Best places to meet women in a rural area if I'm not into drinking etc?

Grandslammer

So I'm 29 years old, I live in a rural area, and I feel like the black sheep. I'm not into drinking/pub culture, GAA, religion, and all the other things that people around here seem to be into.

Where are the best places to meet women? All the events I would be interested in are all on in the cities. I can't travel to the cities due to financial and time reasons, not to mention the distance factor itself.

I've tried all the dating apps and I'm sick of them. People seem to be going back to meeting people the old fashioned way - in person.

I suffer from social anxiety, albeit slowly recovering from it. I'm not into going to group events.

There seems to be absolutely nothing going on around here that I would be even mildly interested in. I don't even have any friends around to attend any events with. But I'm more the type to meet women when I'm on my own anyway - I met my last two girlfriends in person, although my living circumstances/social anxiety were not an issue then either.

Recently I've been going to the gym as well as trying to start a business. The gym has been useless for meeting women, but at least I'm getting fit! The business is very early days and we're currently still looking for funding. My business partner is married and in his 60's so it's not as if we can go out and meet women together.

I've tried looking on Meetup, Eventbrite, etc etc - all the events are in the cities. Very little locally, and the ones that are have like 2 or 3 people attending them max - men anyway.

Has anybody got any ideas on how I can meet women? I'm at my wit's end. Thanks!!

Day Lewin

Supermarkets, swimming pools, standing watching anything interesting: anywhere that ordinary people stand and chat is a good place to get to know someone.
You say you live in the country and have a business: have you thought of looking on Facebook for groups with that kind of an interest? There are lots of Facebook Groups. Examples are, Local History groups, hobby groups...join up, explore your interests, and if you find somebody pleasant, chat to them. Most of them may not be single women, but people are people.
I'm no fan of the Dating App mindset - it always shows. BE interested in something outside yourself, and BE interesting - someone will get interested in you, eventually!

mikemac2

Tidy Towns committee. I bet your area has one, it's deadly serious business!

All volunteers are welcome and you'll be out and about meeting the locals. Age profile will be older than you but you'll be meeting people they bring along too

Can you paint a wall?

Grandslammer

mikemac2 wrote: »

Tidy Towns committee. I bet your area has one, it's deadly serious business!

All volunteers are welcome and you'll be out and about meeting the locals.

Can you paint a wall?

I'm not into that kind of thing. I spend a lot of time online. If a local community group was looking for someone to make a website for them I'd be happy to help.

Help!!!!

First things first, get to a doctor & sort out your social anxiety. Not much chance of getting anywhere if your anxious (take it from someone who knows)
What sort of rural area do you live in? Village/town or middle of no where?
You dont drink, women like coffee/tea, is there a coffee shop you could go?
Is there a family resource centre near you? They usually run Failte Isteach classes for migrants, so you could volunteer, its only teaching basic English but there would usually be women of all ages at them

keepalive213

Hang around the town on signing day!

Seriously though, rural area + social anxiety is not an easy combination to deal with.

My advice would be to do your best to expand your comfort zone on a daily basis, try not to overthink things, be yourself and dont be afraid to give something new a try even if you have reservations. CBT may help although your probably no where near such a service.

Grandslammer

Help!!!! wrote: »

First things first, get to a doctor & sort out your social anxiety. Not much chance of getting anywhere if your anxious (take it from someone who knows)
What sort of rural area do you live in? Village/town or middle of no where?
You dont drink, women like coffee/tea, is there a coffee shop you could go?
Is there a family resource centre near you? They usually run Failte Isteach classes for migrants, so you could volunteer, its only teaching basic English but there would usually be women of all ages at them

Thanks for your reply! I've been to a doctor about it and I'm getting things sorted. It's not just social anxiety - its much more than that. You know the saying "to find yourself" - that's more like it.
My whole situation began after my last break up - long story short, she ran off with another fella. Since yet I've had loads of ups and downs, and lived in Dublin and Cork for spells working. Now I'm living in the middle of nowhere and I'm going to be stuck here for the foreseeable future.
I've met several women over the past few years since my last relationship. All the ones I was into weren't into me. A couple led me on for months without giving me anything back. One ghosted me - that really hurt as things were going really well.
I'm going to follow up on Fáilte Isteach! I had never heard of it before. Thanks again!

