Adults Who Want to Vanish

MrAbyss

I know there are families who worry about relatives who might have mental health issues, but I do also wonder about these people who just want to vanish and be left alone following a bad divorce or similar.

Unless there was a real worry about the person having an intellectual disability, I think sometimes family and police are too fast and eager to put their picture up everywhere with this 'have you seen this man?' without considering the full implication.

A relative of mine dealt with his girlfriend dying of cancer. After if, he packed his bags and just wanted to be left alone with his thoughts for a while a vanish into the world to deal with it. He was on a ferry to Holland and some old bint starts pointing at him and screaming 'there he is!!!' at the top of her voice as his photo went up on TV in Yorkshire and on the internet/local papers.

I do wonder how many 'missing persons' want to be that way and if we should just leave them alone?

rapul

Into the abyss perhaps?

In all seriousness I can understand that, humans are a strange breed, better off without most of them to be fair

Apiarist

So to be left alone, you have to tell all of your relatives to leave you alone and post your intention on Facebook. Of course, then there is a risk that you can go viral as "A man who is being left alone".

Jellybaby1

Just a message or note for the family explaining would alleviate the worry and agony that families go through when someone 'disappears'. Of course the guards should investigate in case there has been foul play. A young man we know 'disappeared' for a while. He committed suicide poor boy.

Alkers

That's all well and good, you could very easily give even one friend or family member a heads up about wanting to be left alone and avoid any of the misunderstanding though?

ILoveYourVibes

A member of my family went missing for years. He came back and then did it again.

There is a psychological term for it ..the urge to go missing.

Some people get this overwhelming urge to do it.

Men are most likely to go missing after a night out.

And men go voluntarily missing more than women. I mean women go voluntarily missing less than men go voluntarily missing.

Women who do go missing are usually younger. Teens.

If they do it once ..they will usually do it again.

skooterblue2

Run off and join the French Foreign legion, no one will find you in East Africa training or or deep in south America guarding a Satellite station. Great group of lads. They accept anyone, Imperial Russian Cavalry men, Nazis, Vietnam Vets and that crowd that were in the Cod war years ago.

WrenBoy

skooterblue2 wrote: »

They accept anyone, Imperial Russian Cavalry men, Nazis, Vietnam Vets and that crowd that were in the Cod war years ago.

Aquamen ??

One eyed Jack

MrAbyss wrote: »

I know there are families who worry about relatives who might have mental health issues, but I do also wonder about these people who just want to vanish and be left alone following a bad divorce or similar.

Unless there was a real worry about the person having an intellectual disability, I think sometimes family and police are too fast and eager to put their picture up everywhere with this 'have you seen this man?' without considering the full implication.

A relative of mine dealt with his girlfriend dying of cancer. After if, he packed his bags and just wanted to be left alone with his thoughts for a while a vanish into the world to deal with it. He was on a ferry to Holland and some old bint starts pointing at him and screaming 'there he is!!!' at the top of her voice as his photo went up on TV in Yorkshire and on the internet/local papers.

I do wonder how many 'missing persons' want to be that way and if we should just leave them alone?

It was an inconvenience for your relative that could have been avoided if he had simply left word with his relatives that he was taking some time out.

No we shouldn’t leave them alone if someone hasn’t made a specific request that they wish to be left alone, and even then if foul play is suspected in their disappearance, the authorities are likely to become involved which means a waste of resources and everyone else time goes on looking for the individual who was thinking only of themselves when they decided to attempt to vanish.

ILoveYourVibes

skooterblue2 wrote: »

Run off and join the French Foreign legion, no one will find you in East Africa training or or deep in south America guarding a Satellite station. Great group of lads. They accept anyone, Imperial Russian Cavalry men, Nazis, Vietnam Vets and that crowd that were in the Cod war years ago.

I used to know someone who did that. He was married with a little boy. He got into an accident and his wife and son died but he survived.


So when he was fixed up ...he just walked ..and walked ..aimlessly ...the first people he saw ..was recruiters for the french foreign legion.

He entered ..he was accepted. And became a sniper.

