Court Child access

HarryChristmas

Hi

I'm not looking for any legal advice obviously, but to share my experience with the court process and maybe if anyone else has similar experiences please share.

I am a dad who had regular access to his daughter up to the age of 8. Then I stupidly fell out with her mom over something stupid and I have only seen her once in 4 years.

I've been to court 3 times with today been my last day.

The 1st time before I saw a judge the solicitor recommended I do a risk assessment report at a cost of 2300 euros. The risk assessment was because a number of silly and unfounded accusations were made against me.

So I completed the risk assessment and it was positive and I finally got my day in court. The judge now wanted a section 47 report. This has been completed.
The 2nd day in court the report is furnished with some recommendations of play therapy for the child and me to go on a parenting course. Which is fine by me. But the opposing side dont agree with the recommendations and they want child to see judge. Judge agrees but says he wont base his judgement entirely on what child tells him.

3rd day in court, the judge dismisses my action for access on the grounds that he could not see that she was been coached or anything like that.

I unfortunately cant make a child who doesn't want to see me, see me. Nor can a court I dont think.
The child is very much under the influence of the mother because I always had a great relationship with my daughter and the last time we saw each other we left on great terms.

The solicitor is recommending I take it to the circuit court. But in all fairness what can the circuit court do only drain me of even more money and suffering for everyone involved.

Its not worth it, when a judge completely dismisses two comprehensive reports and just goes with what the child said under the influence of her mother.

Sardonicat

Did you stop trying to see your daughter 4 years ago or did her mother prevent you from seeing her?

HarryChristmas

Mother prevented me from seeing her

Sardonicat

I think go for it. I know it's a financial drain but she's your daughter so worth it. If nothing comes of it at least she'll know when she's older that you didn't stop trying and she won't be under the influence of her mother forever.

HarryChristmas

Yeah that's what a few people have told me, that I shouldn't give up. My daughter will be a teenager soon too so that's another consideration to take into account.
I hope she won't be under the influence of her mother for too much longer. My heart is broken knowing that I may never see her again at least now when she's a child or probably when she's a teenager, I've missed out on her growing up years over a stupid argument and now her mother will not under any circumstances back down.

Thank you for your input

idnkph

Feel really sorry for you OP. Couldn't imagine been told I can't see my kids. She's your child so never give up wanting contact with her.
I'm not going to encourage you to go further with the courts as they are currently seriously flawed. The whole system is a mess be and do easily manipulated.
My advice is to make an email address for your daughter. Every day or every time you think of her send a mail.
Take family photos on occasions etc and tell her how much you would have loved for her to see it.
Fill the email like a diary to her.
When she comes looking for you which she will and accuses you of not caring and all the other crap her mother has twisted her head with you can give her the address and password to prove you have always been thinking about her.
Open an account for her and for every Xmas and birthday lodge a few quid in it for her too.

Kidchameleon

Sorry to hear that OP, this world we live in is horrific.

Evd-Burner

I am a single father myself and have been through court and I've had multiple arguments with the ex etc, all sorts has happened but at the end of the day I never stopped fighting to see my kids.

In your case you stopped seeing your daughter over what you say was a stupid argument, if your daughter is anything like my 2 kids then no matter what her Mother said it wouldn't matter as it would go in one ear and out the other and they were always happy to see me so long as I kept turning up as I was supposed to, they would always know when I was supposed to be there. Unfortunately in your case you left it to long to fight to see her and in doing that you lost her confidence which over time allowed her Mums negativity of you to propagate in her mind. You have a much harder battle on your hands compared to a court battle and that is not one that will be easy or fast, but don't give up!

I feel for you as I have come close a few times to just giving up with the stress of it all!