baby advice 're separation anxiety? I think....

scaredycat

Hi all,
hoping someone can help as not sure where to go with this. I am a mother of 3 and my youngest is 5 months old and I'm having serious issues with her.
She is panicking at night time or early evening time if I'm not around. When I say she panics, she literally gets so hysterical her body shakes and she is so upset her face and head are all red and blotchy.
I'm so upset for her that she gets into such a state but don't know how to help her? I never had any issues with my first two kids so I'm totally at a loss as to how to help her?
She is breastfed exclusively and I started giving her expressed milk through a bottle yesterday as she was refusing that too if given by anyone else.
We were at a wedding two weeks ago and I was literally home a few hours after going as my mam and sister couldn't settle her. She should know my mam well but for some reason just panics.
Its the same for my husband in that if he has to put her to bed she will go down for him but as she wakes every night after 40 mins or so, this is when she freaks out if I'm not there. Its like she is still half asleep (possibly transitioning from one sleep cycle to the next???) And goes insane if I don't breastfeed her there to settle her.
We are going abroad in 6 weeks time and I'm terrified she will be still like this and naturally will cancel the trip if she is as I am just0going away with0my husband.
I feel so upset for her that she gets into such a hysterical state and can't calm down.
Has anyone ever experienced this and0if so, any suggestions?

Many thanks,
A very tired, desperate mammy

annoyedgal

Can relate to this and feel for you. Its tough going being the only one who can settle her. It will pass and its a phase!
First off put cancelling the holiday out of your mind. My little one started this around 5 and half months and is coming around now a month later. There is a leap around this time when they figure out that you can leave them and its scary! Its hard but bring there for them and gjving them comfort and cuddles is the way to go.
Had exact same issue with waking after sleep cycle and wanting to bf to sleep again. I've started putting her down awake which has helped. Bath gro bag feed and wind then i put her down sleepy so she goes to sleep herself.
Then if she wakes i rock her until v sleepy and back down. Now my husband does it too as she is used to it.
If i know its hunger i do feed her of course but after 40 min its def not hunger.
She is no angel yet but can get herself back to sleep more and more.
Also let her fall asleep herself for naps.
Was totally sleep deprived over christmas due to this so i sympathise. It will get easier!!

fits

One of mine has meltdowns like this. It’s very difficult and honestly I haven left him in care if others at nighttime yet. But he is getting much better and they are the exception rather than the rule now ( just turned two).

Marz66

Some children are just like this.
It doesn’t last forever but might last longer than you’d like.
You might have to cancel the holiday or bring her with you.

scaredycat

Thanks for all your replies.
I really hope its not that she is just like this as I would hate to have her upset every time I am away.
She is able to settle herself into naps thankfully, (depending on whether I get her down at the right time) but it seems to be the evening time she gets upset.
Same thing tonight in that she went down at 8pm, then managed to sleep till 10.30 (she was exhausted) and freaked out within mins of waking till I held her and fed her.
I'm getting pressurised to move her to formula milk by family members as they think it will distance her from me a bit.
I really don't want to do this and especially not before 6 months. So hard to know what the right thing to do is?

fits

Whatever is right for you and your baby. It’s normal for a five month old to need their mum.

shesty

Yeah to be honest scarepanda, I wouldn't listen to what other people have to say.It's how you feel that matters, and you seem to be finding it tough at the moment.My third is very mammy-centric, he's just 8 months now.But he has had me almost all to himself all along, which doesn't help.

I haven't had your exact experience but I do know one of mine (possibly two, I can't remember!!) Went through a phase of waking shortly after they went to their night's sleep for a good while.It did pass eventually.I think try her with the expressed milk bottle so at least you could have some hope that she would take a bottle from someone else.I guess the other thing will pass with time?Maybe try and get your husband to put her down more often, with the bottle of expressed milk, and once she gets used to that she might start to settle better?As fits said it is normal for a baby that small to need their mother, and you know yourself, it won't be forever....but I do understand how tough it is not to be able to get away for an evening or whatever.

annoyedgal

Didn't realise holiday abroad was without her. Can see why you are stressed with that deadline so. Could you bring her if needs be? Good chance things will have improved by then when she passes this leap but just in case.
People love to talk about formula solving any problem presented by a breastfed baby! Might make her sleep longer sure, might not agree with her and disturb her sleep more, might do nothing at all so don't give it to her unless YOU want to.
Follow your instincts and you won't go far wrong.

lazygal

It's a completely normal developmental stage to have separation anxiety.
I think going abroad without a six month old might need to be reassessed. My second child would have been hysterical without me for several days.