Ex reported me to Garda - complete bolt out of the blue

News Carver

Hi guys,

I'll keep it as brief as possible.

Myself and my girlfriend broke up in May 2018. It was as amicable and civil as these things can be - we'd been together for 6 years, it was running it's course, there was no cheating that I'm aware of, certainly not on my part anyways.

We remained cordial for a couple of months thereafter until roughly around this time last year when there was no longer contact between us in any form, she had a new boyfriend who she got together with immediately after our break up and moved him into our old apartment.

I was still on good terms with her mum and sister as we'd been a big part of each others lives for 6 years, and sent them Christmas and Birthday presents/wishes/salutations, and they were really forthcoming in thanking me, wishing me all the best and hoped everything was going well for me, which I did appreciate.

On the odd occasion I'd sent my ex a mischievous text every once in a while winding her up about her team losing a game, be it soccer or American Football, but never anything malicious, and I never expected her to reply anyways. Don't get me wrong, it hurt like hell that after 6 years she was able to move onto someone else so quick and move them into essentially what was our home, which I found crass and insensitive considering it was me who agreed to move out.

Fast forward to this Summer, it had been about 4 months since I last text her (I believe it was about the SuperBowl result), I'm in hospital recuperating after having knee surgery, I look her up on Twitter and see she's out of the blue tweeting things and replying to colleagues saying how she loved her new life, having the ability to travel and no longer trapped in a bad relationship.

To say this bothered me is an understatement. Here she was, calling me out online to friends, family and colleagues completely out of the blue.

So I knew I shouldn't, but I replied, said a few home truths of my own, called her out on some stuff seeing as she felt this was the time and place to air dirty laundry in public, let her know that it's easy to mouth off from behind a keyboard and that Dublin was a small place and I'd bump into her and her new boyfriend in the future and would she be as forthcoming with her criticisms?

This occurred in July. Then lo and behold, out of the blue, I get call from a Detective Garda claiming my ex has been into the local station over the past few weeks, feels threatened, complaining about me, and would I mind coming into the station sometime over the weekend and give my version of events.

I'm still in shock typing this. You think you know someone for 6 years and then they spring this on you. My conscience is intact and I can deny everything, but this has left a really bad taste in my mouth.

I don't want to engage in a mud slinging contest but the gloves are off now from what I can see, and I'll be damned if I am going to be defamed or my character taken into question or compromised.

The guards have enough to deal with without having this he said/she said playground b*ll****

Any advice appreciated guys

LuciX

News Carver wrote: »

The guards have enough to deal with without having this he said/she said playground b*ll****

Similar **** (regarding the complaint) happened to me recently.

I didn't even bother going to the station, the officer took my statement at the door He was pretty fed up with the case and numerous attempts from a low life to try to make me look bad.

By all means go to the station for your own piece of mind. The Guards indeed have enough - serious matters - to deal with but unfortunately they also have a protocol to follow and once a complaint is made (as silly as it may be) they must 'investigate' it so to speak.

Your conscience is clean, that's all that matters. Nothing will come of it.

Onwards and Upwards! :cool:

jk23

News Carver wrote: »

Hi guys,

I'll keep it as brief as possible.

Myself and my girlfriend broke up in May 2018. It was as amicable and civil as these things can be - we'd been together for 6 years, it was running it's course, there was no cheating that I'm aware of, certainly not on my part anyways.

We remained cordial for a couple of months thereafter until roughly around this time last year when there was no longer contact between us in any form, she had a new boyfriend who she got together with immediately after our break up and moved him into our old apartment.

I was still on good terms with her mum and sister as we'd been a big part of each others lives for 6 years, and sent them Christmas and Birthday presents/wishes/salutations, and they were really forthcoming in thanking me, wishing me all the best and hoped everything was going well for me, which I did appreciate.

On the odd occasion I'd sent my ex a mischievous text every once in a while winding her up about her team losing a game, be it soccer or American Football, but never anything malicious, and I never expected her to reply anyways. Don't get me wrong, it hurt like hell that after 6 years she was able to move onto someone else so quick and move them into essentially what was our home, which I found crass and insensitive considering it was me who agreed to move out.

Fast forward to this Summer, it had been about 4 months since I last text her (I believe it was about the SuperBowl result), I'm in hospital recuperating after having knee surgery, I look her up on Twitter and see she's out of the blue tweeting things and replying to colleagues saying how she loved her new life, having the ability to travel and no longer trapped in a bad relationship.

