My fiancee embarrasses me in public?

SazSarsh

I am a very quiet and reserved individual. I have been with him for 5 years now and he has always tried to hurt me in public. Often times if I have a drunken night out and the next week I'm having dinner with his family or other guests and he will say "Sarah was shook last week weren't you". then when I confront him about it he says "Can you not take a joke i was only messing" even though he sees I go bright red and get upset.
Then another time he farted and blamed it on me in front of a group and kept saying "look how red she is gone, she must have definitly done it". It upset me. Even though it wasn't me, it still embarrassed me.

Then another time I baked 2 beautiful desserts for a family party and he announced to the group that he wouldn't eat them because my dog was licking the spoon while I was cooking them. Even though this wasn't the case. He made me feel so dirty and upset in front of the group.

Then he tells people i am tight with money when we are in groups. Even though it's not the case. But it still humiliated me.

I have confronted him many times and said if he does it again, I have to end it. And he keeps saying "I'm sorry I wont do it again i promise" or he gets thick and says "I was only messing, take a joke and stop being so dry". Even though I explained to him that to me it's upsetting and it's not a joke.

I'm at my wits end with this man. We have not got problems but it's getting worse as time goes on. This is my only problem with his personality. Any advice on what the hell I should do would be helpful.

Hitman3000

SazSarsh wrote:

I'm at my wits end with this man. We have not got problems but it's getting worse as time goes on. This is my only problem with his personality. Any advice on what the hell I should do would be helpful.

Fives years ? He obviously doesn't give your feelings a second thought. Time to give him an ultimatum, respect or feck off. Life's too short for crap. Sorry to be so blunt.

spurious

You don't see this as abuse? It's not even low-level stuff.
Go, now.

MarkR

If you've made it clear that you're not happy with those types of comments, and he still does it, you're going to need to sit him down and have a serious talk. Don't do it when you're angry, but you have to let him know you're not going to put up with that stuff any more. He needs to grow up and behave like an adult.

Mean Laqueefa

are you not getting married very shortly ?

Malari

This is the man you are marrying in a few weeks?

Hitman3000

Malari wrote:

This is the man you are marrying in a few weeks?

Wtf?

Malari

Hitman3000 wrote: »

Wtf?

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057850634

lawred2

SazSarsh wrote: »

I am a very quiet and reserved individual. I have been with him for 5 years now and he has always tried to hurt me in public. Often times if I have a drunken night out and the next week I'm having dinner with his family or other guests and he will say "Sarah was shook last week weren't you". then when I confront him about it he says "Can you not take a joke i was only messing" even though he sees I go bright red and get upset.
Then another time he farted and blamed it on me in front of a group and kept saying "look how red she is gone, she must have definitly done it". It upset me. Even though it wasn't me, it still embarrassed me.

Then another time I baked 2 beautiful desserts for a family party and he announced to the group that he wouldn't eat them because my dog was licking the spoon while I was cooking them. Even though this wasn't the case. He made me feel so dirty and upset in front of the group.

Then he tells people i am tight with money when we are in groups. Even though it's not the case. But it still humiliated me.

I have confronted him many times and said if he does it again, I have to end it. And he keeps saying "I'm sorry I wont do it again i promise" or he gets thick and says "I was only messing, take a joke and stop being so dry". Even though I explained to him that to me it's upsetting and it's not a joke.

I'm at my wits end with this man. We have not got problems but it's getting worse as time goes on. This is my only problem with his personality. Any advice on what the hell I should do would be helpful.

forgive me for being blunt but please do not marry such a piece of sh!t

Hitman3000

I don't normally look at pervious threads by people, I looked at yours and I get the feeling you are on a wind up. Hope the numbers going to your wedding has picked up, you want to marry this guy..mmm...

Gerry T

Hate to say but there are many a miserable woman out there that felt they could "change" there man. IT WONT HAPPEN. 5yrs is a long time, so worth trying to give him a final chance. Calmly tell him 1 more episode of public humiliation and it's all off.
It's Def about him controlling you, but best to find out now before you waste any more time. Best to find someone that makes you feel special, someone that makes you a better person. Not someone your annoyed with and on eggshells waiting for his next outburst

Reati

Malari wrote: »

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057850634

Might explain the big dropoff - everyone else can see him for what he is!?

amcalester

Reati wrote: »

Might explain the big dropoff - everyone else can see him for what he is!?

