Estate Agent Keeping us Homeless - pls help

Dead1Day

This is my first post to this forum and I am reaching out in utter desperation with the hope that someone out there can help. I have been separated for 4.5 years. My ex has his own home in the UK and we have a jointly owned house in Ireland. It took until Jan of this year to get my ex to court and now there is finally a court-mandated sale on the house. Due to safety issues, my 2 young children and I can not live in the house here in Ireland, but I am paying the full mortgage on my own. We were living with my mother, but she is sick now so we are floating around different relatives homes. I thought that because the house had a court-ordered sale that this situation would be temporary, but the house is still not on the market 8 months later. My ex found an estate agent in a town near where the house is to say that it needed thousands of euros worth of work before it could be sold. I explained to this estate agent that I was homeless with 2 kids and that the other 4 estate agents in the area said a clean-up of the garden was all that was needed. The estate agent was really aggressive on the phone and said he was working in the best interests of his client (?!) and I should be glad that he hadn't told me to stage the house for sale. I have literally no money to do all the work required and there seems to be nothing the solicitor can do. I'm more than €20K in debt with legal fees and utterly at my wit's end. Has anyone out there experienced this? Any ideas? Please help!

MarkR

If it's joint ownership, can't you choose another estate agent?

wexie

Dead1Day wrote: »

The estate agent was really aggressive on the phone and said he was working in the best interests of his client (?!) and I should be glad that he hadn't told me to stage the house for sale.

Sounds to me like he doesn't consider you to be his client....

Get a different estate agent. If you can that is.

Dead1Day

He picked one estate agent and I picked another. If we can't agree on an estate agent I have to go back to court, which will take months and cost even more. I'd have to lodge the court case, so I'd incur the additional costs of this too. I am trying to keep going down the legal route because I have to, but if there is any other way I'd try it. My youngest child has special needs and the constant change of routine is having a really bad impact on her, so I'd like to get her a home and a set routine if possible. It's now the estate agent blocking the sale!

wexie

Dead1Day wrote: »

It's now the estate agent blocking the sale!

I would imagine (no offence) that it's more likely your ex that's the problem here.
Estate agents tend not to make much money by not selling houses and like I said earlier it seems like the agent considers your ex to be his client rather than you.

****ty situation and I'm not sure what you can to do be honest.

Maybe you could have something in writing from the other estate agents that they'd be happy to take on the sale and verifying they don't think anything more is needed than tidy the garden and take that to your solicitor?

The house might be in disrepair but that doesn't mean it can't be sold, just means it'll be sold for less and might take longer. Still not a reason not to list it if the client insists though.

Dead1Day

It is actual torture at this point - I'm only holding on for the sake of the kids as life otherwise is being made truly miserable. I'm guessing that he is paying the estate agent to do this. I can't imagine why the estate agent would do it otherwise? I don't know the guy at all. I have letters from 2 other estate agents saying nothing needs to be done to the house (it was built in the early 2000's and is in perfect condition). Apparently, it would have to go back to court and all of the estate agents would have to testify. My ex's estate agent was contacted by solicitor about this and he's willing to go to court on it! You actually can't make this stuff up!

Thank you all for all the response btw. At least it feels like I'm less on my own with this...;)

jimmycrackcorm

You have two options.

1. Ask your solicitor about writing to the estate agent that you'll week be gong back to court and they'll be held responsible as a party in blocking a court mandated sale. It can be sold at a price reflecting its current condition.

2. As you haven't contracted that estate agent then there is nothing to stop you going to another one to put it up for sale in its current condition. It'll only be a problem for your ex that his agent isn't getting the sale.

Ken.

Get your solicitor to tell the estate agent that you will be reporting his activity to the Property Services Regulatory Authority. http://www.psr.ie/website/npsra/npsraweb.nsf/page/index-en

It might light a fire under his arse.

q85dw7osi4lebg

1) How is it remotely the agents fault? Who signed the PSRA agreements? If you didn't sign them, then the agent can't treat you as a client.

2) Get a solicitor.

Dead1Day

I am up to my oxters in debt for the solicitor and barrister! There is no court in the land that can compel my ex to do anything he doesn't want to do - at least not without years of legal wrangling. I am probably too soft. I let him off with child support etc just to get rid of him and get the curse of the house off my back! Sadly, it hasn't worked. So I have a solicitor and am refusing to sign the agreement with the ex's Estate agent. Problem is - he won't sign with anyone else.

