Being owed money bad feeling

wexpat girl

I can't help feeling hurt that I'm owed money by my in-laws for a hotel room for my hen. I'm left stung for 240 as or was based on three people sharing. One cancelled due to a bereavement so I decided to cover hers as I was loathe to ask her for it but the others never paid me either. The room was prepaid ( non refundable) by my friend who organised it and she left early so i paid her for the room cos i'd meet my in-laws later. The following wend came and no sign of the money. Despite conversations recapping the hen night. I know it's a lost cause because I can't ask them for it but feel quite stung cos it's money I need. I would absolutely be mortified if me and would have paid the money back the earliest second I could. It bugged me all wend to be honest and I don't like feeling this way towards my future family. I can't believe that 2 members both completely forgot that they each owe me E80!! I don't think the girl who cancelled knows the room was prepaid but she never asked if she owed anything either.

Mr. Incognito

Drop them a friendly email to let them know the room was prepaid and you covered it.

Include your account details and cc them all in and tell them to transfer when they have it. If they are all cc'd they wont want to lose face in front of each other

Cash_Q

Could you ask your chief bridesmaid to chase it up for you? I didn't spend one cent on my hen night. We didn't go away but did have activities and drinks so I was spared a lot of expense but my bridesmaids made sure that all my costs were covered and this would be typical of any hen I've ever been on. I'm surprised you paid anything towards your own room never mind covering other people.

If your bridesmaid asks them it takes you out of the picture and she has nothing to lose whereas you have a future life as their in-laws you don't want to stir up trouble. All they can do is blank her at the wedding - let them!

She could just say something like:

'Hey girls sorry I'm only getting around to chasing this up now. At the hen weekend, all rooms were prepaid at check-in. Once everyone had left the hotel it transpired that the costs of some rooms weren't shared out at departure. This resulted in (bride) and I having to cover costs. Can you please forward me your share of the bill , 80euro, as otherwise (bride) and I are out of pocket. We are certain this was an honest mistake as we know everyone had such a good time we were on a high/dying hungover as we left but it would be great if we could sort it out now.'

I would be emailing/texting people individually so they don't feel they're being embarrassed by ccing them and others knowing who did what.

I would also add a line to the girl who was bereaved and apologise again for her loss, say you're aware it's awful to have to pay for something that she didn't get to experience but as there was prepayment required at time of check in that her costs couldn't be cancelled. If there is any contribution she can make it would be appreciated. With this case it could be very sensitive so maybe weigh up if it's actually worth chasing this money.

As for the other person I would definitely chase it up. The bridesmaids would have informed everyone of the costs when booking so they have some cheek not to pay their way.

Sam Quentin

Something as simple as someone saying: Ahhh yis egits you all forgot to pay 'Bridie' for the rooms, you do know she ended up paying for it herself!?
That's it really...

Addle

Sam Quentin wrote: »

Something as simple as someone saying: Ahhh yis egits you all forgot to pay 'Bridie' for the rooms, you do know she ended up paying for it herself!?
That's it really...

Just ask for it.
Rather than hold it against them forever.

wirelessdude01

Don't be such a mouse and get your chief bridesmaid to do their job and get the money for you. Have never heard of any hen ever putting their hand in their pocket for their night out.

Thestones

They didn't forget, they probably know your too weak to ask and aren't going to offer it up. It's up to you or your bridesmaid to be firm and get it back. Very unfair on you.

Rachiee

Its sounds like you and your bridesmaid werent clear with everyone on monies owed. Your bridesmaid really should have given everyobe derails of money owed upfront and sorted it before the weekend, theres a good chance your inlaws have an idea that they owe your chief bridesmaid money but think they got away with it but not that you covered it.
Honestly it sounds like your bridesmaid messed up and you ponied up not wanting her to be out of pocket.
Id get your bridemaid to follow it up... Hey guys thanks for coming sorry for not chasing this up sooner there is money still owed on the hotel room for the hens 80 cheers.

December2012

Why not ask your fiance to get the money off them?


Oh and don't ask the bereaved person for money

Teyla Emmagan

You are only owed 80, not 240. I don't personally think it is unreasonable for you to have paid for your own accommodation. And you have agreed to pay for the person who is bereaved. So just ask the person who shared the room with you if she has the 80 for the accommodation.

dudara

Did they know they were supposed to pay for it? Sometimes people assume that these things are covered by the bride etc. Clarity beforehand helps immensely and helps avoid these awkward situations.

Big Bag of Chips

wexpat girl wrote: »

I can't believe that 2 members both completely forgot that they each owe me E80!!