Raging_Ninja

Are there any baking classes, yoga courses, dance classes or anything like that going on nearby? There has to be some sort of hobby club in the area.

The goal is just to meet and talk to people, after that things will work out for themselves so long as you are capable of basic social interaction.

siblers

Is there a local Macra (you don't need to be a farmer)? It'll probably be mainly fellas but they do organise a lot of social outings with other macras which will have more women. They do a lot of balls and dinners/dances too

Supermarkets are gold for meeting someone. Random encounters, with very basic greetings. They're great because it's somewhere you'll likely meet the same people repeatedly building up rapport/interest. Just don't move on anyone too fast, and translate it to a cafe meeting after. Nice neutral ground.

While you said you have social anxiety, there are usually cultural events like book readings, poetry, etc. These events tend to have smaller numbers, and will have a majority of women, although many of them will be older or married. Still, they're excellent as pivots, to help you meet some "nice" girls they know. Drama societies can also be a lot of fun, especially if they're doing their own workshops. The acting can be a great way to have a laugh.

Rural/smaller town areas are still mostly "by introduction" (friends, family, etc) since you're not interested in the pub element. So, you should network, and make friends with a variety of people... and you'll be introduced to others naturally since people love to meddle with single guys lives.

_Brian

Walking, hiking or cycling clubs.
Drama group
How about Macra ?

LegacyUser

I'd have considered myself to be in a similar situation to yourself before but around 5 years ago I started to travel around the world extensively and met some great people along the way and dated women from Brazil and the Philippines. Get on tinder and plenty of fish as there is loads of women out there, basically it is a numbers game, keep at it and you might fail 99/100 times but you will always meet great women not just foreigners but also Irish women too. Adapt a positive attitude and you will be successful.

spaceHopper

Do a night course in the local town. Cheap, you learn something just pick the right course, what about a start your own business course.
I'm not into sports but I sail, boats are always looking for crew and you meet people, there are drinks after but it's not pub piss up, it one or two and most times I drink black currant because I'm driving. Surfing is a great way of meeting women believe it or not. No 1 thing get out from behind the keyboard. If you are starting a business are there any business networking events you can go to.

Jennehy

Eyeing up women to chat up in swimming pools would define one as a pervert in fairness.

nthclare

Local AA or NA meetings lol

DeadHand

It’s a tough one because single, young women tend to get out of rural Ireland at the earliest possible opportunity, in my experience.

On the sexual/relationship front I had lonely periods (outside of the ltr which devoured much of my twenties) when I lived in small towns and villages, it really was striking to me the comparative ease with which I fell into romantic attachments (without really trying in all cases) when I resided in cities.

DeadHand

DeadHand wrote: »

It’s a tough one because single, young women tend to get out of rural Ireland at the earliest possible opportunity, in my experience.

On the sexual/relationship front I had lonely periods (outside of the ltr which devoured much of my twenties) when I lived in small towns and villages, it really was striking to me the comparative ease with which I fell into romantic attachments (without really trying in all cases) when I resided in cities.

Population is key... also the lack of a reputation/gossip following you around. Cities provide a fresh start each time you meet someone unless you become a "local" in a particular dating venue...

I'm moving to a city of 17 million soon. Ahh... Joy.

riffmongous

It might help to get to know the everyday local people first, then you'll gradually get to know who the single people are through them.. things like Tidy Towns, music classes, irish classes, even hanging around the post office and shop chatting way will help. Once you get to know a few people then once you meet them again they'll introduce you to their friends and you can go from there as a way in, in general.

But I would say, from my time at home, I don't think I remember a single person coming in and starting a relationship with someone.. most people who came to live would already have a partner or would rely on their old social circles to find one. The problem is of course availability..

