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Employer forcing me to work over Christmas

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  • How much do you like your job?

    If your mum can’t come to you id consider leaving no job is worth that

    Or, I second what someone said above about applying for carers leave, effective immediately!




  • splinter65 wrote: »
    The OP feels she’s so ill that’s he/she’s had to take a lot of time off recently to care for her. The entire thread is about how he/she doesn’t think the mother should be alone on Christmas Day. Yes. The OP thinks the mother needs looking after.

    She doesn’t want her mother to be alone. She’s taken time off to go to appointments with her mum. It’s all in the OP. There is absolutely nothing in it about her mother being in need of 24/7 care. I presume the mother is alone on the days the OP is working.




  • She doesn’t want her mother to be alone. She’s taken time off to go to appointments with her mum. It’s all in the OP. There is absolutely nothing in it about her mother being in need of 24/7 care. I presume the mother is alone on the days the OP is working.

    If she got force majeure leave (she did) to be with her mother then that required medical certification that her mother was ill enough that the daughters prescence was couldn’t be done without.
    I know a good bit about Carers leave and I’d be quite confident from reading this thread that she’d get it.




  • splinter65 wrote: »
    If she got force majeure leave (she did) to be with her mother then that required medical certification that her mother was ill enough that the daughters prescence was couldn’t be done without.
    I know a good bit about Carers leave and I’d be quite confident from reading this thread that she’d get it.

    I got force majeure leave earlier in the year. I didn’t need to provide anything.




  • I got force majeure leave earlier in the year. I didn’t need to provide anything.

    You’re lucky. Most big firms now have a force majeure form which requires a medical professional to sign off on.
    I’m interested to know why you’re so determined that the OP wouldn’t get Carers leave?


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  • This is the most depressing thread I've ever read.
    Woman with cancer, too ill to travel, uncertain future, faced with spending Christmas day either alone or with people other than her family due to an asshole boss and many posters are just fine with that.

    Jesus Wept!

    OP, go to your mother's GP and public health nurse and discuss either, Carer's leave or Carers Allowance options. You'll find most GPS are decent human beings who will do what they can to help you and your mom and won't come out with the heartless bull**** you've read on here.




  • splinter65 wrote: »
    You’re lucky. Most big firms now have a force majeure form which requires a medical professional to sign off on.
    I’m interested to know why you’re so determined that the OP wouldn’t get Carers leave?

    I’m not sure she wouldn’t. But stating that she definitely would, without knowing the entire details of her mother’s illness, is ridiculous.




  • Sardonicat wrote: »
    This is the most depressing thread I've ever read.
    Woman with cancer, too ill to travel, uncertain future, faced with spending Christmas day either alone or with people other than her family due to an asshole boss and many posters are just fine with that.

    It's nice to have life as black and white as this. In an ideal world yes the OP should be with her mother and that all options should be explored. I agree that it is a terrible situation to be in. But I also know that unemployment is nothing to be sniffed at, nor is job hunting when you're not working. There is no guarantee she'll get Carers Allowance either or how long it'll take to come through. Can our OP afford to be out of work for long?




  • Sardonicat wrote: »
    This is the most depressing thread I've ever read.
    Woman with cancer, too ill to travel, uncertain future, faced with spending Christmas day either alone or with people other than her family due to an asshole boss and many posters are just fine with that.

    It's nice to have life as black and white as this. In an ideal world yes the OP should be with her mother and that all options should be explored. I agree that it is a terrible situation to be in. But I also know that unemployment is nothing to be sniffed at, nor is job hunting when you're not working. There is no guarantee she'll get Carers Allowance either or how long it'll take to come through. Can our OP afford to be out of work for long?
    Hi Ursus, I agree with everything you say and I know this is not a black and white situation. This is why I advised her to discuss her options re Carer's. I know she is not guaranteed to get it so she needs to know her options first. I've never suggested she quit her job without securing her position. Most definitely the Public Health nurse needs to be consulted re available supports til OP can change her situation and possibly The Carers Association ( now called Family Carers Ireland). If her mother's GP is a sympathetic soul that should expediate things. There are interim payments available while a claim is being assessed. OP has some serious decisions to make and needs sympathy and support not "Shove your Ma round the neighbours for Christmas, sure it's only a touch of cancer" which is how some of the replies on here read. The poor girl is trying to do this on her own.

    I'm just blown away by the blasé attitude to her predicament shown by many on here. I don't include you in that. In all my years posting I've never read an insensitive post from you. I think your points here are very valid and well balanced and sensitive to the OP. She should definitely take into account what you say when weighing up her options, for sure.




