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Family home after separation

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,356 ✭✭✭ maestroamado


    I don't think people who betray could be considered victims...



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]




  • Registered Users Posts: 4,356 ✭✭✭ maestroamado




  • Registered Users Posts: 723 ✭✭✭ Paul_Mc1988


    With regards to the stoner part you picked him for a partner which is on you as much as its on him.

    Women don't always come out better but they do the majority of the time.

    What you might find reasonable may be well of the mark.

    Example you bought the house for 150k. It's now worth 300k. You put down a deposit of 15k (7.5k each) and you have paid the whole morgage since then as he was the stay at home dad(the courts won't care if you say he's a stoner etc) .


    Let say there is a 100k left on the morgage so there is 200k equity. A reasonable offer would be 100k, which is half, which is what he would be entitled to.


    If he turned this down in mediation the courts will not like it. So you may be onto a good case unless you low balled him.


    I seen your post about having to pay the bills and mortgage and advice for the man to stay was nothing short of criminal... if it was a woman and the man was paying the bills would it be criminal for her to stay??...

    Welcome to the 21st century where we get closer to equality everyday.



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  • Registered Users Posts: 198 ✭✭ anamcheasta


    My sympathies. The delays in the family courts are screaming out for a legal case to be brought against the government of Ireland to the European Commission on Human Rights. It is savage, inhumane and in breach of a wide range of human and civil rights. Add to this how the legal industry in reality act as a protection racket - "you'll be able to fulfil your rights if you pay us an awful lot of money and the more money you pay the more rights we'll get you" - and what's going on is easily one of the great scandals of modern Ireland. Like the scandals of the 1950s were ignored then, people in power don't talk about the callous inhumanity of the family courts today.



  • Registered Users Posts: 195 ✭✭ delboythedub


    Thank F**k im Single



  • Registered Users Posts: 198 ✭✭ anamcheasta




  • Registered Users Posts: 4,356 ✭✭✭ maestroamado


    Its not the people in power that are at fault... its the people that accept the norm that is created by the legal profession... Irish people are good at wakes and funerals but we have no real humanity or compassion when it comes to family stuff... we look after our own brood and fcuk everyone else...



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  • Registered Users Posts: 884 ✭✭✭ Salvation Tambourine


    Looking for some advice on my own situation. Two weeks ago I informed my wife that I wanted to end our relationship. Since then she has also accepted that the relationship should end although she does go through different waves of emotion. We have a house that we both own and pay a mortgage on and a young child together.

    She is not from Ireland and doesn't not have parents here. Initially I agreed to moving to my parents' house while we gave each other some space and distance to revaluate and reassess after a few months apart. We will have the baby two nights on, two nights off.

    However, after reading this thread I'm having second thoughts about even temporarily moving to my parents'. My clothes and belongings were to stay in the family home and I'd take what I needed for a week when dropping off and picking up my daughter.

    I'm in a fortunate position that I may be able to buy my wife out of the mortgage and currently we both think it's the right option.

    Would moving to my parents' as outlined above qualify as leaving the family home? Looking for some advice as my u-turn requesting more time in the family home has caused tension as both of us have checked out of the relationship.



  • Registered Users Posts: 723 ✭✭✭ Paul_Mc1988


    Yes if you leave it and she goes legal she will likely get use of the house until the child is 18/finished education. If you have a spare room move into that.

    Start the buying her out process straight away and try to come to a fair amicable arrangement without getting solicitor involved (yous will need a solicitor for the deed assignment/mortgage but this will not cost much)



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Does you're wife have any family or close friends in this country? You may not have an issue with keeping your house.



  • Registered Users Posts: 884 ✭✭✭ Salvation Tambourine


    She does have close family here yeah but moving there isn't really an option for her.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I was suggesting that if she doesn't have support here, going home could be an option for her.



  • Registered Users Posts: 102 ✭✭ ahappychappy


    I would strongly recommend mediation if you can manage it. There is the possibility of her wanting to go home to have a support network. Factors such as is she in full time employment - does she have earning capacity to fund a mortgage? Mediation will give you both space to try and work out the details.

    I (wife) separated in 2016 two kids, no property involved. He is unfortunately is impacted with severe mental health issues - so a messy sad situation.

    Mediation helped me work with him to move out of a family home rental. Mediation helped us agree reasonable parenting boundaries. It was very hard work but it has paid dividends in setting us up for the day to day after separation. He says he is never going to agree to a divorce and I dont have the funds to get legal advice. Honestly it helped me see how challenging communicating with him was and having a professional explain boundaries was really helpful to myself as it stopped me feeling everything was my fault. There is guilt in calling time on an unhappy/unhealthy marriage - mediation was helpful to put a light on ours and show up the issues.

    Honestly there are cases where you can clearly see unfairness in the past. I would like to think the number of divorce cases and research into the aftermaths for kids would inform judiciary going forward in making balanced child centric decisions. Try the mediation I hope it is helpful to you.



  • Registered Users Posts: 3,327 ✭✭✭ FishOnABike


    @ahappychappy would you qualify for legal aid?

    Divorce doesn't require the consent of both parties. If you are separated since 2016 you would appear to meet the preconditions for divorce http://revisedacts.lawreform.ie/eli/1996/act/33/section/5/revised/en/html

    If you don't qualify for legal aid it may be worth speaking to someone in a citizen's information centre, family resource centre or FLAC clinic to explore your options.



  • Registered Users Posts: 102 ✭✭ ahappychappy


    Unfortunately I don't qualify for legal aid. Conversation with solicitor and citizens advice indicated it will cost way out of my budget which honestly is just breaking even pretty much every month. If things were agreeable it might be achieved but the non agreement means it will cost money. I also have to be mindful of (emotional blackmail) his mental health and any action which would impact it will impact our kids.

    I know it is a control issue. When the kids are older (no childcare cost) hopefully I can move forward then. I admit my guilt may be a factor also as I am often reminded I made a life long vow. I will get there one day, my kids joke I can then marry Aquaman.



  • Registered Users Posts: 102 ✭✭ ahappychappy





  • Registered Users Posts: 198 ✭✭ anamcheasta


    I was told that getting a separation and a divorce is pretty much the same cost so save money by not bothering with separation and just go for the divorce. Is this true?



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