Purple Mountain

Spending time online is very solitary so try keep that to a minimum.
Have you any affection for travelling?
Could you save up and go on one of those group tours where you will meet people up for solo adventure?
Even if you don't meet the lady of your dreams there it could open up your social circle, get you more invites to things and you never know who you could be introduced to through friends of friends etc.
And it might take you out of your social anxiety trap a bit too.

Grandslammer

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Spending time online is very solitary so try keep that to a minimum.
Have you any affection for travelling?
Could you save up and go on one of those group tours where you will meet people up for solo adventure?
Even if you don't meet the lady of your dreams there it could open up your social circle, get you more invites to things and you never know who you could be introduced to through friends of friends etc.
And it might take you out of your social anxiety trap a bit too.

I love travelling. I've lived in America and Canada for spells in the past, and I've been to several European countries. Unfortunately, I'm not in the position to be able to save at the moment.

Grandslammer

Grandslammer wrote: »

I love travelling. I've lived in America and Canada for spells in the past, and I've been to several European countries. Unfortunately, I'm not in the position to be able to save at the moment.

Flight to China for less than 500 euro (one way). Very low cost of living compared to Ireland. Highly recommended. Plenty of dating options without needing to drink. And being Irish is a definite plus.

honeybear

Local matches, fundraisers, Mass!

fritzelly

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Pat Mustard

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Population is key...

This.

No matter what it is that you want, supply and demand are key. If you're in a rural area where there are 70% plus unmarried young bachelors aged under 30, you will find that the competition is tough. Although men may accept physical jobs in rural environments , women are simply less likely to do so. Rural towns are not places that are as easy to meet young women as cities. That's a fact.

You are young, at 29. You mentioned your business and your business partner in his sixties. If I found myself in your position, 29 again and choosing between a business and a life, I'd have chosen money and business at that age, too. But I'd have been unlikely to have gone for a rural town and if I did, there would have to have been the prospect of meeting someone in such a place. It would have to have been a busy town with a busy nightlife.

Pulling is a numbers game. Put yourself out there and you'll meet somebody. Put yourself out there a lot and you'll meet loads of people. But there must be a lot of women out there too. Otherwise numbers are against you.

A good wingman is always useful to assist in meeting women as well.

Grandslammer

Pat Mustard wrote: »

This.

No matter what it is that you want, supply and demand are key. If you're in a rural area where there are 70% plus unmarried young bachelors aged under 30, you will find that the competition is tough. Although men may accept physical jobs in rural environments , women are simply less likely to do so. Rural towns are not places that are as easy to meet young women as cities. That's a fact.

You are young, at 29. You mentioned your business and your business partner in his sixties. If I found myself in your position, 29 again and choosing between a business and a life, I'd have chosen money and business at that age, too. But I'd have been unlikely to have gone for a rural town and if I did, there would have to have been the prospect of meeting someone in such a place. It would have to have been a busy town with a busy nightlife.

Pulling is a numbers game. Put yourself out there and you'll meet somebody. Put yourself out there a lot and you'll meet loads of people. But there must be a lot of women out there too. Otherwise numbers are against you.

A good wingman is always useful to assist in meeting women as well.

The business opportunity came to me out of nowhere. I'm unemployed at the moment, having recently finished a degree. The business opportunity was too good to turn down. My business partner lives pretty close to me so it's not worthwhile moving out. If we start making enough money from it so I can afford to move out, I'll move to Gorey (which is where we hope the business to be established). Hopefully that happens. Gorey is thriving at the moment! But it will be at least a year from now...

Pat Mustard

I have no idea what Gorey is like for anything. But if it's not far, what about moving there and getting a head start on the social aspect? What I really mean is why restrict yourself for a year? (sorry, I see that you wrote about financial issues in moving out).

On an unrelated note, I hope you have taken advice from an accountant before getting into business with the new business partner, not that it's any of my business.

AMKC

Gorey is in Wexford. It has a population of 10,000 at least and it's on the way to Courtown. Just a little geography lesson for anyone interested lol. Always seems to be busy Gorey at least when I used to go through it. It was on RTE news recently and seems to be booming. Had breakfast there a few times too. Used to do some work out in Courtown and would pass through Gorey on the way down.

