Rip off charges for humanist ceremony in ROI

OscarCat77

Bye bye

mugsymugsy

OscarCat77 wrote: »

Hi I am getting married in August and wanted to do a civil ceremony. My wedding is on a Saturday and what I didn’t realise is you can’t get a civil ceremony on a Saturday therefore you have to go with a humanist ceremony if you want to avoid a church wedding. What has knocked me back is the charge!!! I have contacted a humanist solemniser and the fee is €550. To me that is an extortionate amount for a 30 minute ceremony!!!! Is this the going rate? To me it’s seems the HSE has let people down again by not offering weekend civil ceremonies therefore the humanists can charge what they like! It not very humanist to me lol!!!

Demand and supply for someone qualified to perform the ceremony on a Saturday. No doubt they will do a bit of prep with you and then you are talking about travel time and costs.

Seeing as you think it is a good gig why don't you qualify as one and then earn $$$

Mrs OBumble

Just do the legal bit in a registry office during the week and have whatever ceremony you want at the weekend.

OscarCat77

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Just do the legal bit in a registry office during the week and have whatever ceremony you want at the weekend.

You see I don’t want to do my vows in some HSE office and the have some weird fake ceremony on the day it’s a joke th whole is thing!!!

budgemook

You can check with spiritualist solmenisers too, I believe there are more of them so it might be cheaper. We paid 400 I think.

As the previous poster mentioned you have prep, travel costs and the ceremony itself. Also, it's not like they would have many gigs a week - most people would want them on a Saturday at the same time I expect so it's not as if they're taking it in by doing loads of weddings a week / day.

OscarCat77

mugsymugsy wrote: »

Demand and supply for someone qualified to perform the ceremony on a Saturday. No doubt they will do a bit of prep with you and then you are talking about travel time and costs.

Seeing as you think it is a good gig why don't you qualify as one and then earn $$$

It’s a very closed group they are not taking new people I looked at it to see what it entails you have to “train” for a few years to do it and obviously be a member of the humanists too I just think it’s a crazy amount of money to sign a form!

seamus

€550 would be about standard for any non-civil solemniser, religious or otherwise.

The humanist celebrant will meet the couple at least once beforehand, contact back-and-forth about the order of the ceremony and selection of readings or whatever. Then you have travel and food costs on the day. €550 sounds expensive if you think that they're just turning up for half an hour. But they're not.

A civil celebrant by contrast is already at work and being paid by the state. The ceremony is just part of their day.

OscarCat77

OscarCat77 wrote: »

Hi I am getting married in August and wanted to do a civil ceremony. My wedding is on a Saturday and what I didn’t realise is you can’t get a civil ceremony on a Saturday therefore you have to go with a humanist ceremony if you want to avoid a church wedding. What has knocked me back is the charge!!! I have contacted a humanist solemniser and the fee is €550. To me that is an extortionate amount for a 30 minute ceremony!!!! Is this the going rate? To me it’s seems the HSE has let people down again by not offering weekend civil ceremonies therefore the humanists can charge what they like! It not very humanist to me lol!!!

Just organise 16 weddings back to back so it's an 8-hour workday for the guy. He'll drop his hourly significantly.

OscarCat77

budgemook wrote: »

You can check with spiritualist solmenisers too, I believe there are more of them so it might be cheaper. We paid 400 I think.

As the previous poster mentioned you have prep, travel costs and the ceremony itself. Also, it's not like they would have many gigs a week - most people would want them on a Saturday at the same time I expect so it's not as if they're taking it in by doing loads of weddings a week / day.

My point is I suppose if the HSE got the finger out and allowed civil servants to work weekends I don’t think we would be paying anything near that amount! €400 to me is very expensive for all that they do, I went to a civil ceremony on a Saturday in England and it was done and dusted in 15mins amd it was done really well I am just a bit worried the whole humanist side of it will take over a bit what was you spiritual person like?

Huzzah!

I thought it was expensive, too, until I realised that it's more than just 30 minutes on the day in reality. They meet with you and prepare a script. Ours will be at the venue for an hour beforehand. He will also come and meet us and our guests at the reception. That's without even getting into travel, etc.

jlm29

I don’t get the issue really. The humanist is doing the ceremony- that’s the whole point of the day.
I obviously don’t know what kind of wedding you’re having, but I doubt anyone would blink if a wedding cake maker asked them for €500, or the photographer asked for €1000 etc etc etc. There’s thousands of euro spent at weddings, for things that ultimately don’t matter. Yet, you don’t want to pay for the actual ceremony.

