What would you do?

Cletoreyes50

A friend of mine left his wife as the sex became routine, they were having sex once a week for the sake of it. The spark was no longer there after being together for about 15 years. They have three young kids together. So he decided to break up and now is now living with his new girlfriend with whom the sex is great.

Would you make such a ballsy move to break up a family just for sex where everything else was perfect, they still love each other and were best friends?

beertons

Does she make nicer sandwiches too?

Sycamore Tree

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

A friend of mine left his wife as the sex became routine, they were having sex once a week for the sake of it. The spark was no longer there after being together for about 15 years. They have three young kids together. So he decided to break up and now is now living with his new girlfriend with whom the sex is great.

Would you make such a ballsy move to break up a family just for sex where everything else was perfect, they still love each other and were best friends?

Newsflash. Everything else was not perfect if the sex with his wife had no spark. The love was gone.

Did he request a separation before he went off looking for good sex? If not, he is a creep.

Mr. Incognito

What does he do when the sex dries up with the new gf?

Cletoreyes50

Sycamore Tree wrote: »

Newsflash. Everything else was not perfect if the sex with his wife had no spark. The love was gone.

Did he request a separation before he went off looking for good sex? If not, he is a creep.

He got with the new girl about a year later. Everything else was perfect, the sexual attraction was just gone. They very much love eachother to this day.

Cletoreyes50

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

What does he do when the sex dries up with the new gf?

Move on I presume.

optogirl

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

A friend of mine left his wife as the sex became routine, they were having sex once a week for the sake of it. The spark was no longer there after being together for about 15 years. They have three young kids together. So he decided to break up and now is now living with his new girlfriend with whom the sex is great.

Would you make such a ballsy move to break up a family just for sex where everything else was perfect, they still love each other and were best friends?

I doubt if everything else was fine - most people wouldn't break up a 15 year relationship or a young family because they are going through a patch of a bad sex life - and once a week seems pretty good for most marriages with 3 young kids around!

It seems a very impulsive thing to do - relationships are not static things - they are dynamic and the rough comes with the smooth. While sex is vital for a good marriage, it is not the be all and end all and ending a marriage purely because the sex had become mundane seems incredibly selfish. If all of the other stuff is true - that they are best friends and deeply love each other, then it seems like he's thrown away something most people hope for, for the sake of his libido - which will also change. Marrying someone is promising to stick together through the tougher times so your friend, if I'm honest, seems like a bit of a d*ck.

Cletoreyes50

optogirl wrote: »

I doubt if everything else was fine - most people wouldn't break up a 15 year relationship or a young family because they are going through a patch of a bad sex life - and once a week seems pretty good for most marriages with 3 young kids around!

It seems a very impulsive thing to do - relationships are not static things - they are dynamic and the rough comes with the smooth. While sex is vital for a good marriage, it is not the be all and end all and ending a marriage purely because the sex had become mundane seems incredibly selfish. Marrying someone is promising to stick together through the tougher times so your friend, if I'm honest, seems like a bit of a d*ck.

He's not like everyone, he makes fairly ballsy moves, I actually admire his courage.

Turnipman

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

Move on I presume.

Hopefully he'll get fully checked out for STIs before he shags the next one ........... and again before the next one ............ and the next one ...... and so on ad impotentium.

Chancer3001

What would ya do if your son was at home
Crying all alone on the bedroom floor
Because her hungrrrrry
And the only way to feed him is to
Sleep with a man for a little bitta money
And his daddy's gone


..............
Alternatively.....
............

What would ya doooo if u sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me ?
Lend me your ears and I'll ring you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key

Signore Fancy Pants

I'd bang your friends wife.

Chewie Style.

verycool

Fella sounds like a shallow c*nt.

And this thread smells suspiciously like underneath a bridge.

Cletoreyes50

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

A friend of mine left his wife as the sex became routine, they were having sex once a week for the sake of it. The spark was no longer there after being together for about 15 years. They have three young kids together. So he decided to break up and now is now living with his new girlfriend with whom the sex is great.

Would you make such a ballsy move to break up a family just for sex where everything else was perfect, they still love each other and were best friends?

Open relationship with strict rules would be a good path. Silly to throw away such a strong partnership just because sexual attraction has faded. We aren't built for strict monogamy.

optogirl

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

He's not like everyone, he makes fairly ballsy moves, I actually admire his courage.

