Hurt, Angry, Stressed and still pretending all's great

cmat

Hi All, just venting my hurt and completely lost in my thoughts. My Dad died last year and still haven't come to terms with it. I feel I'm putting it on the back burner to deal with it another time. Since January I've been going through a divorce which I just kept to myself and was stamped by judge last month. Im still very hurt over it. I'm in catogory which other half never wanted to get married but forgot to tell me before we reached the alter and put up with there toxic behaviour over 12 years. At least he allowed me to have one child. Before divorce was stamped, someone came into my life where both of us weren't looking for someone but we got on so well, I missed him after he did some work on my house and asked him out on a date. I had such a fantastic 6 months including everything I deserved in a man but week before divorce he ghosted me, no reply to calls or texts. This has just broken my heart completely as I absolutely adored him. Met all his family, made plans etc. I don't feel like a fool but I just can't understand how a 58yr old man could do this to another person. My friends told me check Rip to see if he died, that made me laugh alot to be honest but I checked and thankfully no! Bad news arrived my mother has cancer and along road ahead. Work is piling up and I just sit in complete silence pining over him. I'm one of those people whos loved by loads of friends but I'm completely dead inside, keeping the show going on the outside but inside I feel a train has just hit me. Mojo has going and I won't go out with friends incase I start crying over a beer and upset there night. What the fcuk have I done wrong as I'd do anything for anyone but here I'm alone once again.

zapper55

You have suffered two of the most traumatic things people will ever face. That you are still standing is testament to your strength. But you need to let it out. Can you talk to someone about it? Maybe a professional.

Looking at the more recent relationship that ended. Maybe it was never supposed to last but instead to give you some much needed respite from a horrible year. Maybe you did nothing wrong, maybe for a hundred different reasons it didnt work out. Ghosting you is cowardly but some people find it very hard to break up with people. It's a terrible weakness. Its not a reflection of you though it might feel like it.

You need to heal before you think about entering another relationship. It sounded like it was much needed but possibly a rebound. Maybe it hurts so much because its not just that that you are grieving... Dont be so hard on yourself. Take care xx

cmat

zapper55 wrote: »

You have suffered two of the most traumatic things people will ever face. That you are still standing is testament to your strength. But you need to let it out. Can you talk to someone about it? Maybe a professional.

Looking at the more recent relationship that ended. Maybe it was never supposed to last but instead to give you some much needed respite from a horrible year. Maybe you did nothing wrong, maybe for a hundred different reasons it didnt work out. Ghosting you is cowardly but some people find it very hard to break up with people. It's a terrible weakness. Its not a reflection of you though it might feel like it.

You need to heal before you think about entering another relationship. It sounded like it was much needed but possibly a rebound. Maybe it hurts so much because its not just that that you are grieving... Dont be so hard on yourself. Take care xx

Thanks zapper, I've been on my own for 6 years so no rebound but I gave him my soul and he just dropped me for no reason. Yes I've been through alot but I'm afraid to just bloody cry it all out. My friends and family are great but I'm just experiencing heartache and it's bloody awful. If I let it all out I'm afraid it might change myself as a person as I don't want this feeling going on any longer. My daughter is 12 and knows me inside out to must keep the happy face on. I might research a good counselor as I'm very private but il have to do something. Still love men but might just keep to myself for a longer period. Thankyou, a really mean that xx

LuciX

cmat wrote: »

What the fcuk have I done wrong as I'd do anything for anyone but here I'm alone once again.

It's a though journey OP but you will get through it.

You are not alone You have a daughter
Think about her. Be strong for her
Find comfort in her and talk to a professional.

Best of luck!

[I lost a very dear friend this year to this despicable disease after a 10yr battle and 5yrs 'all clear' results. She didn't even get the chance to have children. She was only 35. She wouldn't harm a fly...]

cmat

LuciX wrote: »

It's a though journey OP but you will get through it.

You are not alone You have a daughter
Think about her. Be strong for her
Find comfort in her and talk to a professional.

Best of luck!

[I lost a very dear friend this year to this despicable disease after a 10yr battle and 5yrs 'all clear' results. She didn't even get the chance to have children. She was only 35. She wouldn't harm a fly...]

Thanks, I never thought of talking to a professional like zapper mentioned too as so much has gone on and I don't realise its alot to keep to one's self. Yeah, I'm feeling relief from your reply and telling a professional will give me direction to take off again and get my mogo going. X

Katgurl

Oh my god you poor thing! You have had an utterly **** time of it. I'm not surprised you feel like you do.

You need support. Professional or personal or both.

Find a therapist. Invite a close friend around for dinner and let her know what is going on.

This is too much to tackle right now. Be kind to yourself and remember that everything passes in time.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

argentum

Im so sorry for your loss and the problems you're having.I think the man not getting back to you is a really ****ty thing to do.He should have had the balls and manners to talk to you or sent you a letter even and I thought people our age were past doing that.I hope you get a chance to talk to a professional about your life problems and gets some extra hugs from your girl as you need them
All the best

cmat

Thanks, I've great friends who I've told and a couple who have experienced this awful carryon. I'll tell ye, boards buddies are like counsellors themselves. Thought alot last night about replys to my post and definitely felt a lift in myself. I'm strong out and just ticking off the boxes. Dad died last Christmas and now mom will be operated on this Christmas so it's going to drain the living christ out of me but once I get her through this and back home il begin to move on. I knew October would be a bad month but jesus it's been hell. Thanks again! 🌹

banoffe2

My heart goes out to you OP, cant begin to imagine what it was like to find a real soulmate and disappear overnight without a word, when you needed him most. There are no words. It is only human and natural that you you are gutted and heartbroken, I know what heartache feels like and the annoying thing about it is that there is no instant fix or cure for it. The only guarantee is that it is a grieving process that will take time, the bad days or hours wont be as bad and the good days and hours will get slightly better and brighter with the passing of time. wishing you the very best , take one hour at the time, you are a mighty woman to get this far, you can and will get through it, keep reaching out to us, writing down your thoughts it helpful XX

cmat

Thanks Banoffe, I'd be the person that if somebody could tell me "well your going to be heartbroken for 6 weeks and then u will start being urself again". I'd be OK as once I know where I stand, I'd take anything on. Dreadful month but like a friend said I could of dogged a bullet with him. Anyways I'm alot better this morning and things alot clearer. Beautiful morning and why not "I'm free"! Xx

banoffe2

Well done cmat- glad you are feeling even a fraction better, there is no time limit on the healing process, be good to yourself and be kind to your mind, every day is a new beginning, enjoy the moment XX

ILoveYourVibes

I think you need to talk to a counsellor.

You have been through so much.

Try and remember life begins anew everyday.

This is YOUR life live it for you. DO WHAT YOU WANT.

See it as a rebirth.

You lost your father ..your marriage (and it was a traumatic one) and you had a break up from a guy who didn't do it maturely.

You are vulnerable right now. Protect yourself.

This period will pass.

Make plans for the future. Do what you want.

cmat

Thank u and yes I'm free but still thinking if him but no stress pain in my chest. Thinking if him with the good times but thinking of he as a man to do it. Made plans to occupy my weekends to drift over the hurt. Thank u, I'm a great strong woman and christ the next guy will strike gold!

ILoveYourVibes

cmat wrote: »

Thank u and yes I'm free but still thinking if him but no stress pain in my chest. Thinking if him with the good times but thinking of he as a man to do it. Made plans to occupy my weekends to drift over the hurt. Thank u, I'm a great strong woman and christ the next guy will strike gold!

I wish you the best guy.