Dead1Day

This is a really good idea! Do you think the PSR would take this seriously or are they just a big of a quango that do soft reviews? Would it mean anything to the estate agent to be complained about?

Mookie Blaylock

Can you make a claim on his home in the UK? ...if he thinks you can.. then maybe he'll be more agreeable to letting you pick another estate agent here to speed the same along.

Dead1Day

Mookie Blaylock wrote: »

Can you make a claim on his home in the UK? ...if he thinks you can.. then maybe he'll be more agreeable to letting you pick another estate agent here to speed the same along.

I agreed to sign it over to him to get him to agree to sell the house here. He drained all our savings and joint account to buy it so I could have pushed for more but just wanted to be free from the control etc. I've refused to sign over ownership tho until the house here sells. I'm hoping that both solicitors are so peed off with him that they come up with some solution. Neither of them get paid until the house is sold.

twowheelsonly

Putinbot wrote: »

Get your solicitor to tell the estate agent that you will be reporting his activity to the Property Services Regulatory Authority. http://www.psr.ie/website/npsra/npsraweb.nsf/page/index-en

It might light a fire under his arse.

This all day long...

You need to discredit the Estate Agents opinion. They're playing dirty so unfortunately you need to do the same. Has he actually been in the house BTW or is he just acting on the instructions of your ex ?

Dead1Day

twowheelsonly wrote: »

This all day long...

You need to discredit the Estate Agents opinion. They're playing dirty so unfortunately you need to do the same. Has he actually been in the house BTW or is he just acting on the instructions of your ex ?

He's admitted in a letter to my solicitor that the list of jobs that he claims need to be done on the house were emailed to him by my ex. One of them was to "extensively declutter" the property. Sure it's 100% empty! I don't even own a dinner plate! There is nothing to declutter. When I challenged the estate agent on this point he couldn't answer. By the time my solicitor called him, he claimed he was talking about a pile of letters in the hall. What he says is all bs, but it's irrelevant as it's stopping any progress on the sale. Will contact the PSR tomorrow for sure.

q85dw7osi4lebg

All EA posts are BS until we know who signed the PSRA.

Dead1Day

Jayson Better Trash wrote: »

All EA posts are BS until we know who signed the PSRA.

No prsa signed at all by anyone. That's kind of the problem. I won't sign with the ex's estate agent because of the list of works he's insisting on prior to listing the property but my ex is refusing to use any other estate agent

q85dw7osi4lebg

Dead1Day wrote: »

No prsa signed at all by anyone. That's kind of the problem. I won't sign with the ex's estate agent because of the list of works he's insisting on prior to listing the property but my ex is refusing to use any other estate agent

If there's no PSRA then unfortunately you can't do a damn thing about the EA as you have no agreement / contract with them. No point saying anything to the regulator as there is no basis.

See your solicitor.

Ken.

Mod- The Op has requested that I move the thread here. Please read the local charter before posting. Rules are very strict.

1hnr79jr65

Couple of options that are open to you:

1. Maybe approach his solicitor thorough your legal representatives for an independant seller that is mutually agreed by the legal teams with commissioner of oaths or soemthing. This way neither you or your ex can claim other has had influence in deciding the seller EA.

2. Press a case for claiming half of his property in the UK along with back pay of child support (including feeding, clothting, schooling, needs assistance for your child with disability) and other fees such as bills when he was living in the house as he has failed to amicably agree any reasonable terms.

3. This is the hardest option, defeault on any payments on the house if any, forcing lending instituitions to get involved to take the property from both of ye AND press ahead with point 2 also.

I would reccommend you consult your legal counsel on these options to see what can be done.

Tiddlypeeps

Start chasing him for child support. You let him off in the hope he would give you an easy life but he is not so hold him to it. I'm not even suggesting this as a revenge move, you are struggling financially and he is not contributing to his child so that should be remedied.

The same for his house in the UK. You didn't push for it on the condition that the other house be sold quickly but he has also renaged on that condition so if it's still an option to you then you should also back track and push for your share of that too. If both your savings were used to buy it then it seems insane to just let him have it, especially when he is making life so difficult in every other regard.

