Im single /Shes not

Commanchie

So a few months back I started going into a new suppliers for my company, first day i walked in i seen a beautiful blonde behind the counter and I noticed she seen me too.

As time went on i got to know her and id see her daily. I started making excuses to go in as i was single so i wanted to see this girl she was beautiful and we got on.

So then she had a conversation in front of me but not for me that he was too much for her that she was gonna leave him she was too young to be unhappy.

I then had to pass a number to her colleague so i gave it to a friend to pass to her to then pass to her colleague. 10 mins later i got a text about something trivial and we started talking then.

I told her i liked her after she told me her relationship was in trouble(shes been with her guy 5 years) shes 27 hes 40.

We then met for lunch and had a chat and got on amazing, nothing happened. Yesterday we met for lunch as theh are going on holiday today and we kissed she told me she wants to leave him and be with me. She is away now and hasnt stopped texting and ringing shes a plan to say its not working while there away.

What do I do. I wanna be with her.

Loveinapril

Commanchie wrote: »

I wanna be with her.

And if she wanted to be with you she would break up with him. If you ended up together could you trust that she wouldn't fall for someone else who pursued her?

Unanimous

Thats a 5 year relationship and she is gonna give it up for you who she has just met and doesn't know so well?

Find out what she wants and why she isn't happy in her relationship and both of ye should take it slow.

I am weary of people who make decisions so quickly and without thinking things through.

She is out of a 5yr relationship and needs fresh air before going into anything.

I would say be patient and observant as well!

See if she breaks up with him and cuts him off, see if you are compatible, etc, don't make a (I want to be with you promise yet)

Just my advice though

Big Bag of Chips

I wouldn't trust too much what she says. A person who openly, negatively discusses their partner to work colleagues, loud enough for clients to listen in, and then goes off on holiday with said partner after kissing someone else sounds like an attention seeker at best. If you want to be with her tell her sort her current relationship out first and let you know when it's done. Do not have any more dealings with her until she is single.

Going off on holiday with her fella who she has been openly bitching about and texting you constantly while she's away doesn't paint her in a very good light to be honest.

Commanchie

I do get everyones posts and i ask myself those questions. I feel nuts even puttting it up here. Ive spoken to her mother and all (She told her ) and shes apparently tell the BF its over while shes on holidays.

ShaShaBear

Commanchie wrote: »

I do get everyones posts and i ask myself those questions. I feel nuts even puttting it up here. Ive spoken to her mother and all (She told her ) and shes apparently tell the BF its over while shes on holidays.

You've spoken to her mother - the girl you've had two secret dates with - the girl who cheated on her partner of 5 years by kissing you and then went off on holidays with him - her mother?!

Nope. No. Nuh-uh. Nooooooo. Not a hope. Absolutely not.

Ursus Horribilis

Why on earth would she tell her boyfriend it's over while they're on holidays? I couldn't think of a worst time/place to end things. Where would he/she stay after this bombshell? Are their plane seats beside each other for the flight home?

Hitman3000

She sounds lovely. Runs her bf down in front of colleagues and you. Tells you she is going to break up with him once the holiday which he has probably paid for is over. I wish you and her every happiness. Sounds like a potential head wrecker but hey you are happy to pursue an attached person. Ye deserve each other.

Bunny Colvin

Commanchie wrote: »

I do get everyones posts and i ask myself those questions. I feel nuts even puttting it up here. Ive spoken to her mother and all (She told her ) and shes apparently tell the BF its over while shes on holidays.

Sounds like the best time to tell him, when the two of them are stuck together away from home.

I'd be wary enough about the whole thing to be honest.

Commanchie

Hitman3000 wrote: »

She sounds lovely. Runs her bf down in front of colleagues and you. Tells you she is going to break up with him once the holiday which he has probably paid for is over. I wish you and her every happiness. Sounds like a potential head wrecker but hey you are happy to pursue an attached person. Ye deserve each other.

She paid for.

