

osarusan

The 'confidential disclosure' email to the boss sounds like a good idea, I'd even get your GF to read that letter too, hopefully it will put your mind more at rest on both counts.

I don't think he should tell his girlfriend. The contact with the boss is enough in my opinion.

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Can you imagine saying this to a woman who rejected a guy and the guy continued to pursue in the way this person did.

It's one aspect of our sexes that will never be equal. Men are generally bigger than women therefore men will usually be in control of a physical situation. Rightly or wrongly, the threat of violence is present for women. It's not fair but that power imbalance will always remain. Its a very different feeling when someone who can overpower you is being inappropriate.

osarusan

Deleted User wrote: »

I don't think he should tell his girlfriend. The contact with the boss is enough in my opinion.

My thought process was that if he's worried it will get out and she'd start to question things, getting her to read the email shows her how strongly he is willing to commit to his...innocence, for want of a better word.


Even not getting her to read the email now, but having it saved so that she could read it in the event that something does come out, would be useful too though.

flazio

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I don't think he should tell his girlfriend. The contact with the boss is enough in my opinion.

Absolutely tell the girlfriend. There is no reason to hide it from her.

ManOfMystery

Deleted User wrote: »

It's nonsense to belittle it because he's a man. Woo he's still got it my hole. I've been in similar situations before and it is really uncomfortable. Thankfully it's never been a work environment in front of people.

Same, I worked in a bar for years and on more than one occasion was either grabbed in the crotch, cornered or kissed (all unwanted) by drunk women. But I said nothing because the general perception was that if you're a man, there's no such thing as unwanted advances. Thankfully this was some time ago and generally there's a bit more awareness about it these days, though still not at the level it should be.

Gatestill

Dial Hard wrote: »

I'm curious though, how exactly do you think this is going to get back to your girlfriend?

I know that it almost certainly wouldn't, I didn't do anything wrong at the end of the day so there wouldn't really be anything for anyone to say. I suppose I'm feeling guilty that I didn't say anything about it yesterday, even though my girlfriend was asking me how the night went. She struggles with insecurity at the best of times and has had a tough time lately at work, so I didn't want the headache going into Christmas. I have mostly female colleagues and nights out (my first time actually going for a change) tend to cause conflict as is

osarusan

osarusan wrote: »

My thought process was that if he's worried it will get out and she'd start to question things, getting her to read the email shows her how strongly he is willing to commit to his...innocence, for want of a better word.


Even not getting her to read the email now, but having it saved so that she could read it in the event that something does come out, would be useful too though.

Showing her this thread is probably as good as any email if he doesn't want to escalate it within the workplace.

Assetbacked

Flirting and encouraging, now the OP feels bad about it. The situation was dealt with, move on OP.

mfceiling

Assetbacked wrote: »

Flirting and encouraging, now the OP feels bad about it. The situation was dealt with, move on OP.

Whereabouts did the OP say he was flirting with the girl in question and how did he encourage it?

ManOfMystery

Assetbacked wrote: »

Flirting and encouraging, now the OP feels bad about it. The situation was dealt with, move on OP.

This is the opposite of what he described happen.

Gatestill

Assetbacked wrote: »

Flirting and encouraging, now the OP feels bad about it. The situation was dealt with, move on OP.

I really didn't, like I said there was no conversation up until that point. I mean when somebody says I have a girlfriend and pulls away.. the so what attitude I got was just annoying. I tried to be civil and polite because I didn't want to start a scene, but surely it would have been inadvisable to be aggressive on such a situation?

SusieBlue

Weltsmertz wrote: »

Someone made a pass at you. And you are upset and offended. Get over it.

And the advice given is that you should report her to HR. What a repressed, intolerant, puritanical society we have become.

Really? Trying to lob the gob on someone who has already made it explicitly clear that they aren't interested is "making a pass"?

She completely invaded OP's space, put him in an awkward position and most importantly, she continued making sexual advances at him after firmly being told "NO". He didn't consent and didn't offer any encouragement yet she still persisted. No means No!!!
This is unnacceptable and its unreasonable to expect OP to just get over it.

There is nothing repressed or intolerant about being upset at being disrespected like that. That woman has potentially damaged OP's reputation at work & this could cause problems in his relationship with his GF too. He has every right to be upset.

Gatestill

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Same, I worked in a bar for years and on more than one occasion was either grabbed in the crotch, cornered or kissed (all unwanted) by drunk women. But I said nothing because the general perception was that if you're a man, there's no such thing as unwanted advances. Thankfully this was some time ago and generally there's a bit more awareness about it these days, though still not at the level it should be.

