Stress leave advice

Mkelly1989

Hi all,

I'm looking for advice from anyone who has taken stress leave from work. I've come to the point where I honestly cannot face walking into my job in the morning. I wake up feeling like absolute crap and am on the brink of tears. Several times in work too I've nearly started crying at my desk. The workload is ridiculous on average I'm doing 2 hours OT a day and still can't get anything done as more just keeps piling on. I'm constantly feeling bullied because for some reason the girls I work with do not like me, I didn't attend a social event in December because I had plans with my sister in law that day and it's still brought up to this day! I come home late and take my bad mood out on my husband which isn't fair to him. I've tried joining a gym but I'm home so late and have work so many hours that I'm physically drained. Before I started this job I was in the gym 4/5 days a week and have gained a pile of weight which depresses me too. Honestly hating life right now.

And to top it all off I'm terrified to go to the doctor and ask for stress leave because I think it'll come back negatively on me when I do go back to work. Is there anyway I can ask the doctor to give me time off but to write it down as something other than stress leave? Like a chest infection or something?

TG1

Doctors aren't obliged to put detail on a cert and employers aren't entitled to ask. Your doctor could just put "illness" or something similar on the cert.

However, it sounds like something you need to address through the correct channels at work, as just taking time out isn't going to sort interpersonal issues within your team or workloads....

JustJoe7240

Sorry to hear that Op, why don't you look for another job if that one makes you miserable? I don't think stress leave is going to do you any good in this situation, it sounds like a toxic work environment

Wanderer78

Mkelly1989 wrote:

And to top it all off I'm terrified to go to the doctor and ask for stress leave because I think it'll come back negatively on me when I do go back to work. Is there anyway I can ask the doctor to give me time off but to write it down as something other than stress leave? Like a chest infection or something?

Being honest with your doctor might be best, explain to them the situation, if you can afford it, you may qualify for illness benefit, this is applied for in conjunction with your doctor, it might just give you a breader from work. Best of luck

Ultimate Seduction

Change jobs. It'll be the same when you get back from stress leave.

Mkelly1989

I have mentioned it alright to my manager but I was basically just fobbed off. I mentioned how I was being given too much and basically got a shrug of the shoulders. Talking to HR too somewhat helped but again there's nothing they can do either.

I have been looking for new jobs alright and am waiting to hear back on one, not too confident about it though! There are points where I thought **** it I'm just going to hand in my notice but can't afford to do something like that and risk being out of work.

But if a doctor doesn't have to write down details on a cert or the employer to ask then that's good for me. I think I just need the time away to recharge and think about what I want to do with this whole situation....

myshirt

This isn't a good situation for you, and I hope you feel better soon. Go to the doctor and set out your stall. Be aware that the company is entitled to appoint a doctor independently to meet with you, and if there is a mismatch in the doctor opinion then there's an issue. But if you are having a hard time, you are having a hard time.

Have confidence that you will get over it. Nothing you said there is insurmountable. We all have 168 hours a week, whether you are An Taoiseach, or Joe Soap. So trust me, there are skillsets and experience you can build up to meet these challenges head on. My first reaction was to your average of 2 hours overtime, that would be a godsend in my profession. Day in day out we all have these challenges, hope you get better soon.

gozunda

Your employer has no right to knew the nature of your illness. From your post- management of your company appears not to feature so I'm assuming that's not avenue you wish to pursue.

Take some sick leave - reassess your priorities and look for a new job asap if need be.

Mkelly1989

Thanks all!
I know the whole 2 hours overtime a day isn't massive compared to a lot of other professions, I'm well aware some people would kill to only have to do that amount of overtime. Its just infuriating when I'm still sitting at my desk working and look out to see managers heading home on time. I have taken A LOT of things on the chin in this place. It's just lately that it's really grating on me. Spending extra hours in work, commuting up to an hour home due to traffic and trying to spend time with my husband and also find some me time is tough....I'll look into the doctor and see what happens. Thanks for the advice.