Hitman3000

Commanchie wrote:

She paid for.

Really, so not to lose out on something she paid for she's going to spend a week in a room with someone she's going to dump? I think you are being used to massage someone's ego. 5 years maybe a bit of routine has set in and you are the willing distraction. Not going to end well for anyone. You included.

Commanchie

Hitman3000 wrote: »

Really, so not to lose out on something she paid for she's going to spend a week in a room with someone she's going to dump? I think you are being used to massage someone's ego. 5 years maybe a bit of routine has set in and you are the willing distraction. Not going to end well for anyone. You included.

I havent commited to anythinf literally aired it here as im anonymous and can get an opinion

ShaShaBear

Commanchie wrote: »

I havent commited to anythinf literally aired it here as im anonymous and can get an opinion

You literally only met this woman and have discussed her leaving her partner for you with HER MOTHER.
Either she is 100% playing you for a fool and you've fallen for it hook, line and sinker or this woman is literally nuts!

Hitman3000

Commanchie wrote:

I havent commited to anythinf literally aired it here as im anonymous and can get an opinion

You been around chatting her Mum. What makes you think her mum won't say anything to her daughter's bf? She has one can assume known him for 5 years and may even like the guy and feel some loyalty to him.
Well here is an opinion, she's a potential head wrecker. Lots of good looking single females out there with no baggage. Best of luck.

Esse85

What age are you?

KevinCavan

If you are looking for the ride with a head melter that’s where you are headed, but don’t expect anything else.

smelly sock

Commanchie wrote: »

I do get everyones posts and i ask myself those questions. I feel nuts even puttting it up here. Ive spoken to her mother and all (She told her ) and shes apparently tell the BF its over while shes on holidays.

Ha ha. Ffs. Do you have money she is sniffing around?

You know she is currently getting pummelled by the boyfriend.

Ursus Horribilis

I wouldn't trust her as far as I'd throw her, for all the reasons outlined up above. Still, if she's what you want then all you have to do is wait. She'll come home from her holiday single and ready to fall into your arms. Won't she?

Commanchie

Hitman3000 wrote: »

You been around chatting her Mum. What makes you think her mum won't say anything to her daughter's bf? She has one can assume known him for 5 years and may even like the guy and feel some loyalty to him.
Well here is an opinion, she's a potential head wrecker. Lots of good looking single females out there with no baggage. Best of luck.

I know the mother 13 years. I only met the daughter few months ago.

Commanchie

Esse85 wrote: »

What age are you?

Older then u going by the 85 at end of the name.

KERSPLAT!

You asked for opinions and the consensus so far is to run for the hills but it's not the opinion you want to hear.

What do you want to hear?

Commanchie

KERSPLAT! wrote: »

You asked for opinions and the consensus so far is to run for the hills but it's not the opinion you want to hear.

What do you want to hear?

Who said its not what i want to hear?

Esse85

Commanchie wrote: »

Older then u going by the 85 at end of the name.

You must be 86 so and she's only 27, no wonder she's taking you for a fool.

Stringing you along while she's sunning herself and shagging the bf after a few cocktails.

Commanchie

Esse85 wrote: »

You must be 86 so and she's only 27, no wonder she's taking you for a fool.

Stringing you along while she's sunning herself and shagging the bf after a few cocktails.

Of courseeee.

horseofstone

She sounds like she's a keeper

Hitman3000

horseofstone wrote:

She sounds like she's a keeper

Well till the holidays are over at least .

Baron Kurtz

Commanchie wrote: »

I know the mother 13 years. I only met the daughter few months ago.

How old were you then, when you knew the mother first?

The daughter was 14 then. Maybe you did know this.

Big Bag of Chips

I feel sorry for her boyfriend of 5 years who has the world and its mother discussing him being dumped, while he's clueless. She is not going to break up with him on holidays. Talk about having an awkward few days stuck in the same bed/same apartment/same flight etc. She may not even end it with him when she gets home because she'll want to give it a while because she won't want to do it straight after the holiday.

