Toilet issues 3 1/2 year old

Amos123

Hi,
Just wondering if anyone has any experience of 3 1/2 year old suddenly having poo accidents?

She was trained at 2 1/2 and had no problems for 6 months. She got a little bit constipated a few times but I found a dose of laxose worked and she went back to normal.
Took her to doctor in April and she said she wasn't very constipated but put her on laxido to regulate her but I found she often didn't take a full dose as this is dissolved and she wouldn't always finish the drink. I resorted back to laxose and she's been having 5ml morning and evening ever since.

She has been really bad for the last few weeks and is having almost constant accidents, both at home and in crèche. I'm starting to worry maybe she is holding her poo as I have been watching her closely and she will often crouch in a corner or sit and pull her knees up. I'll ask if she wants to go but she'll say no even tho I can see by her face something is going on. Then she'll act as if nothing happened but I'll get a smell and question her. She'll deny she did one until I check her panties and then she'll admit it. Sometimes if I can't check immediately she will admit it after a few minutes.
I have tried everything....being understanding incase she can't control it...,getting firm and threatening nappies.....getting angry....,explaining that she'll get sick if she hold in her poo....started a reward chart at weekend but she had accidents so I'm not too confident it will work.
She'll sometimes do a poo in the toilet and be fine for rest of day, then the second day she'll have small stains in panties, then day 3 could be large poos in panties (to the point where they are well beyond washing!!). I must have dumped 20+ panties in the past few weeks.
I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do next......anybody have any advice???
She's quite clever so I don't think it's a lack of understanding

shesty

To be honest, I have a bit of an ongoing problem with poos with my now 5 year old, all along. She makes it to the loo just barely most of the time and sometimes not at all. If I ask does she have to go, she will say no. And I mean she could be cross-legged and knock-kneed, struggling to stand, and she will still say no.

Do you think she still really needs the laxative? It sounds like she is struggling to control when she needs to go, and the laxative could be causing that problem. They get really embarrassed by it I think, which is probably why she is behaving the way she is.

I know the more attention it gets here, the more embarrassed she gets, and the more she will deny it.It's really tough though.I have started to say "show me that you don't need to go"...and somehow that seems to get a better reaction (don't ask me why...). Could you stop the laxative and just make sure she is eating plenty of fruit and doing lots of exercise to try and keep her fairly regular?

Amos123

I never thought the laxose could be causing the problems but now that you mention it, it's probably with a try to see if stopping it makes any difference. She doesn't eat a lot of fruit, she might eat lots one day and go 2 days without touching any even though it's always in her lunchbox!! She can be a bit fussy which is why I was trying so hard to prevent constipation by continuing the dose.

shesty

Well it's just a thought.My three year old (my second), was really good at toilet training, but she had a bit of a dose of diarrohea a while ago, and I found it really took her by surprise, probably just the suddeness of how it happens.She was struggling then to tell the difference between just wind and having to actually go for a few weeks.I think maybe they stop dead (noticed this with my older girl) and become afraid to move because they know it will come out if they do move and they can't control it.I think my older one has a tendency to hold it in until it can't be held any longer, resulting in the same underwear problems here....

I just wonder would the laxative be creating a slightly diarrohea effect for her.I could be wrong now.I think the main problem with my eldest is total fear of missing out on what is going on that she won't take the time to stop and go until she is desperate - is your girl a bit like that??

Unfortunately I don't have an actual solution, more like some random thoughts!!

Amos123

I don't think it's being afraid to miss something as very often it can happen when it's just the two of us at home! I certainly think stopping the laxose is worth a try just to see if it does make any difference. It's not something I would have thought to do if I'm honest!

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply!!

iamwhoiam

Are her poos constipated or runny ? Is she forcing it or is it staining her pants and runny ?

Amos123

When she does a poo in the toilet it's usually a large well formed poo. What appears in her panties can be mixed.....sometimes it appears to be soft and runny and sometimes a bit dry looking. She doesn't ever force it as far as I can see. It's more that she appears to be trying to stop it coming out rather than encourage it!

iamwhoiam

Amos123 wrote: »

When she does a poo in the toilet it's usually a large well formed poo. What appears in her panties can be mixed.....sometimes it appears to be soft and runny and sometimes a bit dry looking. She doesn't ever force it as far as I can see. It's more that she appears to be trying to stop it coming out rather than encourage it!

When they get constipated they can get what looks like diarrhoea but in fact is liquid seeping out around a hard stool
They have no control over that kind of seepage . So she might be constipated yet leaking at the same time

Amos123

Could she still be constipated while on the laxose?? That's what's confusing me as I felt she shouldn't be constipated while on that!

iamwhoiam

Amos123 wrote: »

Could she still be constipated while on the laxose?? That's what's confusing me as I felt she shouldn't be constipated while on that!

