Venting: at war with a 3yo

robinph

Just need to let off a bit of steam this morning.

All pleasant enough with the 3.5 year old eating breakfast and then getting dressed before heading out the door to walk to nursery, every day for the last 3 months since starting there has been an easy enough walk with nothing much tricky to deal with other than making sure not to step on the lines in the paving slabs or the bears will get us.

But this morning they decide that they want to take a fluffy unicorn toy along with them, yesterday they did the same but manage to take the unicorn off them at the door because otherwise it would get covered in paint at nursery. Today they are not falling for that but I manage to remove the unicorn from them during the putting on of the coat and then all out war breaks out. Five minutes of them trying to climb over the stair gate and screaming, then I go to walk out the door (which usually results in them calming down and following after me), more screaming and hitting. So I pick them up and carry them down to nursery. More screaming as we cross the street, and wriggling, and hitting, and screaming all the way there.

So then sit on the bench outside nursery hoping that seeing their friends going in the door might calm things down. It doesn't. So I'm then sat there for 20 minutes on the bench outside the door with more screaming, and wriggling, and hitting, and shouts of "I want to go home" and "I'm scared of my friends" (scared is just used in place of "don't like" and "don't want to" at the moment).

Eventually give up that they are going to calm down and start carrying back home with the offer of them sitting in their room for the day until I've finished work (I work from home), and they finally realise that might not be the best idea for the day and stop wriggling and screaming and let me take them back towards nursery.

Finally manage to get them in the door and handed over in a non screaming state about 45 minutes later than the normal drop off.

It's really not a great look, or feeling, to be carrying a kid screaming blue murder at you whilst doing down the street. Horrible start to the day.

mordeith

I'd have given them the unicorn :-)

Charles Babbage

In fairness, Theresa May has a similar problem getting people to give up their unicorns.

robinph

The unicorn is now in hiding for it's own protection.

jasonb

Always good to rant, I've had the same days as well. You think it's all fine and then it's blue murder. Your plans go out the window, and all you can do is walk around carrying a screaming kid. Of course, they're fine 5 mins later, and you're shaky for ages. Hang in there...

Stone Deaf 4evr

kids, capable of making you feel the most intense love, and intense rage, all within the same minute.

if nothing else, its always nice to hear that others have the same problems as ourselves!

robinph

Stone Deaf 4evr wrote: »

kids, capable of making you feel the most intense love, and intense rage, all within the same minute.

if nothing else, its always nice to hear that others have the same problems as ourselves!

In a perverse way I really like when I see someone else having a kid going nuts at them when out an about. Not because I'm wishing ill on the parent taking the rage attack from the small person, but because it's good for us all to keep reminding each other that it is sometimes a bloody pain dealing with them and it isn't just our one that is always kicking off.

Just need a few less people telling us what angels we have when out and about and the sproglett is behaving for 5 minutes. That just makes you feel like a failure when you get home and it all kicks off again.

TheIronyMaiden

I feel your pain, that is a seriously challenging situation! I have an almost 3 year old and she is a full on threenager. It takes a LOT of willpower not to scream back at them during the tantrums! Hopefully tomorrow morning will go smoothly and you can go ahead and block this morning from your memory :P
Hang in there OP, you're doing a great job. It will get easier!

Mac0783

I'm super impressed your didn't give in and give them the unicorn. I would totally have folded. Hats of to you Sir, hats off!

punisher5112

Why not compromise.....


Let them have the unicorn walk them to school, but it has to go back with you or if the place is willing to allow it mind the coats or something.

Give it a job as such and the kid sort of thinks they win....

robinph

punisher5112 wrote: »

Why not compromise.....


Let them have the unicorn walk them to school, but it has to go back with you or if the place is willing to allow it mind the coats or something.

Give it a job as such and the kid sort of thinks they win....

Tried that yesterday, but by the time we'd walked there they had changed their mind and were refusing to give it up which resulted in tantrums on handover inside nursery. They remembered that today when putting shoes and coat on and were saying that they were not going to give up the unicorn at nursery this time.

Big Bag of Chips

I think this is one you need to talk to the teachers about. Are other kids bringing in stuff, and that's why they want to bring the unicorn in? How likely is it that it will get covered in paint? I know when my gang were in playschool they could bring things with them, but once they got to playschool the toy was put up on a high shelf to watch everyone doing their work.

