Early 20s, single and no sex life

1109035

Im in my early 20s at the other end of the world in a city with a population higher than Ireland but still here i am a single pringle. I used to get around a bit when i was in my late teens but it all stopped when i hit 20, i dont know how and i dont know why. Ive only had 2 sexual partners in the last 3 years and one of them was a one night stand. I went through a fairly isolating time for over 6 months on my first time travelling but everywhere ive went since i have had a good group around me which helped a lot but the last few places ive been were fairly male dominated and none of us were getting any luck with women because of that.
But im in a place where theres a fair few women now and i just dont know how to get back in the saddle. Last week i had 2 drunk girls climbing up and hugging me and passing compliments etc but iwas only after landing in the pub at this stage and never in my entire life would i take advantage of a girl in that state ever so i was thankful when one left and the other got kicked out for being intoxicated.
I could really do with a few some tips on how to get back into it ive been told i put myself down too much as well, and need to believe in myself more an old ex pat i met out here said to me it made his night meeting me but jesus christ youre too damn shy and you need to learn how to take a compliment whatever he meant by the last part i dont know . I think one night during the week there a girl was showing some interest in me but i dont know whether she was or not either. Im after losing weight lately and i am trying to get fitter aswell and have been getting remarks off the lads about my build too so it looks like im doing something right at least. Ive tried tinder and even tinder plus but to of no avail whatsoever, i was messaging one girl on it and got nowhere but heard afterwards in conversation shed run up a cracked plate but even still i couldnt even meet up with her off tinder. Id love to know what to do to get back going again as im lost as to what to do and i hate being the one lad in the group whos going home on his own the whole time.

Thank you very much for any replies in advance

vectorvictor

Im gathering from your post title that you are looking for sex not a relationship. It sounds like the advice you were given is along the lines of you being a bit "too nice"

If you are looking for casual sex you will need to be a bit more forward and proactive. Have a drink, move onto a bar together to separate from your groups and get to know each other. Then ask her home and respect whatever the answer is. Your decision making on too drunk sounds good and will keep you out of trouble.

If this is too forward for you, you could go the route of exchanging numbers and playing the long game but some girls looking for casual fun won't be bothered doing this as they can have what they want now.

Casual sex is something you may enjoy the chase of more than any thing else. It's generally an awkward and unfulfilling endeavour. Im making assumptions based on you saying no sex life rather than no relationship.

You might find getting to know some one through activities, volunteering etc.. You can find casual "friends" this way and it may be more based on finding someone you actually like and are attracted to rather than just getting the itch scratched.

Forget the apps , sitting at home swiping right is the worst way to go

Bootlegger

<SNIP> No need to quote entire OP

I'm about ten years older but I can relate as I felt much the same when I was your age. So here's a few things to consider:

Firstly, do not go down the self loathing route and absolutely do not go down the women hating route. There is nothing more pitiful than a man who is angry at women because he can't get laid. Nothing.

Secondly, you need to be more aggressive. Sounds like you had a chance with those two girls. I would have put my arms around their waists and brought them to the bar. Don't ever feel you are 'taking advantage' (unless she is beyond wasted drunk) because if you do, she'll end up going home with someone else.

Thirdly, for practical advice, make sure you always have good posture. Work on developing strong eye contact. Go to the gym and build some moderate muscle mass. Read books on body language, you'll learn to spot signs of attraction that way. Mostly importantly, get into the habit of touching. Women love physical contact. For example, when I'm talking to a girl and make a joke, I will often touch her on the arm or elbow to emphasie my point. It's amazing the effect this has. And if you can't touch her on the arm or leg in a flirty way, how will you ever get to have sex with her?

Like I said, I'm 30 and when I was your age I got almost no action. Last week I went out alone and pulled a 21 year old French girl. No doubt that women are attracted to men older than them. You have a lot work to do but the results are well worth it.

Ps. You will probably get a lot of generic advice about being yourself and joining clubs. Bs. Hit the bars (not nightclubs) have a few drinks and get talking to girls.

cloudatlas

1109035 wrote: »

Ive tried tinder and even tinder plus but to of no avail whatsoever, i was messaging one girl on it and got nowhere but heard afterwards in conversation shed run up a cracked plate but even still i couldnt even meet up with her off tinder.

I love when that kind of trash talk about women who are sex positive comes back to bite the ass of the gossipers.

Have you ever thought of avoiding the bar for a while and joining a group where you can meet others in shared activities.

blairbear

Your attitude to women is highly problematic. "She'd run up a cracked plate". Wouldn't go near you though, hun.

Maybe start there. Not speaking about women like they're dirt.