Well I don't think ending your marriage and leaving the home that your 3 kids live in because you're not getting your rocks off is ballsy. It's cowardly. 'I'm not having as much fun here as I anticipated so I'll just give up'. Did he make any attempts to remedy the sex situation with his wife?

super_furry

I'm sure those three young kids will be delighted to know that their Dad has a better sex life now.

Cletoreyes50

optogirl wrote: »

Well I don't think ending your marriage and leaving the home that your 3 kids live in because you're not getting your rocks off is ballsy. It's cowardly. 'I'm not having as much fun here as I anticipated so I'll just give up'. Did he make any attempts to remedy the sex situation with his wife?

If anything the cowardly thing is to pretend everything is ok and let the lack of passionate sex slowly consume your sole.

NOVA MCMXCIV

Girl you ain't the only one with a baby – that's no excuse to be livin' all crazy.

SEPT 23 1989

You have only one run at this life what's the point in spending 40 years in misery

Turnipman

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

You have only one run at this life what's the point in spending 40 years in misery

When you can ruin the lives of countless of women and kids in your unending quest to ensure that your dick remains at the centre of your universe.

bear1

As someone who is loosely going through something like this I can say the guy is a dumbass.
My wife and I are in the middle of a separation with 2 kids.
It's a huge shock for us both but one we have to accept.
The sex was always good but we stopped connecting after the death of our son.
Everyday became a fight day.
We forced ourselves to be happy after a certain amout of time.
When our 2nd child was born in April the marriage was already starting to crumble.
We both said things we shouldn't have and some things we both won't ever forget.
The knock on effect is huge..
So yeah you're friend a ****ing moron.

Graces7

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

He's not like everyone, he makes fairly ballsy moves, I actually admire his courage.

Courage? His act is sheer weakness and utterly selfish .

He made a commitment and now has not got the.... words fail.... decency to stick to it.

So for the gratification of what they crudely call in Liverpool, what s between his legs, he abandons a wife AND THREE YOUNG CHILDREN.

Next time we read of a woman with small children being homeless..

He is a ...( decided to omit my words here..)

By the way, my own father did the same when I and my brother were kids. The utter pain and devastation he caused. and he even started a new family .. mind you he was on his third wife when he died ...

It is a despicable and irresponsible act...

Beta Ray Bill

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

A friend of mine left his wife as the sex became routine, they were having sex once a week for the sake of it. The spark was no longer there after being together for about 15 years. They have three young kids together. So he decided to break up and now is now living with his new girlfriend with whom the sex is great.

Would you make such a ballsy move to break up a family just for sex where everything else was perfect, they still love each other and were best friends?

Left his wife and 3 kids for a ride with someone else, where the sex will inevitably also become **** over time.
Selfish prick by the sounds of it.

There's nothing Ballsy about it, he's just not a very nice person.

If it had been just him and her then fine, but fact that there's 3 kids involved and based on what you've said he didn't have a destructive relationship with the mother of his kids, makes me think he's actually just a Thick.

super_furry

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

If anything the cowardly thing is to pretend everything is ok and let the lack of passionate sex slowly consume your sole.

Give over. If your friend actually exists, then he clearly thinks that having 'exciting sex' is more important than the welfare of his three kids.

optogirl

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

If anything the cowardly thing is to pretend everything is ok and let the lack of passionate sex slowly consume your sole.

Did he do anything to try to remedy things? Did he get married thinking everything was always going to be exactly the same?

Beta Ray Bill

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

He's not like everyone, he makes fairly ballsy moves, I actually admire his courage.

He actually just sounds Thick.
Ballsy moves are moves made by people that are trying to wriggle out of a problem or situation rather than dealing it directly.

If their relationship was good, Sex should have been easy to sort out (It's one of the easiest things to sort out, given it was obviously good before hand).
Why didn't they?

Edit:
She could easily say:
I want a divorce,
I want the kids (Max €600 per month per kid maintenance)
I want the house.
I want the car.

Now he set back financially until the youngest kid is 21.
All for the sake of ride.... probably with some yoke that won't even want a sniff of him when she sees how financially labored he's going to be for the next X years.

What an Idiot!

begbysback

super_furry wrote: »

Give over. If your friend actually exists, then he clearly thinks that having 'exciting sex' is more important than the welfare of his three kids.