  • Let's be quite clear: breast cancer survival rates are now 83%. All this talk of Carer's Leave (especially for someone without a car) is quite premature, this is most likely not a terminal situation.

    ref: https://www.breastcancerireland.com/education-awareness/facts-and-figures/male-breast-cancer/


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  • Let's be quite clear: breast cancer survival rates are now 83%. All this talk of Carer's Leave (especially for someone without a car) is quite premature, this is most likely not a terminal situation.

    ref: https://www.breastcancerireland.com/education-awareness/facts-and-figures/male-breast-cancer/
    Oh well, that's alright so.

    Someone does not need to be terminally ill to require a carer. What's her car ownership got to do with Carer's? I'm a carer and I don't drive.

    For some reason the word disgusting keeps springing to mind, can't think why.




  • OP, for the record, I am not siding with either you or your employer.

    Honestly, this should have been sorted long ago. I would never (and have never) left my mum in any situation that requires me to choose between work and her.

    If it were me (and I do live abroad) I would have organized this prior to it being an issue and made sure with your manager a long time ago that this would not have arrived into the situation it is now. I KNOW this is cold comfort at the moment.

    You have some options here:

    1. GO to work
    2. Dont go to work.
    3. Get a family member or friend to look after mum while you do go to work.
    4. Organise with friends to drop you to work and collect you.

    It is Christmas, I don’t care who asked me for a favour on Christmas Day it would not be an issue.

    DO not threaten your own future (unless you can afford to by just not showing up). It will also piss off your fellow workers who do have the day off.

    My family is the most important thing in my life. I will never put my mother at risk of being alone at any point in time. It means me making a 12/15 hour journey to get home to be with her. I ALWAY make sure that I have cover for her with my family, especially with holidays, family occassions etc. If my boss was intransigent in relation to this situation, I personally would not stay with that company,,, but then I do plan all this WAY in advance of it being an issue.

    I know you asked for the day off, what you should have done and should do in the future is INSIST on confirmation so that you can plan accordingly.

    Best of luck on Tuesday. I am sure a friend or relative would only be too happy to mammy sit. It could be a lovely Christmas present from them to you. Good luck with it all.




  • NSAman wrote: »
    OP, for the record, I am not siding with either you or your employer.

    Honestly, this should have been sorted long ago. I would never (and have never) left my mum in any situation that requires me to choose between work and her.

    If it were me (and I do live abroad) I would have organized this prior to it being an issue and made sure with your manager a long time ago that this would not have arrived into the situation it is now. I KNOW this is cold comfort at the moment.

    You have some options here:

    1. GO to work
    2. Dont go to work.
    3. Get a family member or friend to look after mum while you do go to work.
    4. Organise with friends to drop you to work and collect you.

    It is Christmas, I don’t care who asked me for a favour on Christmas Day it would not be an issue.

    DO not threaten your own future (unless you can afford to by just not showing up). It will also piss off your fellow workers who do have the day off.

    My family is the most important thing in my life. I will never put my mother at risk of being alone at any point in time. It means me making a 12/15 hour journey to get home to be with her. I ALWAY make sure that I have cover for her with my family, especially with holidays, family occassions etc. If my boss was intransigent in relation to this situation, I personally would not stay with that company,,, but then I do plan all this WAY in advance of it being an issue.

    I know you asked for the day off, what you should have done and should do in the future is INSIST on confirmation so that you can plan accordingly.

    Best of luck on Tuesday. I am sure a friend or relative would only be too happy to mammy sit. It could be a lovely Christmas present from them to you. Good luck with it all.

    I read half of this and read enough




  • I read half of this and read enough

    They obviously didn't read the thread!




  • Sardonicat wrote: »
    This is the most depressing thread I've ever read.
    Woman with cancer, too ill to travel, uncertain future, faced with spending Christmas day either alone or with people other than her family due to an asshole boss and many posters are just fine with that.

    Jesus Wept!

    OP, go to your mother's GP and public health nurse and discuss either, Carer's leave or Carers Allowance options. You'll find most GPS are decent human beings who will do what they can to help you and your mom and won't come out with the heartless bull**** you've read on here.

    Asshole boss? She used her holidays, got force majeure days and they still allowed her take unpaid leave. She’s rostered in because people with holidays left wanted to use them this week. Someone she works with has to work that day why shouldn’t it be the one with no leave left to take.
    It’s a sh1tty situation but it’s not the company’s fault.




  • I’m not sure she wouldn’t. But stating that she definitely would, without knowing the entire details of her mother’s illness, is ridiculous.

    It’s by far the best option for this poster. Better then a stressful row with the boss over “entitlements”. And definitely better then putting a GP on the spot for a fake sick note.