To say this bothered me is an understatement. Here she was, calling me out online to friends, family and colleagues completely out of the blue.

So I knew I shouldn't, but I replied, said a few home truths of my own, called her out on some stuff seeing as she felt this was the time and place to air dirty laundry in public, let her know that it's easy to mouth off from behind a keyboard and that Dublin was a small place and I'd bump into her and her new boyfriend in the future and would she be as forthcoming with her criticisms?

This occurred in July. Then lo and behold, out of the blue, I get call from a Detective Garda claiming my ex has been into the local station over the past few weeks, feels threatened, complaining about me, and would I mind coming into the station sometime over the weekend and give my version of events.

I'm still in shock typing this. You think you know someone for 6 years and then they spring this on you. My conscience is intact and I can deny everything, but this has left a really bad taste in my mouth.

I don't want to engage in a mud slinging contest but the gloves are off now from what I can see, and I'll be damned if I am going to be defamed or my character taken into question or compromised.

The guards have enough to deal with without having this he said/she said playground b*ll****

Any advice appreciated guys

I know this is hindsight but I would have not contacted her again after she moved in the apartment with the other guy.

The tweet was hurtful but I think you could have put a tweet out yourself or on Facebook referencing what she said about you but not saying it directly to her. Anyway I think you will be fine and it will blow over eventually

Ursus Horribilis

Exes running to the guards with made up stories is nothing new. I don't know how often it happens but I'd be surprised if any of your local gardai didn't have experience of such things. Go make your statement to the Gardaí and leave it at that. No matter what you say or do after this, there will be people in your circle who will side with your ex. It goes without saying that you should now cut all contact with your ex and don't attempt to contact her/correct the record. I can't see that ending well.

eviltwin

I wonder what her side of the story is. Not saying she's right but just that people see things differently is all.

Her posting that stuff on twitter is not the place but it wasn't for your eyes. Sending the replies is understandable but there is massive grounds for misunderstanding with tweets, things that are innocuous can look menacing etc

Use this as your means of cutting contact. Nothing will come of the Garda so don't worry about that.

jimmycrackcorm

News Carver wrote: »

Dublin was a small place and I'd bump into her and her new boyfriend in the future and would she be as forthcoming with her criticisms?

That sounds like a threat to me.

responding to her on twitter was pretty foolish

if someone is spreading ****e about you online, screenshot and garda/solicitor yourself if it really troubles you.

rainbowtrout

News Carver wrote: »

Fast forward to this Summer, it had been about 4 months since I last text her (I believe it was about the SuperBowl result), I'm in hospital recuperating after having knee surgery, I look her up on Twitter and see she's out of the blue tweeting things and replying to colleagues saying how she loved her new life, having the ability to travel and no longer trapped in a bad relationship.

Did she use the words 'bad relationship' in the tweet or did she specifically say something derogatory about you? Because if she said bad relationship, she merely could have been stating that she wasn't happy in the relationship with you any longer and therefore it was bad, and now she is much happier in the relationship she is currently in.

You shouldn't have replied. What she has taken from all of this is that you have been sending her texts on and off over the last 18 months even though your relationship is over. She hasn't contacted you at all in that time. You are looking her up on social media and responding to her comments. Unless she said something specifically derogatory (and untrue) about you, you should have let it go. The rest of your post sounds quite bitter. She might have gone too far contacting the guards, but maybe she is fed up with the texts coming from you when your relationship is over, you creeping on her social media and issuing what may be deemed as a threat the next time you see her in Dublin. I think you've brought a lot of this on yourself to be honest.

racso1975

Why were ya even looking her up on twitter? She never responded to any of your texts etc.

Also why were ya so concerned what her opinion was? She's an EX!! How many of them do you think go on line singing how great previous relationships were.


Stop texting her. Stop looking her up. Stop sending cards and prsents to her family.

pwurple

Em, They spring this on you?


You publicly threatened her and her new boyfriend, what did you expect?

What were the “few home truths” I wonder.

pwurple

pwurple wrote: »

Em, They spring this on you?


You publicly threatened her and her new boyfriend, what did you expect?

What were the “few home truths” I wonder.

Publicly threatened? Seriously?

That's taking one line and twisting it rather than taking it in the whole context. What have we become?

woohoo!!!

