Boyfriends skewed money views..

dartboardio

Hi all

Just want to get a few opinions here.

I think my bf has a weird take on money/lending etc.

He is a generous person and if he has money he will happily spend it in others. Hed be the first to buy people shots or an extra round for example if he had money in his pocket. Weve often went on a night out and hed have say €25 but hed spend it on all of us rather than just himself. Where as me if I only had €25 id make sure that was only spent on drinks for myself and/ him.

Just had an arguement because hes lending me €60 to visit the GP tomorrow that i will give back to him in 2 weeks.

He ran an event a few nights ago and got extra than what he thought he would (700) this is alot for him and us as hes on SW. We have no bills or kids so this was technically fun money.

Hes now giving out cause he had to give me a loan of €60 out of the remaining €300. For context I earn more and would usually be the one handing out loans (and never giving out about it)..

Ive often left him off with €50 here and there and always sort him out with whatever.

Ive booked a month holiday for us aswell and only asked him for €300 towards the total cost for flights and accom (about 1600) and never complain one bit about that i just let him think thats 'his half'

Please give me some advice it makes me upset when we have total different views on things.

I suppose my arguement is i would give him money at the drop of a hat not bat an eyelid. Now hes sulking that most of his money is gone and that he had to lend me this 60.

I think he lacks common sense when it comes to things like this which could possibly stem from having adhd years ago. For example if he owed someone €20 he would think 'you should thank me. I just gave you €20'

Im not ending the relationship or anything of the sort. Just upsets me how hard it is when someone else has a completely different point of view and an arguement goes nowhere because of the way our minds work on a certain matter.

Really in the grand scheme of things its nothing and in 2 days wont matter. Its just disheartening when you cant find the ground level in an arguement and the other person fails to see the main line..it just feels like a slap in the face when someone makes a huge deal of doing something you do at the drop of a hat. Like double standards i guess....

ted1

<SNIP>
Is he declaring his ‘fun money’ while claiming SW?

Kevin Finnerty

300 for a night's work and on the dole! Skewed alright.

dartboardio

ted1 wrote: »

Is he declaring his ‘fun money’ while claiming SW?

Ah here. Its a once off event in a byob venue that happened to get more door sales than we expected.

Stick to the point will ye.

dartboardio

Kevin Finnerty wrote: »

300 for a night's work and on the dole! Skewed alright.

Emmm..

1 night every 6 months.

Please stick to the point of the thread or don't bother.

JeffKenna

Report him for fraud? That'll teach him.

dartboardio

JeffKenna wrote: »

Report him for fraud? That'll teach him.

Haha. 700 by the 52 weeks of the year €13.. Twice a year... Looks like hes some scammer alright working out at an extra €6.50 per week.

I wouldnt be giving up my day job anyway

Paudee

I normally hate the way people get up on their high horses but; going on holidays for a month while on social welfare is taking the proverbial.*

*Posted while at my second job.

dartboardio

Paudee wrote: »

I normally hate the way people get up on their high horses but; going on holidays for a month while on social welfare is taking the proverbial.*

*Posted while at my second job.

Yes if you actually read the original post youd see we do not have any large expenses or children.

And I paid for most of the holiday expenses.

Jesus!

SteM

SW. A month's holiday. €700 'fun money'. Nights out with shots and extra rounds.

I shouldn't read threads like this when I'm just home from work.

JeffKenna

dartboardio wrote: »

Haha. 700 by the 52 weeks of the year €13.. Twice a year... Looks like hes some scammer alright working out at an extra €6.50 per week.

I wouldnt be giving up my day job anyway

To be fair you're painting a desperate picture.

- On social welfare
- scamming the system
- always buying drinks for others
- month long holidays

**** me what am I doing working paying for this??

beertons

Would it not make more sense to put the money towards the holiday, and not on shots?

dartboardio

Lads in all fairness.

