I feel like I'm losing my best friend

LegacyUser

Hoping for some advice.

Recently I feel like there's been a huge wedge driven between myself and my best friend, who I will call A. We have been close since first year of college and I genuinely am at a loss to how to fix things.

The trouble all started this year when I became friends with a girl in our course who I will refer to as B. We weren't friendly through the course, we were placed in the same accommodation and shared a room which is how we came to know each other. Through living together myself and B became very close. A was never as close with B and found her to be very negative and irritating whereas because I lived with her full time I guess I could overlook her being irritating and she genuinely made me laugh a lot.

In the last few months A grew tired of B and told me she got on her nerves and only tolerated her because of me. B picked up on A's change of attitude with her and told me that she kept snapping at her.

About 2 months ago everything kicked off. A came up to me when I was on my own in college and told me that her housemate had told her that B was bitching about me, basically saying how I woke her up one night and it annoyed her, that she would never live with anyone else again. A said she was infuriated when she heard this because we used to live together before and we had the best time and that she would never go behind my back like B did. I got angry and went home and confronted B and asked her why would she say stuff about me to a stranger and that she should raise any issues with me - B was incredibly shocked and basically starting having a meltdown and crying and said
: "Yes I said that but it was exaggerated. All I said was that I was tired and that you were banging the doors and woke me up. I swear what A's housemate said was exaggerated."

I messaged A and told her I wondered if her housemate did indeed exaggerate things as I couldn't believe how worked up B got and surely she wouldn't react like that if it was true. A then got offended and said neither her or her housemate would lie. Instinctky I believed A but because I lived with B I just wanted to let the whole thing lie.

A few weeks ago before college ended I managed to get A on her own and she told me that she feels like there's tension between us now when there was never any before. She said we used to do everything together before and that lately she felt like anytime she was in college she was always on her own. She said reluctantly that she didn't want to blame B for the wedge but that she did regret ever talking to her and now that every time the two of us talk it's always serious. A few nights after it was the end of the exams and I went out with B to our end of year class party. A wasn't attending as she was meeting up with her family but I did promise her I would pop in later in the night. I left the class party later and went into see her but it just wasn't the same. I could sense there was tension so an hour later I made my excuses and left.

Last week I messaged A to meet up and she said she would love to meet up. We spoke about B and I aired my grievances about her (the two of us had gone out with a group with the previous weekend and she ended up ditching us all for most of the event). A said she felt like B had ruined everything and did more harm than good. The day myself and A were meant to meet up I didn't feel the best so text her so and wished her good luck in her job as I knew she was starting it the next day.

 I didn't hear anything back but didn't think of it. A couple of days ago I messaged her again asking her was she free this week as I was in town. Again, I didn't hear anything back.

I can only assume she's annoyed at me over cancelling the meeting last week, along with everything else that's gone on. I suppose what I'm asking is what can I do to salvage the friendship. This time last year we were incredibly close and always laughing and I feel like that's all gone now and there's a wedge. I don't want to lose her but if she's not responding back to me I don't know what I can do. It's upsetting me as we used to be so close and I'd love nothing more for things to go back to how they used to be

lulu1

OP maybe it's just time to let go of the friendship and move on. You have already tried to contact A twice

I would let her make the next move and if she wants to throw away your friendship over something so trivial she was not much of a friend in the first place

Lollipop95

It kind of seems like the older friend is perhaps a bit jealous of your new friendship with the new girl, particularly if you two previously did everything together

Gonad

A before B except after C

Qrt

I'm in quite a similar situation. I just finished second year and my closest friend up until now (as in two full years of college) just stopped talking to me because my replies in our group chat were "too short", that it was "the height of rudeness", and that she wasn't going to "entertain it". This just happened before our exams started so I didn't exactly have the time to think about it, but she ignored me throughout the exam period and friends of mine even picked up on it because we just went from two-peas-in-a-pod to ignoring eachother.

I was annoyed at first, and pretty sad too considering I've never been great with maintaining friendships full stop, but then I just realised she was being an absolute wagon and stopped trying to figure out what was going on, especially over something so ridiculously trivial.

Basically, if you feel like it's worth trying to salvage, then there's no harm in trying to do so. But if she's refusing to engage, then that's on her – there's only so much you can do.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advive everyone. I feel like if I ever go out with my new friend I can't mention it to my old friend as she previously said to me: "I don't know how you put up with her. " and "I wouldn't even be socialising with her if I were you".

My old friend as made it clear to me in the past she can't stand the new girl. This girl previously confided in her about having a termination (before she told me even, this is when relations between them were good). and my oldest friend told me a few months later: "I know it was terrible but does she expect me to constantly grieve with her. I was there for her at the time but any time I talk to her just seems negative."

To add, my old friend did respond to my text to meet the other day but ended up bailing on me and said she was too hungover to meet

I think maybe the best course of action for me is to socialise with each separetely