Why are you continuing to pay the full mortage on a property you half own that you are essentially being denied agency over. Taking on a bad credit rating is a big move but the sittuation is pretty dire as is so it's worth considering. Also this may force your ex's hand as it will result in him also getting into bad credit. Floating around reletives houses with 2 kids is really not ideal so you could use this money saved here to cover a chunk of rent somewhere.

You have a lot more power in this sittuation than you realize.

In the short term have you checked in with social welfare to see if there is anything they can do to help you? I'm not familiar with all their programs, but you are effectively homeless so there should be something they can do to help the .

Caranica

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

In the short term have you checked in with social welfare to see if there is anything they can do to help you? I'm not familiar with all their programs, but you are effectively homeless so there should be something they can do to help the .

When you own a house they won't consider you homeless even if the other house isn't habitable. Friend went through an awful time trying to find any kind of housing because of an inherited cottage in the middle of nowhere that was a complete wreck.

Faith

Sorry if this is a stupid question, but what’s stopping you and your children living in the house until it’s sold? You said safety issues - are they something that would affect the sale of the house? Or something that could be fixed or altered? Is the house lying empty while you are essentially of no fixed abode?

Hannibal_Smith

If all that is needed is a tidy up, then why can't you live there?

The court ordered the sale, but surely the court didn't order that your husband was to employ the estate agent. A lot of times there is a joint carriage of sale where an auctioneer is found by both parties and both parties will have their separate solicitors throughout the sale. Why is your husband instructing auctioneers on his own?

Get back on to your solicitor and tell them what is happening. Subject to what the court has ordered, there is absolutely no need for your husband to be given a free hand here.

Tiddlypeeps

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

If all that is needed is a tidy up, then why can't you live there?

The court ordered the sale, but surely the court didn't order that your husband was to employ the estate agent. A lot of times there is a joint carriage of sale where an auctioneer is found by both parties and both parties will have their separate solicitors throughout the sale. Why is your husband instructing auctioneers on his own?

Get back on to your solicitor and tell them what is happening. Subject to what the court has ordered, there is absolutely no need for your husband to be given a free hand here.

The husband hasn't employed an auctioneer. The husband has stated a preference for an auctioneer and is saying he won't go with anyone else. It would seem the auctioneer needs both of their concent to take on the sale of the property. Since the auctioneer the husband has chosen is stating the house is unsellable the OP would be mad to agree to use them, but at the same time the husband refuses to use anyone else putting OP in an impossible sittuation.

Hannibal_Smith

Tiddlypeeps wrote: »

The husband hasn't employed an auctioneer. The husband has stated a preference for an auctioneer and is saying he won't go with anyone else. It would seem the auctioneer needs both of their concent to take on the sale of the property. Since the auctioneer the husband has chosen is stating the house is unsellable the OP would be mad to agree to use them, but at the same time the husband refuses to use anyone else putting OP in an impossible sittuation.

Yeah...just read back and see where she said she hasn't signed the agreement.

OP, Can you agree to meet the auctioneer and walk through the property with him/her and go through where the differences are? (After discussing it with yr solicitor of course)

Big Bag of Chips

Why do you have to agree an estate agent? It's not unusual to see 2 different agents' boards outside a house. 4 other estate agents have told you the house is ready for sale, so can you not ask one of them to list it alongside the current estate agent who is doing nothing.

Look, I'm sure the estate agent does not want to get involved in a messy separation. They just want to sell houses and get their commission.

Is there something prohibiting you from asking a second estate agent to list it. It might put a shift on the first crowd or they might be happy to let it go.

Flibble

It sounds like the house is unsafe for her to live in as it was an abusive relationship and she's better off away from him.

Op I'm sure your husband is as uncooperative as he can be, and it's absolutely maddeningly frustrating. If he is digging his heels in & refusing to play ball with anything, there's not much you can do but play this the legal route. It doesn't sound like you're going to be able to reason with him. I understand that the legal route is expensive, but it's probably your only way through this if he's being unreasonable. Go to your solicitor and seek their advice. You need to do this.

However, while all that is going on, you should also visit your local Community Welfare Officer and explain the situation to them. Start asking for help. If your relationship was abusive, seek out the advise of women's shelter. You don't have to do this alone, there are supports out there.

