Bullying in new job

Newjob1

Hi all,

Really looking for some assistance or advice.

I recently started a new job, it’s an area I always wanted to work in.

I am 6 weeks into the new job now, and from day one the person that has been “training” me in has I feel been bullying me to the extend I am physically sick and don’t want to go into work anymore.

The person sets me up to fail and gives me tasks that are unrealistic timewise to complete in a standard working day.

The person shouts and belittles me in front of other staff, and yesterday the person did it so much I couldn’t take it anymore and had to walk out of the room. They apologized to me later and said it was due to the work load in the office, however today was just as bad as I got talked down and shouted at again.

Now they reported it to my manager and said I’m not managing at work, I was advised by my partner I should have reported this to management earlier before it got this far but problem is now she has gone and said something so either way I look bad now no matter what I say.

I’ve worked for many years and never came across this, I don’t think I could cope with it anymore, I’m not sleeping and I tense up when I even think or see that person.

OMM 0000

I think you need to tell HR what you just told us, and go from there.

Teddy Daniels

Newjob1 wrote: »

Hi all,

Really looking for some assistance or advice.

I recently started a new job, it’s an area I always wanted to work in.

I am 6 weeks into the new job now, and from day one the person that has been “training” me in has I feel been bullying me to the extend I am physically sick and don’t want to go into work anymore.

The person sets me up to fail and gives me tasks that are unrealistic timewise to complete in a standard working day.

The person shouts and belittles me in front of other staff, and yesterday the person did it so much I couldn’t take it anymore and had to walk out of the room. They apologized to me later and said it was due to the work load in the office, however today was just as bad as I got talked down and shouted at again.

Now they reported it to my manager and said I’m not managing at work, I was advised by my partner I should have reported this to management earlier before it got this far but problem is now she has gone and said something so either way I look bad now no matter what I say.

I’ve worked for many years and never came across this, I don’t think I could cope with it anymore, I’m not sleeping and I tense up when I even think or see that person.

are you being asked to do more than others
more than you said you could do in the interview?

RingTheAlarm!

Newjob1 wrote: »

Hi all,

Really looking for some assistance or advice.

I recently started a new job, it’s an area I always wanted to work in.

I am 6 weeks into the new job now, and from day one the person that has been “training” me in has I feel been bullying me to the extend I am physically sick and don’t want to go into work anymore.

The person sets me up to fail and gives me tasks that are unrealistic timewise to complete in a standard working day.

The person shouts and belittles me in front of other staff, and yesterday the person did it so much I couldn’t take it anymore and had to walk out of the room. They apologized to me later and said it was due to the work load in the office, however today was just as bad as I got talked down and shouted at again.

Now they reported it to my manager and said I’m not managing at work, I was advised by my partner I should have reported this to management earlier before it got this far but problem is now she has gone and said something so either way I look bad now no matter what I say.

I’ve worked for many years and never came across this, I don’t think I could cope with it anymore, I’m not sleeping and I tense up when I even think or see that person.

Write down literally every example you have and keep working from there. I had a very similar situation a few years ago and she used be 'concerned' about me and would have a whisper to her superior. Looking back on it all she was just a cunnt on a power trip.When I started writing it down (for example, even something fleetingly said on a Friday afternoon followed by a contradiction on a Monday morning) it was me reassuring for me than anyone else. Also do you know has anyone else had an issue with said person in the past? My bully was very respected in the workplace (by her and her clique) but was notorious for a bitch outside when she was having a cigarette break. That was four years ago and I am no longer in that job, I have barely given the company or that wagon a second thought.

Mango Joe

You're in a no-lose situation.

Get the company to sort this out or leave - Either way you're better off.

Just so you know, this person sounds like a horrible failed and very ignorant human being.

- Sorry you're in this place & best of luck to you.

AtomicHorror

Teddy Daniels wrote: »

are you being asked to do more than others
more than you said you could do in the interview?

Irrelevant really, this is not how a deficiency should be managed, if one indeed exists. The behavior of the more senior staff member is inappropriate and this needs to be made clear to them.

Newjob1

Things are worse since, I went to management about it and they informed me that the two that have been bullying me have already gone to them saying I’m incompetent and lack initiative.