Do they know they owe you the money rather than your friend? Have you told them you paid it?

These things can happen. And maybe the people in question have been in contact, or mean to contact the bridesmaid to pay her their share. I organised my sister's hen, and it was the wedding day before one of the attendees gave me the money she owed me. But she had flagged it with me on the day, and I reminded her a week or so later.

You say you are not going to ask them. Why not? They may well have just forgotten. It can happen. I hate owing people money because unless I write it down I can easily forget, or then not remember if I paid or not.

Talk to the bridesmaid. I'd say leave you out of it for moment and get the bridesmaid to send a message to the 2 who haven't paid reminding them that they owe €80 each. When she gets it back, she can pass it on to you. And there doesn't have to be any bad feeling.

Getting annoyed about something but deciding to do nothing about it is an utter waste of energy! Ask straight out, if they then ignore you you have a right to be annoyed. But getting annoyed over what could be a genuine error is futile.

bee06

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

You are only owed 80, not 240. I don't personally think it is unreasonable for you to have paid for your own accommodation. And you have agreed to pay for the person who is bereaved. So just ask the person who shared the room with you if she has the 80 for the accommodation.

My understanding of the OPs post is there was a 3 person room costing 240 Euro. The OP wasn’t staying in this room. One person cancelled and the OP is ok to cover this. The other two people owe her 80 Euro each.

OP, ask them for the money. Say your bridesmaid pre-paid and you don’t want her to be left out of pocket. No need to say you already gave her the money. Most normal people wouldn’t want to stiff someone like that so most likely there was a misunderstanding.

splinter65

Either there’s been a terrible miscommunication here or at least 2 of your in laws are bums.
No one decent goes to a hen thinking that the bride or someone else is going to pay for the accommodation.
Nobody stays in a hotel and leaves “forgetting” to pay.
Some people are bums parasites and moochers and never pay for anything.
Contact the 2 bums on the basis of there seems to be some confusion over who paid what to whom and can they confirm how they paid their share, when and to whom.
Don’t let any more time go by because if you do it’ll be”so long ago now I can’t remember but I know I did pay.”
But I wouldn’t hold out much hope.

Big Bag of Chips

splinter65 wrote: »

Contact the 2 bums on the basis of there seems to be some confusion over who paid what to whom and can they confirm how they paid their share, when and to whom.

This allows room for uncertainty. Don't ask what you already know. You know they haven't paid (well, you know they haven't paid you, do you know they haven't paid your friend if she was the one organising it? They think they owe her the money, not you). You need to clarify with your friend first before going to them and telling them what they owe, not asking them what they think they owe.

Did they pay for other aspects of the day? Were they given a total by the organiser of what they owed? Usually when someone books things like this, they just give a total to each person on what they owe. It would be unusual for people to pay individually for anything. They are given a total depending on what they do on the day and they know that total is owed to a particular person. Talk to your friend first. Know exactly what you're asking for then decide between you if she contacts them to ask for it, or if you do.

This really doesn't have to be a big issue at all.

wexpat girl

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

You are only owed 80, not 240. I don't personally think it is unreasonable for you to have paid for your own accommodation. And you have agreed to pay for the person who is bereaved. So just ask the person who shared the room with you if she has the 80 for the accommodation.

L
I'm owed 80 by 2 people . I.made the decision to cover the bereaved girl's 80. I have just spent the wend with the 2 people who owe me, hen discussed, no sign of money. Its my mother in law and sister in law. I honestly can't ask them straight. It just stings more xps instead of paying 80 for one I'm paying the lot!

wexpat girl

dudara wrote: »

Did they know they were supposed to pay for it? Sometimes people assume that these things are covered by the bride etc. Clarity beforehand helps immensely and helps avoid these awkward situations.

Yes they did. I offered to pay my friend up front to save time and hassle on the basis we would be meeting up the following weekend. I honestly can't believe both forgot.

wexpat girl

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

This allows room for uncertainty. Don't ask what you already know. You know they haven't paid (well, you know they haven't paid you, do you know they haven't paid your friend if she was the one organising it? They think they owe her the money, not you). You need to clarify with your friend first before going to them and telling them what they owe, not asking them what they think they owe.

Did they pay for other aspects of the day? Were they given a total by the organiser of what they owed? Usually when someone books things like this, they just give a total to each person on what they owe. It would be unusual for people to pay individually for anything. They are given a total depending on what they do on the day and they know that total is owed to a particular person. Talk to your friend first. Know exactly what you're asking for then decide between you if she contacts them to ask for it, or if you do.

This really doesn't have to be a big issue at all.

