Severe Body Hang Ups Ruining my Life

LegacyUser

Hi All,

Female in my late 20s. My body image issues have been ruining my life ever since I was a teenager. As a teen I was considered one of the ugly girls-spotty and fat, no one ever thought much of me. People seemed to disregard my opinion, not bother with me, etc. I ended up seeing myself as "less" than everyone else (I went to an intensely bítchy school where image was everything). This carried on into my 20s. I was not as pretty as most girls, not as pretty as my friends, and I ended up with an eating disorder. I never looked unhealthily/worryingly thin tho. I eventually got over it, but I've had an extremely rocky relationship with my body ever since. I go through months of eating horrifically every single day (I'm talking sharing packs of junk food-I might not even like the food) to months of eating very healthy, to the point where I might not eat for 2 or 3 days before some event (more time spent eating unhealthily than healthy tho). As a result I avoid going out, not just going out to night clubs/pubs (but that is also a huge thing) but purposely avoiding meeting up with friends, going outside the house to places where I am afraid I might bump into people I know. I've stopped shopping for clothes in shops out of fear of bumping into people, I like to watch tv on a laptop while at a cafe and I specifically pick a place I know I have an extremely small chance of bumping into people.

My body hang ups are ruining my life. I've let my 20s pass by, avoiding holidays and events and parties and having a social life out of shame, I've lost friends cause I was too ashamed to meet them anytime they were available we ended up loosing contact. I come home everyday from work (or even days I'm not working) and just snack into food cause everything just feels miserable and hopeless. There is no point in even trying cause I've already destroyed myself. I didnt have sex till I was 25 cause I was so insecure over my body-the only reason I ended up loosing my virginity was that I had lost 7 pounds in 2 weeks and was feeling more confident-I haven't come remotely close to doing the do since :P .

My 29th birthday is coming up and I can't believe I am in this place mentally. I've let my 20s pass me by, avoided doing all the things you're supposed to do in your 20s (and just normal things in general) cause of my lack of confidence relating back to my body. I don't know what am I supposed to do about this, just get over it-deal with it myself-I mean no one is going to make me put down the chocolate bar away from my mouth bar myself, or do I go to a GP (I sort of did this before), or a nutritionist, a psychologist? IDK. Any advice?

Wanderer2010

A few things jumped out from your post, OP. First, please bin this idea that your 20s "should" be spent drinking all night and having tonnes of good times. That's simply not true and social media puts enormous pressure on people to conform to a life that's not attainable. Have you ever noticed that people on FB never put up a pic of them crying after an argument or sitting alone in a pub because they are lonely? They never put any of the bad parts of life out there, so you are left thinking their lives are perfect. Nobody but nobody has a perfect life. There are people in their 30s 40s and 50s and beyond who all struggle and who are doing the best they can, so please bin these notions of should and must, it will only make you absolutely miserable.

Secondly, it really does sound like your self esteem and confidence could do with building up so maybe speak to a therapist who is specialised in low self esteem? There are plenty of links on the internet as to how to find a good one in your area. The food issues really are just a symptom of an underlying poor self image and low self esteem. Once you work on that, you wont pay as much heed to your body, clothes or what people think of you. Its almost tweed at this point to say it, but if you start with liking yourself and getting out there and doing hobbies that interest you, the rest will come naturally. It certainly wont be easy and you may have a long road ahead but its perfectly possible to build a better self esteem and start to be happy with your life. Good luck!