Man doesn't know how to poop

Potential-Monke

So this was brought to my attention this morning, it's only a minute or so long, and well worth it:

Basically, the dude in this, for his entire life, when needing to poop was sitting down, wrapping his hand in toilet paper and pooping into his hand, repeat, wash hands, end. He seems genuine about this, and I really don't think he's trolling after watching the video above. 'This is why you wash your hands'. As one comment said, this dudes momma thinks she potty trained her child...

The more I think about it, the less I want to believe he's not trolling, but, but... I dunno. What thinks AH?

Deebles McBeebles

This deserves a proper discussion on the Etiquette thread.

endacl

Jaysus.

It’s a bit early in the day for “that’s enough Internet for the day”...

.Charlo

Paging Johnny Flash and Emmet spiceland.

mad muffin

Aaaaaand that’s how I will poop from now on. Catching my shït before it lands in the toilet. :pac:

brevity

This is weird.

theteal

Nope not buying that, "you mean you let your sh!t fall into the toilet?". . .

Why dafuq am I even responding to this. . . .

FFred

Yippee... another poop thread .

TuringBot47

Some people are dealt a crap hand in life.

GLaDOS

Yeah, no.

Bobblehats

Drittle

Kermit.de.frog

Can we merge the poop threads?

Boom_Bap

Kermit.de.frog wrote: »

Can we merge the poop threads?

Sh*t idea!

cherryghost

Kermit.de.frog wrote: »

Can we merge the poop threads?

I'd rather not have one boards thread

kneemos

He's had a scuttery hole at some stage. Bet he didn't grab that.

Ragnar Lothbrok

I suppose it would prevent splash back and/or noisy deposits.

Also, WTF does he do when he's had 14 pints of Guinness and a curry or two the previous night? How would he catch all the splattery stuff?

So, weighing it up, I've decided that I will not be following his example.

Deebles McBeebles

Kermit.de.frog wrote: »

Can we merge the poop threads?

Cross the streams? Oof, dangerous.

tedpan

Seriously though, what was that dude thinking?

EmmetSpiceland

Ragnar Lothbrok wrote: »

I suppose it would prevent splash back and/or noisy deposits.

Also, WTF does he do when he's had 14 pints of Guinness and a curry or two the previous night? How would he catch all the splattery stuff?

So, weighing it up, I've decided that I will not be following his example.

You can easily avoid the “splash back” or “Neptune’s Kiss, as it’s called, by taking a liberal amount of toilet paper and placing it directly onto the “splashzone” where it acts as a “buffer” and stops any discomfort.

Deebles McBeebles

Ragnar Lothbrok wrote: »

Also, WTF does he do when he's had 14 pints of Guinness and a curry or two the previous night? How would he catch all the splattery stuff?

Two hands???

Boom_Bap

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Two hands???

Shapes them into a funnel.

Zorya

Deebles McBeebles

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Shapes them into a funnel.

I see absolutely no problems with that. None.

Boom_Bap

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

I see absolutely no problems with that. None.

Instead of toilet paper, have some coffee filters on standby to fit into hands funnel.

Outlaw Pete

Flutt to reception please, Flutt to reception.

Potential-Monke

kneemos wrote: »

He's had a scuttery hole at some stage. Bet he didn't grab that.

He did, but that's 'why you wash your hands'.

Since this is no ordinary poo thread, watch this video about the halfway mark.
In some Establishments in Japan, one can turn on music to drown out other people's groans, also just a flush g sky d, no actual liquid flush
https://youtu.be/0uOt3kXY4bw

SEPT 23 1989

Do apes not cr@p in their paws and fire it around the place?

kowloon

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

Flutt to reception please, Flutt to reception.

People have forgotten

TuringBot47

I wonder do ice-cream men poop in a spiral like an ice cream...

RMAOK

kowloon wrote: »

People have forgotten

Not everyone......

kowloon

TuringBot47 wrote: »

I wonder do ice-cream men poop in a spiral like an ice cream...

If they live solely off their own product I can pretty much guarantee it.

RMAOK wrote: »

Not everyone......

TuringBot47

Outlaw Pete wrote: »

Flutt to reception please, Flutt to reception.

And by reception you mean the taxi handler office...

FFred

Flutt is back aka JohnnyFlash and EmmetSpiceland.

padd b1975

brevity wrote: »

This is weird.

It works for him.

Who are we to say what's right and wrong??

Zorya

padd b1975 wrote: »

Who are we to say what's right and wrong??

Zorya

Zorya wrote: »

You forgot to add

Do not violate the Prime Directive.

TuringBot47

Deleted User wrote: »

You forgot to add

Do not violate the Prime Directive.

That would stop us from helping culchies.

kowloon

Can opened. Worms everywhere.

The guy has worms too?

EmmetSpiceland

I’m still confused by all of this. Dumping onto a papered hand must be an incredibly risky manoeuvre. I mean, you’re relying the integrity of toilet paper and a controlled arse.

Would he not be better off fashioning some sort of “bird’s nest” out of the paper, placing that into the bowl like a crown and then poop into that?

Or perhaps he could sling paper across the bowl itself, back and forth a few times, then putting the seat down to hold it in place. It would be like some form of “poop hammock” and would mean he wouldn’t have to “feed” the bowl by hand.

Deebles McBeebles

We know not, Emmet. There may be some sort of tactile pleasure from the whole thing.

Might be worth a shot if you had great confidence in the solidity of your leavings.

EmmetSpiceland

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

We know not, Emmet. There may be some sort of tactile pleasure from the whole thing.

Might be worth a shot if you had great confidence in the solidity of your leavings.

I’d be fairly confident this week but I just don’t think I really want to even try.

For one thing you’re “flying blind”, unless you’re supposed to “hover” a bit and look back through your own legs.

Also, I’d find the heat permeating through the folded paper “bed” quite disconcerting. Bad energy. You’d be washing that hand for hours after.

Deebles McBeebles

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

For one thing you’re “flying blind”, unless you’re supposed to “hover” a bit and look back through your own legs.

That's the part that stumps me. It must be trial and error on the hand placement. A few goes in the shower first maybe.

Ragnar Lothbrok

I think that everyone who has contributed to this thread has a solemn duty to perform this particular manoeuvre over the coming weekend.

It's the perfect weekend to study this as it's a long weekend and we can see what differences there are between the relatively stable, solid deposits on a Friday morning compared to the liquid scutters of the Monday night/Tuesday morning.

We owe this to science, people.

EmmetSpiceland

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

That's the part that stumps me. It must be trial and error on the hand placement. A few goes in the shower first maybe.

That’s not going to be much fun.

Especially when you have to decide do you want to pick up the turd(s) with a bunch of paper and transport it to the toilet manually or whether you'll just go the old fashioned route and “toe” it down the drain.

Deebles McBeebles

Any findings to report?

Hamsterchops

FFred wrote: »

Yippee... another poop thread .

Yeah, whatever happened to poo? we always said poo here, while the americans added a p to the end, we don't have to copy them bro...

Ragnar Lothbrok

Deebles McBeebles wrote: »

Any findings to report?

I just couldn't do it.

I was really hoping that if I suggested it, other Boardsies might take up the challenge.

EmmetSpiceland

Ragnar Lothbrok wrote: »

I just couldn't do it.

I was really hoping that if I suggested it, other Boardsies might take up the challenge.

Don’t try it. And I couldn’t condone anyone recommending others do it either. It’s unnecessarily “dangerous”.

Just “paper down” and go on that if you want to stop any unwanted “splash back”, another user on this site referred to it as a “fireman’s blanket”.