Bob24

Mkelly1989 wrote: »

But if a doctor doesn't have to write down details on a cert or the employer to ask then that's good for me. I think I just need the time away to recharge and think about what I want to do with this whole situation....

The doctor will write whatever you are confortable with, and if you think just a few days will do the trick there is probably no need to mention stress.

However if you feel like things will be the same when you go back and there is an actual issue with how you are being treated at work, do consider having the doctor specify “work-related” illness or stress. Having it written down by a doctor is sending a message to your employer and makes it harder for them to ignore the issue.

What I would suggest is that the first time you don’t have it specified if you are uncomfortable with it, but if you have to resort to sick leave several times then you really should start raising red flags and thus have the actual reason specified.

OMM 0000

I tried to visualise myself in your situation.

So basically my job is ruining my life and damaging my relationship with my partner. I tried to talk to my manager about it, but she was unwilling to help. I feel desperate and have asked for advice online.

1. I need to go off sick so I can re-evaluate. I would talk to a doctor, tell him how desperate I am, and hope he could give me a letter for a few weeks off work.

2. During this time, I would try to figure out what I need to do. Do I need to quit? (Can we afford I quit?) Do I need to aggressively look for a new job? Do I need to have an offsite meeting with my employer to see if we can find a solution? etc.

3. If at the end of X weeks it is making me feel ill that I have to return to that job, I would use this as a sign I need to quit.

I feel the key point is can we afford I quit? If we can afford it, I would quit. I certainly know I would want my wife to quit her job if it is ruining her life. We can cut back on expenses and live frugally as she figures things out and we find a way forward.

You're going to be ok. This is just a phase.

dragonfly!

Hi there
I am so sorry to read this and I was at this stage in a previous job. This could have been me writing this a few years back.
I stuck it out but was lucky to get a job offer a few weeks a later.
I fully agree with the post above - take the leave and use that to recharge your batteries, apply for EVERYTHING, have a chat with himself and see if you can afford to quit. You'll get something at some point. It might take a while but your health is your wealth.

Would your boss let you go ona 3 / 4 day week?
That extra day might just give you a bit more breathing space

As for the overtime - unless you are getting paid for it leave on time.
I learned my lesson on this in my last role.
I was in at least 30 minutes early every day and staying for at least an hour longer in the evenings and I wasnt on top of the work
The longer I stayed the more they added.
I only do it now if someone is on leave / under massive pressure for the next day / week.

You really need to look after yourself....
If you want to chat send me a PM

Mkelly1989

dragonfly! wrote: »

Hi there
I am so sorry to read this and I was at this stage in a previous job. This could have been me writing this a few years back.
I stuck it out but was lucky to get a job offer a few weeks a later.
I fully agree with the post above - take the leave and use that to recharge your batteries, apply for EVERYTHING, have a chat with himself and see if you can afford to quit. You'll get something at some point. It might take a while but your health is your wealth.

Would your boss let you go ona 3 / 4 day week?
That extra day might just give you a bit more breathing space

As for the overtime - unless you are getting paid for it leave on time.
I learned my lesson on this in my last role.
I was in at least 30 minutes early every day and staying for at least an hour longer in the evenings and I wasnt on top of the work
The longer I stayed the more they added.
I only do it now if someone is on leave / under massive pressure for the next day / week.

You really need to look after yourself....
If you want to chat send me a PM

Yeah this definitely sounds like me! First one in and last one out nearly everyday. I honestly don't think me leaving without another job secured is an option. My husband is literally on half my wages and currently I use 50% of my wages to put away into a mortgage account as we are still renting. Rent too is high so another fraction of my wages goes into that. I doubt as well the 4 day week thing is an option the amount of work we have going on I know I won't be allowed it. I can ask and see anyway!

