Job unhappiness

LegacyUser

I don't know where to start or how to start this of. I'm 35 and not happy with my life and how it turned out. I thought I would have things established by now. Most people my age has a career or a family with kids. I don't have any of that but not sure if I want kids, my point is that other people are established in their lives. I have no kids, so you would think I'd have some kind of career.

My twenties were wasted because I choosed the wrong course after school. A course that I finished which meant that I had to pay for a second course. Which I managed to do in my late twenties. I finished this course during the recession with very little jobs going and any jobs going were job bridge. It took me a while but I needed to do something and I took up a jobbridge. I was kept on. But I'm absolutely miserable in this job. I'm not learning anything and I never have. I'm essentially a cleaner. I have had a work experience student put me in my place, something so simple and she made out as if I'm stupid. I don't get a look in if there's anything going. They hired new grads and trained them. Me, I was and continue to be a lifelong jobbridge slave. I have sent my CV but it gets ignored.

I'm absolutely miserable. Even if I was to get a new job the pay is horrible with no increase. I don't know how to get out of it and what to do. I have something in mind but I need to get work before starting a distance learning course. That seems like the hardest part, getting the job first. I am also considering doing an open university course if I can't get work. But it doesn't solve my unhappiness in work.

So my latest thought is moving away. But it doesn't matter where I move, the pay is crap whatever country I go to. But not sure I even want to stick it out, I think it's because of my treatment in my job, I'm just so sick of it. The only place at my age is Canada. I love America, would love the opportunity to be close to America. And it gets me away from my current job. I have started my application to get the working holiday visa but it's not guaranteed and I have six more months until I'm 36 and I can't apply for a second time if they don't accept me.

I would love to get away and never come back to be honest, I hate my job and my family doesn't want anything to do with me. I have a brother and sister who lives at home with my mother. This place was always home to me. My mother excluded me from family photos, told me not to bother coming home for Christmas last year. My sister accused me of theft, she was in a nasty horrible mood, sent me a threatening text message which she refused to apologise and thought it was OK to send a nasty message because she said if. Only if I done anything, her threatening message stood. She has given me the silent treatment for the past four years when I tried to reconcile. She made it clear that I'm nothing. My brother at home just stopped talking to me, I didn't do anything on him. My dad was sick last year, not one person told me. I found out on the internet that he was sick. I rang my mother and asked her what was going on and to tell me where he was. She tried to make out that he was her ex, she didn't have anything to do with him anymore, until I told her that I didn't believe her and that my brother and sister knew where he was because they were into see him. My mother told me then which ward he was in. But it goes to show just how nasty my mother is to hold that information from me. I left my dad in the hospital six months ago and I specifically asked him to keep me informed. That was the last I have seen or heard from him. But he's probably thinking that information is being passed onto me.

So this is all over the place. I didn't ask for any of this nasty horrible treatment, in my job, in my family life. I need to do something, just get away, get away from my job and somewhere new where my family doesn't know where I went. They wouldn't care either.

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This post has been deleted.

WIZWEB

OP I can only give you empathy and words.

Unfortunately a lot of us are set up early in life through dysfunctional family attachments and dynamics. They often continue into adulthood and sometimes seep into other relationships whether they be personal or work related. I have some sympathy for your mother as she's likely continuing a pattern learned from her own childhood. This doesn't excuse her and your sibling behaviours though. The dynamic changes when you change it. None of us can change another. Your emotional needs most likely will never be met in this toxic entanglement. If you can move to that acceptance just getting on with your own life will become easier. You can leave the door open for better relationships. It's up to them then but prepare for the status qua remaining whatever you say or do.

When faced with such circumstances our framework for other human interactions can evolve into people pleasing, high tolerance of disrespect and low self-esteem. Subconsciously if our principal caregiver never loved us then why should we or anyone else. Our personal boundaries shrink and we put up with crap from others that we shouldn't. Sometimes the only boundary to move on from toxic people is a complete emotional and physical separation from their dramas. Our inner critic runs riot unless challenged. Counselling can help here.

You've did so well with what you've achieved considering this life foundation. You're planning ahead for a future. 35 is still young enough to find many other career options. I'm 45 and about to radically change mine yet again! There are various affordable college/training options that can help improve your circumstances. What about establishing your own cleaning business with a view to recruiting others and taking on a management role, Going back on the dole will almost guarantee you'll be dumped on the fiasco that is JobPath, That will really mess with your self-worth.