Was just going to post this, maybe the reason no one is going is because everyone thinks he's a príck.

KatyMac

Please, please, please give this some serious thought before you actually marry him! This is abuse, nothing more. No-one has the right to do that to their partner of 5 weeks never mind 5 years. If he keeps getting away with it, he will keep at it and once ye are married and maybe have kids what then? And if he gets thick when you pull him up on it there is a very thin line between getting thick and getting physically abusive.

Walter Bishop

Getting married in a few weeks and doing the Leaving, hectic stuff: https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=106166856

Ashbx

You seem to be having an awful time with this wedding and fiancé OP.

Assuming neither of these threads are a wind up, you are doing your leaving cert. Dump this man and go enjoy your 20s.

Captain Red Beard

Run.

Malari

Reati wrote: »

Might explain the big dropoff - everyone else can see him for what he is!?

Either that or the OP is getting cold feet and these are a couple of isolated incidents that she remembers over the last 5 years? I could certainly paint my husband in a bad light if I was to list a couple of bad incidents years apart. I'm sure most people could be portrayed like that.

(I didn't mine the OP's previous posts by the way, just remembered this thread in the Weddings forum, where incidentally she says it was her sister who borrowed her account to post about the Leaving Cert.)

ED E

OP has to be a troll. C'mon.

Also no cards for giving a mod lip in the LC thread..... ou est le banhammeur

lawred2

Reati wrote: »

Might explain the big dropoff - everyone else can see him for what he is!?

that's what I was thinking.

didn't cop the op but I read and contributed in that thread too.

possible case that many want nothing to do with this lad

Reati

ED E wrote: »

OP has to be a troll. C'mon.

Also no cards for giving a mod lip in the LC thread..... ou est le banhammeur

Mods are a funny breed around these parts. Don't point that out in the weather forum though... touchy bunch over there.

runningbuddy

What age is he?? He's behaving like a 16 year old ffs. On a serious note, he has total disregard for your feelings.

lawred2

Malari wrote: »

https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057850634

Walter Bishop wrote: »

Getting married in a few weeks and doing the Leaving, hectic stuff: https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=106166856

ah ffs

SazSarsh

No I am not getting cold feet and no i am not doing my leaving cert. I allowed my sister to borrow my account as she is doing her leaving cert and wanted to ask a question. I also asked a question for her leaving cert poetry the other day.
He has not done it for a few months but yesterday he done it again and I was giving him dirty looks across the table and he kept at it. I want to stay with him believe me. But I want him to put me up in front of others, not put me down. I just don't know how to do it. He cares big time about what my parents think and I would tell my parents what he says in front of him to embarrass him but then he would storm out and not talk to me for days and at this stage he would be liable to cancel our wedding.
I really don't want the smart remarks here. I'm seriously upset today over what he done yesterday once again in front of a group. I just want someone to give me advice on how i can get him to stop this forever!

pocketpolly

SazSarsh wrote: »

No I am not getting cold feet and no i am not doing my leaving cert. I allowed my sister to borrow my account as she is doing her leaving cert and wanted to ask a question. I also asked a question for her leaving cert poetry the other day.
He has not done it for a few months but yesterday he done it again and I was giving him dirty looks across the table and he kept at it. I want to stay with him believe me. But I want him to put me up in front of others, not put me down. I just don't know how to do it. He cares big time about what my parents think and I would tell my parents what he says in front of him to embarrass him but then he would storm out and not talk to me for days and at this stage he would be liable to cancel our wedding.
I really don't want the smart remarks here. I'm seriously upset today over what he done yesterday once again in front of a group. I just want someone to give me advice on how i can get him to stop this forever!

Even after being told in the other thread that it is not allowed to share accounts you still went and asked another question on behalf of your sister.