Then you will become the bit on the side, ego boost while she continues trying to garner sympathy from everyone around her for having the worst boyfriend ever... But not actually finishing with him.

How do you know her mother 13 years, and never knew her? And how did it come up that you know her mother? How/Why did she tell her mother she had cheated with you, and how/why did you end up discussing it with her mother?

Seriously, whatever happens, if you're going to end up in a relationship with this woman, maybe (both of you) stop sharing details of your relationship with her mother...

Hitman3000

Big Bag of Chips wrote:

How do you know her mother 13 years, and never knew her? And how did it come up that you know her mother? How/Why did she tell her mother she had cheated with you, and how/why did you end up discussing it with her mother?

Maybe it's really the mom he wants. Like the song Stacey's Mom.

Xterminator

Hi Op

i think this one is simple. she need to end her relationship 1st, then you can start one.

Is she a cheater? would she be happy to cheat on him with you while they work things out? if so that would be a big red flag.

Do the decent thing, tell her your feelings, but that your wont be getting involved until she breaks up with the current mug.

ManOfMystery

None of this makes a lot of sense unless you accept that she's stringing you along and you're nothing more than an ego boost and a distraction for her.

I predict she will return from holiday wanting to 'rejuvenate things' with her partner after spending some quality time together.

SusieBlue

The only thing worse than someone who cheats on their partner while in a committed relationship is this type of people who willingly, intentionally pursue people who are taken.

You seem to have built the situation up into some sort of star crossed lovers, Romeo & Juliet style scenario. This girl has no respect for herself, for her boyfriend, or for you.

If you absolutely must pursue this headwrecking melter of a woman, please take a massive step back & do not go any further until she ends her relationship.
How would you feel if you were in her bf's shoes? Would you like to have the same done to you?
It sounds like she's just using you as a distraction because she's bored. Dating is a lot more straightforward and has a lot less drama when both partners are actually single.

The answer to your problem is actually in the title of your OP: You're single, she's not. Its that simple.
Don't go sniffing around women who have boyfriends.

Alrigghtythen

If you see her daily, why did you need to give the number to your friend, to give to her, to pass on to her colleague?

She is a head wrecker and you are no better.

You knew she was in a relationship so you told her you like her. She is on holidays with the bf she is telling you she's not happy with.

You talking to her mother is odd. Her daughter is in a relationship, what did the mother advise? That you go for it?

Emme

Commanchie wrote: »

Older then u going by the 85 at end of the name.

Somebody born in 1985 would be 33. Which would make you older than 33. Her boyfriend is 40. Are you that age too? Would you be closer to her mother's age?

Your age doesn't matter. She is playing you for a fool and you are falling for it.

There are plenty of single women available of all ages who won't wreck your head. You'd be better off dating one of them.

leggo

Those who cheat with you cheat on you OP.

joeguevara

I started seeing a girl who had a long term boyfriend. Nothing happened before they broke up apart from a drunken score. The evening she broke up with him she called me and we were together. At the time I didn’t see it as a red flag as they had just finished college and she was starting a new chapter in her life. Also I was selfishly not thinking about him.

Two years later as we were starting a new chapter jobs wise she started cheating with someone more successful and established. Dawned and me she was doing to me what we had done to her ex. If someone cheats while in a long term relationship it shows a flaw. Yes it is exciting now but think about how you would feel if you were in his position. Because odds are you will be before long.

leggo

joeguevara wrote: »

I started seeing a girl who had a long term boyfriend. Nothing happened before they broke up apart from a drunken score. The evening she broke up with him she called me and we were together. At the time I didn’t see it as a red flag as they had just finished college and she was starting a new chapter in her life. Also I was selfishly not thinking about him.

Two years later as we were starting a new chapter jobs wise she started cheating with someone more successful and established. Dawned and me she was doing to me what we had done to her ex. If someone cheats while in a long term relationship it shows a flaw. Yes it is exciting now but think about how you would feel if you were in his position. Because odds are you will be before long.

