Including Children in Wedding Ceremony

CheerLouth

We have two small children who will be 4 and 2 at the time of our wedding. We'd like to include them in the ceremony but are lacking ideas. My sister had a sand ceremony & hand-fasting at her wedding so we'd like something a bit different, as otherwise it feels like we are replicating her ceremony!

Anyone have any ideas?

baby and crumble

My best mans son (and my honorary godson) was almost 5 when we got married. He and his mum did a reading for us - she read the story, and we had pictures on big sheets of cardboard that illustrated the story, and he held them up at the right time. They had a signal for him to change to the next sheet when she put her arm on his shoulder. It was very sweet and it worked really well.

MiliMe

I know you say you don't really want hand fasting but we had that at ours, we have a little girl and the celebrant called her up to actually "tie the knot" for us.

witchgirl26

My sister's 2 little girls were similar ages at her wedding and they were the flower girls and that was it. That was really all they were able for to be honest. Both got a bit of stage fright going up the aisle (& wasn't a big wedding - they would have known every person there). They were allowed to wander up and down to their parents throughout the ceremony but getting them to do anything specific wasn't going to happen.

CheerLouth

MiliMe wrote: »

I know you say you don't really want hand fasting but we had that at ours, we have a little girl and the celebrant called her up to actually "tie the knot" for us.

It's not that we don't want it - I'd love it really because it's really visual especially for the kids. It's just that elements of our wedding are very similar to my sister- we have the same type of ceremony, the same singers for our ceremony, the same band - so was just looking for something a little different.
If we can't think of anything, then we'll go with the hand fasting! Our celebrant suggested letting off balloons but that is just wanton littering in my opinion!

MiliMe

CheerLouth wrote: »

It's not that we don't want it - I'd love it really because it's really visual especially for the kids. It's just that elements of our wedding are very similar to my sister- we have the same type of ceremony, the same singers for our ceremony, the same band - so was just looking for something a little different.
If we can't think of anything, then we'll go with the hand fasting! Our celebrant suggested letting off balloons but that is just wanton littering in my opinion!

My Husband had suggested planting a little sappling with the help of our daughter too.

qwerty13

witchgirl26 wrote: »

My sister's 2 little girls were similar ages at her wedding and they were the flower girls and that was it. That was really all they were able for to be honest. Both got a bit of stage fright going up the aisle (& wasn't a big wedding - they would have known every person there). They were allowed to wander up and down to their parents throughout the ceremony but getting them to do anything specific wasn't going to happen.

I can remember doing flower girl at an older cousin’s wedding. I was about 6, and another cousin was over 4. I managed it, but I do remember that day, as one where I was a bit scared / overwhelmed. My cousin who was about 4.5 remembers it as “worse than the first day at school”. She cried and wouldn’t walk up the aisle. That set me off, and while I didn’t cry, i can remember wanting to stay with my cousin who was like a sibling to me.

Just a wee point to say that while the grown ups might think it’s lovely to involve the kids, I do think the kids can find an ‘official’ role a bit too much

seannash

I'll be unpopular for saying this but don't do the hand tying.
You'll have a lot of the same guests as your sister and as you rightly pointed out you'd want to avoid any similarity with your sisters wedding.
I personally think it's a bit overdone too but hey everyone is different.
Could you simply not call the kids up when your saying your vows and have them answer a question like " do you allow mammy to marry daddy" or something similar
Between something like that and a walk up the aisle you're covered. Also if they get stage fright it's easy to pass it off and answer for them

qwerty13

seannash wrote: »

I'll be unpopular for saying this but don't do the hand tying.
You'll have a lot of the same guests as your sister and as you rightly pointed out you'd want to avoid any similarity with your sisters wedding.
I personally think it's a bit overdone too but hey everyone is different.
Could you simply not call the kids up when your saying your vows and have them answer a question like " do you allow mammy to marry daddy" or something similar
Between something like that and a walk up the aisle you're covered. Also if they get stage fright it's easy to pass it off and answer for them

I’m afraid I’m laughing to myself here, thinking that if mammy or daddy refused to allow such young kids to play with x toy that morning ... the answer to allowing them to marry could be a very loud NO 😂

seannash

qwerty13 wrote: »

I’m afraid I’m laughing to myself here, thinking that if mammy or daddy refused to allow such young kids to play with x toy that morning ... the answer to allowing them to marry could be a very loud NO 😂

Yep and wouldn't that make for a hilarious story and surely get a laugh out of the crowd ðŸ˜

qwerty13

seannash wrote: »

Yep and wouldn't that make for a hilarious story and surely get a laugh out of the crowd ðŸ˜

Well that’s true! I’m just picturing that now!

qwerty13

qwerty13 wrote: »

Well that’s true! I’m just picturing that now!

