Friend is growing apart

LegacyUser

Hi all

I have a bit of an issue with a friend of mine.

Some background info. I have been friends with a girl called Caroline (let's call her that) for 15 years. We are in the same group of 10 or so people and are all very close but I'd be closer to others over her. Caroline moved to Australia for a year 2 years ago but we stayed in contact. Again we weren't that close so it was maybe 1-2 a month. She wasn't really enjoying Aus so I managed to get her a job in my Dad's company. I collected her from the airport and moved her into her new apartment after I paid a deposit for her and helped her out.

Once she started working for my Dad I became much more closer to her. We saw each other regularly and she helped me through some issues of my own and I did the same for her. It was really nice to have become even closer to someone who I was already friendly with. After some time, she decided that she wanted to move to Dublin so she quit the company and moved. I was really happy for her as the new job is a huge jump in terms of progression and she has other friends in Dublin.

Recently however she has been fairly cold with me in a really strange way. She doesn't respond to my texts. She hasn't once come home to visit me though I have gone to Dublin to see her a few times (and to see the group generally). Since she's moved to Dublin the members of the group who live there have left me out of numerous things (including going abroad, going to various gigs, nights out etc.). On Paddy's night I wasn't invited out and I finally lost it and said it to her. She was really apologetic and the next day she launches an attack saying I was invited (2 weeks previously which I forgot about) and saying that she is really disappointed in me trying to stir things for the sake of it. This is just one example... she is also turned incredibly political and is one of these continuosuly outraged people who seems to really dislike men. I am a woman and I know that we get a raw deal but this is just gone a bit too far. Another would be that I put in the whatsapp group that I booked my birthday (milestone year) and no one responded including her. I feel like no one really talks on it or tried organising things any more it's just random memes and a few lols.

The rest of the group just seems to be dying slowly. People are moving abroad or are busy with other things... I am feeling depressed about how Caroline has been treating me and how the group just seems to be dwindling and failing. We have been friends for so long and it's a shame. I don't know what I should do but I think that I should just not bother with Caroline any more.

Ursus Horribilis

It's time to call a spade a spade here. Caroline is not your friend any more. Maybe she was at one stage but that time has long since passed. It's unfair of course because you were extremely kind to her. Maybe too kind - I would be uncomfortable with a friend getting me a job and putting a deposit on an apartment for me. I think you're fixating on the wrong person though. For some reason, perhaps because of Caroline working behind the scenes, you've been phased out of that group of friends you had. Or it's just reaching its natural end anyway.

If you've not done so already, it's time to work on making new friends where you live. Your old friends are now living in Dublin, away from you. They're building new lives, meeting new people etc. What are you doing for yourself where you're living? Have you got any social life or anything that gets you out of the house in the evenings?

Dog walker 1234

As people live their lives, they change and their priorities change. Some friendships come to a natural conclusion. No ones fault. Partners, kids, work all influence our day to day lives.

If someone is a friend, they will make the effort to maintain the friendship, even long distance. Have a reread of your post. The signs are there. You need to move on. You are worthy of better treatment and respect. It is hurtful when it happens. Accept it and move on.

Best of luck.