Make clear to the guards that you have cut all contact and will not be engaging with her again. Delete her number and all social media contact, and her family. She's with someone else, has made clear what she thinks of you. You've blown up on social media and made threats, acknowledge this error to the guards cos it's actually about getting them off your back.

JeffKenna

I'm not sure of your financial situation OP but I'd be getting a solicitor before admitting errors or anything of the like to the gardai.

Shutuplaura

You shouldn't really have had so much contact with her or her family post break up. And having a public argument with her on twitter makes you look bad to be honest. I would never contact her again and try forget her.
I probably sound unsympathetic but trust me, I am not. My ex wife alleged to anyone who would listen that I was abusive. It was shocking and hurtful. I decided that it was best to let her say what she wanted because people who know me know that I would never do the sort of things she was alleging. Anyone who gives credence to her lies isn't likely to believe me anyway if I respond. I am sure this applies to your situation too. Try forget it all. Let her post about her new life on twitter if she wants and just live your own best life. The best answer to baseless allegations is to move on and be happy.

AlphabetCards

JeffKenna wrote: »

I'm not sure of your financial situation OP but I'd be getting a solicitor before admitting errors or anything of the like to the gardai.

Yeah, get a solicitor. Given how ridiculous your reponse to her internet posts / tweets were, you are very likely to incriminate yourself.

Shutuplaura

AlphabetCards wrote: »

Yeah, get a solicitor. Given how ridiculous your reponse to her internet posts / tweets were, you are very likely to incriminate yourself.

Unless you are in actual legal trouble with this why bother? People have brains and will see it for what it is, an unedifying public spat that is best forgotten.

Panthro

Cut all contact including all forms of social media.

Make it such a way that if you get the itch to look her up, you physically can't. Same goes for contact with her family too. That chapter of your life is now over, so close it and move on.

Ignore whatever she's been posting. Your true mates will know what sort of person you are and what sort of relationship it was. And chances are they will think she's being an ass for posting online about it in the first place.

If you want to give your statement do.
But literally anything else to do with her, avoid at all costs. Avoid chance encounters with her in social events. Don't take to online posts as anything you post or whatever is ammo for her.

Break ups were so much cleaner before the age of social media!

Now, onwards and upwards!

pwurple

ReginaldSmythV wrote: »

Publicly threatened? Seriously?

That's taking one line and twisting it rather than taking it in the whole context. What have we become?

We have become realists. Twitter is publishing something in public, just the same as a newspaper.

You don’t get the luxury of context on Twitter, this is likely what he wrote, with some other “home truths” we don’t have, most likely character slurs.

“Dublin is a small place and I’ll bump into you and your new boyfriend in the future”

This was a threat, and it was a mistake to write it. Best to realise that and learn from it.

zapper55

You seem to have a complete lack of self awareness OP. I would have taken the hint the first time she didnt reply to text messages and not kept at it.

As others have said a bad relationship could very well mean she was miserable in it or glad to be out of it. And considering how oblivious you appear to be, maybe she was for a while. She didnt say abusive. And your response which sounds unhinged, with your 'home truths' would absolutely now make people think that maybe you aren't stable.

Couple that with your threat to her and her boyfriend I'm not surprised she went to the guards. Stop looking at her on social media before you land yourself in more trouble.

And as for messages with her family, you are reading too much into that. Maybe they were humouring you.

pwurple

pwurple wrote: »

We have become realists. Twitter is publishing something in public, just the same as a newspaper.

You don’t get the luxury of context on Twitter, this is likely what he wrote, with some other “home truths” we don’t have, most likely character slurs.

“Dublin is a small place and I’ll bump into you and your new boyfriend in the future”

This was a threat, and it was a mistake to write it. Best to realise that and learn from it.

Reading the whole opening post, it wasn't a threat. You're taking it as one, she's using it as one.

I do with posters above that mistakes have been made though. When you split then that should mean family, social media, and all those things too. The texting, especially when she wasn’t replying, was a really bad error of judgement.


.

banoffe2

Best of luck OP
Its only natural to be still a bit wounded after six years especially the way she move on so quickly and declaring to all on Social Media how wonderful her life is now
We can react impulsively to our feelings and emotions

It is easy to be wise in hindsight

Inaction is one of the most difficult things to do, if you can put your feelings on pause and do nothing on the spur of the moment
you were in hospital after surgery and possibly vulnerable and naturally hurt

We are only responsible for our own behavior and as the song sometimes "we say it best when we say noting at all"

There is a need a reason and a motive for her to be posting this stuff on social media only she knows what this is.