Then years later he suddenly realizes WTF I am a sniper killing people.

Then he left ..moved to dublin (he's belgian) and became a children's party entertainer.

Very intense individual. Never liked to be left alone a lot.

He didn't exactly go missing though i think he did end up telling people.

artanevilla

WrenBoy wrote: »

Aquamen ??

There was actually a Cod War between Iceland and the Brits.

LaFuton

cod war?

Stephen Gawking

A cousin of mine went 'missing' in the early noughties. He had a bit of an adventurous streak in him & would just up stick & go. Started in his teenage years which caused no end of worry but everyone seemed to eventually accept it. Then he went missing for about 2 months & everyone went frantic. His parents eventually got a letter from him saying he was ok. He had travelled to France & enlisted in the foreign legion. He stayed there for years.

Ipso

artanevilla wrote: »

There was actually a Cod War between Iceland and the Brits.

Stop trawling up old grievances.

ILoveYourVibes

Stephen Gawking wrote: »

A cousin of mine went 'missing' in the early noughties. He had a bit of an adventurous streak in him & would just up stick & go. Started in his teenage years which caused no end of worry but everyone seemed to eventually accept it. Then he went missing for about 2 months & everyone went frantic. His parents eventually got a letter from him saying he was ok. He had travelled to France & enlisted in the foreign legion. He stayed there for years.

I asked the guy i used to know ...

'Why didn't you get the urge to go missing from the legion?'

He said they have psychological protocols to help prevent that.

The French Foreign legion is more 'cult like' than the rest of the French army.

Reviews and Books Galore

You meet a lot of people who want to just dissapear. Perhaps they come from bad families, perhaps they've had a bad situaiton, or perhaps they just want to start anew...or run from the law : P

You meet a lot of them in Asia and Eastern Europe. China in particular as it is so big, wild and completly foreign. You can go to the largest capital city and never see another white face.

I always find it funny how a lot of expats go to the largest cities on the planet to be alone

ILoveYourVibes

i think about it

scamalert

would be more common in likes of US in terms of places to go if one wants change of scenery life, but going without telling a word anyone seems stupid in its right way, specially if person never done anything like that before, so no wonder families would get upset and worried.


as to many stories where sane people that seem ok daily, end up found dead in rivers or worse when they go MIA out of blue.

iamstop

Coincidentally just yesterday I watched a few youtube vids on people who disappeared and were found years later. The Trevor Deely thread got me wondering.
There were a few themes that cropped up repeatedly.
1. Women leaving abusive relationships
2. People getting or claiming amnesia and literally forgetting who they were
3. Young adults wanting to leave/disown their parents.

Car99

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

i think about it

Unfortunate your ability to type hasnt gone missing.

Montage of Feck

I regret not running away and joining the legion. Anybody know the cut off age for enlisting?

ILoveYourVibes

Car99 wrote: »

Unfortunate your ability to type hasnt gone missing.

Still worse neither has yours.

Working class heroes

Ipso wrote: »

Stop trawling up old grievances.

Agreed, not really the plaice for it.

ArchXStanton

I wonder how many just went on a session for a few days

ILoveYourVibes

ArchXStanton wrote: »

I wonder how many just went on a session for a few days

And never came back.

Adults who want to be left alone? I moved to China. That worked for a decade until social media became so commonly accessible.

It's pretty hard to escape everyone these days unless you go completely dark (no social media, no contact with others, etc). Still.. I talk to my parents every month or so. And that's about it. My long-term friends understand that this is my personality. I just can't keep in touch and interested. I honestly tried for a decade, but meh! It's just not me. I return to Ireland every year or so, but I'm alone most of the time, beyond the newer friends I make abroad, and they're used to that kind of friendship. Perfectly good existence. Not for everyone, I'd imagine.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Car99 wrote: »

Unfortunate your ability to type hasnt gone missing.

Would you be as much of a prick to her face?

