I cannot accept love or say I love you

LegacyUser

I have just begun a relationship with a wonderful person. Despite being very early stages, the other person has told me that they love me. Their actions. Words. Expression of feeling. Everything supports this. Yet I ruined the moment by basically fobbing it off. I have very strong feelings for them, but and while I did experiencece love with someone else before, this love was an all consuming/die for them type of love which ended in heartbreak for me (a few years ago now). At the time I didn't know I was in love until I experienced heartbreak.
I have huge insecurities that my new partner doesn't know about. I am afraid when they get to know me deep down, they wont love me like they originally thought. They are amazing and I suppose in many ways, I dont feel good enough for them/ and nsecure as a result. Yet they are pouring love my way. It makes me anxious because I feel I am falling for them yet I cant bring myself to say such huge momentous words without every fibre in my body feeling that way (despite having such strong butterfly feelings, desire, deep care etc).
I am holding back because deep down I dont feel good enough, or my love is not the same as theres or... I dont know.
One thing is for sure that I am mad about them. Is this love? Can love be deeper for others? I am quite an emotional person and feel deeply and am very emphatic and so I am consciously aware of his feelings when hes says I love you.
I would really appreciate any advice.

Thanks,
Lovequestion

ILoveYourVibes

Well words mean nothing.

If you show love in actions etc that is more meaningful.

If you are sure you are mad about them then just show it in your actions for now.

And yes when you show someone the real you there is always the chance they won't love you. But well its better to know.

Everyone says insecurities etc you have to work on that. But the truth is I don't know anyone without an insecurity.

Make a commitment to this person. Honor them. Support them.

If that comes naturally with them then you love them. And in time you will be able to say it.

bitofabind

Lovequestion wrote: »

while I did experiencece love with someone else before, this love was an all consuming/die for them type of love which ended in heartbreak for me (a few years ago now). At the time I didn't know I was in love until I experienced heartbreak.

Your reaction is totally rational and normal. When this has been your single experience of love, who would want to willingly sign up to it again? I've been through many things in my life and heartbreak has been the absolutely worst of them all, i'd do anything to avoid it as i think would most of us.

ime, long-lasting love is a warm, comforting place that makes you feel safe and makes you feel like you're at home. not the ups and downs of this stormy, uncertain place where you would die for them one minute and are left out in the cold the next. that kind of love can never last long. it's painful and stressful and doesn't leave you feeling safe and supported.

i'd be hesitant at this early stage too, for the above reasons. i've been left out in the cold recently and i'd do anything to avoid being back here ever again. i'd want to nurture my next relationship at a pace that's more comfortable and safer for me, and not let someone else's pace dictate the flow of things. that means no big declarations within a few short weeks or months, no grand gestures until i feel that safety and security, until we really know each other and are sure about each other.

if it were me, i'd tell this guy that my feelings are really strong for him and i can definitely see myself with him in the longterm. and of course, love is the biggest part of that. but you've been hurt in the past by jumping the gun with it and you respect him and your relationship too much to do that again. but for now, you'd like to take things at an easy pace. is he ok with that?

LegacyUser

Timeframes matter. How long have you been in this relationship? If it's under six months understandable, if it's nearer a year it's a concern. How long will you wait to hear or accept his words?

Are you prepared to lose him if you hurt him by not returning either the words or the feelings?

You are in danger of your fears becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. Your real fear is rejection or loss but you're likely to cause it by pushing folk away.

Going by the title of your post, irrespective of whether you are in or out of a relationship I wouldn't suggest counselling.

Annasopra

Perhsps op if your insecurities are that deep you should consider counselling

Paddy Cow

Lovequestion wrote: »

Despite being very early stages, the other person has told me that they love me.

I'd be very cautious about this. Sure it can happen that people fall in love very quickly and stay together forever but that is rare. There have been loads of threads on this forum from people who's relationship started out great and then they got ghosted. There are plenty of people out there who love bomb their partner and are addicted to the thrill of the beginning of a relationship and then drop them. I'd be wary of someone who got too intense, too quick.