You need to heal and change your own behavior and let go of the hurt and let her go, same with the cards for the family and presents etc, it is now part of your past.

Try not to give her space in your head as it can become all consuming and a waste of your good energy, this wont happen over night as you are probably still grieving for what might have been.

There wont be any action from the Gardai, but go along and get is over with, its a lesson learned.

Wishing you the very best of luck, this is a phase that will pass and make you stroner, wiser and very grateful.

valoren

Her ex is in intermittent contact which she doesn't reply to or asks that such contact be stopped. OP should have read between the lines.

She makes a public post referring to a "bad" relationship. Reputation is everything. Innuedo like that is provocative. Dissing an ex? Do it privately. People will be thinking what exactly was bad? Not only bad but trapped in it too? Bad and trapped are loaded words.

He, shock horror, contacts her, frames his response as him wanting a right of reply to her post, to give his side. She then subsequently goes the guards. I'm thinking she was dog whistling with that post knowing that the OP, still in intermittent contact, was very likely to reply and would, understandably, do so negatively. Presumably deducing a threat from his reply about bumping into them, she leveraged that and then gets the guards involved. OP, go and give a statement to the guards. Give your side. Say you'll never contact her again. And don't. Best thing to do is move on and forget her. Mentally it will be hard but, technologically, delete everything.

leggo

There are always two sides to a story in a break up, and I always question the side that says stuff like “I politely...” and “I amicably...” You don’t need to add those qualifiers, they’re almost always born out of someone subconsciously knowing they’ll be judged and feeling they need to qualify it further.

OP numerous red flags stand out:

- You continued to keep in touch and send gifts to her family. I get the logic and emotion behind it and I get why some people do it...but man, it’s odd behaviour that just screams “I can’t take this clean break.” Even if they were polite to you back, they may have just felt awkward and like they had to be. If someone told me their ex that they didn’t talk to was still sending their family gifts, I’d think the ex was a weirdo tbh.

- You continued to text her as if everything was normal when she wasn’t replying (and had a new partner). Again that just screams the behaviour of someone who can’t accept that the relationship is over. And, with the lack of self-awareness, you probably came off a bit unhinged to her. Read the room man: she’s riding someone else in your old bed now. This is not someone who wants to ‘banter’ with you. Between that and sending the family gifts etc, you probably came across as a bit territorial on top of being unable to accept the reality that you guys are finished, almost like you’re trying to send the message, “Always remember that I’m your real partner and we have jokes that you and this other guy don’t, plus look how close I am with your family.” Whether that’s what you meant or not, it’s how it probably looked.

- I have a few exes and I’ve had relationships end badly, but even then as far as I’m aware I don’t think I’ve ever had someone slate me publicly as a bad partner. That’s not to say that you are or that everyone who does that is valid, but even when things end badly, it takes a LOT for someone to do that. Like they really have to hate you and not care about ruining your reputation. For you to be caught so blindsided by this, as well as not realising how your texts/gifts could be received, it leads me to believe that you and your ex perceive the relationship completely differently. And (while I also judge your ex a bit for going the social media route to air this) to be fair I kinda see, given the other behaviour you’ve admitted to, why she’d see you in a certain light.

- Lastly, as others have pointed out, you DID threaten her. You gave us a slanted OP where you attempted to paint yourself in as positive and reasonable a light as possible and still that comes across as a threat. And it’s public too, so there’s no way around it.

I’m not saying you’re a horrible person or that this girl isn’t a bit of a wagon (her moving a lad in as soon as you left suggests she was cheating on you, whether you realise it or not, so that’s ****ty), but man you NEED to back away from this girl. Even if it was a trap you walked right into it, she’s not playing around and she’s got you here publicly threatening her. Don’t view it like a teenager and see it as winning or losing and ‘getting the better’ of her or teaching her a lesson, just leave her alone forever now. Don’t send her texts, block and delete her number, block her off all social media, stop sending her family gifts, co-operate with the Gardaí and apologise if you have to (even if you don’t mean it) then MOVE ON with your life.

This is over: again, she’s riding another bloke in your old bed. You have no more ties with this girl so you need to make a clean break and be done with it all. And, if that’s too painful to accept, then deal with it by going to counselling if you need to. But when the Gardaí are getting in touch, it’s time to accept that the relationship is over and your life needs to move on without this person, their family etc.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

News Carver wrote: »

This occurred in July. Then lo and behold, out of the blue, I get call from a Detective Garda claiming my ex has been into the local station over the past few weeks, feels threatened, complaining about me, and would I mind coming into the station sometime over the weekend and give my version of events.

