Like my job looks like colleague is turning bad

LegacyUser

Hi, just looking for feedback because I need other people's perspectives

I'm part of a large team where the role was quite diversified. Our roles are changing and getting streamlined and specialised and there is tacit understanding where everyone will end up.

One colleague whom I start at the same time as is in a career change and took a step down in seniority from their previous career for the role. I also took a career change but it was more money so I'm ok (we're all on same salary so that's not the issue)

The colleague has begun exhibiting small passive aggressive behaviour, like not responding to emails I send unless absolutely have to (work norm is to thank people when you make a request and I think it works because it's an acknowledgement of request done as well as just a nice thing)
Also speaking to the person sitting between us left and right when before it would have been group chats. So small exclusions

The root of this may be that my new role has greater scope for promotion or job changing even though this colleague would actually have more visibility with their new role to senior management.

I made it clear to our boss when I started this was what I wanted. When we've job shared previously I never held back training or any aspects of what I was working on and would readily give self made written explainers, access to my work, shared into out common work files for everyone to see etc. The visibility opposite was not as forthcoming only that I was trained by someone else during jobshare periods so it wasn't an issue.

We are a large enough team and I get on fine with other members.

I know how these things go when they start like this and want to prevent trouble because for the first time I actually like everyone on my team, including this person, my boss, the office, etc everything. It was all working out.

But ive also been in toxic environments and I swore never again. It's draining.

I want to make my boss aware but don't have anything tangible to go on and this colleague has a sugary demeanor I feel I'd look like a sh*t stirrer if I say anything.

I trust my instincts and know this person has decided to be opposed to me (hard to pinpoint but it's very subtle).

I'm worried they are more nakedly ambitious than I am and willing to do such things to make life hard because they wanted my role, even though it was open to all of us on the team to try for and I'm the only one that actually expressed interest from the start.

Maybe they feel they shouldn't be in this junior position I don't know

I just want help with how to deal with it I thought I'd hit jackpot getting away from crappy work environments but it looks looks like I'll be in another one (previous was between other people and another with colleague who disliked my background , both situations were not nice)

Gerianam

You are overthinking this. Just get on with your job. Not everyone has to like you, you know.

mikemac2

You were caught up in this in previous jobs and now you say it is happening again. But toxic is an extremely strong word to use. Ok it might seem toxic to you but even take the issue of the emails.

Why does not getting a thank you email bother you? If its an acknowledgement you need then even a "task completed" blunt email would do surely?

I think you are overthinking it a little.

Yellow pack crisps

You want everything to be perfect, but that will
never happen in a large company or any company really. Somebody will always have a different perspective on what or how they do things. Someone will always eye another as a threat even though it might not be the case. You can’t control how other people are, all you can do is control your own logic and emotions and put distance between those who you deem are trying to upset you. Toughen up really.

Augme

If you have a pattern of working in "toxic" environments maybe it is time to start looking at your own behaviour? Ultimately, you are the only common denominator in those situations.

Expecting everyone in work to behave exactly how you want them to behave is actually quite selfish as is a poor trait in a work colleague.

If someone I managed came to me with your issue/problem I'd honestly look to phase you out of the team as quickly as possible because I'd be of the opinion that it's unlikely you'd never be happy working team environment.

never_mind

Talk to your boss about what exactly? That you feel that your colleague is being slightly passive aggressive? It’s a non issue, OP, and I would agree that you are overthinking it. I don’t think you’re wrong; I actually think in this instance you probably hit the nail on the head. This colleague is not in your corner and is not your cheer leader. Focus on your work and start building friendships with people who have an interest in you as well.

"Notagain

"Notagain wrote: »

like not responding to emails I send unless absolutely have to (work norm is to thank people when you make a request and I think it works because it's an acknowledgement of request done as well as just a nice thing)

Sounds like a complete waste if time and creates unnecessary email traffic.

LegacyUser

OP here thanks for all the replies.

I may be overthinking yes, but was in a terrible situation a few years ago where two colleagues were just awful to each other in a vicious passive aggressive way and I was caught in the middle in a shared office and it was an awful workplace.

Maybe I've been a little scarred by it.

I don't know. The other one where I was involved the person had a mutual friend and it was the most stupid thing (over a girls weekend friend of a friend thing that went bad due to unreasonableness when I couldn't attend although had already paid and they got upset but that's a long story) but I tried to just ignore and keep being friendly etc and it was so draining. Luckily I left that job soon enough although

I think I'll just see how it goes but keep a little diary as I trust my instincts and it's hard to track passive aggressive behaviour. I will just be friendly as usual and be myself.

I may be a bit of a soft person in that I hate confrontation and negative emotion so I'll also try to work through that as I am in counseling to help me be more assertive and not let negatives get me so down

strandroad

There is no toxicity in what you're describing that I can see; your colleague dialled down their engagement with you is all. You might be right about their reasons but then you can't expect work to be perfectly lovely all the time. From the examples you give you have a low threshold of what constitutes a toxic environment, and it's basically people not getting along. But if she does her job and is polite it's still fine, you should accept it and move on.