OscarCat77

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Just organise 16 weddings back to back so it's an 8-hour workday for the guy. He'll drop his hourly significantly.

😂😂😂😂😂

budgemook

OscarCat77 wrote: »

My point is I suppose if the HSE got the finger out and allowed civil servants to work weekends I don’t think we would be paying anything near that amount! €400 to me is very expensive for all that they do, I went to a civil ceremony on a Saturday in England and it was done and dusted in 15mins amd it was done really well I am just a bit worried the whole humanist side of it will take over a bit what was you spiritual person like?

Very good, we were very happy with him. Described the ceremony to us really well and tailored it to our requirements of course. Similar to humanist ceremonies I believe, ring warming, ribbons around the hands - things like that but only what you choose yourself. Delivered the ceremony very well too in front of 200+ people so it's more than just signing a form as you suggest. Done and dusted in 25 mins too which I'd personally pay extra for.

Would be good if civil servants could work the weekends like in England I suppose, assuming they want to. Maybe a letter to your local TD or move the wedding to an English venue

Seve OB

OscarCat77 wrote: »

My point is I suppose if the HSE got the finger out and allowed civil servants to work weekends I don’t think we would be paying anything near that amount! €400 to me is very expensive for all that they do, I went to a civil ceremony on a Saturday in England and it was done and dusted in 15mins amd it was done really well I am just a bit worried the whole humanist side of it will take over a bit what was you spiritual person like?

I thought the whole point of being a civil servant was to have a cushy number.
I'm sure you will be hard pushed to find any of them who want to be "allowed" to work weekends

OscarCat77

jlm29 wrote: »

I don’t get the issue really. The humanist is doing the ceremony- that’s the whole point of the day.
I obviously don’t know what kind of wedding you’re having, but I doubt anyone would blink if a wedding cake maker asked them for €500, or the photographer asked for €1000 etc etc etc. There’s thousands of euro spent at weddings, for things that ultimately don’t matter. Yet, you don’t want to pay for the actual ceremony.

I do want to pay for the ceremony but I think €550 to say a few words and sign a form is too much €200 tops I was hoping to pay I don’t think I am being unrealistic here

Mrs OBumble

OscarCat77 wrote: »

My point is I suppose if the HSE got the finger out and allowed civil servants to work weekends I don’t think we would be paying anything near that amount! €400 to me is very expensive for all that they do, I went to a civil ceremony on a Saturday in England and it was done and dusted in 15mins amd it was done really well I am just a bit worried the whole humanist side of it will take over a bit what was you spiritual person like?

Why should civil servants have to work weekends for a non-essential service?

Lots do work weekends: guards, prison staff, street cleaners, customs officers, fire and ambulance staff etc - and many clerical staff who support them. Essential services

But weddings are just legal paperwork, there's no need for weekend registrar services.

As to the humanist side "taking over" - you're asking for a wedding according to the rules of their church. If you don't like their way of doing things, choose a different church.

budgemook

OscarCat77 wrote: »

I do want to pay for the ceremony but I think €550 to say a few words and sign a form is too much €200 tops I was hoping to pay I don’t think I am being unrealistic here

You are being unrealistic with regard to the effort involved on the celebrants side.

Anyway, hope you find a better deal with the spiritualist society and best of luck with your big day!

ArthurG

OscarCat77 wrote: »

...if the HSE got the finger out and allowed civil servants to work weekends.....

I suspect the civil servant unions might have something to say about that.

OscarCat77

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Why should civil servants have to work weekends for a non-essential service?

Lots do work weekends: guards, prison staff, street cleaners, customs officers, fire and ambulance staff etc - and many clerical staff who support them. Essential services

But weddings are just legal paperwork, there's no need for weekend registrar services.

As to the humanist side "taking over" - you're asking for a wedding according to the rules of their church. If you don't like their way of doing things, choose a different church.

They are not a church that’s the whole point of the humanists apparently??

bigpink

How much would a church wedding be?

baby and crumble

We had a humanist celebrant for our wedding and it was money very well spent. Like others said, she helped us write the ceremony (or she had ready prepared ones you could modify), suggested readings, timings, all that. She met with us for a good 2 hours a few weeks before the ceremony to get to know us, so we were comfortable with her. She was there an hour before the ceremony making sure everything was set up right, that all the people doing the readings know where to stand, when she’s be calling them, asking how they’d like to be addressed, all that. Popped up to us directly before the ceremony to make sure we were fine, nerves ok.

Then for the ceremony she injected such warmth and personality into it that I don’t know many others - and certainly not a civil servant- could do. My brother had a regular civil HSE ceremony and tbh it was bland AF. The celebrant had zero personality. Ours had the skills to read the room, make some jokes and ad-libs to break the initial tension, all that. She was amazing.