Seems strange that she would wait 3/4 months to go to the guards. Have you had any contact with her or her family since July that might have prompted this?

In terms of the house, do you both own this and if so have you come to an agreement about what's going to happen with it?

It sounds like she has been in with them a few times recently, is there any reason why this has started off during the past few weeks if the twitter incident was in July?

strandroad

News Carver wrote: »

So I knew I shouldn't, but I replied, said a few home truths of my own, called her out on some stuff seeing as she felt this was the time and place to air dirty laundry in public, let her know that it's easy to mouth off from behind a keyboard and that Dublin was a small place and I'd bump into her and her new boyfriend in the future and would she be as forthcoming with her criticisms?

You did yourself no favours there, we are hearing your side and it still sounds like a massive overreaction to someone saying "bad relationship" which can simply mean mismatched; especially with the pattern of you contacting her and her family well after the breakup. It does sound threatening whether you planned it or not, and why would you even bring her new boyfriend into it?

Go to the guards and explain yourself, and next time you feel slighted sleep on it first so that you don't fly off the handle that easily.

I don't get why you would be still buying her family gifts... That's just plain weird - I'd be calling the Gardai too.

It seems to me you were overly obsessed. Let her go and move on with your life.

Always Be Closing

Edit

meeeeh

I suspect she reported you to the guards so you would leave her alone. I think that as long as you leave her, her family and her friends alone you should be ok. Trading insults on social media and sending gifts to family is a bit creepy (it could be completely unintentional but it's still creepy). They might have been part of your social circle but you are out now and stay out of it.

JeffKenna

Shutuplaura wrote: »

Unless you are in actual legal trouble with this why bother? People have brains and will see it for what it is, an unedifying public spat that is best forgotten.

Because the guards are as corrupt as hell and you have to watch yourself if making a statement to them.

leggo

JeffKenna wrote: »

Because the guards are as corrupt as hell and you have to watch yourself if making a statement to them.

What the hell would a ‘corrupt’ Garda have to gain by playing mediator in a Twitter spat between exes?! :pac:

punisher5112

No comment, no comment and no comment....
Best advice one can use....

If the gaurd wants a statement make him come to you.

JeffKenna

leggo wrote: »

What the hell would a ‘corrupt’ Garda have to gain by playing mediator in a Twitter spat between exes?! :pac:

Who does the ex know? Telling the OP to go into the guards and confess all without knowing the situation and what links the ex has is very bad advise.

leggo

This is getting dumb. It’s not illegal to post a pissy tweet (even if it is a veiled threat), no matter what motives a Garda could have, they’d have to actually prove and convict him on something substantial. And these cases are more civil than criminal anyway, worst case scenario it’s a barring order rather than criminal conviction, and even then that’s ridiculously unlikely based off this. Gardaí are obligated to act when a complaint is made and substantiated, but the almost certain case here is that this ends with a talking to from a Garda who genuinely couldn’t give a **** about who said what in this messy break-up.

So yeah, back to the real world, this is a thread about a lad having difficulties with his ex-girlfriend and not any weird beef anyone has with the Gardaí.

punisher5112

I've had death threats in texts from a person I lent money to.

The Gardai couldn't do a thing about it.

You and she broke up 18 months ago, but you kept texting her, contacting her family, following her on twitter to threaten her and the boyfriend. It's hardly a wonder she went to the guards.
It's been 18 months. Stop contacting her, stop following her online, move on with your life.

c.p.w.g.w

JeffKenna wrote: »

Because the guards are as corrupt as hell and you have to watch yourself if making a statement to them.

It's funny, my buddy is a Garda. He tells me and our circle of friends if we are questioned by the guards ring him before talking to them. It's very easy to self incriminate even when your innocent depending on how the questions you're asked are phrased.

ILoveYourVibes

punisher5112 wrote: »

I've had death threats in texts from a person I lent money to.

The Gardai couldn't do a thing about it.

I know a lot of people that has happened to.

OP if you threaten people on a public platform you honestly don't come off as the brightest.

Don't contact her or her family etc or her friends ..don't talk about her online etc.

YFlyer

punisher5112 wrote: »

I've had death threats in texts from a person I lent money to.