StarBright01

Mkelly1989 wrote: »

Hi all,

I'm looking for advice from anyone who has taken stress leave from work. I've come to the point where I honestly cannot face walking into my job in the morning. I wake up feeling like absolute crap and am on the brink of tears. Several times in work too I've nearly started crying at my desk. The workload is ridiculous on average I'm doing 2 hours OT a day and still can't get anything done as more just keeps piling on. I'm constantly feeling bullied because for some reason the girls I work with do not like me, I didn't attend a social event in December because I had plans with my sister in law that day and it's still brought up to this day! I come home late and take my bad mood out on my husband which isn't fair to him. I've tried joining a gym but I'm home so late and have work so many hours that I'm physically drained. Before I started this job I was in the gym 4/5 days a week and have gained a pile of weight which depresses me too. Honestly hating life right now.

And to top it all off I'm terrified to go to the doctor and ask for stress leave because I think it'll come back negatively on me when I do go back to work. Is there anyway I can ask the doctor to give me time off but to write it down as something other than stress leave? Like a chest infection or something?

Its just terrible to have to go through this I really feel for you. You should not have this on your shoulders nor should you be afraid to go to the doctor. No point being the martyr, book that appointment with the GP and look after number 1!

28064212

Mkelly1989 wrote: »

The workload is ridiculous on average I'm doing 2 hours OT a day and still can't get anything done as more just keeps piling on.

I've seen this and similar been posted dozens of times, and never understood it. Start working at 9am, work as quickly as is reasonable, at 5.30pm you stand up and walk out. If an employee is working at a reasonable pace, and the workload isn't getting completed, that's a failure of management, not the employee. It's not your problem.

Sycamore Tree

Leave.

eigrod

Mkelly1989 wrote: »

Talking to HR too somewhat helped but again there's nothing they can do either.

That is simply not true. There are laws covering what they can and should do in situations such as you are setting out that you find yourself in.

dragonfly!

Hi there
Hope you are feeling a little better today
I just wanted to say that where I currently work an employee just came in today with a cert for 2 weeks with the reason of "Acute stress reaction"
Now I happen to know that this relates to her personal life rather than work issues but I just thought you might like to know that you arent the first person to even think about taking some time out
You have to look after yourself please dont feel like you are the only one:)

Masala

Are you expecting to get paid while off ......????

Bob24

28064212 wrote: »

I've seen this and similar been posted dozens of times, and never understood it. Start working at 9am, work as quickly as is reasonable, at 5.30pm you stand up and walk out. If an employee is working at a reasonable pace, and the workload isn't getting completed, that's a failure of management, not the employee. It's not your problem.

That’s not necessarily the way it works in practice though. If you start missing deadlines set by your manager (even if they can’t be completed within standard working hours), you are gonna get into trouble. You can argue the ask is not resonable but in some cases if you manager disagrees your only options are either to leave or to get into disciplinary procedures or get laid-off for not meeting expectations.

Never was in that situation myself but my GF was once is a small company where management was cleary taking the piss with the workload assigned to employees, and the only solution for her (and pretty much all the staff they hired) was to leave. No way to discuss with management (my girlfriend is fairly reserved and her diplomatic attempts failed, and another employee who tried a more confrontational approach was gone within a few weeks). And leaving on time arguing that the workload couldn’t be completed within regular hours wouldn’t be accepted.

Mkelly1989

Masala wrote: »

Are you expecting to get paid while off ......????

I honestly don't expect anything from them I literally was just looking for others went about taking stress leave

Mkelly1989

dragonfly! wrote: »

Hi there
Hope you are feeling a little better today
I just wanted to say that where I currently work an employee just came in today with a cert for 2 weeks with the reason of "Acute stress reaction"
Now I happen to know that this relates to her personal life rather than work issues but I just thought you might like to know that you arent the first person to even think about taking some time out
You have to look after yourself please dont feel like you are the only one:)

Hi again. Thanks for the support. Today was a better day but yet again late out but just 1 hour and 15 min today! I have been chatting to my husband and he is saying to take the week to recharge and look for other jobs. I've so much overtime done this month that were covered financially. He's saying the same thing as you to take care of myself and not worry about the job

Mkelly1989

28064212 wrote: »

I've seen this and similar been posted dozens of times, and never understood it. Start working at 9am, work as quickly as is reasonable, at 5.30pm you stand up and walk out. If an employee is working at a reasonable pace, and the workload isn't getting completed, that's a failure of management, not the employee. It's not your problem.