You definitely don't sound like you're being "too nice".

Bootlegger

blairbear wrote: »

Your attitude to women is highly problematic. "She'd run up a cracked plate". Wouldn't go near you though, hun.

Maybe start there. Not speaking about women like they're dirt.

You definitely don't sound like you're being "too nice".

>young lad wants to get laid
>problematic

Pick one please.

Goose76

Bootlegger wrote: »

I'm about ten years older but I can relate as I felt much the same when I was your age. So here's a few things to consider:

Firstly, do not go down the self loathing route and absolutely do not go down the women hating route. There is nothing more pitiful than a man who is angry at women because he can't get laid. Nothing.

Secondly, you need to be more aggressive. Sounds like you had a chance with those two girls. I would have put my arms around their waists and brought them to the bar. Don't ever feel you are 'taking advantage' (unless she is beyond wasted drunk) because if you do, she'll end up going home with someone else..

Charming. Because the OP losing out to a girl going home with someone else is worse than the OP potentially taking advantage of someone who isn’t fully capable of consent. Disgusting post. If in doubt, don’t even consider it.

OP - be confident, never aggressive.

blairbear

Bootlegger wrote: »

>young lad wants to get laid
>problematic

Pick one please.

Your post is even more problematic. You are the last person who should be giving any young man advice. Disgusting.

Bootlegger

Goose76 wrote: »

Charming. Because the OP losing out to a girl going home with someone else is worse than the OP potentially taking advantage of someone who isn’t fully capable of consent. Disgusting post. If in doubt, don’t even consider it.

OP - be confident, never aggressive.

Good job on missing the part where I said don't do it if she's extremely drunk. If you won't dare try it on with a girl because she's drunk you may as well give up.

Bootlegger

blairbear wrote: »

Your post is even more problematic. You are the last person who should be giving any young man advice. Disgusting.

Disgusting how?

1109035

cloudatlas wrote: »

I love when that kind of trash talk about women who are sex positive comes back to bite the ass of the gossipers.

Have you ever thought of avoiding the bar for a while and joining a group where you can meet others in shared activities.

It didnt really come back to bite the ass of the gossipers 3 lads i was drinking with had been with her.
I cant really avoid that bar as its my main meeting place and its obly towards the end of the week wed be there anyway. Any sport id have an interest in is finished up before the summer starts. The GAA clubs are full of women out here but anyone ive met involved in GAA here arrogant as and unless you were a top class player they wouldnt give you the time of day.

vectorvictor

1109035 wrote: »

It didnt really come back to bite the ass of the gossipers 3 lads i was drinking with had been with her.
I cant really avoid that bar as its my main meeting place and its obly towards the end of the week wed be there anyway. Any sport id have an interest in is finished up before the summer starts. The GAA clubs are full of women out here but anyone ive met involved in GAA here arrogant as and unless you were a top class player they wouldnt give you the time of day.

You are doing alot of pre judging OP and sound like you feel defeated in things before you start anything.

Go out, when you see any interest from someone seize it without thinking. Just go for it - you can go from zero to sack in an hour or two if that's your thing, you just let go of worrying what they think about you or what's wrong with them or thinking about reasons why you shouldn't.

It sounds like you need more experience in general with how to talk to and about women so maybe start there before going straight in for a shag.

Confidence and not a desperate pity me ride is what you should be chasing.

Dial Hard

1109035 wrote:

It didnt really come back to bite the ass of the gossipers 3 lads i was drinking with had been with her. I cant really avoid that bar as its my main meeting place and its obly towards the end of the week wed be there anyway. Any sport id have an interest in is finished up before the summer starts. The GAA clubs are full of women out here but anyone ive met involved in GAA here arrogant as and unless you were a top class player they wouldnt give you the time of day.

Tbh, OP, I suspect your attitude is 90% of your problem. It doesn't sound like you particularly even like women, let alone respect them. That kind of negativity comes off people in waves in person and women will steer well clear.

1109035

Dial Hard wrote: »

Tbh, OP, I suspect your attitude is 90% of your problem. It doesn't sound like you particularly even like women, let alone respect them. That kind of negativity comes off people in waves in person and women will steer well clear.

Ive more respect for alot of people than i have fkr myself to be fair, id go out of my way to help anyobe if i could even if it often meant the favour would never be returned i gave ten minutes last saturday trying to help a confused elderly woman find her way home as there was public transport disruptions at the weekend even though i was in a hurry to make it somewhere else myself that day. Ive put travelling on hold previously due to lack of replacements for me at that job, i stuck out another c#nt of a job for fear id make life hard on that employer despite hanging on he still stabbed me in the back when i left. To say i have no respect for other people is very wrong, i could have been a dickhead that night with those two girls and played along but that would have been a terrible disrespectful thing to do and a foolish thing at the same time.

