Is it too late to say “I love you” now?

LegacyUser

A friend told me that they loved me and wanted to be with me almost 2 years ago. I told them that I didn’t have romantic feelings for them and I ended the friendship as I was still married [unhappily] at the time. I felt I couldn’t remain friends with this person because of the depth of their feelings. This was the biggest mistake of my life and I’ve regretted it everyday since.

The truth is, I’d fallen very deeply in love with them too and I was finding it difficult to contain my feelings. It would only have been a matter of time before the relationship would’ve become sexual. I felt cutting ties was for the best.

My marriage is now officially over. I’m satisfied I did everything I could but it couldn’t be saved in the end. My question is should I leave my friend be or should I come clean and tell them how much I love them? To the best of my knowledge they’re not in another relationship. I doubt they would want me but I feel they deserve to know the truth. The chemistry they felt was real, it wasn’t in their head. I love them and I have done for about 4 years but felt I couldn’t act on it while I was married. Please help me do the right thing.

never_mind

You’re going to get a lot of ‘leave them alone you had your choice’ comments here but I would suggest otherwise. I say contact them and ask them out for a drink for a catch up. See what they say. Explain yourself then and be honest. Life is too short to be second guessing.

zapper55

Are you actually seperated from your husband/wife? As in living separately? If so tell your friend everything. If not you need to get yourself sorted before you get somebody else involved.

CoBo55

Contact them, nothing ventured nothing gained. If you're single and they're single it should work out. You did right not seeing them while you were still married.

Calypso Realm

I would definitely go ahead and contact them.

However, in their position I would most certainly be wondering why you actually denied your feelings so strongly (to them) the first time and you're now coming clean. After all you could just have said you were married and left it at that! So be prepared for this. Also and while I'm not suggesting you intend to, I'd refrain from coming on too strong with your declarations in the beginning!

Good luck!

joeguevara

Contact them but only if it won't affect you too badly if they don't feel the same. Also if you cut them out it may have affected them badly especially at a time when they were vulnerable. One thing to think about is this person did this while you were married which would be concerning that they didn't value a persons relationship. Now this could be explained if you had confided in them about the relationship being bad and as good as over.

Finally, is it possible that you you have these feelings because you are feeling alone and have built a fantasy. If your feelings are real then do what's best for you. Don't do it from a misguided feeling that they deserve to know. Also don't be so hard on yourself thinking they won't want you as self defeatism might sabotage a relationship before it begins. Don't go in a million miles an hour saying you love them. You love the person you knew 4 years ago. People change in that time. Meet them. See how you get on. Go from there. I hope you are ok and everything works out for you.

LegacyUser

I wouldn't contact them. You don't know the turmoil they may have gone through getting over the rejection.

They may have just found the balance in their life and it would bring back emotions. People can change and what if you decide you don't actually like them after contacting them?

I'm speaking as a guy who was in love with a friend (but never told them). The only remedy was distance and no contact. I wouldnt like to be in the situation where old feelings are stirred up again.

wiggle16

never_mind wrote: »

You’re going to get a lot of ‘leave them alone you had your choice’ comments here but I would suggest otherwise. I say contact them and ask them out for a drink for a catch up. See what they say. Explain yourself then and be honest. Life is too short to be second guessing.

This. Life is way too short.

Kidchameleon

You did it the right way. Ie. You didnt have an affair. Now go for it. Life is too short. Good luck

LegacyUser

I’m going to be frank OP. You’re being very selfish wanting to barge back in to this woman or man’s life. You had your chance to say you loved them a couple of years ago when they shared their feelings. You blew it! you rejected them and undoubtedly caused them pain. My advice would be move on and leave them alone.

xi5yvm0owc1s2b

Contact them and explain everything you've posted here. It's possible that it won't work out now, but you won't know till you try. If you've been in love with this person for 4 years, and they with you, then I think you owe it to both of you at least to have the conversation and see where things go. Best of luck, OP.

Mr. Incognito

Leave them alone wrote: »

I’m going to be frank OP. You’re being very selfish wanting to barge back in to this woman or man’s life. You had your chance to say you loved them a couple of years ago when they shared their feelings. You blew it! you rejected them and undoubtedly caused them pain. My advice would be move on and leave them alone.

This is nonsense.

If someone expects their crush to leave a marriage for them they would never be secure if they married that person.

I would rather date someone who had the dignity to try and make their marriage work rather than run off on a whim.

It shows integrity and sacrafice.

Yes- contact them and tell them how you feel. They deserve that at least

After that it's their choice.

Yellow pack crisps

There is only one way to find out if it’s too late.

FishOnABike

"IN THE END… We only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have,and the decisions we waited too long to make."
- Lewis Carroll

You will never know unless you try. Contact them and sound them out. Take it as it comes, you may renew a friendship or begin a whole new relationship. If you don't you will always be left wondering what might have been.