In the sector that I work in this doesn't work in practice. I work in a laboratory and you can just walk out and leave because it's the end of the shift. I wish I could, but as some one said above, if what you're assigned to do in a day isn't completed you get into trouble and absolutely quizzed on why work wasn't completed and then it just adds into another's days schedule.

Venting2018

Hey, made an account to reply. I'm on mobile so I may have typos.


I wanted to say I was in this situation, only slightly worse because I worked in HR!

Bitchy colleagues, dumped everything on me, constant overtime, organised nights out then prettified themselves on the clock while making me stay late, xenophobic comments about how they would never hire a person of my nationality ever again to my face, refused to explain anything, constant meetings threatening to fire me without grounds, including a 20 page spreadsheet of everything I had completed incorrectly ever and everything that happened to OP too.

If you work in an industry where the union is strong, join one, the office was scared of mine and forced to back down and eventually remove me from HR (particularly as I documented how disciplinary procedures weren't followed, it was just random meetings at random times that were never called disciplinary and how wildly different and way above my pay grade my job was....)

I was effectively made the manager of training in the office with zero background in training and no help. I was actually sent on training in the hope that I continued to fail afterwards that would be grounds for dismissal.

I developed acne, put on an insane amount of weight, developed intense paranoia (not even paranoia as I was being watched constantly at work I mean at home) anxiety which gave me panic attacks (wildly out of.character I am a very confident person) and constant insomnia. I became a shell of myself at my worst points I would cry on my walk home with the fear of returning to work the next day.


Does your office offer an independent employee assistant service? Talk to them.


I'm not just venting,I'm hoping this will ring true to you. Take the sick leave. Then set your heart on getting out while you're off. My confidence was shot too. I put so much energy into actually applying to a job where I would be appreciated. I landed my manager's job in another office. Now I have a staff member assigned to help me and coworkers who work together. They're happy I have so much experience in training management at such a young age.... hahaha

The best feeling was walking out on that last day with my manager sulking in the corner (I snooped in to check) to a huge payrise and a prestigious new role.... it was amazing. It vindicated me to see that she clearly hated me, it wasn't anything to with work, she couldn't even show face to come to my goodbye party.

I'm not saying I got over it easily, but you can do it. Apply somewhere else. Keep applying, keep visualising your future outside this office and it will come into motion. Don't let them grind you down anymore.

Also listen to happy songs every evening.

Mkelly1989

Venting2018 wrote: »

I developed acne, put on an insane amount of weight, developed intense paranoia (not even paranoia as I was being watched constantly at work I mean at home) anxiety which gave me panic attacks (wildly out of.character I am a very confident person) and constant insomnia. I became a shell of myself at my worst points I would cry on my walk home with the fear of returning to work the next day

Wow I'm so sorry you went through that! You sound like you had it so rough! Everything you're saying though does hit home to me. I did reach that crying point yesterday. Got home turned off the car and just cried like a fool. I'll take your advice and start listening to happy songs when I get home anymore ^_^

2 hrs a few times a week is ridiculous Imo.
Cut out the OT if you don't get out of there. Prioritise your tine and get something concrete done each day and keep a log.

If you're permanent they can't sack you and it won't get anyworse than it is at the moment.

august12

I doubt as well the 4 day week thing is an option the amount of work we have going on I know I won't be allowed it. I can ask and see anyway![/quote]
I wouldn't even consider a 4 day week, you will end up with the same work load and be more stressed than you are already, if the company isn't willing to help with your current workload, then they aren't going to alter it just because you work a 4 day week,
I think the doctor route for a few weeks is the better option. Give yourself a chance to recharge but stay out long enough so they will have to cover your workload rather than leaving it pile up when you return.