I feel this is the last straw, I can’t cope with it anymore, friends are saying stay until I get another job but honestly I don’t think I can go the way I’m going in there it’s horrific.

If I leave now and give my notice will that be troublesome getting another job as they will ask why I left and then the reference could be a bad one or not one at all.

Don’t know what to do, all I know is that it’s unbearable.

OMM 0000

Newjob1 wrote: »

Things are worse since, I went to management about it and they informed me that the two that have been bullying me have already gone to them saying I’m incompetent and lack initiative.

I feel this is the last straw, I can’t cope with it anymore, friends are saying stay until I get another job but honestly I don’t think I can go the way I’m going in there it’s horrific.

If I leave now and give my notice will that be troublesome getting another job as they will ask why I left and then the reference could be a bad one or not one at all.

Don’t know what to do, all I know is that it’s unbearable.

Sounds like you're having a very rough time.

Can you tell us a little bit about your industry/position/location? How difficult is it for you to get a new job?

My feeling is something like this:

If you're an experienced software engineer in Dublin, give your notice and immediately get a new job.

If you're some obscure role in Leitrim, I think you should try to switch off and keep taking their money until you can get a new job.

It also depends on how much savings / obligations you have.

There are lots of factors which affect what advice I want to give you.

lurker2000

Shouting at someone is outright bullying. Surely the company HR can see that. Can you get switched to a different position in the job ? If not, you should leave as your mental health is the more important factor. I feel for you as you are in a very vulnerable position and must be so upset. Regarding a gap in your CV, this can be glossed over if it's so short, you could put any reason in for this, time out to care for a sick relative etc .

Newjob1

I am based in Dublin, it’s in the healthcare sector, I can’t give exact area or locstion as it can be interpreted based on the information I’m providing and someone may recognize it.

Teddy Daniels

AtomicHorror wrote: »

Irrelevant really, this is not how a deficiency should be managed, if one indeed exists. The behavior of the more senior staff member is inappropriate and this needs to be made clear to them.

It’s not irrelevant, how things should be done and how things are done are two different things. If you look at the follow up posts the OP has been accused of incompetence which is what I was afraid of.

OP was their really “shouting” as I’ve seen instances of agressive tone being labelled as shouting. If there was shouting have you witnesses that are willing to give statements?

slipperyox

Have you a union? If so, contact them.
Otherwise, ask for a formal meeting, and bring in a neutral observer on your side.
Make the meeting not about pointing fingers, but what you want to happen day/day communications. Try not to make enemies. In other words dont fight on multiple fronts, and gain allies.

AtomicHorror

Teddy Daniels wrote: »

It’s not irrelevant, how things should be done and how things are done are two different things. If you look at the follow up posts the OP has been accused of incompetence which is what I was afraid of.

No, it is completely irrelevant. Of course the alleged bully will consider there to be a deficiency. That is a given. In almost every instance in which a subordinate has been bullied, there will be a counter claim of incompetence. Bullies always have a justification that makes sense to them. What marks bullying is an deliberate intention to use aggression as a tool to correct or communicate the deficiency, rather than that aggression being an unintentional consequence of frustration.

Of course, it is not necessarily the case that bullying has in fact occurred in this case. We are taking OP at face value in order to offer advice on how best to proceed. Proper processes, be they internal or legal, should take care of the matter of intention and justification.

Teddy Daniels wrote: »

OP was their really “shouting” as I’ve seen instances of agressive tone being labelled as shouting. If there was shouting have you witnesses that are willing to give statements?

An aggressive tone is also not an acceptable response to a deficiency and can be considered bullying, again depending on intention.

carrieb

OP I really feel for you as I had a similar-ish situation about 2 years ago. I stayed I the job 7 weeks & tbh it was a very bleak time. The culture in the place was horrendous & I felt like I was being followed - I'm a Sales Rep & my boss was on my case 24-7. I was lucky in that I got another job & was somehow only contracted to give 1 weeks notice. I have NOT put this (very well known company) job on my CV. I just stretched last job by 1 month. If its a short period of time you'll cover it up no problem. If you can afford to leave I would as I neatly went mad in my place. If not try your very best to job hunt, network & just going in like a robot, fo the job, go home. I dont envy you.

frosty123

Are you the only one being picked on OP?