Would it not be possible for him to provide for them whilst living elsewhere?

xi5yvm0owc1s2b

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

If anything the cowardly thing is to pretend everything is ok and let the lack of passionate sex slowly consume your sole.

My feet have never suffered from the lack of passionate sex.

Beta Ray Bill

Vincent Icy Doughnut wrote: »

My feet have never suffered from the lack of passionate sex.

F*cker!
Bet me to it!!!

PlaneSpeeking

Graces7 wrote: »

So for the gratification of what they crudely call in Liverpool, what s between his legs, he abandons a wife AND THREE YOUNG CHILDREN.

Eh ?

I think you'll find that's very much NOT a Liverpool saying!

erica74

"just for sex"?
In my opinion sex is extremely important in any longterm relationship, particularly between people who want to spend the rest of their lives together. Sex isn't just about having an orgasm, it maintains the bond between a couple, it's intimacy that only you and your partner share.
I find it hard to put into words how important it is and how it should be a priority between couples.
I suppose "je ne sais quoi" is the only way to describe it.

That's not to say that I think all married couples are/should be having sex 3 times a night. When you're in a longterm relationship, there is so much more influencing your sex drive and your own physical "ability" (by this I mean, some days you're just fucking wrecked at the end of your day). Couples should be able to talk about their sex life and maintain it to a degree that pleases both and sometimes that may mean a "dry spell" because one of you is going through a difficult time.

Sardonicat

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

optogirl wrote: »

Well I don't think ending your marriage and leaving the home that your 3 kids live in because you're not getting your rocks off is ballsy. It's cowardly. 'I'm not having as much fun here as I anticipated so I'll just give up'. Did he make any attempts to remedy the sex situation with his wife?

If anything the cowardly thing is to pretend everything is ok and let the lack of passionate sex slowly consume your sole.

Lack of passionate sex is not the kind of thing that consumes your soul. In a few years time your friend will know the kind of things that do. That's assuming he has a soul.

Sardonicat

Vincent Icy Doughnut wrote: »

My feet have never suffered from the lack of passionate sex.

Depends on what you're into, I suppose.

pleas advice

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

What would you do?

Usually Drink, Usually Dance

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Life would be so much nicer if people just looked after their own business.

xi5yvm0owc1s2b

erica74 wrote: »

"just for sex"?
In my opinion sex is extremely important in any longterm relationship, particularly between people who want to spend the rest of their lives together. Sex isn't just about having an orgasm, it maintains the bond between a couple, it's intimacy that only you and your partner share.
I find it hard to put into words how important it is and how it should be a priority between couples.
I suppose "je ne sais quoi" is the only way to describe it.

That is all true, although as couples get into their 30s and 40s, advance in their careers, and have children, sex can't always be the top priority. The demands of a stressful job, taking care of children, keeping home and affairs in order, etc., can be exhausting, and I'd say there are many such people who just don't have the energy for sex at the end of a long day.

erica74

Vincent Icy Doughnut wrote: »

That is all true, although as couples get into their 30s and 40s, advance in their careers, and have children, sex can't always be the top priority. The demands of a stressful job, taking care of children, keeping home and affairs in order, etc., can be exhausting, and I'd say there are many such people who just don't have the energy for sex at the end of a long day.

I completely agree. As couples have built a life together, there's also a sort of unwritten understanding that sometimes sex isn't the priority because you had a shit day or you're wrecked or you have to go to the gym or whatever.

Pauliedragon

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

A friend of mine left his wife as the sex became routine, they were having sex once a week for the sake of it. The spark was no longer there after being together for about 15 years. They have three young kids together. So he decided to break up and now is now living with his new girlfriend with whom the sex is great.

Would you make such a ballsy move to break up a family just for sex where everything else was perfect, they still love each other and were best friends?

Sounds very similar to my marriage which ended a couple of years ago. It wasn't just that the sex was boring per say we just grew apart as cliched as that sounds and we both knew it was best to move on. We're still on good terms and chat now and again. No kids though so that made it less messy.

Cletoreyes50

optogirl wrote: »

Well I don't think ending your marriage and leaving the home that your 3 kids live in because you're not getting your rocks off is ballsy. It's cowardly. 'I'm not having as much fun here as I anticipated so I'll just give up'. Did he make any attempts to remedy the sex situation with his wife?

Yes, for years but when the spark is gone sometimes it just isn't coming back.