RobbingBandit

Way too many cameras now dash cams being a huge thorn in any escape plans you'll as in I will be seen somehow someway I need Snake Plissken to press the button knocking all technology offline worldwide, or just to actually be a ****ing man and do it.

bmc58

skooterblue2 wrote: »

Run off and join the French Foreign legion, no one will find you in East Africa training or or deep in south America guarding a Satellite station. Great group of lads. They accept anyone, Imperial Russian Cavalry men, Nazis, Vietnam Vets and that crowd that were in the Cod war years ago.

Many years ago my wife minded a Doctors children for years.All of them went to Uni except one,who disappeared and after a few years the family heard he had joined the bloody French Foreign Legion (he was about 19).It was a massive shock for the Dr and his wife.But he served his time in the legion and came home and is doing grand.People are funny,but sometimes things work out ok in the end after they have sorted their heads out.

ILoveYourVibes

Why don't people join their own armies??? Whats with the french foreign legion??

i know several people who joined or almost joined!???

dubstarr

My uncle disappeared for years at a time.
He came back now and again,only to disappear again.

He always sent a letter every few years though,so they knew he was still alive.

He came home finally and died here not long after.

Your Face

Could be a case of the family and friends only acting like they care because that's the socially acceptable thing to do.

tayto lover

LaFuton wrote: »

cod war?

Yes. The Finns were involved.

wakka12

How could you possibly ignore the fact that somebody you presumably care about has just vanished and was potentially in danger ,for fear you offend or embarass them? So he got pointed at on the ship, that was embarassing sure, but its better than if it then turned out he had been kidnapped or murdered and nobody gave two ****s to look for him in the mean time. How would his family live with themselves if it had been the case and they hadnt even tried to save him?

corner of hells

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Why don't people join their own armies??? Whats with the french foreign legion??

i know several people who joined or almost joined!???

A friend of mine joined and is still in the French Foreign Legion , you sign on initially for five years and then keep renewing your contract on a six monthly basis.

He gets home every so often , regales us with his stories of adventure.

Originally men joined when they wanted to forget something.

Last time he was home , I asked him why he joined , he replied I dunno, I've forgotten.

SEPT 23 1989

You could lose yourself in America handy enough

Over here too small

I think about leaving my life a lot, but if involved having to join the French foreign legion I probably wouldn't be cut out for it tbh..I be ok sitting around smoking, drinking wine and being all existential and sh*t, but the military side of it would probably suck..

I suppose your life can collapse to the point where it's practically gone anyway, even if you're still physically there..

If I'm honest I've considered hiding in the attic for a week to drum up some drama and go viral on Facebook and stuff too,..

PTH2009

Probably different but it's always nice to get away from ur town/city for a few hours and have a few pints and think away to urself. Nice to be in a place where nobody knows u. Obviously better off telling someone where ur going

I hoped on a return bus and having a good time doing a few pubs in a neighbouring city. This can be a stressful time

dubstarr

I remember a story not to long ago.A girl disappeared in America aged 15,they found her in Mexico.She was now an adult,and told the police to tell her parents she was fine but didnt want them to know where she was.

She did that at 15,ran away and managed to get to another country.Shows you it can be done.

SeaFields

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Why don't people join their own armies??? Whats with the french foreign legion??

i know several people who joined or almost joined!???

I read 'Hidden Soldier -- An Irish Legionnaire's Wars from Bosnia to Iraq' a few years ago. About a guy from Cork who couldn't get into the Irish army so joined the legion. If you like your reading get a copy. It's a great read and gives an insight into people's motivation for joining

BeerWolf

*BeerWolf casts *

corner of hells

SeaFields wrote: »

I read 'Hidden Soldier -- An Irish Legionnaire's Wars from Bosnia to Iraq' a few years ago. About a guy from Cork who couldn't get into the Irish army so joined the legion. If you like your reading get a copy. It's a great read and gives an insight into people's motivation for joining

Great punch up in it , apparently battered half the American army.