A few other posters have said about not wanting a relationship etc, im only young and theres a lot of this country and the world left to see and i dont want a relationship to get in my way of that as i had to end one before due to that. If a relationship came along all well and good and id play it by ear but its not in the main plan of action.

blairbear

OP, we are not referring to your relationship with your employer or an elderly, frail person on the street.

I was specifically referring to the way you speak about women you want to date. You slut-shamed a woman for allegedly sleeping with friends of yours; "she would get up on a cracked plate". I note you did not refer to your drinking buddies in the same manner.
You seem to think you deserve plaudits for not pursuing/taking advantage of two women who were intoxicated and that you had minimal interaction with. Nobody deserves praise for basic human decency.

You speak of women that you have briefly met at a sports club as being interested in men for purely superficial reasons. Again, that is derogatory; assuming negative characteristics of women you don't know and have decided not to get to know.

You may well be insecure and nervous around women you fancy but it doesn't buy you a pass here. You need not to dismiss the posters who picked up on this tone of derision towards women and consider how your words are portraying you.

1109035

blairbear wrote: »

OP, we are not referring to your relationship with your employer or an elderly, frail person on the street.

I was specifically referring to the way you speak about women you want to date. You slut-shamed a woman for allegedly sleeping with friends of yours; "she would get up on a cracked plate". I note you did not refer to your drinking buddies in the same manner.
You seem to think you deserve plaudits for not pursuing/taking advantage of two women who were intoxicated and that you had minimal interaction with. Nobody deserves praise for basic human decency.

You speak of women that you have never met at a sports club as being interested in men for purely superficial reasons. Again, that is derogatory; assuming negative characteristics of women you don't know and have decided not to get to know.

You may well be insecure and nervous around women you fancy but it doesn't buy you a pass here. You need not to dismiss the posters who picked up on this tone of derision towards women and consider how your words are portraying you.

I see where youre coming from, ill stand corrected.
I was involved in GAA my whole life up until i was about 16, and because of my experiences in those 12 years yes i do have presumptions about GAA over here and they have shown through from what ive seen at hone and abroad if youre not the next best thing to an all star good luck to you and that is the same reaction you get from either male or females from what ive seen even people id have know out here outside of the GAA there attitude to you changes as soon as theres anymore of the GAA crowd at an event.

GingerLily

1109035 wrote: »

I see where youre coming from, ill stand corrected.
I was involved in GAA my whole life up until i was about 16, and because of my experiences in those 12 years yes i do have presumptions about GAA over here and they have shown through from what ive seen at hone and abroad if youre not the next best thing to an all star good luck to you and that is the same reaction you get from either male or females from what ive seen even people id have know out here outside of the GAA there attitude to you changes as soon as theres anymore of the GAA crowd at an event.

Why are limiting yourself to GAA socialising when you already state that it's a bad place to meet women?

1109035

GingerLily wrote: »

Why are limiting yourself to GAA socialising when you already state that it's a bad place to meet women?

I have joined another code of sport which id much rather enjoy, but the only real places to meet people in general out here is in the pub.

Bootlegger

Ignore the feminists here op, you don't have an attitude problem. Some women are easy, some are only attracted to high status males. There's no problem saying this.

The only problem I've seen is you appear to be too cautious around drunk girls. You should have flirted with those girls you met, you should been able to enjoy their company without worrying about 'taking advantage'.

Women are not children, they don't need to be protected. If a girl has drunk sex and then regrets it, then so what? If you willingly consume a substance that lowers your inhibitions you only have your self to blame.

Of course taking advantage of someone who is so drunk they can barely stand is wrong but I believe you know that. And it takes a lot of alcohol to get to the stage where a person loses the ability to consent.

I feel sorry for young men like yourself that are attacked for simply wanting to do what nature designed you to do.

1109035

Bootlegger wrote: »

I feel sorry for young men like yourself that are attacked for simply wanting to do what nature designed you to do.

Ive gotten verbally abused in a public place by two <SNIP> before over them thinking that i should be a second class citizen to them, if you were a bystander and the abuse coming fromwho was reversed youd be in youre right mind to knock me on my back to be honest.

blairbear

1109035 wrote: »

Ive gotten verbally abused in a public place by two <SNIP> before over them thinking that i should be a second class citizen to them, if you were a bystander and the abuse coming fromwho was reversed youd be in youre right mind to knock me on my back to be honest.