This is very much the issue, like there's not much you can do to stop something random like that happening. I thought it was immature and wrong to put somebody that position and it's the very same with the scenarios you've mentioned. I can't understand why she thought it was an appropriate way to act, it just made me awkward and ruined a good night

ChrissieH

OP I really feel for you. I'm a woman and I've never been in a totally intimidating scenario with unwanted advances, but very frequently have been in a "persistent" scenario and gave in and shifted some gob****e because I felt like it was easier to just go along with him than to keep trying to avoid him. I would never do it now that I'm older and more confident, but it's something that would have happened a fair bit when I was shyer and less assertive in my early 20s.
Some people just do not take "no" for an answer and I think it's totally irrelevant what gender or even what context it's in - people should not EVER feel entitled to anything when the other person has made it clear that they're not on the same page... whether it's badgering someone to drink, attend an event, have sex, buy something - it really should not be the case that one person can be forceful and domineering in order to get what they want at the expense of someone else??
I'm kind of baffled that people are commenting here about "getting over it" etc. Just because someone else might think "woohoo, I've still got it" when someone throws themselves at them does not mean that that's how the rest of the world would react in the same situation??!!

My husband was a total ride in his 20s (before I met him!!) and he was more than happy to sow his wild oats and had loads of girlfriends, but I know, hand on heart, that he is also a guy who would hate to embarrass a girl or to be nasty, so I know he was in a fair share of situations like myself, where he had drunk eejits clinging onto him and grabbing his face trying to kiss him etc, and he just wouldn't have had it in him to tell a girl to f**k off in no uncertain terms, he's just too kind for that, so I totally understand why this has bothered you and why it's ridiculous for people to brush off what happened. She had no right to physically touch you, regardless of the macho responses that some people are posting.

I think your fear is that people at work may have seen and misinterpreted what happened more so than the worry that your girlfriend would find out, but I hope you have enough faith in how you portray yourself on a daily basis to know that people probably see the situation for exactly what it was? I'm sure you don't give anyone the impression that you're into two-timing your girlfriend, and the chances are that your colleagues have seen what this girl is like on their previous nights out, so I wouldn't be overly concerned with that aspect of it.

I would think that the suggestion by another poster about alerting your boss, just so that it's on record, is probably great advice, I don't know much about workplace / HR issues like this, but in general, I suppose it's better to be safe than sorry.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear this OP.
Recently I was at a work night out and people were doing the dog on it. Drunk, hanging out of people they’d usually ignore at work and putting moves on people who were clearly uncomfortable.
One thing I would agree with- have it on record and report it to HR and your manager and I wouldn’t apologise either.
If she was cheeky enough to bite you and try it on like that not once but twice- despite no rapore between you prior to the party where she may have gotten the wrong idea or haboured feelings, she is quite capable of turning around when the new year rolls around and reporting a different story when she realises how she’s embarrassed herself and rejection can leave a woman very scorned. I say this as a woman myself btw...

Big problem in this country - Irish people still think they are in secondary school acting the clown and when the drink is flowing, they think all bets are off and anything they do is acceptable because they blame the drink. The reality is she put you in a very awkward and inappropriate position.
Let’s not forget we are adults here. This is completely unacceptable behaviour and should not be tolerated for fear of her being a woman/ awkwardness/ discomfort at work. If this was a stranger on the street, you’d be calling out for help and the Gardaí. If the roles were reversed, you’d be called up infront of managers.

Don’t get me wrong. We all make mistakes. We all get a crush, try and chat/ flirt when the office party rolls around and when your crush doesn’t respond or flirt with you, that’s the end of it. But to hang out of someone, try and kiss/ bite them TWICE - that’s something more than a simple unrequited work crush. That’s assault and needs to be addressed.

Don’t let it go. Be professional, report it and protect yourself!

facehugger99

If you're a reasonably good-looking guy, you will have doubtless had to deal with occasional unwanted female attention.

If you're not capable of doing so without resorting to running to HR or blabbing to your boss, I'd question your ability to navigate your way through life.

HR and your boss will think you're a right plonker if you go to them - and rightly so.

Tell your GF if you wish but don't make it sound that you were sexually assaulted - you weren't. Women like to know their men are attractive to other women.

Thelonious Monk

A couple of years ago a female colleague thew the head at me, twice, in Xico on Baggot St on our Xmas party! She was all over me like a rash. My mate and I finally got away from her and were running down Baggot St in case she followed. Hilarious really. I felt bad for her the next day tbh, she must have been scarleh.
OP, get over it, ffs.

MartDublin

I'd tell the girlfriend without saying who the colleague was and leave it at that.

