Ladies, really need some guidance...

hello2332

Hi Ladies, I have never posted anything before about a personal issue but I am just at my wits end and am genuinely frightened. I am going on 26 and cannot stop thinking about babies and being pregnant. I realise this sounds a bit silly or dramatic but it's turning into a deep depression. I feel like I have gone clinically insane, and I don't mean that in a joking way. Its very hard for me to admit this or even type it out but it has gotten to the stage where I am rubbing my stomach (in the way you would do if you were pregnant), I've started googling the answers to issues that I feel a newborn baby might have e.g. rashes, colic, reflux etc. When I'm walking I walk with a pregnant lady wobble. I do all of this without even thinking. Every night I have a dream that I'm pregnant or have just had a baby, and it feels like I'm having to deal with a loss of a baby every time I wake up...(insane, right?) Myself and my partner have been together over 6 years and are great together, he would love to have a baby but with the housing/rent crisis, we simply can't afford to move out together. I am 1000% that my partner is the right person but the war between it being the right time and what my body wants is fast becoming something I can no longer handle. I can't even look at pregnant women anymore because I feel myself scowling at them. Its going to be too much for me some day soon. I probably should mention my dad passed away due to suicide a year ago and have since become estranged with my brother and sister, so it's only me and my mam. My Mam is DYING for a grandchild. This is my final kind of outreach for help I suppose. I have exhausted all bounds in terms of counseling etc so any help or advice or support even would be immensly appreciated. Thank you.

skallywag

Is this the same topic?

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057929543

Faith

It sounds like there has been a look of grief and bereavement in your life recently. How would you feel about the idea that this desire is just misplaced grief? I'm curious about your statement that "I have exhausted all bounds in terms of counseling etc" - what has that counselling looked like? 12 months is too short a time to really have exhausted all of those options, tbh.

I'd personally be wondering what you hope that a baby would add to your life. Do you feel it would perhaps fill the hole left by the loss of your dad and siblings? Did you want children badly before your dad passed away?

hello2332

skallywag wrote: »

Is this the same topic?

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057929543

Yeah looks like it, sorry, I was extremely tired when I posted that and am still trying to figure out how to use this site haha

hello2332

Faith wrote: »

It sounds like there has been a look of grief and bereavement in your life recently. How would you feel about the idea that this desire is just misplaced grief? I'm curious about your statement that "I have exhausted all bounds in terms of counseling etc" - what has that counselling looked like? 12 months is too short a time to really have exhausted all of those options, tbh.

I'd personally be wondering what you hope that a baby would add to your life. Do you feel it would perhaps fill the hole left by the loss of your dad and siblings? Did you want children badly before your dad passed away?

I have seen 4 counselors in total, 3 of which I didn't like and 1 I stuck with for 8 months. I saw him every week, sometimes two times a week. After the 8 months, I didn't feel like I was any better because of it. Whether that's my own fault or not I'm not sure, but whatever the reason, it just wasn't working. I have always loved children, I was a childminder for 6 years so know the highs and lows of having children. I do agree with you in terms of filling an emotional hole. I do think that's playing a huge part but I also think it's just wanting a family with my partner and wanting to be happy again. If that makes sense. I don't know, I feel very stupid anyway, I sound insane.