Jellybaby1

Coincidentally, I recorded David Suchet's programme about Agatha Christie and have just caught up on it. Agatha Christie 'disappeared' for 11 days in 1926. They found her car abandoned and the police began a search for her. This happened shortly after her husband told her he was having an affair and was leaving her. So off Agatha went. She was eventually spotted in a hotel in Harrowgate by two men who reported it to the police and claimed the reward. She had signed in under the name of her husband's mistress! So obviously all planned, and no crime committed. However, she was heavily criticised for having wasted police time, resources, and money. After that she very much disliked the newspaper media, and journalists. One wonders why? :rolleyes: She never explained what she did, where she went during those 11 days or why. Perhaps it was just to get away and be alone after her husband's devastating news, or was she planning a crime hoping to put the blame on the mistress, or perhaps it was just research for a new book! Whatever way you look at it, 'disappearing' always has consequences of one type or another for all involved.

andekwarhola

I always suspected that some people that do this and deliberately don't inform their families are in some small way either looking for their attention or punishing them in some way.

anewme

I know of a person who vanished. I was friends with his brother. It was over 30 years ago and he would now be early 50's.

Handsome guy, good job, good future. He just vanished into thin air one day. It destroyed the family. The fear, the hope, the unknown. Hope's raised and dashed, again and again.

The parents divorced with the pressure.

They eventually assumed he was dead, by suicide, but dont know for definite and in the absence of knowing, hope lives on. His car was found, but not one trace of him was ever found.

Closure is a word often overused, but his Mam wants to put him to rest before she passes on.

Raconteuse

Unless the person is leaving an abusive/dangerous home environment or very unwell mentally and not thinking straight, deliberately disappearing without a word is an awful thing to do. I know two families experiencing it, and the heartache it has caused is unimaginable.

Richard Hillman

I'd love to do it but people are right pain in the arse and quite precious about it. I think it's about not being tied down and having to be obligated by things/customs/events.

andekwarhola

andekwarhola wrote: »

I always suspected that some people that do this and deliberately don't inform their families are in some small way either looking for their attention or punishing them in some way.

Maybe in some cases, but in others, it could be because of the hassle involved. Look... people place shackles on others. Family, friends, etc all place an expectation on you about what is an acceptable way to exist and behave.

When I left Ireland, I told everyone I was leaving for a year. A mid-life crisis thingy, and that I would be returning a year later once I'd gotten over it. Nope. I knew at the time that i wouldn't be returning any time soon. Why did I lie? Because on three other occasions where I had planned to live abroad, I got guilted into staying. Oh, just stay a few weeks or months longer... and then it just doesn't happen.

I was selfish when I left. Finally. I was, for once, putting my own well-being ahead of the needs/demands/requirements of other people. We live in a society that condemns people for putting their own needs ahead of others. Instead, we must sacrifice for the greater good. Yup. Awfully selective and convenient how that's applied by many.

I left because I was genuinely unhappy with my life. I had a nice house, expensive mortgage, nice car, good job, decent income, in excellent health, etc. From the outside, I was doing really well. On the inside, I was contemplating suicide on a regular basis with greater determination to simply end it all... but that wouldn't matter to many people. Instead, to seek something away for the normal accepted traditional lifestyle is, well, negative.

I can completely understand why someone would just disappear without telling anyone. Their reasons are their own.

I think it's entirely unacceptable to disappear without a word if you are mentally sane and just want to get away into a new life. There is nothing romantic about putting people through hell instead of making a phone call a week or a month later. You don't even need to tell them where you are.

I'm a bit like klaz. Downplayed the move to people but knew I was leaving for a long time. Been nine years and I still haven't gone back for a visit.

Witchie

Kinda same situation with Klaz. Went travelling for a year but I was pretty sure I wouldn't be back to live here again. Been home since October for family reasons and feel trapped. Can't wait to get on the plane back to Malaysia on the 5th January.

I sometimes, when the pressure is on here, feel like just deleting all social media and going dark but it would kill my mum so can't. Will make do with weekly calls.

skooterblue2

Montage of Feck wrote: »

I regret not running away and joining the legion. Anybody know the cut off age for enlisting?

Think it is as high as 38 but you have to pass basic selection as well. Much easier to pass at 22 than approaching 40 with gammy knees and carrying an extra 5 stone.


@Montage of Feck, are you thinking of running off rather than facing an empty nest?