LegacyUser

facehugger99 wrote: »

If you're a reasonably good-looking guy, you will have doubtless had to deal with occasional unwanted female attention.

If you're not capable of doing so without resorting to running to HR or blabbing to your boss, I'd question your ability to navigate your way through life.

HR and your boss will think you're a right plonker if you go to them - and rightly so.

Tell your GF if you wish but don't make it sound that you were sexually assaulted - you weren't. Women like to know their men are attractive to other women.

“Blabbing” - wow. Talk about trying to belittle the OPs feelings.....

True, if you’re good looking you’ll get attention certainly. Bit of chat, eye contact, playful flirting and maybe touch on the arm. If you’re into it, belt on. If not, you shut it down and both coworkers go on as normal with no hard feelings....it’s common, happens everyday of the week in workplaces..

But that’s not what happened here.

Ability to navigate through life? I would of said the opposite! The fact the OP has respect for himself and his girlfriend and relationship, wants to protect and maintain boundaries and has the ability to recognise when something is right and wrong says a lot for his character and will navigate just fine through life actually thanks very much!!!

It’s a breath of fresh air that he actually wants to have a mature and open conversation with his girlfriend and maintain his boundaries and professionalism at work. Rather than being one of the lads that goes along with the aul odd kiss and bite from the girls at work cause he’s good looking and sure it’s all “only a laugh” and a bit of “banter” anyway.
Unfortunately there’s plenty of those weak fellas around the place who end up actually, ironically, jeprodisring their relationships by “letting it go” and allowing inappropriate behaviour from women.

The OP sounds like a good man who has his priorities in order and as for the “women like to know their man is attractive to other women” comment - sure ya, admired and crushed on..... at a distance!
I’m pretty sure NO ONE is happy to hear their girlfriend or boyfriend was preyed upon, kissed and bitten twice when they said NO and then they were torn up, upset and uncomfortable afterwards full of worry and dread.

Everyone is different. If this happened to me and it was someone who I didn’t interact with beforehand or have any sort of rapore or find attractive and they preyed on me, bit and kissed me, I said no and walked away and they proceeded to FOLLOW me and do the same again, you may be sure I would have screamed my head off and probably be left in tears afterwards because of FEAR.
Just because the OP is a man doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel fear or danger from a threat to his boundaries and personal safety.

I support the OP 100% and I’m sorry this happened to you...
Talk to your girlfriend and yes, tell her how you feel about what happened.
Talk to HR and make a complaint.


It’s not ok!

mcmoustache

There has been good advice given here. OP did the right thing on the night and now needs to make sure that he avoids any undesirable and undeserved fallout, both professionally and with his partner. Informing his partner and informing HR or his superior lessens the likelihood of this biting him in the arse later.

Also, I don't understand how this could be thought of as no big deal by some posters here. It has potential personal and professional consequences that he did nothing to deserve and that's without even getting into the inappropriateness of her behaviour itself.

osarusan

I don't really get the comments of 'get over it' at all. The OP doesn't see themselves as a victim of a horrible assault or anything like that, they are just trying to work out how best to deal with it in terms of any potential issues in their job, as well as it getting back (or a mangled version of events getting back) to their girlfriend.

Gatestill

ChrissieH wrote: »

I think your fear is that people at work may have seen and misinterpreted what happened more so than the worry that your girlfriend would find out, but I hope you have enough faith in how you portray yourself on a daily basis to know that people probably see the situation for exactly what it was? I'm sure you don't give anyone the impression that you're into two-timing your girlfriend, and the chances are that your colleagues have seen what this girl is like on their previous nights out, so I wouldn't be overly concerned with that aspect of it.

Thanks for your post and kind words. This is it, I didn't want to be rude but when something isn't reciprocated a person should get the hint. I mean it would have been completely embarrassing for everyone if I told her to f off and made a scene, and that sort of behaviour doesn't come to me instinctively.

I had been talking about my relationship fondly and future plans only a couple of hours prior with the some of the same people that were around when it happened, hopefully I'm just being overly worried in this situation. I think professionally there should be no issues, but I'd hate to be subject of gossip or for anything to be left open to interpretation

Gatestill

MartDublin wrote: »

I'd tell the girlfriend without saying who the colleague was and leave it at that.

Tbh I could only give a general description. I have no idea what her name is!

LegacyUser

OU812 wrote: »

Confide in your girlfriend first. Tell her the whole truth. If anything comes out in the future, she’s going to want to know why you didn’t tell her.