I think I will the one who looks bad by asking cos they then lose face. I honestly haven't the guts, after spending the wend with them to have to ask them for the money. I think I will have to suck it up. Unless the pal who organised sends a text.

GingerLily

Either get you bridesmaid to do it or leave it.
If your don't want to stand up for yourself you can't blame other people really.

woodchuck

wexpat girl wrote: »

Yes they did. I offered to pay my friend up front to save time and hassle on the basis we would be meeting up the following weekend. I honestly can't believe both forgot.

But did you actually ASK them for the money that weekend!? You really can't pussy foot around when it comes to money. It's extremely awkward, but necessary. I'm talking from experience here with good friends who have either forgotten to pay me or genuinely thought they did transfer me the money (and are shocked and apologetic when they check their bank accounts to see that they didn't actually send anything).

At this stage I would first check again with your chief bridesmaid that they didn't send any money, as it's possible they did after the hen (the chief bridesmaid should've sent details of the bank to transfer money to - strange if she didn't). If they still haven't paid, get the chief bridesmaid to email them about it. That's her job and as far as they know, they owe her the money, not you.

If they're not happy with the email, better for them to be pissed off at her and not you - you're the one marrying into the family, not your friend. But you can keep this in mind for future events and always make sure to get the money up front before it becomes an issue.

wexpat girl

dudara wrote: »

Did they know they were supposed to pay for it? Sometimes people assume that these things are covered by the bride etc. Clarity beforehand helps immensely and helps avoid these awkward situations.

They knew alright

wexpat girl

GingerLily wrote: »

Either get you bridesmaid to do it or leave it.
If your don't want to stand up for yourself you can't blame other people really.

If it wasn't my mother in law and sister in law who's company I've been in all wend it wouldn't be as hard. Maybe I'm making too much of a thing about who owes me the money but it makes a difference!

wexpat girl

woodchuck wrote: »

But did you actually ASK them for the money that weekend!? You really can't pussy foot around when it comes to money. It's extremely awkward, but necessary. I'm talking from experience here with good friends who have either forgotten to pay me or genuinely thought they did transfer me the money (and are shocked and apologetic when they check their bank accounts to see that they didn't actually send anything).

At this stage I would first check again with your chief bridesmaid that they didn't send any money, as it's possible they did after the hen (the chief bridesmaid should've sent details of the bank to transfer money to - strange if she didn't). If they still haven't paid, get the chief bridesmaid to email them about it. That's her job and as far as they know, they owe her the money, not you.

If they're not happy with the email, better for them to be pissed at her and not you - you're the one marrying into the family, not your friend. But you can keep this in mind for future events and always make sure to get the money up front before it becomes an issue.

They know I paid it for them to get it back off them the following week. The check out queue was crazy busy, one only had her card so didn't have cash handy for my friend. I had cash and to save tine and ensure my friend was covered I thought it nice to just pay her there and then as I said to my mil and sil that they could sort me the following week. Naive I guess.

woodchuck

wexpat girl wrote: »

They know I paid it for them to get it back off them the following week. The check out queue was crazy busy, one only had her card so didn't have cash handy for my friend. I had cash and to save tine and ensure my friend was covered I thought it nice to just pay her there and then as I said to my mil and sil that they could sort me the following week. Naive I guess.

Ok, well then unfortunately is up to you to chase them for it. But to be honest, it sounds like your chief bridesmaid did a poor job organising - she really should've gotten everyone to transfer her the money ahead of time so that there would be none of this confusion.

How long ago did all this happen? The longer you leave it, the worse it'll be.

splinter65

GingerLily wrote: »

Either get you bridesmaid to do it or leave it.
If your don't want to stand up for yourself you can't blame other people really.

I agree with this. I’m working on my daughter who’s 20 to get her to stand her ground in a polite friendly respectful way.
If the OP spent the weekend in the company of the 2 bums and didn’t see an opportunity bring up the subject of the money owed then she’ll have to write it off and be very careful that she and her oh don’t end up paying for their accommodation for the wedding.
In my experience these scabbers are always serial offenders.

Big Bag of Chips

Do they know that they owe you money? Do they know you paid your friend for their rooms? Sometimes people forget. Even after being in company and talking about things etc. I've done it myself. And it is always a genuine mistake. And one which I'd much rather my friend/soon to be in law would ask me for rather than holding a grudge for something that's a genuine mistake.

Have they paid for other things on the hen? Meal? Activity? Why were the prepaid rooms being paid separately to whatever other money being paid? Why did the organiser not give everyone their total for what they owe?

It sounds like a messy setup, and it sounds like your friend is at fault for not organising it properly.