Steviesol

If a final order was made in court the last day. You can go to the district court and get an order to change estate agent I am sure . District courts are very quick. You won't be waiting months

Dead1Day

Thank you all for taking the time to reply on this. I was on to Woman's Aid again last night, as I think I'm starting to reach the end of my ability to cope anymore. My solicitor emailed me again yesterday saying that he got my ex to say that it was ok that we do not do some of the fixes to the house on his list, but I absolutely have to use the Estate Agent he wants. Look - I know that people might be surprised that I'm annoyed with the Estate Agent, but to me, my ex is incredibly abusive and really, really good at it. But the Estate Agent is a complete stranger to me, so why, why is he helping my ex abuse 2 little kids??! The EA is a married man with kids of his own - I just don't know what he is is getting from this?! My ex is so charming and everyone thinks he's great and he has made everyone think I'm just mad. I am literally completely alone. My father would have murdered him by now, but sadly he passed away a few years ago. My mother is elderly and I was isolated from the world for so long (14 years) that I lost touch with most of my friends (plus who wants a moaning cow as a friend!). He has posted on FB that I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder and posts information on there about a group he is a member of - its a group that's for men that were abused by their female partner and he puts up links to articles from newspapers about women that abuse men. It would be kind of funny and I thought that all his contacts know me and could never believe what he's saying, but instead they comment on his posts with crying emojis and kisses for him, tell him they are praying for him and he'll get through this! I never post a thing bad about him and finally took my FB page down so I couldn't see what he was doing anymore. He assaulted my elderly mother at 4am one morning (when he was dropping our youngest child back - yep 4am in the morning) physically knocking her to the ground and then told the Gardai that she attacked him (she's almost 80 and arthritic) - they said it was his word against my mother's even though I saw it with my own eyes and my two children were there too and were in tears (the youngest one was vomiting on herself in fear)!!! Nothing ever happened to him. Nothing EVER, EVER happens to him. He has no access to my eldest child because he physically abuses her, comments on her developing "downstairs" area (he has given he a nick-name that refers to this area), weighted her ever morning when she was on access with him her (his sister also joined in on the weighing of her) because she is so fat (she does not have a pick on her btw) and controls what she eats. So now he only sees the youngest. He has never laid a hand on the youngest and brings her on trips to Disneyland etc when he has access with her. The principal in the kid's school loves him and at the end of last year she actually brought my 12 year old in to her office and told her that she was a lier and her mother was a lier. And guess what - if I make a complaint they'll say - there goes that mad one again with her lies. He has a very senior role in the UK and none of his colleagues would believe any of this about him. Also, I am on to my solicitor constantly about this, but the legal route takes so long and obviously my ex ignores as much as possible). If I live in the house - he can come in any time he wants as it's his house too - he can even call the Gardai on me. The children would never sleep. As I have a house - I can't avail of any social supports. I left 4.5 years ago and today he still has control of my life. I'm literally stuck in a living hell, but I have no bruises to show the world so no one gives a damn. And now an EA that I don't know from adam wants to land a few virtual punches too - like, why??

Dead1Day

But your answers mean so much - as I have no other perspective to draw on but the bottom of the hole I'm in. I even wrote to Joe Duffy!!! So thank you sincerely x

Hannibal_Smith

OP that's an awful situation. The estate agent, I would bet, doesn't know the full story. Just your ex's version. Going by what you've said in your last post, he's received instructions from a really nice guy trying to do his best.

At the end of the day....the estate agent has to have visited the property. They have to have looked it over. I'm not sure when you visited last, but is it possible your ex could have dumped stuff in it?

What about my suggestion about visiting it with his agent? And seeing what is wrong? I expect given what went on in the house you are reluctant to set foot in the place again. But think of it this way, the sooner this part is cleared up, the sooner the property is on the market. I would also insist that a report on all viewings be furnished to both you and your husband at regular intervals.

Your husband is not still in control. If he was in control, you wouldn't be here typing all this. Instead you've stood up for yourself with the solicitor against him. This is the final part. Talk to your solicitor about what happens when the contracts and deed needs signing, to try and preempt any ideas he may have about stalling it at that stage too, get in there first!

