Dating

LegacyUser

So I was asked out on a date Saturday

He told me he would text Sun evening. He didn't.
I didn't think too much of that as knew he was out Sat.

I didn't hear from him at all Mon.Bare in mind there was contact every day so I was surprised but not worried. I initiated contact Monday evening.
He replied he met someone Sat night and they got on great and that they were arranging a date.

I was a bit taken aback but was polite and wished him well.

He was actually ghosting me and had I not text I doubt I would have heard a word from him.

He said in text he doesn't date 2 people at same time.

My date was retracted without him actually saying it.

I guess it shows he wasn't really that interested in me or respected me enough to text me to tell me.
I was quite surprised by him.
He seemed so nice.
I think they are the ones to watch.

Dating is tough.
Anything is possible.
I just didn't expect him to kick me to the kerb like that.

leggo

Was this an online match with a person you’d never met? It seems that way given no other backstory.

If so, then...yeah. You can’t really put any hopes into someone you’ve never met before. You don’t know this person, but also they don’t owe you anything. It can be tough but if you put any hopes into this and started making plans in your head for how great it’d be if you met someone (which is natural to do, don’t get me wrong) then you have to realise that that was stuff you imagined rather than being based in reality. And the positive side of that is that you can keep those hopes because they don’t really have anything to do with this lad, he’s just a face you put on the vision you had.

I get how you may feel like it’s unfair right now, but give it time and you’ll feel differently. If you keep chatting to people, there’ll be someone you’ll be texting one night, then the next morning you’ll wake up and for whatever reason just have lost interest in. It happens. At least this lad was honest with you and gave you an explanation for his loss of interest so you know it’s not about anything you said or did.

Princess Calla

Be thankful he didn't string both of you along!

Yes dating is hard, but I'd much rather be told honestly why they've changed their mind than be strung along for months while they figured stuff out.

You're free now to meet someone else.

I know you're disappointed but I do admire his honesty.

Porklife

Princess Calla wrote: »

Be thankful he didn't string both of you along!

Yes dating is hard, but I'd much rather be told honestly why they've changed their mind than be strung along for months while they figured stuff out.

You're free now to meet someone else.

I know you're disappointed but I do admire his honesty.

But he wasn't honest at all... he ghosted the OP having told her he'd be in touch on Sunday to arrange a date. She heard nothing from him so she got in touch which him and he blanked her claiming he had met someone else. How convenient. Nothing honest about him, he in fact lied to the OP. If you respect his 'honesty' then you are very naive.

Chin up OP, I know it's hard and the scenario you've described has happened to me many times. You had never met so try not to take it personally, he doesn't know you so it's not a real rejection - still hurts though!

Just try and forget about him and thicken your skin cos this modern dating world is a right b*tch!!

bitofabind

Anon5999 wrote: »

I guess it shows he wasn't really that interested in me or respected me enough to text me to tell me.

All that matters is this. It wasn't a match so onwards and upwards, NEXT. This is dating and it's not always great but you can have some mechanisms in place to make it less painful and more manageable.

For one, manage your expectations. If you're on the apps, have a few conversations on the go at any one time and date on a schedule, for example meet someone new every other week. That way you're meeting lots of people and not getting too invested in any one person.

Try to dial back on the fantasies when you meet someone you like. Do that by reminding yourself you don't know them from adam and you don't know if they can meet your needs. Don't do boozy dates and don't get physical with someone if that leads to emotional attachment for you. That will lead you down the rabbit hole of expectations and subsequent pain. Be wary of guys that come on too strong - they'll usually disappear just as quickly. Be wary of guys that say one thing and do another. They're not emotionally available in most cases.

Take a "he seems nice but I'm busy and looking for something specific, so let's wait and see" approach.

wiggle16

I think you should take the positive from it and just say "okay so" - he was honest with you.

He shouldn't have said he would text and then not follow through, but he didn't leave you hanging when you asked him what the story was, he told the truth and cut you loose. That's way better than any ghosting experience that I have had - you got an answer out of him, and that's all any of us are entitled to expect.

Chin up and keep getting yourself out there. Good luck OP

LegacyUser

Thanks. I definitely have to grow a thicker skin and date more than one at a time.
I think he probably did meet someone but I was shocked he had ghosted me. He only text me what was going on cos I asked.
I think dating gets harder the longer you do it.
Deleted 2 apps already.
Fed up of rejection.

Homelander

Nice ones seem the one to watch? Ghosting? Lack of respect? If I'm reading this right, you never even met the guy. And actually the response he gave seems perfectly reasonable and honest. I'm sorry but you most definitely need to grow a thicker skin.

leggo

I understand you're struggling OP, but you're being seriously pessimistic and negative here from essentially a non-event and something EVERYONE deals with when single these days. Now that's okay, letting that out is what this place is here for, but if you're looking to change your fortunes in dating this attitude won't help. I don't even know if I'd say you were ghosted or rejected here tbh, those terms tend to come from something existing to begin with. This guy didn't know you to reject you and you didn't have anything substantial for him to ghost you from. All that happened here was you put a LOT into a small interaction and the hopes you built yourself from that interaction didn't come to pass.

It's your call: you can drown in the negativity of it all, let it defeat you and become a victim of dating Darwinism. Or you can do some work on yourself, think about why you'd be a good partner to someone and what you have to offer, get positive about the whole thing and then project that to the world. The former keeps you exactly where you are now. The latter gives you a great chance of changing your fortunes. So it's up to you really.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys.
Yeah I will approach it with positivity and work on myself also.

wiggle16

As the OP's issue appear to have been resolved, I am going to close this thread.

Thanks & grma all who posted. Best of luck OP.

Thread locked.