Yeah, I'm calling BS.

billybonkers

SazSarsh wrote: »

No I am not getting cold feet and no i am not doing my leaving cert. I allowed my sister to borrow my account as she is doing her leaving cert and wanted to ask a question. I also asked a question for her leaving cert poetry the other day.
He has not done it for a few months but yesterday he done it again and I was giving him dirty looks across the table and he kept at it. I want to stay with him believe me. But I want him to put me up in front of others, not put me down. I just don't know how to do it. He cares big time about what my parents think and I would tell my parents what he says in front of him to embarrass him but then he would storm out and not talk to me for days and at this stage he would be liable to cancel our wedding.
I really don't want the smart remarks here. I'm seriously upset today over what he done yesterday once again in front of a group. I just want someone to give me advice on how i can get him to stop this forever!

Don't marry him

lawred2

SazSarsh wrote: »

No I am not getting cold feet and no i am not doing my leaving cert. I allowed my sister to borrow my account as she is doing her leaving cert and wanted to ask a question. I also asked a question for her leaving cert poetry the other day.
He has not done it for a few months but yesterday he done it again and I was giving him dirty looks across the table and he kept at it. I want to stay with him believe me. But I want him to put me up in front of others, not put me down. I just don't know how to do it. He cares big time about what my parents think and I would tell my parents what he says in front of him to embarrass him but then he would storm out and not talk to me for days and at this stage he would be liable to cancel our wedding.
I really don't want the smart remarks here. I'm seriously upset today over what he done yesterday once again in front of a group. I just want someone to give me advice on how i can get him to stop this forever!

You both sound extremely juvenile to be honest..

Dirty looks, storming off, telling tales to your folks, not talking for days, liable to cancel the wedding in a huff

Good God..

Simple advice.. give some serious consideration as to why you're getting married. And be honest to yourself. Ask yourself why this is what you want?

Ursus Horribilis

I think I'd like an invite to the wedding, popcorn in hand. Sounds like it'll be a riot.

Help34

You are very clearly teenagers. Break up and Grow up. If you marry him you will be divorced in a few years.

SazSarsh

I asked a question of behalf of her coz I seen the stress she was under one evening and thought I could get answers on this. I didn't allow her to physically ask the question

SazSarsh

Ok can I please have someone who will give me genuine answers on how the hell I can get him to stop this. That's all I want, advice, not a fight

Reati

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I think I'd like an invite to the wedding, popcorn in hand. Sounds like it'll be a riot.

Me too. This is bound to be a day to remember.

Reati

SazSarsh wrote: »

Ok can I please have someone who will give me genuine answers on how the hell I can get him to stop this. That's all I want, advice, not a fight

You got it from several people already. Don't marry him. Can't teach an old dog new tricks etc.

But seriously, can I have an invite to the wedding. I'll bring a nice gift.

witchgirl26

SazSarsh wrote: »

Ok can I please have someone who will give me genuine answers on how the hell I can get him to stop this. That's all I want, advice, not a fight

OP if you've already tried to talk to him about this and he hasn't accepted that it hurts you and continues to do it, I don't know what else you want people to say.

You can try to sit him down again and tell him in no uncertain terms how much you dislike when he does this and even if he thinks it's funny and messing, you don't and it really affects you. If he still won't take this, then honestly can you say that this is a man you want to spend your life with?

As for telling your parents stuff - come on that's hardly the grown up way to deal with it.

A couple of the examples you noted, I would have taken as messing (the comment to your parents about being drunk & the fart thing). Juvenile all right but messing and hardly overly damaging. The other examples though are going a bit too far.

Seriously if you can't discuss this with him and make him see how some of this does really hurt and affect you then how can you discuss the bigger items that are going to come your way in life?

PrettyBoy

SazSarsh wrote: »

Ok can I please have someone who will give me genuine answers on how the hell I can get him to stop this.

Ride his brother.

The Black Oil

Mod - I'm closing this thread. One, it's outside of the scope of this forum and two, it's become a bit of a train wreck to move elsewhere. I will discuss other mods. To those who reported the post - thanks. To those commenting on wind ups, moderation, etc, you're here long enough to use the report button.