I know I have incredibly warm and happy memories of our wedding ceremony, and we still, over a year later, get compliments on it, and on how great our celebrant was.

While €550 might seem a lot for a short ceremony, you are paying for someone with personality, good speaking skills (essential), social skills, all that. It’s like people who say about photographers “ah sure 2 grand is nice money for 5 hours work!” But it’s not 5 hours. More like 50.

Toots

OscarCat77 wrote: »

I do want to pay for the ceremony but I think €550 to say a few words and sign a form is too much €200 tops I was hoping to pay I don’t think I am being unrealistic here

You’re being very unrealistic to expect them to do it for €200! Don’t forget that out of that €550 about half of it will most likely go in tax/USC etc. Then they don’t just turn up on the day and read from a script - they meet with the couple at least once prior to the ceremony.

seamus

bigpink wrote: »

How much would a church wedding be?

Depends on the church. If someone is very tight with the local parish, they may get it for nothing.

Most churches will suggest a "donation" to the church as a gift on your wedding. If you bring in a priest from outside the parish you may be "asked" to make a separate "donation" to his parish.

€500 all-in is around standard.

maximoose

Paying €500 including travel for our Humanist celebrant, seems pretty standard

thejaguar

baby and crumble wrote: »

We had a humanist celebrant for our wedding and it was money very well spent. Like others said, she helped us write the ceremony (or she had ready prepared ones you could modify), suggested readings, timings, all that. She met with us for a good 2 hours a few weeks before the ceremony to get to know us, so we were comfortable with her. She was there an hour before the ceremony making sure everything was set up right, that all the people doing the readings know where to stand, when she’s be calling them, asking how they’d like to be addressed, all that. Popped up to us directly before the ceremony to make sure we were fine, nerves ok.

Then for the ceremony she injected such warmth and personality into it that I don’t know many others - and certainly not a civil servant- could do. My brother had a regular civil HSE ceremony and tbh it was bland AF. The celebrant had zero personality. Ours had the skills to read the room, make some jokes and ad-libs to break the initial tension, all that. She was amazing.

I know I have incredibly warm and happy memories of our wedding ceremony, and we still, over a year later, get compliments on it, and on how great our celebrant was.

While €550 might seem a lot for a short ceremony, you are paying for someone with personality, good speaking skills (essential), social skills, all that. It’s like people who say about photographers “ah sure 2 grand is nice money for 5 hours work!” But it’s not 5 hours. More like 50.

This is basically what I wanted to say. We paid about €500 IIRC - we got good advice about how to run the ceremony, plenty of contact in the months/weeks leading up to the wedding and a lovely ceremony.

I'm a bit of a miser generally speaking - and I never regret spending that €500.

Cakerbaker

bigpink wrote: »

How much would a church wedding be?

Mine was about €350 in donations to the priest / sacrastin and alter boys. Had to get a priest from a different parish as the local one wasn’t available so gave him a bit more for doing us the favour. Would have probably given €50 less to our local priest as he wouldn’t have to travel.

woodchuck

OP you sound very angry, but I think you need to take some responsibility here. You said yourself:

OscarCat77 wrote: »

My wedding is on a Saturday and what I didn’t realise is you can’t get a civil ceremony on a Saturday

That's your fault that you didn't do your research ahead of time.

As everyone else has said, humanists do much much more than just show up for a half an hour. And given how expensive weddings can be, surely this is the one expensive that is actually worth it? You're not going to look back with fond memories about the chair covers, candy cart or basket of flipflops in the bathroom. But hopefully you will look back fondly on the actual ceremony, so it should be worth the (imo reasonable) cost.

i71jskz5xu42pb

OscarCat77 wrote: »

I do want to pay for the ceremony but I think €550 to say a few words and sign a form is too much €200 tops I was hoping to pay I don’t think I am being unrealistic here

You're not being unreasonable. The whole thing is a racket - the HSE makes it difficult to be able to do the ceremony, you can't just rock up to the HSE and register as a celebrant/solemniser. So the Humanists pretty much have a closed market and charge what they want.

Sure some people want to be pretty involved in the ceremony and will want all that back and forth. And for them, €600 is fine. But for anybody who just wants a standard ceremony there should be a cheaper option available.

A priest will be about half the price. Or just do the registry office thing and have someone say a few words on the day.

gucci

woodchuck wrote: »

OP you sound very angry, but I think you need to take some responsibility here. You said yourself:



That's your fault that you didn't do your research ahead of time.