If ye took the time to read the actual post.. We are a young couple. I work full time. Hes on SW and does an event every 6 months in a certain area that brings in an unpredictable either small or large amount.

We have no snot nosed sprogs to look after or a mortgage.

We save and i spend my money on holidays.

Yer missing the question completely, forget it anyhow.

Mod ye can close this post if ye like, seems theres no point of a thread in 'Relationship Issues' seems to be a bit of a magnet for the worst here on Boards.

dudara

No dole-bashing comments in here please. Posts should contain helpful constructive advice for the OP.

dudara

beertons wrote: »

Would it not make more sense to put the money towards the holiday, and not on shots?

I think this is what the OP is driving towards. It appears that her boyfriend may not be the best at prioritising and making longer-term, prudent financial decisions.

OP - does he have any savings, or is he a hand-to-mouth type person?

JeffKenna

dartboardio wrote: »

Lads in all fairness.

If ye took the time to read the actual post.. We are a young couple. I work full time. Hes on SW and does an event every 6 months in a certain area that brings in an unpredictable either small or large amount.

We have no snot nosed sprogs to look after or a mortgage.

We save and i spend my money on holidays.

Yer missing the question completely, forget it anyhow.

Mod ye can close this post if ye like, seems theres no point of a thread in 'Relationship Issues' seems to be a bit of a magnet for the worst here on Boards.

I have a serious question for you which I'll probably get an infraction for... What are you doing with him? I can't see any upside... You're paying for the holdiay, giving him money and he won't return the favour when it's his turn!

MTBD

I don't care that he does the odd thing to earn extra money. If it's only twice a year and he gets €700 that wouldn't bother me.

But genuinely, how long has he been on the done? From the tone of your post it sound alike a long time. I've a relative like this. Always looking for easy money on the side to top up his dole and he will buy people shots, rounds etc. But he is as tight as they come when it comes to helping his own family. He's in his 60s now and has been like this all his life.

He's not lazy, just direction less and quite self centred. Your boyfriend sounds similar. If he is, don't expect him to change.

I was on the dole for 6 months in 2013. It was the most immasculating and depressing time of my life. The fact we have a booming economy and he isn't taking advantage of that to get any type of job would worry me big time.

dartboardio

JeffKenna wrote: »

I have a serious question for you which I'll probably get an infraction for... What are you doing with him? I can't see any upside... You're paying for the holdiay, giving him money and he won't return the favour when it's his turn!

Thats more like it.

I love him, and at times when he has more money he would do the same for me. But in situations like lending etc he doesnt seem to gather the jist of it. Basically hes sulking cause he frittered away most of the money and now on top of that has to give away another 60.

Im with him because while it might annoy me every so often when he projects his views its not enough or anywhere near enough for me to end a relationship over.

SteM

dartboardio wrote: »

Thats more like it.

I love him, and at times when he has more money he would do the same for me. But in situations like lending etc he doesnt seem to gather the jist of it. Basically hes sulking cause he frittered away most of the money and now on top of that has to give away another 60.

But he's not giving away another €60, he's lending it to you. What age is he?

GingerLily

He should have given the money to go to the GP, not lent it to you and then sulked, your going out with a selfish child.

Big Bag of Chips

You're attitude to money is skewed if you're booking a month long holiday, not taking his 'half' and yet can't afford €60 for the GP, for another 2 weeks.

If his only income is social welfare, (is it?!) then €60 out of that is a hefty enough sum if its going to leave him short.

I think you both need to adjust your attitude to money, and start living within your means.

dartboardio

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

You're attitude to money is skewed if you're booking a month long holiday, not taking his 'half' and yet can't afford €60 for the GP, for another 2 weeks.

If his only income is social welfare, (is it?!) then €60 out of that is a hefty enough sum if its going to leave him short.

I think you both need to adjust your attitude to money, and start living within your means.

Once again.. Context.

I won't have any money next week as I have been out of work sick unpaid all this week.