Dead1Day

You 100% right - I know that he will refuse any offers on the house and then refuse to sign the paperwork, but at least things will be moving. I have asked my solicitor to be ready for this and to get it back to court asap when this happens. It's getting it on the market that I'm stuck at. I had a phone call with the EA - one before and one after he sent the ridiculous list. For the second phone call he was shouting at me down the phone and said he would go to court to defend his professional opinion. It was a 30min phone call and I was literally balling my eyes out while this older man shouted at me down the phone. I've even considered just sitting outside the EA's office with the 2 kids until he deals with me in a fair way. Obviously, I can't do that to the kids tho. I have contacted TDs in the local area to ask for their help - no response (I realise this is a desperate act but I have to do something and one of them was all over the domestic abuse bill when it was in the media earlier this year). The house was built in the early 2000's. It is in pristine condition as I have kept the heat and electricity on, painted it and maintained it as best I could. It is empty, so looks a bit soulless but otherwise, it's a relatively new house in a lovely area that would sell quickly even if the house was a total tip (it's a commuter town near Dublin). The only damage to it was that a tile came off in storm Ophelia and there was a leak in a back bedroom, as a result, the ceiling has a mouldy patch. Honest to God - this is the only item that is not on his list of fixes and he is refusing to pay for it. It is the only thing that would put a buyer off. Instead, he wants to spend 200 on the garden, 200 to remove the garden shed, etc..... In the separation agreement, it says that the house has to be sold forthwith and that we have to take the advice of the EA. This is the loophole he is using to delay things now. I couldn't even anticipate this coming. My solicitor is not a counsellor and is very facts based. He seems baffled that I won't use this EA and doesn't seem to get that this EA will actively work to ensure that the house is never sold.

Hannibal_Smith

Don't accept shouting from any one you are paying money to for a service. The auctioneer is saying he can't sell the house as is, is that right? So if he can't sell it as is another auctioneer should be found.

No, your solicitor isn't a counsellor and is good that theyre facts based. Fact is you want the property on the market. Messy divorces happen all the time you are not on your own here. But you will get there.

Big Bag of Chips

Estate agents sell shells of houses. The sell houses that "need modernisation" which means draughty windows, no electricity, no running water, no heating etc.

There is a shell of a house, wuth no roof or windows for sale close to me. There is no reason whatsoever that a house is not in a fit state to sell. Its up to the people coming to view to decide whether or not they want to buy and put the work in.

I would instruct your solicitor (they work for you), to contact the estate agent and tell them the house is to be put on the market and sold as per the court order. If you need to sign anything to forward it. Let them know if they refuse to put it on the market that you will then take legal action against them.

Dead1Day

OK - I'm galvanised!! You are all right - I have to stop being a doormat. The pity party is over and I'm ready to fight for the sake of the kids again. I've written to my solicitor and told him I was not happy with his lack of action on this issue and that I would absolutely not be engaging that estate agent. I told him that I am entitled to use my own estate agent and my ex can use his. I said I had no money to do the 'fixes' requested, so he better get a resolution asap. I am submitting a complaint to the PSRA against the EA anyway. As far as I am concerned, his behaviour is unethical in the extreme. No doubt, it will go nowhere, but I'm doing it anyway as it is the correct course of action to take. It they do not take my complaint seriously, I will take it to the ombudsman.

ratracer

Good for you! You are in a ****ty situation and at least you can see now that you are the person who needs to take action for yourself and your kids. Your ex sounds like a knob ( granted we’re only getting your side of the story, and I’m not trying to discredit it either)

Can you live in your house? You say your ex lives in the UK, how often is he here? If you move in, just changed the locks. If he’s banging on your door at any stage, call the guards.

Legal routes can be slow, and you are right to be annoyed with the EA, but don’t alienate your solicitor, s/he is working on your behalf, if anything keep them even more involved.

Good luck with it, take back your life and live it as you see best!

martinr5232

Op sorry to hear this but a couple of points.
My partner was in something of a similar situation when i met her a scumbag now ex husband just like yours.
Things will get better it wont always be like this you need to keep telling yourself this.
Are you entitled to free legal aid ??
If you have an order from the courts can they not sign on his behalf if he is being a dick.
And lastly you need to fight fire with fire here if you can go back to court and get everything you are entitled to whether its half the house in england or not get your kids money at the very least but you need to stand upto him and start being the bitch hesays you are :-)

StinkyMunkey

Op have you contacted your citizens advise bureau?