As everyone else has said, humanists do much much more than just show up for a half an hour. And given how expensive weddings can be, surely this is the one expensive that is actually worth it? You're not going to look back with fond memories about the chair covers, candy cart or basket of flipflops in the bathroom. But hopefully you will look back fondly on the actual ceremony, so it should be worth the (imo reasonable) cost.

Magdalena Unsightly Sludge wrote: »

Or just do the registry office thing and have someone say a few words on the day.

You have said this much better than I could.

OP there have been suggestions made above on how to do it cheaper (the register office, followed by a casual cermony on the Saturday for example) if that doesnt wash then pay the rate and relax and have a good day.

TCM

mugsymugsy wrote:

Demand and supply for someone qualified to perform the ceremony on a Saturday. No doubt they will do a bit of prep with you and then you are talking about travel time and costs.

Qualified. Lol. As usual a scam and rip off.

ChrissieH

Even though I agree with OP that it is expensive, I also agree with the above; it wouldn't have taken much research to find out that a HSE solemniser is not an option at weekends.
I am actually a member of the humanist society and while I don't know the finer details of the financial process, as far as I know, all celebrants are supposed to charge around €500.. there's probably reasons for this that are financially motivated, of course, but there's also the fact that they appreciate that marriage ceremonies should reflect the gravity of the commitment being made etc. Might sound a bit condescending but there you go. There are only about 30 celebrants in the country, they won't allow people to become legal solemnisers willy-nilly, so I think overall, there's kind of an attitude of "we all need to respect the serious nature of a legally binding marriage".

On the other hand, every priest in the country is just automatically granted legal power to marry people - a reflection of how Ireland and the church are so intertwined - and being a priest is their full-time job, so whether it's "right" for them to be given €100+ for performing a wedding, given that they didn't have to invest any money to train specifically like humanist celebrants do, and given that you also have to do the Catholic pre-marriage course in order to get married in the Church, which costs something close to €200.. I don't see that it's THAT extortionate to pay a humanist celebrant, who more than likely work in the same jobs as the rest of us and therefore may have to take a day's annual leave & travel to do the ceremony, plus the couple of hours preparation, as others have mentioned..

It's just a perception, I get it - I did regard it as being expensive myself and I did opt for a HSE wedding but that was simply because I didn't really want any "extras" - I watched as many videos of weddings on YouTube as I could find and I knew myself that the HSE one would suit us because we didn't want anything like hand-binding or ring warming or anything like that, and our HSE solemniser was lovely anyway so it didn't feel any more impersonal than all the Church weddings I've attended where you've to sit through a whole Mass and listen to a doddery old priests forget names or try to crack jokes!! :-D

Duffryman

OscarCat77 wrote: »

I do want to pay for the ceremony but I think €550 to say a few words and sign a form is too much €200 tops I was hoping to pay I don’t think I am being unrealistic here

How much will you be paying a band, 'to play a few tunes and sing a few songs'?

How much will you be paying somebody to make a cake, 'to crack a few eggs and mix in some flour and put some icing on top'?

How much will you be paying somebody for photos or video, 'to stand with a camera and hit the button a few times'?

etc. etc. etc.

baby and crumble

TCM wrote: »

Qualified. Lol. As usual a scam and rip off.

Grand so. Get some bloke from down the road who's never done public speaking in his life to do your ceremony, without knowledge of the legal aspects, no idea how to read a room, how to put people at ease, how to project his voice in a room with no mics, to understand where to stand so he doesn't get in the way of photos, to not stumble over his script...

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

seamus

TCM wrote: »

Qualified. Lol. As usual a scam and rip off.

If you want to get married in Ireland, it costs €200.

Everything above that is frills that you're choosing to add yourself, so you can't really complain about scams and rip offs. Don't do it if you don't want to pay it.

schemingbohemia

I lost count of the number of people at our humanist celebrant officiated wedding who told us how great the ceremony was, how personal it was and how warm and welcoming our celebrant was. Our celebrant travelled a bit to meet us, gave us examples of what other people had done with their weddings in terms of readings and songs and gave us a great flavour of how it would go.
She was also a very lovely woman who was well aware that many of the attendees would be quite churchy people and slightly tailored the celebration in that regard, recognising that there would be people of faith there and had a moments reflection (where they could get a sneaky prayer in if they wanted).
In the grand scheme of things the cost of her attendance was minimal, we asked in advance if she'd like to stay for the meal but she declined, and the work she put in to make the celebration run smoothly was well worth the money.