I cannot use this weeks wages as I am away for the weekend.


A summer holiday is nothing to do with that if its something you saved months previous for.

Big Bag of Chips

Also OP, you don't get to dictate who replies to you. As we always asks in Personal/Relationship Issues: if you have an issue with a post, report it.

Posting publicly you are likely to hear replies you don't like, or are irrelevant to you. It doesn't mean they should be shut down.

Big Bag of Chips

Why can you not use some of your saved holiday fund to pay for the GP and replace it in 2 weeks?

LegacyUser

OP, have you sat down with him and spoken to him about it? That's the first thing you should be doing. I know you say you're not going to break up, nor should you, but do bear in mind that money issues/lack of compatibility 're money is a big reason for people breaking up. It's one of those things people really need to be on the same page about.

Are you two together long? If I was with someone long term, I wouldn't be "loaning" them money. I'd just be giving it to them and vice versa. Partners support each other.

Re role, if he's on it long term with no inclination of ever getting a job, that would be a huge turn off for me personally. I'd need the person I'm with to want more security. Just something to think about.

dartboardio

cantlogin@@@@@@ wrote: »

OP, have you sat down with him and spoken to him about it? That's the first thing you should be doing. I know you say you're not going to break up, nor should you, but do bear in mind that money issues/lack of compatibility 're money is a big reason for people breaking up. It's one of those things people really need to be on the same page about.

Are you two together long? If I was with someone long term, I wouldn't be "loaning" them money. I'd just be giving it to them and vice versa. Partners support each other.

Re role, if he's on it long term with no inclination of ever getting a job, that would be a huge turn off for me personally. I'd need the person I'm with to want more security. Just something to think about.

Together 3 years at the mo so not really at the 'one big pot of OUR money' just yet i suppose..

At the moment hes in full time college so his sole income is BTEA (should have mentioned that actually.. Hes not on jobseekers sitting at home everyday)

messy tessy

dartboardio wrote: »

Once again.. Context.

I won't have any money next week as I have been out of work sick unpaid all this week.

I cannot use this weeks wages as I am away for the weekend.


A summer holiday is nothing to do with that if its something you saved months previous for.

But it doesn't take away from the fact that you can't afford a doctor's visit, yet are going on a month long holiday? You say you are working so you should really build up your own emergency fund.

Anyway, I am a bit confused reading your post... so on one hand he doesn't mind splashing the cash on drink/ a night out and you say he is very generous in the opening paragraph, but then grumbles over lending you €60 ?
The €300 holiday money bothers me as well, unless he is a 5 year old I can't see how he thinks €300 would cover a month long holiday.

jimbobaloobob

Sounds like you need to explain lending to him. If you're getting €60 off him and returning it he should suck it up with the mood. If on the other hand it's a situation like when you say you lend him the odd €50 and never ask in return then he's got a problem with sharing.
This is worth a read for a theory.
Why I'm posting it is that there's many possible reasons he is the way he is ans it might run deeper than what we know

According to Freud’s theory of psychosexual development, a turning point in a child’s so-called “anal phase” is the moment at which he is taught to use the bathroom, wherein he is forced to relinquish his droppings to his parents—or worse, to the sewer. “A baby has a predisposition to hold on to things,” Long Island University professor of psychology Geoff Goodman tells me. “That includes feces. When you give that up—you lose part of yourself.”

Babies who feel they are in a loving environment may bequeath their poop without a fight. Those who hold on tight (according to Goodman, a baby “gets aroused by holding onto his feces and letting go. Holding on, letting go.”) perhaps don't yet quite trust their parents with the goods. Freud argued that, for the latter, this formative experience of stinginess was apt to follow them their entire lives. Miserly people—those who hoard money, and in Freud’s day, gold—were the same types who hoarded their **** as children.