The pair of you should date. You are both as bad as each other. Horrible.

vectorvictor

blairbear wrote: »

The pair of you should date. You are both as bad as each other. Horrible.

I suspect the drought will be continuing for a long time yet.

Cannot understand how you can't see the answer to the question you posted OP. You've a crappy attitude and seem to have a lot of anger/hatred towards women.

You seem mystified as to why the inferior beings are proving so difficult...

Emme

Bootlegger wrote: »

Ignore the feminists here op, you don't have an attitude problem. Some women are easy, some are only attracted to high status males. There's no problem saying this.

The only problem I've seen is you appear to be too cautious around drunk girls. You should have flirted with those girls you met, you should been able to enjoy their company without worrying about 'taking advantage'.

Women are not children, they don't need to be protected. If a girl has drunk sex and then regrets it, then so what? If you willingly consume a substance that lowers your inhibitions you only have your self to blame.

Of course taking advantage of someone who is so drunk they can barely stand is wrong but I believe you know that. And it takes a lot of alcohol to get to the stage where a person loses the ability to consent.

I feel sorry for young men like yourself that are attacked for simply wanting to do what nature designed you to do.

It's bad advice to tell a man to chase drunk girls. It's dangerous these days. There have been several court cases in recent years where men have been accused (rightly or wrongly) of raping a woman while drunk. This isn't jump out of the bushes and pull them in there with you rape, it's go home with a drunk girl, have sex with her because she seems willing at the time and then you find out she wasn't willing after all.

I don't know how much alcohol it takes to get to the stage a person loses the ability to consent and it varies from person to person. It would also be very difficult for a jury in court to know this so they tend to err on the side of caution when making decisions except in some cases where the men accused are top sports stars but I won't elaborate on that.

splinter65

OP you need a total change of attitude. I don’t think you’re a bad person I think that you’re actually becoming quite anxious that yourre not going to be intimate with a girl ever again and it’s coming across here very badly.
Right now for a start you have to stop looking at women as potential sex partners and just look at them as people. If you make a concerted effort to treat everyone, men and women, with respect and consideration in every situation irregardless of the circumstances then your social life will improve because you will be someone people want to be around.
Of course this won’t happen unless you have some self respect. Why do you want to have sex with people you don’t know?
Look at yourself in the mirror. Your in the prime of your life. Get your hair cut. Get fit. You don’t need an expensive gym membership you can start walking/running every evening for free. Have a shower. Iron your clothes. Put clean clothes on going out. Invest in an expensive aftershave . Don’t drink too much when you go out. Clean your teeth properly. Trim your fingernails. Smile at people. Be mannerly. You’ll feel better and people will like you more.

dudara

Mod warning - no more talk of “feminists” or any other generalisations. It is not welcome here and if you continue, there will be mod action.

Advice should always be aimed at the OP. It should be constructive and not used to get digs in or make sweeping statements. If you can’t manage that, then don’t post.

dudara

vectorvictor

<SNIP - no discussion of mod instructions on thread>

OP what are your thoughts on the positive / proactive feedback you've been given. You've only responded to the negatives so far.

dudara

@vectorvictor - discussing mod action on thread is not allowed and could lead to cards. Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss.

dudara

shakeitoff

Whatever you do don't take anything you hear on Boards.ie as gospel. You'll find that the opinions on here are not actually prevalent in the real world. People on message boards like boards.ie will tend to have an awareness that most people just won't have in real life. It's unfortunate but it's the truth.

qwerty13

You’ve said some stuff in this thread that comes across really bitterly, and as though you don’t like women at all. Women can smell that attitude a mile off, and it is really really off putting. Like kills any potential dead. I know you’re relatively young, but honestly, the ‘cracked plate’ comment made me cringe.

Maybe the problem is your attitude, and that it’s really obvious to women, and they pick up on it and dislike it. Please don’t listen to the pick up artist in this thread. If I saw an unknown male trying to separate from the group a friend who’d had drinks, id be onto that so fast his head would spin. It’s not a nice thing to do. And as a woman, would be a bit predatory / scary.

B0jangles

OP, aside from the very questionable ethics of trying to have sex with drunk women because you know they are less likely to refuse, remember that word gets around - women talk to each other, they also warn each other - especially in expat communities.

Try that kind of thing a few times and you yourself could have a reputation you'd find very hard to shake off.

dudara

heaven help me - did any of you pay any heed to my warning to stop generalising and instead focus on offering advice to the OP???? Let the Peterson cr*p out of this thread. You can debate that in AH, tGL or another forum where that kind of discussion takes place.

There will be cards and actions for this mess.

dudara