Prospectors

I was in the same boat as you just over a year ago. Average 20 hours per week unpaid overtime, having missed calls in middle of the night and weekends, bringing laptop home each evening to try catch up on work after kids gone to bed etc.
Affected my marriage in a bad way, when I noticed myself getting stroppy with wife and kids for no reason, I realised I needed to listen to my wife and go to doctor. He signed me off for 2 weeks, prescribed anti depressants and put stress on the sick cert. Within two days of them receiving cert, HR were ringing me to ask was it work related stress or something outside of work. I nearly laughed down the phone at them. Stayed off for 6 weeks in total. Was fully intent on handing in notice and my GP agreed it might be best. However the company doctor advised me to make effort to go back, if only for a few weeks/months as it's "easier to find work while working" (I don't necessarily agree with that)

I forced myself to go back (took a lot of effort) but had made up my mind that I would likely be in another job within 6months. Therefore, I stopped giving a sh1t, left on time with my colleagues, had a laugh at breaks etc and spent about an hour each evening at home applying online for jobs.
Within 3 months I received a job offer (with a 15% pay rise) and I relished in handing in my notice.
Two positives from an otherwise dark period of my life:
- Your employer places a value (wages) on your time/skills. You need to see how much more valuable other aspects of your life are such as family friends health etc and don't let them take chunks of those areas from you.
- I saw a psychiatrist throughout the ordeal and she helped me realise that this episode would stand to me in the future by hopefully preventing me falling into the same trap again and also helping me to appreciate and understand how colleagues around me may be showing similar signs

It's worrying that since I began explaining to people why I was off sick, the number of them (colleagues, family, friends) who have opened up about similar experiences.

It's a lot more common than we think so take comfort in the fact that doctors etc see this everyday and you're certainly not alone.

scurnane

Prospectors wrote: »

I was in the same boat as you just over a year ago. Average 20 hours per week unpaid overtime, having missed calls in middle of the night and weekends, bringing laptop home each evening to try catch up on work after kids gone to bed etc.
Affected my marriage in a bad way, when I noticed myself getting stroppy with wife and kids for no reason, I realised I needed to listen to my wife and go to doctor. He signed me off for 2 weeks, prescribed anti depressants and put stress on the sick cert. Within two days of them receiving cert, HR were ringing me to ask was it work related stress or something outside of work. I nearly laughed down the phone at them. Stayed off for 6 weeks in total. Was fully intent on handing in notice and my GP agreed it might be best. However the company doctor advised me to make effort to go back, if only for a few weeks/months as it's "easier to find work while working" (I don't necessarily agree with that)

I forced myself to go back (took a lot of effort) but had made up my mind that I would likely be in another job within 6months. Therefore, I stopped giving a sh1t, left on time with my colleagues, had a laugh at breaks etc and spent about an hour each evening at home applying online for jobs.
Within 3 months I received a job offer (with a 15% pay rise) and I relished in handing in my notice.
Two positives from an otherwise dark period of my life:
- Your employer places a value (wages) on your time/skills. You need to see how much more valuable other aspects of your life are such as family friends health etc and don't let them take chunks of those areas from you.
- I saw a psychiatrist throughout the ordeal and she helped me realise that this episode would stand to me in the future by hopefully preventing me falling into the same trap again and also helping me to appreciate and understand how colleagues around me may be showing similar signs

It's worrying that since I began explaining to people why I was off sick, the number of them (colleagues, family, friends) who have opened up about similar experiences.

It's a lot more common than we think so take comfort in the fact that doctors etc see this everyday and you're certainly not alone.

I agree, it is much more common nowadays. I have seen a few of my colleagues go the same route. Once they got out of the bad work environment, they were like new people. Glad it worked out for you.