As it happens, Freud traced his gold-**** analogy back to antiquity, arguing that the relationship between the two was inextricable. “We [know] about the superstition that connects the finding of treasure with defecation," Freud wrote in “Character and Anal Eroticism,” to reinforce the point that on the subconscious level, feces have always been understood as a form of currency. "And everybody is familiar with the figure of '****ter of ducats.'"

But even if gold and feces are connected—at least in the minds of Freud, and Michael Lewis—how does it relate to the gold standard? Simple. The stingy, hoarding, contractionary impulse that we all subconsciously associate with gold finds perhaps its perfect expression in the ideological demands to revert to the gold standard: It is what is driving the fear that the dollar will lose its value unless the government is barred from giving away too much of it. Or as Dr. Judith Schweiger Levy, a Westchester County analyst who studies money, puts it, the gold standard establishes a “sense of control and mastery of this very, very valued object, in effect, that can’t necessarily be flushed away by virtue of inflation.

Copyright 2019 © The New Republic. All rights reserved.

ted1

dartboardio wrote: »

Lads in all fairness.

We are a young couple. I work full time. Hes on SW and does an event every 6 months in a certain area that brings in an unpredictable either small or large amount.
.

We have effectively a zero unemployment rate. There is no reason for a young person to be on the dole for over 6 months. An effictive zero rate means that there’s a job out there for anyone who wants one.

If you stay with him , that’s your future.

Augme

dartboardio wrote: »

. We have no bills or kids so this was technically fun money.
.

And what will yous do when/if you do have kids and bills?

dartboardio

ted1 wrote: »

We have effectively a zero unemployment rate. There is no reason for a young person to be on the dole for over 6 months. An effictive zero rate means that there’s a job out there for anyone who wants one.

If you stay with him , that’s your future.

Hang on now.. I just told ye hes in full time education above.

I should've mentioned earlier hes not on jobseekers hes in college on BTEA.

That will never be my future.. Regardless of what my partners employment is like. Ive worked since 16 and will continue to do so but thanks for your 2 cents.

dartboardio

Augme wrote: »

And what will yous do when/if you do have kids and bills?

We wont be having children anytime in the near future so we dont need to worry about that.

dartboardio

messy tessy wrote: »

But it doesn't take away from the fact that you can't afford a doctor's visit, yet are going on a month long holiday? You say you are working so you should really build up your own emergency fund.

Anyway, I am a bit confused reading your post... so on one hand he doesn't mind splashing the cash on drink/ a night out and you say he is very generous in the opening paragraph, but then grumbles over lending you €60 ?
The €300 holiday money bothers me as well, unless he is a 5 year old I can't see how he thinks €300 would cover a month long holiday.

Absolutely. As someone said above i should've just taken the money out of my holiday fund which can be done but it was just out of convenience i asked him rather than going to the credit union. This thread was written in a bit of a rant but all good now.

Big Bag of Chips

Why couldn't you borrow money from your holiday fund? Borrowing off someone who is living off social welfare is always going to leave them tight (or at least it should).

In a previous thread you mentioned losing your job, so will you have a wage in 2 weeks to pay him back?

If you don't have even a hundred quid in an emergency fund then you need to start building up an emergency fund for things like this. There will always be unexpected expenses. If you can afford to go on a month long holiday, you can afford to have a small bit in 'rainy day' savings.

Edit: Just saw your latest post..

Go to the credit union tomorrow and return his €60 to him. Obviously he can't afford to give it to you right now. It doesn't matter how much money he had last week.. That was last week, and it's gone. Giving you €60 is a struggle for him, so repay it asap.

dartboardio

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Why couldn't you borrow money from your holiday fund? Borrowing off someone who is living off social welfare is always going to leave them tight (or at least it should).

In a previous thread you mentioned losing your job, so will you have a wage in 2 weeks to pay him back?

If you don't have even a hundred quid in an emergency fund then you need to start building up an emergency fund for things like this. There will always be unexpected expenses. If you can afford to go on a month long holiday, you can afford to have a small bit in 'rainy day' savings.

