Can't afford a baby - headache

Shelli2

My heart yearns for a baby, my body is telling me it's time. The clock is ticking.
I have a 10 yr old, and I would truly love for him to have a sibling.
But the crux of it is we can't afford a baby.
More specifically we can't afford childcare and bar a lotto win are unlikely to get to a position where we can before biology takes its natural course.

I'm finding it extremely difficult to come to terms with this. I'm becoming bitter and resentful. I'm highly emotional and crying constantly.

I've had a difficult number of years in the past but life has really come together and things have been fantastic for the last two years. I know I should be trying to focus on all the wonderful things going right in my life, but.....and that 'but' is too big for me to ignore.

Xterminator

Hi Op

you know your finances better than anyone. But have you considered all alternatives?

Can you or partner work from home? Sometimes it doesn't hurt to ask!

What would happen if you or partner became part time, or stay at home parent?
Could you reduce costs by getting rid of a car that way?

Would a second job for either of you or perhaps start up your own business? I know people who sell arts n crafts at fairs n markets, and another person who has a market stall at the weekend, on top of his 9-5. Delivery driver at night/weekends?

If you really want the baby i can understand why that might be eating away at you, but if you could channel that desire in a positive fashion, it will help, and perhaps make your dream happen?

Mr. Incognito

There is no good time to have a baby.

If you cant afford childcare then you are going to have to make sacrifices or relocate or do other adjustments in your life.

Whispered

It's about priorities, it's perfectly fine to prioritise having other things over a baby. There are myriad ways to cut back if it's something you're willing to look at. I know some people, particularly one relative, think we live like paupers. No tv, every last cent budgeted, no foreign holiday in 4 years etc. But it allows us have one parent at home, which was a priority for us. It can almost definitely be done if you're willing to sacrifice other things.

FizzleSticks

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pwurple

Childcare is a dose, there is no easy way of saying it. I handed over 800 quid one week when I had to travel, getting overnight babysitters, pickup from school etc etc etc. Eye watering.  Anyway, that's worst case scenario, and only happened to me once. 
Is there any extended family who could help out with childcare? Cousins, aunts / uncles. On either side? 
Neighbours you can share childcare with? There are 3 houses here, and the one childminder minds kids from the 3 houses. The families share the cost.


I was in a similar position coming up to our second child. We cut our accommodation costs (moved to a smaller house) and changed the car to a less expensive to-run one. It was obvious we needed to do that once we wrote everything down and went through it. 
Got out the notebook and wrote everything down.  Budget budget budget.
Incoming. (everything, include current child benefit, anything) Can you increase it? For you or him. Push for promotion, hard. Ask what the opportunities are. Is there an alternate where you can earn more?

Outgoing. (Everything. You mentioned lotto, that's an expense. Get it all in there)
Group them and see where you can make the big cuts. So, anything related to transport... car / petrol / insurance/ leap card. 
Clothing / sports / entertainment. Swap in free alternatives. If you buy books, swap to library. Lose any TV package. Clothes, repair them. 

Food. Cook, budget etc. A whole chicken (5 euro) can feed a family for 3/4 days. Roast first day, curry or stir fry second day, chicken noodle soup third day.
 
Accommodation (If you own a place, add repairs, maintenance, property tax etc). Does it make sense to move somewhere, nearer family for support? To a smaller place? Nearer work to cut commute cost. 

And then add what a baby would cost. First 6 months, see if you can afford to live on the state maternity... and on after that. transfer your tax credits to your husband, see if that makes a difference. There are community child care spaces available if you are receiving social welfare support. That's a talk with them. 

I use baby freecycling as well. Didn't have to buy much, used mostly second-hand.  Clothes, Cot, buggy, changing mats, toys, all free in the community groups or secondhand. Handed it all back afterwards as well, good for the next person.  I used the cloth nappy library and didn't use many disposable nappies.  (better for babies bum too).

qwerty13

‘Giving your 10 your old a sibling’ is not a good reason at all. Chances are that there’s so much of an age gap that your 10 year old will not appreciate at all having a sibling - quite the opposite.

If you are prepared to make the sacrifices that pwurple suggested, then go for it.

Permabear

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shesty

To be honest my attitude would be to go do it if you feel that strongly about it.Unless you are literally on or past the breadline and wouldn't be able to feed or house yourselves (although one might argue that doesn't seem to bother some people (sorry)), there is never a perfect time.
You regret what you don't do, more than what you do do......look at it that way.

LegacyUser

Xterminator wrote: »

Hi Op

you know your finances better than anyone. But have you considered all alternatives?

Can you or partner work from home? Sometimes it doesn't hurt to ask!

.......


...

Nobody can “work from home” and mind children simultaneously, it’s either one or the other.

Augme

Permabear wrote: »

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There's a big a big difference to finding yourself in a very difficult situation and having to adapt compared to deciding to put yourself in a very difficult situation because you want something really badly.

OP - As already pointed out, if you're going to do it then at least go into the situation honestly and admit to yourself that you want a baby because you want a baby.

qwerty13

Permabear wrote: »

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And some people would say that they can’t make it work, and have an abortion.

Also OP, I don’t think you’ve said how your partner feels about another baby.

ShowMeTheCash

What about moving?

Moving to a place you either earn more or where child care costs are less.