She could if it not enough to keep her loose . Keep an eye if you think it’s seeping out and if she is holding on until she gets constipated . Its a fine balance .

shesty

I so hate toilet training.....

Neyite

Building in a routine of when to go is important. Eating often stimulates the bowel so establish a habit of going to try in the bathroom after breakfast. Then if there's no movement, then they try after lunch, or after dinner. Remind them that there has to be one every day.

In our son's case he would go and it would be fine, but then we would get busy and forget when his last movement and he wouldn't have gone without prompting and fibbing when we would ask. Then he'd get sore and uncomfortable and in turn that made him afraid to go. He's got loads of dinky cars so I explained it like a traffic jam to him and lined up the cars to show him.

We had a small whiteboard in the bathroom that he got to draw a poo emoji on when he was successful and this proved to be a big hit. After the routine was norm, the chart changed to one for learning to wipe properly. I stopped getting angry or annoyed at any soiling because it only had the effect of making him go off and hide or hold it more, compounding the problem.

So for us, it was the habit of trying, a bit of explaining the process, the poo chart, and not making it a disciplinary issue was what cracked it for us.

A creche worker told us that most toddlers have issues in this area after toilet training, so most of us have been down that road. It might be that if there is constipation you need to continue with the lactulose until the bowel retrains itself but read up on it first and check with a doctor before administering anything on a regular basis. But you can do that in conjunction with the above things easily enough.

Best of luck!

Neyite

Amos123 wrote: »

Could she still be constipated while on the laxose?? That's what's confusing me as I felt she shouldn't be constipated while on that!

Possibly. If you read up on impaction a bit you'll know if your daughter's movements sound similar. If it's severe it can stretch the bowel so that it makes it more difficult for the child to feel a normal BM so they don't think they need to go, so they don't and then it becomes a cycle. So in severe cases the bowel needs a longer program of laxative so that it can go back to it's normal size over time and function normally. But usually most children aren't as severe cases as that and get back to normal quick enough.

Amos123

Thanks to everybody who posted. Went back to doctor who doubled the dose of laxose. Said the warmer weather may have contributed too if she wasn't drinking enough fluid. We'll see how it goes on the higher dose.....hopefully it will be enough to solve the problem!

shesty

Amos, resurrecting to see did this work for you?We now have this problem since Thursday with our older girl and a I am at my wits end.She is not straining or holding it or anything,she is just doing tiny bits in her underwear all day.We are away, so I will be bringing her to a doctor when we get home, but I am at a loss how to deal with this.

iamwhoiam

shesty wrote: »

Amos, resurrecting to see did this work for you?We now have this problem since Thursday with our older girl and a I am at my wits end.She is not straining or holding it or anything,she is just doing tiny bits in her underwear all day.We are away, so I will be bringing her to a doctor when we get home, but I am at a loss how to deal with this.

Can you go to a pharmacist and ask for advice there ? She might be dehydrated so give her plenty of water . Try pure orange juice first thing on an empty stomach too

shesty

Definitely, pharmacist is on our agenda for today.Getting as much liquid and soft fruit into her as possible-last few days have been out of her routine between one thing and another.But I want to see what a pharmacist thinks of a stool softener or something.She is not having accidents exactly, it's like tiny amounts keep coming out into her underwear.She always announces at the top of her voice (no matter where we are!!) That she has done it though (or tries to go clean it up herself-poor kid), which can be a bit mortifying from a five year old!!

iamwhoiam

shesty wrote: »

Definitely, pharmacist is on our agenda for today.Getting as much liquid and soft fruit into her as possible-last few days have been out of her routine between one thing and another.But I want to see what a pharmacist thinks of a stool softener or something.She is not having accidents exactly, it's like tiny amounts keep coming out into her underwear.She always announces at the top of her voice (no matter where we are!!) That she has done it though (or tries to go clean it up herself-poor kid), which can be a bit mortifying from a five year old!!

Poor pet , she is most likely constipated and had no control over the leakage . A hard stool can break off tiny amounts and just fall out . Give her a big bowl of grapes with a glass of water .
This too will pass !

shesty

iamwhoiam wrote: »

This too will pass !

My mantra to survive life with small kids!!!!

Mad_maxx

shesty wrote: »

Amos, resurrecting to see did this work for you?We now have this problem since Thursday with our older girl and a I am at my wits end.She is not straining or holding it or anything,she is just doing tiny bits in her underwear all day.We are away, so I will be bringing her to a doctor when we get home, but I am at a loss how to deal with this.

Our boy will be three in four weeks, started training nearly six months ago, if we left him in his underwear, he would still go through half a dozen pairs of pants per day yet my fiancé refuses to believe there is any problem, he dribbles all day, she won't even accept that five months is a long time