I can do. I asked him out of convenience. Have gotten the €60 now anyway so all fine.

That thread was in relation to a job I left in feb 18. Im in a permanent full time job at the moment out sick the last week.

messy tessy

dartboardio wrote: »

Absolutely. As someone said above i should've just taken the money out of my holiday fund which can be done but it was just out of convenience i asked him rather than going to the credit union. This thread was written in a bit of a rant but all good now.

I think you should read Paulette Perhach's F*** Off fund all the same.

Also I think fundamentally there is a massive difference in your attitudes to money. Maybe he is a lovely guy but from what you have posted here there are a few red flags for me. Just my two cents also!

dartboardio

messy tessy wrote: »

I think you should read Paulette Perhach's F*** Off fund all the same.

Also I think fundamentally there is a massive difference in your attitudes to money. Maybe he is a lovely guy but from what you have posted here there are a few red flags for me. Just my two cents also!

Thanks. Every relationship cant be perfect,and im sure if he was the one writing this id have a few red flags too, hes great in every other area so its not something id be willing to let jeopardize anything.

Anyway thanks everyone for all the replies

iamwhoiam

A partner going into a mood because he is asked for a lend to see a doctor would raise red flags for me . Its childish at best and downright mean and nasty at worst

wiggle16

I don't really know what to tell you. He definitely has a skewed attitude to money, but I think your attitude is a bit short-sighted as well, with respect.

He sounds like he never learned to value money or the mentality to save it. I've honestly never made €700 all in one go or in a week's wages in my life - I wouldn't consider it "fun" money. Someone who has so little coming in each week should be putting a payment like that away for when it's needed, not treating it like it's burning a hole in his pocket, it's silly. I could not deal with a partner like that.

On the other hand, sixty quid is massive money to lend when you're on SW, so I understand him wanting to get it back, he obviously feels he can't spare it but coughed up anyway. I don't see that as the issue though, because if he was more sensible with money generally I doubt you'd feel as let down over this, even if he had said no. Would I be right in saying he doesn't have it to spare because he blew the €700 he should have put aside?

Do you live together, can I ask? I get the impression from your post that you don't, you haven't mentioned any shared bills, so correct me if I've missed it. The trouble is that as your relationship progresses and you begin to build a life together you'll end up having joint financial obligations for things... rent, kids, loans, a car, a mortgage at some point.... or even if you live together now and for some reason don't have bills.... once you do, that's when his attitude to money will stop being a disheartening slight for a few days and be a serious issue. He's getting in a strop over having to put his hand out for a necessary expense, but is happy to throw money around when it comes to recreation/socialising - you can see where this is going to go from a mile off, can you not?

You are, without a doubt, going to be the person budgeting for both of you at some point down the line. His "spend it while you have it" attitude needs to change, because it's a problem. The idea that €300 is his half of a €1600 holiday needs to change as well.
At the same time, putting money away for a holiday to the point that when you're stuck you don't even have money to hand for the doctor is not good management either. I'm not lecturing you, but you both need to change how you manage/view your money if you want to avoid serious issues down the line.

For example if he owed someone €20 he would think 'you should thank me. I just gave you €20'

I have a brother with this exact attitude and it's maddening. I have no advice for how to cope with it, it doesn't tend to change until you stop lending it in the first place, I'm afraid :rolleyes:

dartboardio

wiggle16 wrote: »

<Snip> No need to quote entire post.

Hi, regarding the 700, no it wasnt blown, there was a remaining 300/400 left which is why i was shocked he was hesitant to give me a lend of 60 seen as I am low on money this week due to being out of work sick, i do have savings but as stated above it was more convenient to ask him rather than going out of my way tomorrow to visit the credit union.

I know I need to manage my money better as does he. Thats something I will get better at as the years go on. Its just at the moment I'm young and its easy to blow my weeks wages on holidays or unnecessary stuff! Im learning though.