Secondly, write a ”confidential disclosure” email to your boss detailing what happened. Make sure you state that it’s a confidential disclosure. You’re then protected by law. Tell him/her on the opening line that you do not want to report it to HR, but you do want a record of it in case the other party says anything. Ask him/her to acknowledge receipt of the mail and then to store it & not say anything in the hope that the issue will just dissolve.

This way you’re protected from both aspects.

Sorry you went through this.

I really wonder whether this is just an idea /opinion or grounded in any experience of employment laws?

Sorry to go off topic, but just to point out, I'm not aware of any standing of a "confidential disclosure ", you might be thinking of a protected disclosure, which has an Act of the same title and sets out the types of issues that are protected. This would not seem to fall into one of those categories, and its worth noting that a disclosure only receives the legislative protections if the person making the disclosure is subsequently penalised (eg you saw a senior manager falsifying profit margins, you report it and are subsequently fired or transferred etc). Furthermore, if a manager receives information they may have a duty to act upon it or in fact be negligent, simply saying confidential does not impose any duty of confidentiality on the manager (in terms of taking appropriate action).

tayto lover

No need to tell the boss, girlfriend or anyone else. You dealt with it. Forget it now.
Something silly happens at nearly every Christmas party.
No need to make a big deal of it.

tara73

Deleted User wrote: »

It's one aspect of our sexes that will never be equal. Men are generally bigger than women therefore men will usually be in control of a physical situation. Rightly or wrongly, the threat of violence is present for women. It's not fair but that power imbalance will always remain. Its a very different feeling when someone who can overpower you is being inappropriate.

this.

to all who don't understand why there's a difference whether a man is doing sh** like the one in the OP to a woman or vice versa and why it's often more important (and recommendable) for women to report it to the guards.

that has nothing to do that it's for both genders absolutely inappropriate to do any sexual harassement.

Stateofyou

Weltsmertz wrote: »

Someone made a pass at you. And you are upset and offended. Get over it.

And the advice given is that you should report her to HR. What a repressed, intolerant, puritanical society we have become.

She kissed and bit his neck, that is actually an assault. Turn this around and a man did this to a woman, wouldn't take no for an answer initially, and repeatedly BIT her neck. Wrong is wrong. Nothing to do with repression. People need to stop making excuses for inappropriate behaviour.

I think you should handle it however feels right to you whether that's letting it go now or reporting it. Your girlfriend has probably had her share of harassment, she'd most likely be understanding if you wanted to talk to her about it.

cursai

Ruin someone's life over a flirting incident. Tell your girlfriend if your worried. If she doesn't believe you then your in a bad relationship.

Stateofyou

facehugger99 wrote: »

If you're a reasonably good-looking guy, you will have doubtless had to deal with occasional unwanted female attention.

If you're not capable of doing so without resorting to running to HR or blabbing to your boss, I'd question your ability to navigate your way through life.

HR and your boss will think you're a right plonker if you go to them - and rightly so.

Tell your GF if you wish but don't make it sound that you were sexually assaulted - you weren't. Women like to know their men are attractive to other women.

This is the worst advice I have ever heard of. My wife is gorgeous (if i do say so) and has had to deal with the worst harassment throughout her life. Doesn't mean she should have had to deal with it. It's not blabbing, for one he has a right to enjoy a night out with out this happening and having it on record of what happened is probably prudent self protection . If more men and women felt comfortable speaking up things would have to change.

So women like to know there men are attractive to other women do they ? Well I ran this scenario by my wife and rather than finding it sexy or something to feel pride in she said she would be upset if I were to be treated that way after I said no. This is not casual flirting ffs.

iamwhoiam

tara73 wrote: »

this.

to all who don't understand why there's a difference whether a man is doing sh** like the one in the OP to a woman or vice versa and why it's often more important (and recommendable) for women to report it to the guards.

that has nothing to do that it's for both genders absolutely inappropriate to do any sexual harassement.

But as a woman if some guy came and bit my neck I could turn around and clock him and people would support me . But a girl bites a man he would be very reluctant to lash out or push her off as he then would be the bad guy
Men are not always the strong ones in a case like this because their hands are tied so to speak

Stateofyou

cursai wrote: »

Ruin someone's life over a flirting incident. Tell your girlfriend if your worried. If she doesn't believe you then your in a bad relationship.

No one's life is ruined. My wife has reported a sexual harassment incident at her work and he is still there but he was talked to and now it is on record. If there were to be worse consequences, she did it to herself by choosing to drink that much alcohol and assault another person. Reporting bad behaviour isn't ruining someones reputation it makes it more accurate.

Plumbthedepths

The hypocrisy in this thread is unbelievable.

OP do what you feel is right, but definitely talk to your other half about what happened and go from there.