The Gardai couldn't do a thing about it.

Did he beat the crap out of you?

punisher5112

YFlyer wrote: »

Did he beat the crap out of you?

No I lent him €5k.

He used the I'm going to kill you etc card so he wouldn't have to pay me back....

He thought by turning on me like this would mean no pay back.

forgodssake

Simple solution ..dont contact her again.

Lantus

Delete and clear out from social media. Then move on.

Arghus

I feel sympathy for you OP. I was in a relationship for about the same length of time as yourself and it ended quite suddenly. No matter how much a relationship may have run it's course it's hard to be a big strong emotional colossus and to do everything exactly and as rightly as you should do in the immediate aftermath and beyond. Even if things are amicable, there can be so much emotion and upset underneath the surface.

It can be hard to let go, even if it's the only realistic way to move forward in life. I cringed with recognition with some of things you said in your post - I recognise that need you felt to keep contact open, because to close that door fully seems unthinkable, like giving up on the best part of yourself. But, in many - probably most - cases, all that is achieved is a prolonged agony that doesn't help anyone.

It reads like you are having a tough time letting go. Which isn't unforgivable: it is tough. Some of the things you have described, like continuing to give gifts to her family, honestly, sound a bit OTT. I'm not going to judge you too much for this, but it does read like slightly strange behaviour, but I don't know the circumstances or the type of relationship you had with her family - maybe to you it is rational and it makes sense, but coupled with what you've said about following her on Twitter and texting her semi-regularly, despite not receiving any replies, I don't think it amounts to healthy behavior. You have to try to lessen your focus on the other person.

There's a lot of pain and anger in what you wrote - which doesn't seem entirely unjustified - I think you are telling yourself that you are not feeling some of those negative feelings that seem so apparent in what you wrote. I sound very judgmental here, but I can emptathise, to an extent, with what you going through. I think there's always going to be pain after a breakup if there was real love there. I think after a while a person has to accept that and try to move on and live for themselves again. It's not a piece of cake. It is hard. People on Boards are always very sure of things and oftentimes 100% dogmatic about whether a person is right or wrong, but often disregard the complexities and capriciousness of human emotion.

I've barely mentioned your ex's behaviour in any of this spiel, but the truth OP is what you had in your post was your truth. You may be a wholly sane and reasonable individual and what you describe might be the reality of the situation for you - and you might not be wrong. But the other party may view things entirely differently - and they might not be right - but now it's enough for them to believe it and that disparity between different understandings is causing problems, irrespective of who is right or wrong, or even if anyone is. The most important thing is to focus on yourself and get over this for yourself.

Always Tired

Stop contacting her and making any comments on social media. Delete any ones you have made though theyve no doubt been screenshotted.

And don't go down to the gardai and give any 'version of events.' It doesn't matter if you 'have nothing to hide' it simply never does any good to open your mouth to them unless you are forced to.

Especially after reading what you've wrote, I would emphasize that last bit even more. You'll not do yourself any favors. Trust me. Don't engage with the gardai thinking you're gonna 'clear your name' or something like that. You're not in the right here, and theyre gonna go through you, and you aren't getting it at present. It won't go well.

Calm yourself down and just leave it. If the gardai want to follow it up let them land on your doorstep and if they actually bother, apologize for not going down, say you have forgotten all about her and just wanted to leave it alone, have ceased contact and will not contact her again. Say no more then and just listen to whatever they say, nod and agree, go back inside.

leggo

To be fair, I think a lot of us can relate to some individual stuff the OP said. It’s very easy to say “cut contact, block on social media etc”...but you have to be very emotionally cold to do that immediately and, while it might be the ‘right’ thing to do, to be able to immediately do it isn’t necessarily within the capability of someone who has a healthy attitude towards relationships. We’ve all been in situations where we’re texting exes after a break up, keeping one eye on their social media, don’t know how to react to family we’ve bonded with who’ve done nothing wrong etc. So I don’t think we’re being cut and dry here without empathy, that’s not my goal anyway.

But a situation sometimes gets to a stage where the cold, hard facts need to be spelled out. The Gardai are knocking on this lad’s door like. And, when it gets to that stage, that’s when you have to be like “Okay you’re stepping into crazytown now, back off” because sympathising, while someone is vulnerable, can sometimes be received as excusing the behaviour.