Again regarding making a large sum like that in one go its the first time thats ever happened to him. Its not like he just took it for granted and blew it in one go. It was a result of putting in work over several months for an event he was running. Thats why we called it fun money. As in we didnt need it to cover bills or car or any large expenses.

wiggle16

dartboardio wrote: »

Hi, regarding the 700, no it wasnt blown, there was a remaining 300/400 left

I should have written 400 rather than 700 because I knew from your OP that there was some left, my bad for the typo, but still. He's getting by on the BTEA so I'm wondering why €400 was spent within a couple of days? Or was it put towards the holiday?

I know you can't save everything, and I know that there are probably things he might have wanted to get/do that he doesn't usually have the money for so the €700 was a welcome windfall. But I'm on a low wage myself and have never made much money in my working life, so I don't understand not putting it or some of it away as just-in-case money and I think it's silly and a bit selfish of him not to. Maybe that's just me.

You haven't answered as to whether you live together, and you don't have to. But if you don't, this needs to be sorted before you take that step.

jlm29

If your babying him, giving him bail outs with money, and letting him think €300 is his half of a holiday payment, it’s understandable that he’s a bit immature when it comes to money. He’ll need to grow up a bit financially or he’ll never have anything, and you’ll have to stop facilitating him for this to happen

dartboardio

wiggle16 wrote: »

<Snip> No need to quote entire post.

Were both living with a family member of his at the moment. Im paying rent to them as is he, so we do have a rent contribution each week but no major bills/kids/car etc

dartboardio

jlm29 wrote: »

If your babying him, giving him bail outs with money, and letting him think €300 is his half of a holiday payment, it’s understandable that he’s a bit immature when it comes to money. He’ll need to grow up a bit financially or he’ll never have anything, and you’ll have to stop facilitating him for this to happen

You're right there i suppose. I got a little too generous then wonder why i dont get the same treatment in return even if its not realistic.

Big Bag of Chips

jlm29 is spot on. People need to be taught how to manage money. If someone has everything handed to them then they can never really understand the value of anything until they need to start standing on their own two feet. He lives with a family member, so paying token rent, no bills, no shopping?, no responsibility for managing money. You're booking holidays and asking him to contribute less than a quarter.

You are propping him up, and his family member is propping you both up. If you lived together independently of family you'd soon realise how much money is needed day to day simply to live without ever getting to the 'fun money'.

Heating, electricity, house insurance, TV licence, broadband, groceries, household items, maintenance. I recently sat down and looked at our monthly incomes and outgoings. In our house over €1800 goes out on bills and direct debits before we ever get to step outside the door, or shopping, or day to day expenses.

Life is expensive, and yes you are both young and not supposed to know all this yet... But if you don't start facing it together, and you continue to hide expenses from him, then you'll learn ahead of him, and that will lead to problems down the line when he's still clueless and blowing 'fun money' because he doesn't realise that things need to be paid for.

LegacyUser

dartboardio wrote: »

Were both living with a family member of his at the moment. Im paying rent to them as is he, so we do have a rent contribution each week but no major bills/kids/car etc

Do you know he had 400 left from the 700 or are you assuming? You say you are living together but not doing joint account/one pot income attitude to your money so do you know what his money is going on? If he knows you are good to pay him back and had extra money on top of his BTEA then it is questionable why the freak out. If he knows you can bail him out if needed as you've savings and have done so in the past and you've no major bills/outgoings then yes it does sound like he is bad at managing money and if your plan is to stay together then it's time to talk to each other like adults about the issue. If he has out goings you are not aware of that could impact on you further down the line when you want to get a house or have kids then best to get that out in the open now. It could be as simple as getting an app on his phone to track were he is spending/wasting money and getting into good habits now.

LolaJJ

Hey OP,

Taking all of your points on board and perhaps echoing some of the other posters, it sounds as though you both have irresponsible attitudes toward finances.