Ask or don't, but I don't see what purpose this thread is serving if you're adamant you're not going to do anything about it. Is it just to have a moan about your in-laws?

Edit, I just saw your latest post, if the rooms were prepaid why was that not organised beforehand with everyone? Why were you queuing up and sorting money out that morning?

bee06

Just say it to them. Text them to say Oh, by the way I forgot to get the money for the hotel rooms off ye at the weekend. Would ye mind transferring it because I have some deposits due for the wedding this week.

I organised my own hen and there were a few people I had to chase for money (beforehand). They know they owe you so asking them to pay you shouldn’t be this big deal.

Colser

If there's a hen party whatsapp group could your bridesmaid send a general reminder asking that anyone who hasn't paid owes it to the bride?

I know it may be a bit of a cop out but you may find it easier to do.

woodchuck

Colser wrote: »

If there's a hen party whatsapp group could your bridesmaid send a general reminder asking that anyone who hasn't paid owes it to the bride?

I know it may be a bit of a cop out but you may find it easier to do.

Personally I wouldn't recommend this.

Firstly, I've been on the receiving end of it when I've been one of the ones who have paid. It's really irritating to have someone chasing a group for money when you know you don't owe anything.

Secondly, it's not direct enough. The individuals need to be informed that they still owe the money. Referring to "anyone who hasn't paid yet" isn't good enough. It could be a misunderstanding and they think they've paid (e.g. the SIL could think the MIL paid for them both) and that the message isn't actually directed at them.

Katgurl

I understand it's awkward OP but you're gonna have to make a decision to either ask for it back or let it go. There is no benefit to remaining annoyed about it.

I'm a direct person so I would be inclined to drop a mail with your bank details so they can transfer the room money. If you're not comfortable then totally fine to ask your bridesmaid to message them directly explaining she is following up on outstanding payments.

It seems a bit unfair that you are paying for the late canceller. Is she attached to anyone? I mean which small group is she a part of (if any)? If it's your friends then ask the bridesmaid what she thinks. She could suggest to the group that they all chip in. That what my friends did when two girls couldn't travel due to medical emergencies (both girls offered to pay anyway). If she is one of the in-laws your bridesmaid could ask advice on what to do about the cost of that room and say as it currently stands you have paid.

Addle

You're going to be thinking of this on your wedding day.
Either choose to ask them directly or just forget about it.
Either way, don't let it fester anymore.

woodchuck

Katgurl wrote: »

It seems a bit unfair that you are paying for the late canceller. Is she attached to anyone? I mean which small group is she a part of (if any)? If it's your friends then ask the bridesmaid what she thinks. She could suggest to the group that they all chip in. That what my friends did when two girls couldn't travel due to medical emergencies (both girls offered to pay anyway). If she is one of the in-laws your bridesmaid could ask advice on what to do about the cost of that room and say as it currently stands you have paid.

I agree with you in principle, but I think the problem is trying to do something like this after the fact. Again, it seems like the bridesmaid really dropped the ball here. She should've emailed everyone ahead of time, let them know the situation and if everyone would mind chipping in a little extra to cover the cost (probably only would've been about 5 euro each depending on the size of the group).

However you can't go back to people who have already paid, after the hen, asking for more money!! I would not be impressed at all to be on the receiving end of that request. Everyone else has had a nice weekend, paid their bill and it's all done and dusted for them.

I'm afraid you'll probably have to kiss that 80euro goodbye OP. But don't let the other 160 slide!

Teyla Emmagan

wexpat girl wrote:

L I'm owed 80 by 2 people . I.made the decision to cover the bereaved girl's 80. I have just spent the wend with the 2 people who owe me, hen discussed, no sign of money. Its my mother in law and sister in law. I honestly can't ask them straight. It just stings more xps instead of paying 80 for one I'm paying the lot!

Oh right, I misunderstood.

I think you have to say it to them, for your own peace of mind. The MIL might not realise she had to pay for the room (?!) but your SIL has no excuse. Just text one of them during the week and say 'do you have the money from the room at the weekend, I need to pay for X'. On the odd chance they are being cute you have to call them on it or they could think you are an easy mark forever.

Ghekko

I assume you have mentioned it to your partner. If you feel uncomfortable asking directly then let him mention it. At this stage, given that your inlaws know you paid the bridesmaid on their behalf, there is no sense involving the bridesmaid at all.

Airyfairy12

Dont be a doormat. If theyre on facebook or whatsapp id add them all to a group and send a quick message,id also forward on reciepts/email receipt and say something like hi girls, heres the receipts to your hotel rooms from hen night, would you have the money by next week? Tell them you need it and leave it there. If they refuse to pay up get your partner involved, theyre his family and he might be able to handle them better. Youve done nothing and have nothing to feel guilty about.