I guess like anything else, it depends on the couple and their guests expectations of relaxed or ‘proper’ ceremony. Relaxed all the way gets my vote! I suppose that’s why I think maybe kids shouldn’t have a formal role. But if they came up to their mam and dad during the ceremony and held hands, well that would be lovely.

And that would avoid the stage fright. There’s a photo of the wedding I mentioned where I was flower girl. I looked shell shocked. And my younger cousin was crying. We both love that photo now (many many years later!). But I love the idea that the kids don’t have to do a formal role, and aren’t ‘minded’ by relatives in terms of holding back - that it’s ok if they wandered up if they were comfortable, and held hands. I think that would be far far more moving than a formal ‘job’ for the ceremony

CheerLouth

Thanks all. I had a chat with Mr. CL last night & we do think that perhaps we need to rethink having them "do" something during the ceremony. Their presence should be enough. I think it's more that I don't want them to be ignored. My cousin recently got married & they have a child already & I felt that she was kind of ignored by the priest. We have a meeting with our celebrant over the weekend so will discuss it more with her then. She mostly likely will be able to guide us better.

I do love the idea of planting the sapling as a separate thing that perhaps us as a couple could do. Although probability of it surviving after the wedding is negligible - I'm not a great gardener.

jesso22

CheerLouth wrote: »

I think it's more that I don't want them to be ignored. My cousin recently got married & they have a child already & I felt that she was kind of ignored by the priest.

Found this at a wedding recently too. And all this talk about "starting their lives together" when they've been living their lives together for the last 20 years!

I'm glad I read this post, as OH has mentioned he wants the kids to be part of the ceremony. Eldest is terrified in front of people. Think now we will have them walk up the aisle with us and then be free to sit with us or their granny or cousins. Having afters early enough so they get to be centre of attention for a while and enjoy the disco

CheerLouth

jesso22 wrote: »

Found this at a wedding recently too. And all this talk about "starting their lives together" when they've been living their lives together for the last 20 years!

Exactly! I don't want any references to the likes of "will you accept children" bla bla bla, we have already been blessed with our children & I see our wedding as more of a cementing of our relationship & our family rather than the foundation of it.

Best wishes for your wedding!

splinter65

CheerLouth wrote: »

Exactly! I don't want any references to the likes of "will you accept children" bla bla bla, we have already been blessed with our children & I see our wedding as more of a cementing of our relationship & our family rather than the foundation of it.

Best wishes for your wedding!

“Will you accept children” is in the RCC sacrament of matrimony which is what you’ve chosen if you opt for a catholic wedding. If you don’t opt for the Catholic wedding then you won’t have that expression to deal with.

CheerLouth

You don't actually have to include it, even in a Catholic wedding. A friend of mine got married in the church in December & they didn't have it. We are having a spiritualist ceremony - it suits us better.

Toots

seannash wrote: »

Yep and wouldn't that make for a hilarious story and surely get a laugh out of the crowd ðŸ˜

My sister in law’s little girl threw a tantrum right at the part the priest asks does anyone object. She was pretty quiet, then my husband (who was the designated toddler wrangler for the ceremony) tried to discretely bring her outside and she started screaming “NO WAY!!!” Which got a few laughs :pac:. She calmed down but kicked off again with the “NO WAY!!!” When the vows were being said.

Although, perhaps she knew something the rest of us didn’t, because the marriage didn’t last! :eek:

Sunny Dayz

As they are only 2 and 4 - you probably don't want to give them a job that they might mess up or forget or get upset over. Even something as simple as having them standing with you while you take your vows, helping you light a candle etc. Even having them sit beside you at the ceremony, a cute little kiddie's size chair either side of you with a bow on them.

Shybride2016

Hi OP,

I was at a wedding a few years ago where the flower girls (4 & 6 at the time) each held a rose (artificial for smallies!) and after the exchange of vows and rings, one flowergirl gave the bride a rose and the other gave the groom one. There was then a little short poem or saying and the bride and groom exhanged their roses with each other and that represented their first gift to each other as husband and wife. I'd never seen it before and I've been to tons of weddings and it was a really beautiful moment. The flowergirls were Australian and apparently this is a wedding tradition there but it was totally new to us all.

We had a sand ceremony at our own wedding and our two rascals 7 and 3 at the time took part also and loved it. Our boy also carried the rings up the aisle at the beginning and our daughter was flowergirl and walked up herself. There was absolutely no pressure on either of them to do this and right up to when the ceremony was starting we made sure they knew they didn't have to do it if they didn't want to and we had a backup plan in place.