Sex drive

LegacyUser

So just need some advice
With my boyfriend for a year and a half.
In the beginning he literally couldn't keep his hands off me and we would have been intimate about 4 or 5 times a week. He even said at the start that he has always had a high sex drive.
Fast forward to now and its once a week or less. This has been the way for the past few months. He has started a new gym routine and is often sore or tired most evenings so he just falls asleep when we get to bed.

I can't help thinking he has gone off sex with me or became bored of it. And it really is upsetting me.
In all other areas the relationship is perfect and we have lots of serious plans for our future and he is fully committed.

Do I bring it up in conversation with him?

Xterminator

Hi Op

in a good relationship, yes you do communicate issues that are affecting you.

I suggest you have this conversation outside of the bedroom, and in an adult and calm a manner as possible. Don't say 'you are' or apportion blame, say 'i feel' when expressing whats happening and how it makes you feel. If he is committed he will listen and care about your feelings, and this expereince could actually strengthen your relationship over the long term.

There could be many reasons why this is happening, and the strangers on the internet do not know your BF better than you. Good luck.

LolaJJ

Hey OP,

I'm only speaking from my own experience but I think a decline in sex isn't that uncommon....

And it can also be combined with other factors.

I'm with my bf 2 years, we were in the 5 - 6 times a week category for the first year, then we moved in together and our lifestyles really started to create a barrier. I go to bed at 10pm to be up at 6am in the morning, he stays up till 1am and will sleep later. Overtime I felt sad that he wasn't coming to bed with me and sex seemed to only happen on weekend mornings (and a few failed attempts when we'd been drinking too much). But everything else was fine.

I eventually said it to him and he was as surprised as I was, he just had not noticed. He was so content and happy that he was just going with the flow and not thinking about it. Kind of knowing we could have sex whenever he wanted so reserving it for when it was more convenient. It's not very romantic, but it kind of makes sense when you think about it. When we are on holidays or away we do it a lot more or occasionally we'll have a random passionate moment when we get home from work.

Really, you just have to talk to him but I don't think it's a cause for concern just yet

ILoveYourVibes

Do you make an effort with make up and underwear etc still?

Separate bathrooms also a good idea. Call me old fashioned.

You have to keep the fantasy up.

Its a nicer way than talking about it and deflating his ego.

Also remember he does do a lot for you. Real relationships have different priorities as lola says its very common for things to decline.

Dtp1979

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Do you make an effort with make up and underwear etc still?

Separate bathrooms also a good idea. Call me old fashioned.

You have to keep the fantasy up.

Its a nicer way than talking about it and deflating his ego.

Also remember he does do a lot for you. Real relationships have different priorities as lola says its very common for things to decline.

Separate bathrooms? And Avoid communication? Jaysus, you really do come out with some crackers on here. Mind boggling

ILoveYourVibes

Dtp1979 wrote: »

Separate bathrooms? And Avoid communication? Jaysus, you really do come out with some crackers on here. Mind boggling

I didn't think letting a guy see you at your worst would be a turn on.

And men don't generally like relationship conversations.

There are other ways of communicating that work better.

Dtp1979

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

I didn't think letting a guy see you at your worst would be a turn on.

And men don't generally like relationship conversations.

There are other ways of communicating that work better.

You don’t need to use the bathroom at the same time.

No, the best way of communicating is usually talking. Wearing more makeup isn’t exactly communicating

ILoveYourVibes

Dtp1979 wrote: »

You don’t need to use the bathroom at the same time.

No, the best way of communicating is usually talking. Wearing more makeup isn’t exactly communicating

I really don't think this twoing and froing between the two us is helpful.

Dtp1979

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

I really don't think this twoing and froing between the two us is helpful.

I do. I’d like to let the op know that communication isn’t based on how sexy you dress or how much makeup you wear. It’s about having a conversation with your partner. I’ll d fear for the op if they took your strange advice.

Honeydew3456

Definitely bring it up with him and maybe in a fun way. If you are into it...perhaps suggesting some kink, next level exploration with eachother etc, might just be enough to get that drive back up and where you want it.

Although you might be doing that already, in which case ignore the above lol

MartyMcFly84

So just need some advice
With my boyfriend for a year and a half.
In the beginning he literally couldn't keep his hands off me and we would have been intimate about 4 or 5 times a week. He even said at the start that he has always had a high sex drive.
Fast forward to now and its once a week or less. This has been the way for the past few months. He has started a new gym routine and is often sore or tired most evenings so he just falls asleep when we get to bed.

I can't help thinking he has gone off sex with me or became bored of it. And it really is upsetting me.
In all other areas the relationship is perfect and we have lots of serious plans for our future and he is fully committed.

Do I bring it up in conversation with him?

I think this is fairly common for relationships to be much more sexually driven early on which slows down as the relationship progresses. Once a week is not bad at all. Relationships become more about spending time together as partners, and deep friendship on top of the physical connection.

With regards to training, I have been involved with intense training and counting down time until I could get to bed. If he is training intensely he will be thinking about food then bed, and sex would be the last thing on his mind until rest day. Again this is normal and not something I would worry about.

who used to initiate the 4 or 5 times a week, OP?

who initiates now?