I think sometimes with children "pick your battles" is a good way to live. I think when the child got so worked up you couldn't have "rewarded" that by giving in. But I think this is a battle not worth fighting every morning. And I'd imagine after a couple of days the novelty will wear off anyway.

Neyite

Yep I remember the clingy teenage years well. Did plenty of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Hgc_m7N0W0

My lad had a special soft toy he HAS to have going to bed. He was a bit younger then three when I explained that if he brought it into crèche with him, some other child might take it home and lose it. Evidently that registered so when it was Teddy day in creche he chose to leave his beloved at him and bring a decoy teddy in instead and does it on holidays or weekends away as well now.

Like Chips said, any toy he did try to bring in got put up on a shelf until home time so he soon understood that he got to show it to his friends but didn't have it to play with in there.

shesty

Oohhhhhhhhh robin.Have just lost my s&%t completely with a 4.5 year old who has been cooped up all day long with the rain and is the kind of child who needs outdoor time everyday....
Our preschool says bring it in, and put it in your bag on the shelf.Hard and fast rule, they don't budge on it.
That said, I ain't going to tell you what to do, because I have been there with a three year old.I can safely say it was the worst age (so far) for no.1, and is fast approaching for no.2.Sigh.
I acknowledge your vent and appreciate it, I needed to read that at this particular point in time, to remind myself it's not just me!!!!

jlm29

My nearly three year old doesn’t like holding my hand walking down the street. I have been known to half walk, half run along beside him, trying to grab him while he shouts “get your hands off me” as though I’m a stranger/paedophile/kidnapper, with half the town looking at me. I too am learning to pick my battles

shesty

Yes no.2 - 2 yrs 7 mths - shouts variations of the above when irate, in private or public,. "Get your hands off me", "leave me alone", " don't touch me". Way to feel mortified/enraged/petrified someone will report you.


I've just realised the moon is nearly full. No wonder things were a bit worse than usual today.

punisher5112

Honestly you have to be strong and strict.....

Kids are getting away with way too much.

Sure my one comes home ..... You know it's ilegal to hit....

I didn't plan on doing so so don't think I was at that but I just thought it's my job to tell them what's right and wrong not have a kid tell you the adult.

The way I work it is if the tantrum goes again then remove the teddy/unicorn until they gain your respect again.

robinph

This morning was a delight.

The staff in nursery had chats with them yesterday about how it's nice to be nice etc, and then this morning at breakfast I get told that they are going to walk nicely to nursery with me today as then they will get a sticker. On walking in through reception they are then telling each member of staff that they walked nicely this morning, eventually finding the one who had promised the stickers as the rest of the staff had just looked on blankly wondering why it was such a big deal about walking in nicely.

All was well with my world this morning.

Big Bag of Chips

Until tomorrow :pac:

John Mason

On Monday, I carried my screaming, kicking and hitting 4.5 year old over my shoulder deposited him in the lobby in creche, turned around and walked straight out the door.

shesty

Thinking to yourself...."somebody else can sort that out for once" ??
;-)

Emanine

My 3.5 year old dictator likes to shout 'Help, Help' when I'm putting her back in to her car seat.

And used to quote the 'Ugly Duckling' and say 'I'm going to run away and find somewhere safe to stay".

Morto.

Dravokivich

My guy tries to make it sound like he's being hurt when he doesn't get his way. You know the tantrum has climaxed when he shouts "I hate you."

robinph

We've thankfully only had limited screams of "I hate you" and similar. I'm sure it won't be long until they realise the added pain that comment causes and it gets added into their meltdown arsenal on a more regular basis.

Neyite

Ours would rather die of frostbite than wear any of the 5 winter jackets he has. He wants to wear this one single one, which he leaves next door at every oppertunity then has a melt down when it's not magically migrated from the neighbours gaff in the morning before school.

afkasurfjunkie

Dravokivich wrote: »

My guy tries to make it sound like he's being hurt when he doesn't get his way. You know the tantrum has climaxed when he shouts "I hate you."

Our guy goes the opposite direction. “Are you happy? I just want you to be happy.”
Gut wrenching.