Plopsu

OP, is this an issue meeting women or a more general absence of a social life?

Oh, and there is some seriously bad advice in some of the posts here that if you follow it will have people crossing the road to avoid you.

Grandslammer

Plopsu wrote: »

OP, is this an issue meeting women or a more general absence of a social life?

Oh, and there is some seriously bad advice in some of the posts here that if you follow it will have people crossing the road to avoid you.

It's both really! I'm hoping that if the business takes off it will improve my social life and finding women. Not only that, but it's the financial aspect also. If I could afford to pop down the country for a weekend (even on my own) it would be something!

Could you elaborate on your second point?

Plopsu

Well, I would look at developing a social life first, which will increase your exposure to people and possibly lead to you meeting somebody (and I say that as somebody who's in a similar (though possibly more leaky) boat).

As regards the second point, some posts have suggested hanging round swimming pools and at shops. They'd be great ways to get known as 'Crazy Weird Guy' but not much use otherwise.
Actually making friends is really difficult, despite the usual suggestions you'll get. If people look at their friendships over their lives they'll mostly find that they came from situations where they were forced into a space with people for a prolonged time (school, college and sometimes work). Outside of that, it's shared interests (which is fine if there are groups for your specific groups). You're unlikely to make friends talking to people at bus stops and supermarkets (unless you see the same ones all the time) and probably not much more from taking a class. Honestly, I'm trying to puzzle this stuff out myself.

Grandslammer

Plopsu wrote: »

Well, I would look at developing a social life first, which will increase your exposure to people and possibly lead to you meeting somebody (and I say that as somebody who's in a similar (though possibly more leaky) boat).

As regards the second point, some posts have suggested hanging round swimming pools and at shops. They'd be great ways to get known as 'Crazy Weird Guy' but not much use otherwise.
Actually making friends is really difficult, despite the usual suggestions you'll get. If people look at their friendships over their lives they'll mostly find that they came from situations where they were forced into a space with people for a prolonged time (school, college and sometimes work). Outside of that, it's shared interests (which is fine if there are groups for your specific groups). You're unlikely to make friends talking to people at bus stops and supermarkets (unless you see the same ones all the time) and probably not much more from taking a class. Honestly, I'm trying to puzzle this stuff out myself.

Yeah, I 100% agree! I know some of those "crazy weird guys" myself. I'm not looking for acquaintances - I've plenty of those already. I'm looking for real friendship. Every friend I've ever had has been through situations where we were forced to be together - full time courses, etc. Short term/part time courses such as evening classes don't really work when it comes to making actual friends . They just lead to more acquaintances!

When it comes to shared interests, there is absolutely nothing around here for me. Just yesterday I was looking on meetup.com and decided to check out Dublin to see what I was missing out on. One of the first things that popped up in Dublin was a computer programming meetup, with about 10 people attending! There's absolutely nothing like that in the south east. It's just pub meetups, health/fitness, dancing classes (mostly country music which I hate), and even if I was interested - you're lucky if 3 or more are even going to them!

Feel free to send me a PM if you would like to have a chat.

carrollsno1

Any tips for an Irish lad into drinking in a city with 5 million or so people at the other end of the world? Im not a supermodel by any means and rough around the edges, but theres worse looking men out there. My counterparts (thick hardy farmer spec lads) used to get on good enough out here. I went through a period of almost total isolation for a spell in the UK, a bit of isolation in new zealand but surprisingly in the most isolated job i had in my life (location wise) i had a good network of mates out there in the same area too that were only a phonecall away and even still in a place as busy as here its generally phoning friends in different areas is my main line of communication. I started playing sports recently for the social side but thats early days yet. The work at the minute is with a small crew, but thats gonna change soon enough aswell, generally speaking ill land in a pub on my own at the minute and fall in with some group somehow or another, so i cant say im sitting at the bar on my own either.
Tried tinder etc too ive never had much luck with it at hone or abroad either though.
TIA