Cletoreyes50

grahambo wrote: »

He actually just sounds Thick.
Ballsy moves are moves made by people that are trying to wriggle out of a problem or situation rather than dealing it directly.

If their relationship was good, Sex should have been easy to sort out (It's one of the easiest things to sort out, given it was obviously good before hand).
Why didn't they?

Edit:
She could easily say:
I want a divorce,
I want the kids (Max €600 per month per kid maintenance)
I want the house.
I want the car.

Now he set back financially until the youngest kid is 21.
All for the sake of ride.... probably with some yoke that won't even want a sniff of him when she sees how financially labored he's going to be for the next X years.

What an Idiot!

He's not financially laboured, he makes over 100k and and his new girlfriend makes around 80k, so not an issue.

optogirl

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

Yes, for years but when the spark is gone sometimes it just isn't coming back.

Well that paints a different picture - if they spent years trying to fix things to no avail then perhaps a split was for the best

Pyr0

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

A friend of mine left his wife as the sex became routine, they were having sex once a week for the sake of it. The spark was no longer there after being together for about 15 years. They have three young kids together. So he decided to break up and now is now living with his new girlfriend with whom the sex is great.

Would you make such a ballsy move to break up a family just for sex where everything else was perfect, they still love each other and were best friends?

So he just up'd and left his family behind because the spark was no longer there? Why didn't they at least try marriage counselling first?

Cletoreyes50

Turnipman wrote: »

When you can ruin the lives of countless of women and kids in your unending quest to ensure that your dick remains at the centre of your universe.

Repressing your sexuality can impact every aspect of one's being.

lawred2

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

He's not like everyone, he makes fairly ballsy moves, I actually admire his courage.

If how you've put it is the case then he left his three kids to get laid more.

Ballsy and admirable don't come to my mind.

Cletoreyes50

Pyr0 wrote: »

So he just up'd and left his family behind because the spark was no longer there? Why didn't they at least try marriage counselling first?

Has there ever been a case where marriage counselling created sexual desire which was lost? Maybe but I would say very unlikely.

Cletoreyes50

lawred2 wrote: »

If how you've put it is the case then he left his three kids to get laid more.

Ballsy and admirable don't come to my mind.

It wasn't to get laid more, it was for better quality authentic sex, rather than as task.

lawred2

bear1 wrote: »

As someone who is loosely going through something like this I can say the guy is a dumbass.
My wife and I are in the middle of a separation with 2 kids.
It's a huge shock for us both but one we have to accept.
The sex was always good but we stopped connecting after the death of our son.
Everyday became a fight day.
We forced ourselves to be happy after a certain amout of time.
When our 2nd child was born in April the marriage was already starting to crumble.
We both said things we shouldn't have and some things we both won't ever forget.
The knock on effect is huge..
So yeah you're friend a ****ing moron.

I don't know you and I don't know anything about you but those few words were enough to stop me in my tracks

I wish you, your wife and your child all the best. For whatever that's worth..

optogirl

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

Has there ever been a case where marriage counselling created sexual desire which was lost? Maybe but I would say very unlikely.

Yes. Counselling can help get to the root of why the sex has become mundane or lost spark or whatever and provides a dedicated time, place & moderator to air those feelings, thoughts & worries that you may never discuss outside of that dedicated space. Moderator also ensures that you stay on point & each person gets time to speak & discuss.

Huexotzingo

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

A friend of mine left his wife as the sex became routine, they were having sex once a week for the sake of it. The spark was no longer there after being together for about 15 years. They have three young kids together. So he decided to break up and now is now living with his new girlfriend with whom the sex is great.

Would you make such a ballsy move to break up a family just for sex where everything else was perfect, they still love each other and were best friends?

The marriage became quite a chore eh OP.

lawred2

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

It wasn't to get laid more, it was for better quality authentic sex, rather than as task.

cool

his kids will appreciate that when they get older

they might even high five him because.. you know... he's such a top shagger and all..

lawred2

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

He's not financially laboured, he makes over 100k and and his new girlfriend makes around 80k, so not an issue.

he might make it but he won't see it

he'll have two taxmen now

Graces7

Cletoreyes50 wrote: »

Repressing your sexuality can impact every aspect of one's being.

balderdash...choosing to stay faithful to your commitments is a mature choice an worth far more than sex