I appreciate your partner is on BETA, however, if he is not able to survive on this and cannot make it from "payday" to "payday" without being overly generous with his cash - then perhaps he could take on a part-time job where he could potentially earn more. There are always jobs in retail and hospitality for eager students. Working for his money might make him appreciate the value of money when it's hard-earned and not just magically deposited in his account.

Also, at risk of sounding like an old-fogie - I cannot emphasise enough how incredibly important it is to have money in an account for the boring and mundane things that crop up in life - like, being out sick, doctors visits, home repairs etc. You cannot be too prepared and you'll never regret having those funds when you need them.

wiggle16

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

.
Life is expensive, and yes you are both young and not supposed to know all this yet... But if you don't start facing it together, and you continue to hide expenses from him, then you'll learn ahead of him, and that will lead to problems down the line when he's still clueless and blowing 'fun money' because he doesn't realise that things need to be paid for.

This is bang on.

At the moment, he thinks he's going on a month's holiday for €300. He might know the fact of how much is being paid for it, but not the value in it.

Wabbit Ears

I, Personally, Couldn't be with someone who would expect 60 quid to be returned. That just me, I don't do loans, Ill give my partner money if they need it and vice versa. At the end of the day, if you're in a decent relationship, It'll all work out.

That's said I do know married couples who loan each other money and split things as if theyre suspicious strangers. Seems to work for them so what do I know?

One thing I do know is the situation the OP describes nearly always ends in tears. One hard working person floats another who is in education/On the dole who has no concept of financial responsibility. All the while they're hoping that when the partner finishes school/training/whatever excuse they have and get a job it'll all work out and they'll change. They don't. You never see that money you invested in the relationship. There will always be a one sided sugar mommy expectation that, if you earn more, whats yours is theirs and whats theirs is theirs. The way it is now is the way it will always be. If you're happy to settle for that, fine. but that's what you're doing, Settling.

witchgirl26

OP while I agree that it's a bit frustrating that he was getting annoyed and sulky about the €60 I do agree that there seems to be a not great view of finances from both of you, just in different ways.

For your OH - he needs to stop being babied in terms of money. He should know how much a holiday is costing and if he can't afford his fair share, then shouldn't be going on it. That simple really. You're somewhat facilitating this by paying the majority and not asking him for his half. The money he earned shouldn't be classed as "fun money" and even referring to it as that is absolving him of the responsibility. Yes he might not be some dole scrounger but the reality is, he isn't earning and shouldn't be blowing money but might need some help in learning financial management.

As for the joint account. Myself and my other half were together less than a year before we set up a joint account to pay for joint expenses. Nights out, holidays etc all came out of the joint and we put an even amount into it to fund these. It meant we always knew what something cost and both had to contribute. We both still have our own accounts where we get paid into but the joint account is a good place for all the bills etc to come out of. I'd borrow from my OH and vice versa but it's always on the expectation that it will be paid back. We even did it for a holiday that I couldn't fully afford when we booked (had to pay a large amount up front which I didn't have at that exact point) but I worked out how to pay him back the diff of my half before we actually went anywhere.

Saving up for a holiday is great and something I think is important but not at the expense of other things that are likely to crop up. The summer is still a bit of a way off so you may need to rethink a strategy to ensure that you have a bit of a cushion yourself so you don't have to dip into the holiday fund if you do need the doctor or something else unexpected.

DavyD_83

Sounds like he has no real appreciation for the value of things and the work most people have to do to generate the money that pays for them.
Pretending that half of a month's holiday costs €300 isn't doing anything to help with this.

No wonder he thinks giving you €60 to go to gp is helping you out so much (sue that would buy you a week in the sun).

Try splitting the costs fairly for a while and see if his view and approach changes

tara73

I still can't see a real reason why you asked him for the 60€. You said you earn a decent salary.

my guess is you wanted to test him, be it delibaretely or subconsciously. see his reaction to it again.

your relationship sounds completely unhealthy. From both sides, yours and his.