ILoveYourVibes

leggo wrote: »

To be fair, I think a lot of us can relate to some individual stuff the OP said. It’s very easy to say “cut contact, block on social media etc”...but you have to be very emotionally cold to do that immediately and, while it might be the ‘right’ thing to do, to be able to immediately do it isn’t necessarily within the capability of someone who has a healthy attitude towards relationships. We’ve all been in situations where we’re texting exes after a break up, keeping one eye on their social media, don’t know how to react to family we’ve bonded with who’ve done nothing wrong etc. So I don’t think we’re being cut and dry here without empathy, that’s not my goal anyway.

But a situation sometimes gets to a stage where the cold, hard facts need to be spelled out. The Gardai are knocking on this lad’s door like. And, when it gets to that stage, that’s when you have to be like “Okay you’re stepping into crazytown now, back off” because sympathising, while someone is vulnerable, can sometimes be received as excusing the behaviour.

Its actually really hard to get the guards to do anything ....unless its serious

tara73

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Its actually really hard to get the guards to do anything ....unless its serious

this seems a bit unfair and actually not true, we had some threads here were women were threatened/stalked or whatever, they called the guards and according to the OP they always arrived at their doors pretty quickly and did a lot!


And in this case a guard contacted the OP so they again acted on the complain!

ILoveYourVibes

tara73 wrote: »

this seems a bit unfair and actually not true, we had some threads here were women were threatened/stalked or whatever, they called the guards and according to the OP they always arrived at their doors pretty quickly and did a lot!


And in this case a guard contacted the OP so they again acted on the complain!

I take your point. Perhaps that is the case with some.

I had message of someone threatening to 'rape me until i burst' on my phone in their own voice...with the number and i knew who it was too. The female guard could not have been less helpful.

I mean it was him actually saying those exact words.

Anyway its beside the point.

OP just block her totally on social media. You won't have to see what she says then. If she really slanders you take legal action.

Katgurl

I feel for you op, you must have got a terrible shock.

It's very strange. You had a public spat with her months ago - why is she contacting the guards now? I wonder has something else happened and she thinks it was you.

I would go down to the police station and very matter of factly say you ended amicably then you saw on her slagging you off on twitter, you were hurt and you retaliated. You wished afterwards you hadn't bothered and have not been in touch since.


Sending sporadic texts isn't stalking no matter what the posters here will claim. She never said to you to stop contacting her so while it was pointless and probably not good for you personally, that was all.

If the police ask you about messaging or contacting her family just say "we ended relatively amicably, I did not realise till the Twitter fight there was any issue. I have not contacted her since, I have no intention of contacting her again."

Then block her everywhere and move on.

skallywag

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

I had message of someone threatening to 'rape me until i burst' on my phone in their own voice...with the number and i knew who it was too. The female guard could not have been less helpful

There is something very odd about this comment. You are describing an extremely serious offence where there was concrete evidence of who make the threat.

I cannot believe it would not have been looked into further, unless there is a lot more to this story than meets the eye.

I do not mean to say that I do not believe you, but I just cannot fathom how the Guards would not look into this?

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

This really is one of those situations where nobody's right.

Her: moved on at a speed she must have realised would be hurtful, moved a man into your flat. On a technicality, nothing wrong, but yes pretty shabby. Giving out about her previous "bad relationship" on Twitter when you presumably have a lot of friends in common and it'll be very obvious it's you.

You: the presents, the texts, the getting into it with her on Twitter.

The contact and amicability ceased around this time last year, when she moved her new fellah in. Was that her deciding she didn't want to be in contact with you because of the new relationship, you deciding you were angry and cutting her out because of that? How amicably did THIS stage of the relationship end? You really glossed over that there but it's important.

I really agree you should go nowhere near the guards unless they compel you, while it's not a simplistic case of you=bad guy her=innocent victim, you seem to have a very bad level of perspective and self awareness as to how your actions and words might be interpreted. That this can come as a "bolt from the blue" is pretty striking.

Someone said above that it reads like you're experiencing a lot of negative feelings that you're not acknowledging and that's spot on. It's ok to be upset, furious etc over the end of a 6 year relationship, you don't have to strive so much to frame things as you being reasonable and level-headed and amicable. Nobody, but nobody, but goddamn sociopaths are in that place when a relationship of that length ends.

Stay away from the gards, block her, stay away from her family. You really don't seem to have properly started the process of moving on and you need to.

Mad_maxx

Under no circumstances should the OP go near the Garda station, he should cease all contact with this woman and draw a line under everything