OscarCat77

maximoose wrote: »

Paying €500 including travel for our Humanist celebrant, seems pretty standard

Yeah that seems to be the theme!

osarusan

OscarCat77 wrote: »

I do want to pay for the ceremony but I think €550 to say a few words and sign a form is too much €200 tops I was hoping to pay I don’t think I am being unrealistic here

It does sound like you are being unrealistic though - unrealistic in that your idea of how much it 'should' cost is way off what seems to be the standard in reality.

D.Q

The value of that 500 quid really depends on how long the marriage lasts.

bucketybuck

OscarCat77 wrote: »

I do want to pay for the ceremony but I think €550 to say a few words and sign a form is too much €200 tops I was hoping to pay I don’t think I am being unrealistic here

Everybody thinks the things they have to pay for are too expensive.

Why do have to pay callout fees to a plumber, sure all he did was fix a tap?
Why do I have to pay the garage an hours labour, sure all he did was fix a broken wire?
Why do I have to pay that much for a toy, sure it only cost x to make?
Why do I have to pay, I can't do it myself but it still should be cheaper than that for me...

You think it is too expensive but frankly, who are you to dictate what they should or shouldn't charge? They have stated their prices, use them or don't but it is their right to decide what they are selling their time for.

They charge €500, you think it should be €200? Damn sure if that was realistic then somebody could make a killing in that market simply by providing a similar option at €350, I would get in there and make a fortune while you still can.

1874

OscarCat77 wrote: »

You see I don’t want to do my vows in some HSE office and the have some weird fake ceremony on the day it’s a joke th whole is thing!!!

Its all a joke really,its the legal bit that counts, legally, the rest is a ceremony.
I dont remember how much it cost for the registrar, done on a Friday, afterwards, I did think, maybe could have had a humanist celebration, but I thought the ceremony was ok.

seamus wrote: »

Depends on the church. If someone is very tight with the local parish, they may get it for nothing.

Most churches will suggest a "donation" to the church as a gift on your wedding. If you bring in a priest from outside the parish you may be "asked" to make a separate "donation" to his parish.

€500 all-in is around standard.

tight with the local parish?! you make it sound like a mafia organisation, oh hang on. BYOP charges

Magdalena Unsightly Sludge wrote: »

You're not being unreasonable. The whole thing is a racket - the HSE makes it difficult to be able to do the ceremony, you can't just rock up to the HSE and register as a celebrant/solemniser. So the Humanists pretty much have a closed market and charge what they want.

Sure some people want to be pretty involved in the ceremony and will want all that back and forth. And for them, €600 is fine. But for anybody who just wants a standard ceremony there should be a cheaper option available.

A priest will be about half the price. Or just do the registry office thing and have someone say a few words on the day.

Its all a business, pastafarians would do it for free beer and a plate of carbonara,



In reality, if they need to turn up for 30-45 minutes, the rest of the day is a write off, maybe they could squeeze 2 ceremonies in in one day, if they could book them in or get booked, all the prep stuff they do as standard but theres not much else they can do, at 500 though, they can buy their own drinks!

Prospector1989

We're having a spiritualist ceremony. Celebrant/Solemniser is costing us €475 including travel expenses. We've met him once so far and is very responsive to any queries my fiancée has regarding the ceremony. Advice on things to include or omit for the ceremony. Haven't gotten married yet but already worth what we've paid and much more.

Mrs OBumble

ChrissieH wrote: »

On the other hand, every priest in the country is just automatically granted legal power to marry people - a reflection of how Ireland and the church are so intertwined - and being a priest is their full-time job, so whether it's "right" for them to be given €100+ for performing a wedding, given that they didn't have to invest any money to train specifically like humanist celebrants do,

Ahh, nope.

They have to be recognised as ministers in their church. For Catholics, that's seven years in the seminary. Other churches have different approaches. Catholic priests are (usually) full time assigned to church work, and paid an annual stipend (well less than 20k on average). But it's different for other churches, eg I know of one Orthodox priest who was delivering pizzas for a while: the local community couldn't afford to pay him enough to live on and he didn't have good enough English to get a better job. Interfaith ministers are different again - just to enrol in their course costs you the best part of £9000 and they'd definitely be paying for themselves. Pastafarian ordination costs a lot less, but I don't think they're recognised as ministers here - yet!

And they all have to go through appropriate civil procedures to get on the register of solomizers, it doesn't come automatically with ordination / appointment / whatever.

uck51js9zml2yt

Seve OB wrote: »

I thought the whole point of being a civil servant was to have a cushy number.
I'm sure you will be hard pushed to find any of them who want to be "allowed" to work weekends

That didn't take long....you obviously know nothing about the jobs we do....which at times involve weekends.