Cohabiting with ex wife

elius

HI all, i split from my wife in April of this year and we have been cohabiting since due to financial constraints.
Its seems to work ok friendly and making the best of a bad situation. Talk when at home but we'll only make contact during the day if it's about our wee boy. We sleep in seperate bedrooms etc. Anyhow it's nearly 7months since we split and I think I'd like to start dating but I've been put off by the fact I'm still living with my ex. Anyone have any views or opinions about this. I'm hoping to move out soon but cant be sure when. I'm not the type to waste anyone time!
Thanks for reading!

Augme

Is it bit best to wait until you move out?

How will the ex take it if you start dating? How will you react if she starts dating while cohabitating?

It has the potential to go very badly wrong and for something that you can just hold off on doing.

I also think the reaction your ex is going to be less of a hinderance compared to the reaction of your dates when you explain your current living arrangements. I honestly can't imagine many women having any interesting getting involved in that situation.

elius

Augme wrote: »

Is it bit best to wait until you move out?

How will the ex take it if you start dating? How will you react if she starts dating while cohabitating?

It has the potential to go very badly wrong and for something that you can just hold off on doing.

I also think the reaction your ex is going to be less of a hinderance compared to the reaction of your dates when you explain your current living arrangements. I honestly can't imagine many women having any interesting getting involved in that situation.

Thanks I agree with you but the dating scene has changed so much over the years I thought possibly this was the done thing. Thankfully you've cleared that up. The wait will continue so!!!

joeguevara

If you are ready to date then you should. Bare in mind it will be a deal breaker for some people but fine for others. Also if you are not sure when you are moving out you could be putting off dating indefinitely.

One thing to consider is discussing it with your ex wife as if she finds out (and if you go on tinder or similar app and she or one of her friends sees you so quite likely) it may cause tension which won't be good for you, her or your kid.

So in conclusion there is no right answer here. Do what feels right but be sensitive. Remember prospective dates will be wary as it's like a cliche 'i still live with my ex wife but we lead separate lives'. Hope all works out.

hairyprincess

When I met my partner, that was the exact situation only their relationship with each other was volatile. They did not get on at all, and still don’t. They communicate via text or email.

To be honest, the situation didn’t bother me. I think it is so common now that couples are split but neither can afford to move out so they just live separately. It has never been an issue in our relationship. The only thing is I can never go to his house, he always has to come to my house or we go away together.

I say go for it, but be honest. The right woman for you won’t mind. And life is way too damn short to wait to be happy.

Neyite

There's a kid in the mix, and you've only split since April so if you are choosing to date, keep it discreet and accept that you won't be bringing anyone back to the family home for the foreseeable as it will very likely upset the fragile harmony in the house.

It may be amicable now but things often change once one of you starts to date - especially if the other is not at that point for themselves yet.

The other thing to be mindful of is not to assume that your ex will automatically be there to mind your child while you are out on dates. They may well be planning to stay in but it's courtesy to check they are staying in that night if you plan a night out.

Ursus Horribilis

I think you should leave the dating to one side until you get alternative accommodation and custody arrangements sorted. Things are amicable now but you have no way of predicting what might happen once you start seeing other people. It could turn your domestic arrangements toxic in a heartbeat.

elius

Thanks all I think maybe it's best to concentrate on being dad and leave dating aside for now a couple of months wont hurt me.
Thanks again.

B0jangles

A thing which occurs to me as well is that the home description you're describing is unfortunately a well-worn cliché used by people looking to have an affair.

I'm not for one second suggesting that you are doing this, but for someone who has just met you and who doesn't know you, hearing 'I still live with my wife but the relationship is 100% over, we lead completely separate lives' might jump to the cliché conclusion

Best of luck and hope your situation is resolved soon

LegacyUser

I think for most women there would be too many doubts there about whether you were telling the truth or not for them to want to get involved. It's a very common lie that people tell.

Also something else to think about is that although you've split up and have separate bedrooms/ limited contact during the day, it is not quite the same as if you had split up and moved out back in April, certain parts of the getting over the relationship cycle will have been delayed, and it can be strange to not live together as a family anymore. Of course there can be great freedom and relief too, but you or your ex may be surprised by the feelings that might be thrown up after you move out! So for that reason it's probably best to complete the break up and move out before moving onto dating new people.

I think for mothers in particular there can be a bit of a panic when a new woman comes on the scene, imagining a stepmother for their kids and so on, even if it's a very new relationship, it's just a weird feeling to think in a while that woman might be introduced to your kids and be putting them to bed at night or so on. If you were dating now it could cause a lot of upset and tension in the household and affect the civil relationship that you have now.

You could date and it could all be fine, just be aware that there might be issues and be sensitive about it if you choose to do so

LegacyUser

image verification wrote: »

I think for most women there would be too many doubts there about whether you were telling the truth or not for them to want to get involved. It's a very common lie that people tell.

Also something else to think about is that although you've split up and have separate bedrooms/ limited contact during the day, it is not quite the same as if you had split up and moved out back in April, certain parts of the getting over the relationship cycle will have been delayed, and it can be strange to not live together as a family anymore. Of course there can be great freedom and relief too, but you or your ex may be surprised by the feelings that might be thrown up after you move out! So for that reason it's probably best to complete the break up and move out before moving onto dating new people.

I think for mothers in particular there can be a bit of a panic when a new woman comes on the scene, imagining a stepmother for their kids and so on, even if it's a very new relationship, it's just a weird feeling to think in a while that woman might be introduced to your kids and be putting them to bed at night or so on. If you were dating now it could cause a lot of upset and tension in the household and affect the civil relationship that you have now.

You could date and it could all be fine, just be aware that there might be issues and be sensitive about it if you choose to do so

+1 on moving out of the house. Me and my ex thought we could live amicable as friends but as soon as s h e started dating and going out to hotels every weekend it through up some feelings on my side...knowing what she was up to killed me. I ended up calling her some nasty things by text message and got removed from the house

I'm now barred from it and can't go anyway near it. All because of a drunken text. I thought I'd be fine with her dating and I was over her. But evertime she went out I was left looking at family pictures of happy times with the kids which brought those feelings to the surface until I cracked.

Move out before you start dating people op

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear that splitupnasty, I hope you're doing ok now.

C3PO

I’ve been living in the same situation as the OP for a number of years. It’s not ideal but there are many ex-couples in the same boat. While obviously many potential partners are very wary of the situation it’s rarely a deal breaker - most people (of a certain age) have their own complications! I’d go for it if you feel ready OP.