Your Ex sounds like a right evil Cnut, I wish him all the badness in the world. Punishing his children to get to you because you had the audacity to leave him.

Keep a journal of any interaction you have between him or the EA. record any conversation and log time and dates in journal. Contact your local Garda station, ask to speak to the community Guard, if they have one. Basically create a paper trail.

Light a fire under your solicitor's ass, turn on the water works if need be, considering the trauma you are going through I don't think you will have any trouble becoming emotional (no one would).

Child Support, your entitled to it. This isn't for you, this is for your children. This evil fcuk should be paying you compensation let alone child support.

Use the organisations out there to help:

https://www.safeireland.ie/get-help/where-to-find-help/

Granted your not still in relationship with him, but he is still physiologically abusing you.

My heart goes out to you, I genuinely hope you find some good luck soon.

bleary

I think you need to keep a good record of dealings with the ea. If he tells you something you should email back with a summary of the discussion. Part of the code for ea involves letting clients know if they have a conflict of interest . Can you mail him and ask for written confirmation that has no conflict of interest jn the sale? . Refusing to sell if shed is not removed is crazy. Perhaps dealing through solicitor might be the best option.

To appoint an ea I don't think you even need your partner's agreement. You could stick it up on daft yourself if you want. You can get a valuation from an ea as long as you can get access to it.

You only need his agreement to sell but if a court has ordered it would that still be an issue?
Terrible situation. At least youre getting further away from it each day.

Dead1Day

Thank guys for your responses to my post. It was hugely validating. So many people say - well there are 2 sides to every story. Sometimes there really really isn't. I might be the biggest bi+ch in the world and a total behemoth to live with, but there is simply no 'other side' to leaving 2 kids homeless.

On the maintenance - he pays a very basic amount each month and the rest is supposed to be based on 'receipted items'. This means I have to let him know I want to buy/pay for something for the kids, he has to agree, and then I buy it and give him the receipt and he pays half. I did this for about a year prior to the judicial separation and he just used it to torment me. He wouldn't pay if (1) the receipts were not scanned in straight on the page, (2) each cost was not broken down and itemised (subs for club membership for eg - the club coordinator would have to provide justification for every cent sought. This was too embarrassing to do esp for 40-50 euro, (3) he would agree to pay it and then change his mind as - I could have gotten the shoes cheaper elsewhere etc.... So I waived my rights as my kids need a mother in one piece more than new shoes etc.

Both parties have to agree on an EA. About 2 years ago the ex told me to go ahead and put it up for sale (Quote: "I'd never stand in the way of you selling it"). He told me exactly which estate agent to use (a different one), what colour to paint the house, what carpets to change, power wash drive way, get windows cleaned etc... I did exactly as he asked and paid for it all myself. The day it got listed on Daft he called the EA and told him he had no idea this was happening and never consented to any sale. I lost the money I paid to the EA to list it and went back to square one.

nikkibikki

Your ex sounds like an evil, vindictive excuse for a man and a father.

Can you get a barring and/or protective order against him?

I'd advise you to immediately download a call recording app on your phone.

Record all conversations and interactions.

Ask the EA what he thinks he knows about you to make him behave towards you like he has? My bet is your ex told him you abused him. And he was gullible enough to believe him.

You have proof from his treatment of your oldest child as to what he is like. You can tell everyone who doubts you that he abused her too. He is using the younger one to get at the older one. His own child.

He is making a mockery out of men who have genuinely been abused by their partners.

I'd advise you to speak to a debt management company. And/or talk to your bank about restructuring your mortgage. It sounds like you can't afford it. What's the worst that will happen if you don't pay it? Bet it pales in comparison beside what can possibly happen if you live in the house.

Paddy Cow

nikkibikki wrote: »

I'd advise you to speak to a debt management company. And/or talk to your bank about restructuring your mortgage. It sounds like you can't afford it. What's the worst that will happen if you don't pay it? Bet it pales in comparison beside what can possibly happen if you live in the house.

It could be sold to a vulture fund who would be a lot more ruthless than her ex.

nikkibikki

Paddy Cow wrote:

It could be sold to a vulture fund who would be a lot more ruthless than her ex.

Financially maybe. But they won't turn up at the door abusing her, her mother and her kids. They won't spread lies that she's an abuser. At least if house is sold, OP can start to move on with her life and protect her children.