Follow up on the options abroad. Perhaps include the UK in that list. You've displayed great resilience so believe yourself capable of surviving and thriving at whatever you put your heart into.

My twenties were 'wasted' too. Prior to that I couldn't pass a Leaving Certificate. I've since educated myself to Masters level. I know you mentioned the Open University. It's a long and expensive route though. Be particular about whatever education path you follow and that it offers recognised qualifications. Also that it will have good employment options at the end and that it's in an area you will enjoy.

WIZWEB

Just a footnote my sister recently started a clerical post in a civil service recruitment drive. No related experience or even a leaving cert. Though good work history like yourself.

Also big recruitment drive for prison officers on Publicjobs.ie. Women being prioritised as applicants.

LegacyUser

You seem to be putting yourself down with: 'I'm just a cleaner'.

Cleaners are vital for every business otherwise many establishments and companies would close their doors due to an unclean premises and health and safety reasons.

Hairdressers when starting out would spend months sweeping the floor, stocking the shelves with clean towels and haircare products before they would be allowed to even wash a head of hair, never mind about taking a scissors to someone's hair.
My guess is that your employers have sensed an unhappiness from you within your work. Working at doing cleaning duties should have been viewed from you as 'working as part of a team' and helping the establishment and over time then your employers could have considered more responsibilities. How can they possibly trust you with a promotion or more responsibilities when they know that you are not happy with a cleaning brush? I don't see that as being 'nasty' on your employers part. It's working politics.

Talking with a professional would help you deal with things and move forward with life.

LegacyUser

'' I left my dad in the hospital 6 months ago and I specifically asked him to keep me informed. That was the last I saw or heard from him again''.

That line stood out to me as being overly dramatic and reads to me like a scene from an American movie.

Whatever is going on with the family, what's stopping you from having a relationship with your father if you want one? What's stopping you from calling him or visiting him?

If other areas of your life is as sad and as dramatic as the scene you painted of walking away from your sick dad in hospital, never to see or hear from him again, your family and your brother is giving you and your dramatics a wide berth.

Airyfairy12

My auntie and my best friend are both cleaners, im so proud of my aunty in particular who pulled herself out of a horrific marriage and got a decent job as a cleaner in a hotel which enables her to support herself and put a roof over her childrens heads - theres no shame in your job title at all, stop doing it for a few days and your co workers will soon see how valuable you are to the workplace.
Sorry to hear about your family, not having that love and support which is supposed to be unconditional must be very hurtful. Do you have any idea what might be causing them to behave this way towards you? If they wont listen to you could you write them a letter expressing your feelings of exclusion?
As for wanting to change career have you considered tefl? you have a degree so would get a job no problem, you can do an online course over 6 months or you could do a CELTA part time which would guarantee you employment in Ireland or abroad. Working as a CELTA teacher in somewhere like China or Abu Dhabi would allow you to save up for another third level course or enough to keep you comfortable financially for a couple of years. - Another option could be a part time fetac level 5 or 6 in something like social studies, childcare, beauty therapy etc which would also pretty much guarantee you employment in Ireland or the UK.

ismat

How can you have completed two college courses and still in effect be only on jobbridge ? What areas were the courses in ?

Big Bag of Chips

Mod Note:

OP I think you have posted many many many times in the past about your issues and especially your family. The people of PI have offered pages and pages of advice in the past. Have you ever taken any of it? Have you ever made steps to get yourself out of the situation you find yourself in. I think the moderators have asked you before not to post in PI again because it was clear your issues were more than the posters here could help with. We don't like people abusing the anonymous posting facility to get around that.

You need to work on your issues, whatever they are. Maybe moving county/country would be good for you, but remember you will still be the same person wherever you go. If you want your life to be different YOU have to take very significant steps to make it different. Nobody is going to hand it to you. There are agencies around who will help you get a better job. You are not going to progress in the place you are in now, so make steps to get out of there.

I will lock this thread because I believe people are only going to repeat the same advice that has been offered to you any multiple occasions. Please go find real, practical and concrete help in the real world. Posters here cannot offer you any more.