LynnGrace

bee06 wrote: »

Just say it to them. Text them to say Oh, by the way I forgot to get the money for the hotel rooms off ye at the weekend. Would ye mind transferring it because I have some deposits due for the wedding this week.

I organised my own hen and there were a few people I had to chase for money (beforehand). They know they owe you so asking them to pay you shouldn’t be this big deal.

Do this. Polite and friendly text. It may well have completely slipped their minds. I can't bear to owe anyone money so I would always put a reminder in my phone to sort things asap, if I did owe anyone.

What's the worst that can happen really. It's your money, and you need it. Do it today, don't let it fester any longer.

BettePorter

I assume you've discussed all this with the bridesmaid? You're the bride after all so a lot of conversation goes on behind the scenes that you're never privvy to. It could literally be a miscommunication.

I know that any hen within our group the bride never has any dealings with room prices or anything like that. The entire thing is just divided between the number of girls less the bride. (No shows included)

I'm sure they've all had prior dealings behind your back. At some point on the trip someone asks ....'right how much each'?

It could feasibly be that your bridesmaid is the one who has ****ed up. You need to go to her and clarify what the plan was prior the weekend. No bridesmaid books hotels etc without giving the heads up/consultation with the invitees about how much it's gonna cost.

Ghekko

BettePorter wrote: »

I assume you've discussed all this with the bridesmaid? You're the bride after all so a lot of conversation goes on behind the scenes that you're never privvy to. It could literally be a miscommunication.

I know that any hen within our group the bride never has any dealings with room prices or anything like that. The entire thing is just divided between the number of girls less the bride. (No shows included)

I'm sure they've all had prior dealings behind your back. At some point on the trip someone asks ....'right how much each'?

It could feasibly be that your bridesmaid is the one who has ****ed up. You need to go to her and clarify what the plan was prior the weekend. No bridesmaid books hotels etc without giving the heads up/consultation with the invitees about how much it's gonna cost.

Op has already stated that she paid the amount to the bridesmaid herself as she had cash on her and her inlaws didn't. So the bridesmaid is now out of the equation.

Addle

Ghekko wrote: »

Op has already stated that she paid the amount to the bridesmaid herself as she had cash on her and her inlaws didn't. So the bridesmaid is now out of the equation.

Not necessarily.
It's usually the bridesmaids duty to collect money in the first instance.
Did she let the debtors know that they now owe the bride?

bee06

Addle, it seems pretty clear from the below that they both knew they owe the OP.

wexpat girl wrote: »

They know I paid it for them to get it back off them the following week. The check out queue was crazy busy, one only had her card so didn't have cash handy for my friend. I had cash and to save tine and ensure my friend was covered I thought it nice to just pay her there and then as I said to my mil and sil that they could sort me the following week. Naive I guess.

Ghekko

Addle wrote: »

Not necessarily.
It's usually the bridesmaids duty to collect money in the first instance.
Did she let the debtors know that they now owe the bride?

The inlaws know she paid the bridesmaid. So they have either genuinely forgotten to pay op or are being complete misers by choosing to ignore the debt. I'd imagine they just need a gentle reminder.

wexpat girl

Ok, so I asked my friend who organised the hotel to send what seemed a group text to everyone but was only sent to the 2 in-laws, just asking if anyone who had not yet paid up sort out either her or me. Wasn't gone on the "me" bit but I reckon she was thinking that I would be able to pass on any money to her as we live close to each other.

I have since got the money but it has not gone unnoticed as my partner and his mam were talking about the "text" and how she had only said to him that she needed to sort me with money. Whether she did/ didn't, we'll never know but I can't help feeling that there's a bit of suspicion about the text.

AARGH!!!! I knew whatever way it would not be straightforward and I am probably the worst in the world. But I got my money.

I can't help wondering though, why after a 3 day stay with the people that at no point was it said, Oh I know I have to give you money, don't let me forget/ I'll get it on Monday etc, etc.... :rolleyes:

December2012

Whats the problem?

A text was sent. You got the money. Who is complaining about the text?

Ghekko

Glad you got the money. If it happens to come up again in conversation just say that about 4 people hadn't paid in full, so they won't assume the text was directed at them. You could pretend the bridesmaid was also left short by a coupe of people but that everyone has now paid. If it's not brought up again by them then forget about it.

bee06

I really think you are overthinking the whole thing. Why would they be suspicious? They owed you money, they knew they owed you, they were asked for the money and they paid the money. It’s all very straightforward.