Crackers are rubbish

Winning_Stroke

The toys are always crap, the amount of waste from them is shameful, if you "win" more than one you just give it to the "loser", what's the bloody point?

All we want is some paper hats. Bin the crackers this year and from now on.

BDI

Modern life is rubbish.






And a paper hat is useless unless it comes out of a cracker.

Stevieluvsye

Winning_Stroke wrote: »

The toys are always crap, the amount of waste from them is shameful, if you "win" more than one you just give it to the "loser", what's the bloody point?

All we want is some paper hats. Bin the crackers this year and from now on.

thinly veiled "i buy me crackers from somewhere cheap like dunnes"

You get what you spend. M&S do(did) some decent quality ones previously

the beer revolu

Saw the title and thought - wrong, cream crackers with butter are fantastic.

Winning_Stroke

Berties_Horse wrote: »

Your thread is rubbish.

Doesn't cost you an arm and a leg though. My Mam got M&S ones last year. Rubbish

Monkey2019

Best thing as a child i ever got in a cracker was one of those little parachute men.
I had so much fun running up the stairs and then dropping him over the side.

Then my mam threw him out - im 33 and i still havent let her forget it. 😂😂😂

Winning_Stroke

Stevieluvsye wrote: »

thinly veiled "i buy me crackers from somewhere cheap like dunnes"

I'm gonna re-use the paper hats. Pack them away with the decorations and they're fine to go again next year.

whisky_galore

Winning_Stroke wrote: »

The toys are always crap, the amount of waste from them is shameful, if you "win" more than one you just give it to the "loser", what's the bloody point?

All we want is some paper hats. Bin the crackers this year and from now on.

Make your own hats and don't buy crackers?

As Xmas rubbish goes, they're the most wasteful, all of it goes into the bin in the end.

sbsquarepants

the beer revolu wrote: »

Say the title and thought - wrong, cream crackers with butter are fantastic.

Oh you are so confused man!
They are even worse than christmas crackers. In fact i'd rather eat the christmas crackers and hand those bone dry squares of shíte from a tree somewhere.

Trigger Happy

You can get those Cracker kits where you assemble them and put your own present inside. They come with hats and jokes and banger.
So the presents you put in there are your choice. In our house it was Lego men, small makeup things, truffles, a baby whiskey and a €20 note.

Winning_Stroke

Trigger Happy wrote: »

You can get those where you assemble them and put your own present inside. They come with hats and jokes and banger.
So the presents you put in there are your choice. In our house it was Lego men, small makeup things, truffles, a baby whiskey and a €20 note.

But sure there's no surprise in that.

Trigger Happy

Winning_Stroke wrote: »

But sure there's no surprise in that.

Only one person makes them ya dope!

ednwireland

OP you need these

https://www.fortnumandmason.com/products/the-midas-touch-cracker?taxon_id=694

gifts include

Camellia Tea for Two Gift Set & Classic Afternoon Tea with Champagne for four A prize perfect for afternoon tea lovers: our elegant Camellia china and a trip to our award-winning Diamond Jubilee Tea Salon
Camellia Four Person Hamper & The Fortnum’s Tea Adventure for four A wicker equipped with every picnic-ready thing, including our beautiful gold-gilded Camellia china, and four spots on our experiential tea masterclass in Piccadilly
The Connoisseur Hamper & Delicious History Tour for four A well-stocked wicker filled with Fortnum’s finest wines to suit every palate, and a 90-minute tour of our Piccadilly building (with tastings!)
The Globetrotter Hamper & Dinner at 45 Jermyn St. for four Winner winner, Fortnum’s dinner, thanks to this deliciously filled wicker, and an extraordinary dinner in the heart of St. James’s London
St James Tea for Two set & High Tea with Champagne for four Bring the beautiful china we use in our Diamond Jubilee Tea Salon into your home, and enjoy High Tea in its award-winning home in Piccadilly
High Tea set collection & Dinner at The Royal Exchange for four A cracker worth a real battle, containing everything needed for a truly elegant afternoon tea, and dinner at our majestic Royal Exchange restaurant

or if you're a cheapskate

https://www.harrods.com/en-gb/harrods-of-london/traditional-christmas-crackers-set-of-6-p000000000006467164?bcid=1502363833638

wouldnt buy anything less

quickbeam

the beer revolu wrote: »

Saw the title and thought - wrong, cream crackers with butter are fantastic.