  • It's nice to have life as black and white as this. In an ideal world yes the OP should be with her mother and that all options should be explored. I agree that it is a terrible situation to be in. But I also know that unemployment is nothing to be sniffed at, nor is job hunting when you're not working. There is no guarantee she'll get Carers Allowance either or how long it'll take to come through. Can our OP afford to be out of work for long?
    Carers Benefit comes through much quicker then allowance because it’s not means tested and the OP can get SWA while waiting. If the mothers GP says she needs full time care and attention then it will be approved.




  • Yes, a complete and utter abcess on an asshole of a boss, don't think much of her colleagues either. I would definitely do a swap if I was in a position to do so. But then, I've actually been in a similar situation myself so not I'm not finding it quite so difficult to locate a drop of human kindness within me as some seem to be.




  • Let's be quite clear: breast cancer survival rates are now 83%. All this talk of Carer's Leave (especially for someone without a car) is quite premature, this is most likely not a terminal situation.

    ref: https://www.breastcancerireland.com/education-awareness/facts-and-figures/male-breast-cancer/

    You don’t have to be “terminal” to require full time care and attention. You need to look up Carers leave and Carers Benefit.




  • splinter65 wrote: »
    Let's be quite clear: breast cancer survival rates are now 83%. All this talk of Carer's Leave (especially for someone without a car) is quite premature, this is most likely not a terminal situation.

    ref: https://www.breastcancerireland.com/education-awareness/facts-and-figures/male-breast-cancer/

    You don’t have to be “terminal” to require full time care and attention. You need to look up Carers leave and Carers Benefit.
    She doesn't have to look them up. She looked up Breast Cancer survival rates and concluded that the OP is making a big fuss over nothing. Just a touch of cancer, sure.


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  • Sardonicat wrote: »
    Yes, a complete and utter abcess on an asshole of a boss, don't think much of her colleagues either. I would definitely do a swap if I was in a position to do so. But then, I've actually been in a similar situation myself so not I'm not finding it quite so difficult to locate a drop of human kindness within me as some seem to be.

    You may be lucky enough to be in a position to “swap”. Are you seriously suggesting that another colleague who has possibly foreign travel plans or sick family themselves this Christmas should bollix up their own family’s Christmas? These colleagues you are deriding have probably made themselves very flexible already to allow the OP the force majeure and the unpaid leave.
    The boss has accommodated the OP so far even to the point of allowing unpaid leave. It’s a business, not a charity. The OP is not available for work due to caring responsibilities and should be on Carers leave, getting Carers Benefit.
    It’s no wonder we have to bring employees from all over the world with the ludicrous attitudes I see here.




  • splinter65 wrote: »
    Sardonicat wrote: »
    Yes, a complete and utter abcess on an asshole of a boss, don't think much of her colleagues either. I would definitely do a swap if I was in a position to do so. But then, I've actually been in a similar situation myself so not I'm not finding it quite so difficult to locate a drop of human kindness within me as some seem to be.

    You may be lucky enough to be in a position to “swap”. Are you seriously suggesting that another colleague who has possibly foreign travel plans or sick family themselves this Christmas should bollix up their own family’s Christmas? These colleagues you are deriding have probably made themselves very flexible already to allow the OP the force majeure and the unpaid leave.
    The boss has accommodated the OP so far even to the point of allowing unpaid leave. It’s a business, not a charity. The OP is not available for work due to caring responsibilities and should be on Carers leave, getting Carers Benefit.
    It’s no wonder we have to bring employees from all over the world with the ludicrous attitudes I see here.
    Are you seriously suggesting that every one of her colleagues is in a similar situation to the OP? That not one of them is a single, unmarried person who will be going home to their mother's for a nicely cooked dinner and a feed of drink? Not one of them for even a few hours on the day could help her out?

    Yes, the OP should be in a different situation but she's young and on her own and has found herself out of her depth with very little support. Some accommodation could be made for her on Christmas day by someone just being kind.




  • Sardonicat wrote: »
    Are you seriously suggesting that every one of her colleagues is in a similar situation to the OP? That not one of them is a single, unmarried person who will be going home to their mother's for a nicely cooked dinner and a feed of drink? Not one of them for even a few hours on the day could help her out?

    Yes, the OP should be in a different situation but she's young and on her own and has found herself out of her depth with very little support. Some accommodation could be made for her on Christmas day by someone just being kind.

    You don’t know how many are on her team it could be 2/3 people so only 2 other people possibly, they could easily have responsibilities, also she needs a couple of days at least as she doesn’t drive so presumably needs to get home Monday evening after work and won’t be able to get in on the 26th cos she’ll need to travel up then.
    There’s too many unknowns to be blaming people you don’t know anything about.