Paddy Cow

nikkibikki wrote: »

Financially maybe. But they won't turn up at the door abusing her, her mother and her kids. They won't spread lies that she's an abuser. At least if house is sold, OP can start to move on with her life and protect her children.

She is homeless and needs the money from the sale to set herself and her kids up. I think she would be crazy to get into arrears after she has invested so much into it.

Op can you get your solicitor to put pressure on the EA? As others have pointed out, he can't refuse to list the house until repairs are done. Many crumbling properties are listed and yours sounds fine apart from some minor things.

Teyla Emmagan

Paddy Cow wrote:

Op can you get your solicitor to put pressure on the EA? As others have pointed out, he can't refuse to list the house until repairs are done. Many crumbling properties are listed and yours sounds fine apart from some minor things.

Absolutely. There are properties for sale that are nothing more than 4 walls and a hole ridden roof. Of course you don't have to do repairs to a house before you sell it, that's ridiculous. People will buy it anyway if they want it. He has to be stalling.

Sorry for your predicament OP, your ex sounds like a horrible piece of work. You will come through this.

Steviesol

Dead1Day wrote: »

Thank you all for taking the time to reply on this. I was on to Woman's Aid again last night, as I think I'm starting to reach the end of my ability to cope anymore. My solicitor emailed me again yesterday saying that he got my ex to say that it was ok that we do not do some of the fixes to the house on his list, but I absolutely have to use the Estate Agent he wants. Look - I know that people might be surprised that I'm annoyed with the Estate Agent, but to me, my ex is incredibly abusive and really, really good at it. But the Estate Agent is a complete stranger to me, so why, why is he helping my ex abuse 2 little kids??! The EA is a married man with kids of his own - I just don't know what he is is getting from this?! My ex is so charming and everyone thinks he's great and he has made everyone think I'm just mad. I am literally completely alone. My father would have murdered him by now, but sadly he passed away a few years ago. My mother is elderly and I was isolated from the world for so long (14 years) that I lost touch with most of my friends (plus who wants a moaning cow as a friend!). He has posted on FB that I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder and posts information on there about a group he is a member of - its a group that's for men that were abused by their female partner and he puts up links to articles from newspapers about women that abuse men. It would be kind of funny and I thought that all his contacts know me and could never believe what he's saying, but instead they comment on his posts with crying emojis and kisses for him, tell him they are praying for him and he'll get through this! I never post a thing bad about him and finally took my FB page down so I couldn't see what he was doing anymore. He assaulted my elderly mother at 4am one morning (when he was dropping our youngest child back - yep 4am in the morning) physically knocking her to the ground and then told the Gardai that she attacked him (she's almost 80 and arthritic) - they said it was his word against my mother's even though I saw it with my own eyes and my two children were there too and were in tears (the youngest one was vomiting on herself in fear)!!! Nothing ever happened to him. Nothing EVER, EVER happens to him. He has no access to my eldest child because he physically abuses her, comments on her developing "downstairs" area (he has given he a nick-name that refers to this area), weighted her ever morning when she was on access with him her (his sister also joined in on the weighing of her) because she is so fat (she does not have a pick on her btw) and controls what she eats. So now he only sees the youngest. He has never laid a hand on the youngest and brings her on trips to Disneyland etc when he has access with her. The principal in the kid's school loves him and at the end of last year she actually brought my 12 year old in to her office and told her that she was a lier and her mother was a lier. And guess what - if I make a complaint they'll say - there goes that mad one again with her lies. He has a very senior role in the UK and none of his colleagues would believe any of this about him. Also, I am on to my solicitor constantly about this, but the legal route takes so long and obviously my ex ignores as much as possible). If I live in the house - he can come in any time he wants as it's his house too - he can even call the Gardai on me. The children would never sleep. As I have a house - I can't avail of any social supports. I left 4.5 years ago and today he still has control of my life. I'm literally stuck in a living hell, but I have no bruises to show the world so no one gives a damn. And now an EA that I don't know from adam wants to land a few virtual punches too - like, why??

I believe you, and you are not alone. Read Don Hennessys book "how he gets into her head"

It's abuse and these guys are masters at it. Charm every one . Stay strong . But please no that there is support out there.