Could there be some other reason why you're being targeted..religion, sexuality, nationality etc ??

Palmach

AtomicHorror wrote: »

An aggressive tone is also not an acceptable response to a deficiency and can be considered bullying, again depending on intention.

Sorry but it is not bullying. Life is not a box of chocolates and telling people things in a loud voice or stern tone is part and parcel of work. Shouting might be bullying depending on the context.

AtomicHorror

Palmach wrote: »

Sorry but it is not bullying. Life is not a box of chocolates and telling people things in a loud voice or stern tone is part and parcel of work. Shouting might be bullying depending on the context.

A loud voice isn't bully but shouting can be? What's the difference? I don't think you've given this subject significant thought. It warrants it, I think.

As I've already said, I think it depends more on intention than on the tone itself, and I'd add that it also depends on the pattern of behaviour.

RingTheAlarm!

Newjob1 wrote: »

Things are worse since, I went to management about it and they informed me that the two that have been bullying me have already gone to them saying I’m incompetent and lack initiative.

I feel this is the last straw, I can’t cope with it anymore, friends are saying stay until I get another job but honestly I don’t think I can go the way I’m going in there it’s horrific.

If I leave now and give my notice will that be troublesome getting another job as they will ask why I left and then the reference could be a bad one or not one at all.

Don’t know what to do, all I know is that it’s unbearable.

Of course they did. They always do. Get out and do not give it a second thought. Wish them well. My bully left the place we worked for a 'better job' and after a year was back with the same company (and in the same position) and randomly had anxiety (she definitely did not have anxiety, my assumption would be she was paranoid because the people in her new job realised that she was a biitch.) Raising your voice/shouting at someone in the workplace is highly demoralising and very unprofessional. People like that usually do so because they have lost control and do not know what they are doing themselves.

i5kra

Late to this:
Ok, the main issues in workplaces come down to 2 main areas:
1. Poor communications (cause resentment, anger, poor morale etc etc)
2 Tolerance of inappropriate behaviour by staff who don't have to play by the same rules as the rest.

Organisational culture is key in a lot of places. These are the unwritten rules that everybody is expected to live by. Nobody says them out loud, but you pick up on what is expected of you.

There are many toxic workplaces. There are many individual toxic departments within good workplaces. There are many toxic individuals within good departments and workplaces.

Morale, sick leave and high staff turnover are usually red flags that something is wrong here. A decent manager would be concerned and start looking into the underlying reasons why this is happening. Many don't care. They think that by doing so this will be perceived as failure to manage on their part. So just easier to hide problems and tolerate things in order to boost their own career progression.

You're new, still keen and have the skills to do the job. The manager is responsible to ensure that you, as part of their team, receive adequate training needed to do the job. They have no incentive to see you fail because it may reflect badly on them. Similarly, HR who hired you have no incentive to see you fail because that will reflect badly upon their decision making in hiring you.

The issue is the trainer. From what you've said, it sounds as if this is a toxic person. Sometimes these people enjoy bullying others for no reason other than they can. Or they may be jealous or have some other issue. Whatever. They get their kicks from the power trip.

Now they want to cover their tracks by ensuring that there will no blame attached to them for what's going on. The playing hot and cold (shouting/apologising) is a classic way of keeping you off balance.

I'll bet that behind closed doors they are playing the victim to their manager (classic tactic bullies use to deflect blame).
1. They were assigned to train you.
2. They are not doing a good job (shouting is a clear warning sign that something is very, very wrong here).
3. They are need to hide that fact.
If they are a long running employee, I guarantee that their nature will be well known to others.

Learn how toxic manipulative people (sociopaths, psychopaths, machiavellian types, narcissists etc) operate. Read up on it. hey are more common than you think. Learn to recognise the warning signs. Avoid these people if possible. Once you know you are dealing with a toxic person then at least you know that the problem is with them not you. They are trying to mess with your head and get you to doubt your own abilities.

Now all of this is not much use to you at the present. But sometimes you get so caught up in a situation that you can't see what's going on.

Whatever happens, look after yourself and don't let this knock your confidence.