Yep. In general I find a lot of people have ‘break-up patterns’. It’s a tough thing to do so obviously we find a way that works for our own individual personality: some do it via text, some ghost or disappear, some are really healthy, others cheat. But it’s always worth sussing out what a partner’s pattern is because it’s likely to repeat itself if things don’t work out.

John_D80

leggo wrote: »

Yep. In general I find a lot of people have ‘break-up patterns’. It’s a tough thing to do so obviously we find a way that works for our own individual personality: some do it via text, some ghost or disappear, some are really healthy, others cheat. But it’s always worth sussing out what a partner’s pattern is because it’s likely to repeat itself if things don’t work out.

This is so true. I know a woman who has been in the same break-up pattern since her mid teens. She is in her early forties now and I’m quite confident saying she has not been single a day since was about 16. 7 or 8 serious long term relationships in that time have all overlapped and ended with her moving on to her next partner before the previous relationship was over. Nearly 30 years she’s doing it.

The past does repeat itself in relationships. OP needs to be very wary.

Penny Tration

I've been in her poor boyfriend's position recently and here's what I can tell you -

He hasn't a clue. She's still sleeping with him. She's still telling him she loves him.


My ex's affair partner was like you - willing to jump into a relationship before he ended things with me.

And he didn't. He didn't end things with me. Not at first. They carried on for months and months behind my back, all the while he's telling me how much he loves me and wants to marry me. 5 years too.


Do you know why we actually broke up? Because I nearly died and couldn't have sex for a few months due to the surgery I needed to save my life. When he realised we couldn't have sex, that's when he ended it. When I was in hospital with sepsis, he was with her. That's how cruel and uncaring these kind of people are.


Then while he was with her, he was still begging me to fix things. Ten minutes before I finally told him to shag off, he was on a date with her and texting me about how he'll always love me.


Even when we ended things, he wasn't faithful to her. Just like she won't be faithful to you.

If she cheated with you, she'll cheat on you.


All you're doing is breaking the heart of an innocent guy who deserves better.


Move on, find someone who isn't a cheater. She WILL do the same to you.

sbsquarepants

Hitman3000 wrote: »

Maybe it's really the mom he wants. Like the song Stacey's Mom.

Well in fairness, she did have it going on:D

Commanchie wrote: »

I know the mother 13 years. I only met the daughter few months ago.

When you knew the mother 13 years ago did you not notice she had a 14 year old daughter (Stacey?)- who you now want to hook up with.

You also popped around and brought this matter up - "so, you know Stacey is away with her boyfriend" "yeah" "well, when she get's back, I want to bang her a little bit, you ok with that"?

Hmmmm.

I doubt the veracity of this tale to be blunt!

Sephiroth_dude

Here's what you do.......LEAVE HER ALONE!

Mr. Incognito

I echo all these comments.

I lived with my ex for 3 years. She was seeing a lad behind my back, whilst on study leave while I paid her rent.

Then we went on a holiday and she was skyping him every time my back was turned.

She would also go meet her "friends" for drinks.

In the end I copped it, checked her email and all their whatsapp messages were backed up.

I went to the bar and told her to come get all her **** and get out. Thank God I did and had that strength.

She was all apologies but of course kept seeing that lad till he got bored of her and dumped her two months later.

Long story short some people are addicted to the thrill of a new relationship and that initial infactuation phase.

You are in that phase too. When it wears off. And it will. It always does. She will be bad mouthing you to her colleagues and riding the next lad who is cute that hits on her at work.

You have an opportunity right now to ruin your life for the sake of a beautiful blonde.

Everyone here is telling you the same thing. We had to learn the hard way.

The absolute best thing you could do is take a step back. As soon as you do you will see that she doesnt dump the boyfriend but will leech away till the next infactuation comes along.

She has no character. And neither do you.