  • If your employer is doing something illegal you should sue them. Check with professionals who know about this stuff.




  • Sardonicat wrote:
    Are you seriously suggesting that every one of her colleagues is in a similar situation to the OP? That not one of them is a single, unmarried person who will be going home to their mother's for a nicely cooked dinner and a feed of drink? Not one of them for even a few hours on the day could help her out?


    Why does single or unmarried mean that their Christmas is of a lesser value than Ops or indeed why would married mean they are ruled out of the equation? That's a bizarre attitude.
    Work is just work OP but maby if you don't plan on quitting you could just work the day and have your celebration dinner another day with your mum. She might find it stressful if she thought you would be in trouble at work for not showing up on the day.
    I had my Christmas dinner with my family yesterday as the situation this year means we can't be together but it's just a day no point in getting carried away. I had a lovely day spent with them it doesn't have to be the same as everyone else's Christmas to make it nice.
    Do what you feel is right. Best wishes to both you and your mam.




  • Sardonicat wrote: »
    Yes, a complete and utter abcess on an asshole of a boss, don't think much of her colleagues either. I would definitely do a swap if I was in a position to do so. But then, I've actually been in a similar situation myself so not I'm not finding it quite so difficult to locate a drop of human kindness within me as some seem to be.

    Are you having a laugh?
    She has used all her annual leave and all her force majeure days, it sounds like her boss has bent over backwards to accommodate her situation.
    Her colleagues have no doubt already had to accommodate her absenses when she was looking after her mum over the course of the year.

    It’s a bit rich harping on about how important family is while advocating OP spoil her colleagues Christmas Day with THEIR families just to suit herself.
    Where’s the drop of human kindness for them?
    Where’s the consideration for THEIR time with their relatives, some of whom might be also sick, or newly married, or welcoming a new baby?

    Why should they have to be called into work at the last minute to cover OP when they have annual leave and she doesn’t?

    The selfish ’mé féiner’ attitude on this thread is extremely disappointing.

    If OP doesn’t want to work that day and will need continued time off to look after her mum she should just hand in her notice today and let her boss make other arrangements.

    That’s absolutely fair enough and should not be judged.
    But to call in sick at the eleventh hour on Christmas Day is just a nasty, beyond selfish, horrible thing to do and I don’t think that can be denied at all.




  • SusieBlue wrote: »
    Sardonicat wrote: »
    Yes, a complete and utter abcess on an asshole of a boss, don't think much of her colleagues either. I would definitely do a swap if I was in a position to do so. But then, I've actually been in a similar situation myself so not I'm not finding it quite so difficult to locate a drop of human kindness within me as some seem to be.

    Are you having a laugh?


    The selfish ’mé féiner’ attitude on this thread is extremely disappointing.

    .
    Yeah, my sides are splitting at the irony

    I have never, not once, advocated that the OP call in sick. Not once. And I've repeatedly advised her to consider becoming a full time carer . That won't change her situation at Christmas though.




  • Sardonicat wrote: »
    Yeah, my sides are splitting at the irony

    I have never, not once, advocated that the OP call in sick. Not once. And I've repeatedly advised her to consider becoming a full time carer . That won't change her situation at Christmas though.

    You are suggesting that her colleagues don’t have a drop of human kindness to accommodate her family situation, amongst other things, implying they are being inconsiderate when you have no idea of their circumstances.

    Why should they cover her when they have their own family situations going on?

    You also called her boss names when by OPs own admission they were more than flexible with her annual leave and force majeur days.




  • Fact of the matter here is, the OP knew the kind of job they were getting themselves into when they took it. It's the kind of job that doesn't recognise the existence of Christmas. It has to be done. Plenty of workers in that situation just celebrate Christmas on another day in lieu. There's no pressure on anyone just to celebrate it on December 25th. Try getting New Years Eve and Day off and celebrate your mother staving off cancer for another year.


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  • Sardonicat wrote: »
    Are you seriously suggesting that every one of her colleagues is in a similar situation to the OP? That not one of them is a single, unmarried person who will be going home to their mother's for a nicely cooked dinner and a feed of drink? Not one of them for even a few hours on the day could help her out?

    Yes, the OP should be in a different situation but she's young and on her own and has found herself out of her depth with very little support. Some accommodation could be made for her on Christmas day by someone just being kind.
    There’s probably 4 or 5 of them on that site working in shifts. Yes it’s entirely possible that she in fact is the only single person working there. You or I have no idea what personal circumstances her colleagues have. As I already said, several times, she has the option of taking Carers leave. That’s the best option for her, her mother her boss and her colleagues.


This discussion has been closed.
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