No to butter, but yes to cheese please.

Bobblehats

BDI wrote: »

Modern life is rubbish.

Colin you need to show more zeal

topper75

ednwireland wrote: »

wouldnt buy anything less

Reminds me, I must send Jeeves over to settle the account for the year.
I must not forget his box either on the 26th. Noblesse oblige.

Vita nova

And it seems like all the cracker jokes are written by the same people that do Penguin bar and fortune cookie jokes.

Beau Bennett

We are making our own edible environment-forward crackers and hats from cabbage leaves.

Archeron

Beau Bennett wrote: »

We are making our own edible environment-forward crackers and hats from cabbage leaves.

Who's going to eat cabbage leaves that have spent the night wrapped around some drunk geezers sweaty head?

Archeron

Archeron wrote: »

Who's going to eat cabbage leaves that have spent the night wrapped around some drunk geezers sweaty head?

An unsuspecting mother-in-law the following day?

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Depends on the crackers.

Purple Mountain

Monkey2019 wrote: »

Best thing as a child i ever got in a cracker was one of those little parachute men.
I had so much fun running up the stairs and then dropping him over the side.

Then my mam threw him out - im 33 and i still havent let her forget it.

U OK, hun?

Charlie19

Best crackers are the ones you can fill with your chicken curry;)

Prawn ones just to be clear.

JupiterKid

I actually like Christmas crackers...I know they are essentially tat and filled with rubbish, but they do add to the festive spirit.

Has anyone else noticed that over the past 20 or so years the paper hats have got absolutely tiny?

I try to buy the crackers with half-decent little metal items inside.

JupiterKid

JupiterKid wrote: »

I try to buy the crackers with half-decent little metal items inside.

Bullets? Knuckle-dusters? Cut throat razors?

Crackers are rather masochistic. You pull them knowing they'll ultimately disappoint - yet you look forward to pulling them.

Witchie

My sister has decided to make ours this year from brown paper and toilet paper tubes. We bought the snaps and hats online and will fill them with sweets, chocolates, a trivia question and jokes.

FanadMan

quickbeam wrote: »

No to butter, but yes to cheese please.

Butter, a little bit of marmite and some cheese. Into the microwave for a few seconds and pure heaven!

Witchie

Witchie wrote: »

My sister has decided to make ours this year from brown paper and toilet paper tubes. We bought the snaps and hats online and will fill them with sweets, chocolates, a trivia question and jokes.

In my vision of a perfect world, at least ten white Ferrero Rocher would fall out when you pull a cracker.

I like your sister.

super_furry

Racist!

cj maxx

Pulled a cracker one Christmas. Seen her last year and she's still a cracker xx

Monkey2019

Purple Mountain wrote: »

U OK, hun?

Sorry... I went back and added in laughing emojis so you could know it was meant to be humorous. 🙄

Witchie

Candie wrote: »

In my vision of a perfect world, at least ten white Ferrero Rocher would fall out when you pull a cracker.

I like your sister.

Unfortunately, due to my nut allergies, being veggie, her and her husband being vegan and my dad being ceoliac, it is likely jelly tots will be used coz it's one sweet we can all eat!

Winning_Stroke

cjmc wrote: »

Pulled a cracker one Christmas. Seen her last year and she's still a cracker xx

What fell out of her when you pulled though?

El Tarangu

Deleted User wrote: »

JupiterKid wrote: »

t.


I try to buy the crackers with half-decent little metal items inside.

Bullets? Knuckle-dusters? Cut throat razors?

I seem to remember getting miniature-sized, odd, functional items - like shoe-horns and combs.

topper75

Witchie wrote: »

My sister has decided to make ours this year from brown paper and toilet paper tubes. We bought the snaps and hats online and will fill them with sweets, chocolates, a trivia question and jokes.

Some shops stock pre-made ones. You don't have to do a thing but it feels like cheating.

cj maxx

Winning_Stroke wrote: »

What fell out of her when you pulled though?

Nothing, till she pulled then it didn't so much fall out as leaped out )