Menopause

morphman

Hi ladies,
I hope it ok to post in here. I really wanted to get your opinions. My wife is currently experiencing perimenopause the hot sweats, mood swings, changes to her body and all that terrible stuff.i know she is battling through as best she can for the last 12 months.My wife is 42 and I am 39, we have 3 kids. I am trying to be as understanding as possible but struggle from time to time. Things can become strained between us especially in relation to sex. We have had no intimacy in over 10 months and I miss her terribly. I feel isolated and alone sometimes.
I guess I am looking for some of your experience in going through the same.
Thanks in advance girls.

LaughAlot2

Have you tried finding some time when you are both on your own and sit down to discuss your feelings with your wife?
Just let her know how your feeling about "sex" in the marriage, and also give her the time whilst your both sitting alone to calmly have a chat about her feelings about "sex" in the marriage.
I hope you and your wife can work on this together OP, Best of luck

morphman

LaughAlot2 wrote:

Have you tried finding some time when you are both on your own and sit down to discuss your feelings with your wife? Just let her know how your feeling about "sex" in the marriage, and also give her the time whilst your both sitting alone to calmly have a chat about her feelings about "sex" in the marriage. I hope you and your wife can work on this together OP, Best of luck

Thanks for the reply.
I have talked to her on several occasions and told her it doesn't need to be sex, any form of intimacy will do.I just want to feel close to her. She has said she just doesn't feel like it. It feels strange and I have said I feel like she is distant and not interested in me anymore but to no avail. I love my wife so I guess I will have to continue on in the hope that thing change.
Thanks again for the response.

amtc

It's a very scary time. Both my mam and grandmother went through menopause at 38/39. My cycle pretty much stopped 2 years ago. Didn't get hot sweats or anything but like my mam would fight with my toenails and cry about everything. Plus I ended up getting adult acne having had close to perfect skin all my life. It was more the realisation that I was now in middle age. My body changed. I'm a size 10 but weight floated on round waist.

I've always liked nice underwear but greeted my oh last Friday spotty, unwashed hair and in a dressing gown of fleece. He just laughed (thankfully sex is not an issue for us as he is undergoing medical treatment that means his libido is non existent).

So we just sat, watched mindless tv and cuddled. It was nice.

But as I said it is scary. To give up the ideal you'll never have children (in my case) is scary.

morphman

Thanks for the replies. Things are not easy and I feel shut out. I feel like I'm a bad husband for not understanding. I don't know what to do....... I guess I can do nothing only be here if she needs me.
Thanks again

twignme

Menopause for a woman is hell. You know you are doing all these strange things, having this anger and rage over stupid things. You know it’s happening, you know it’s wrong, but there isn’t a damn thing you can do to change it. You feel like you are disappearing and at the same time, you feel like you are walking around with a sign on your forehead that says ‘past it’.
Your wife wants to cuddle with you, and all the rest, but there is something in her brain, something that she has no control over, that says otherwise. She can’t help it, can’t stop it, feels as bad about it as you do. In fact, she probably feels worse about it than you do. Just know that it isn’t about you. If you can go some way to understanding what she is dealing with, whilst it may not give you what you need right now, it will be the cement in your relationship in the future.

morphman

twignme wrote:

Menopause for a woman is hell. You know you are doing all these strange things, having this anger and rage over stupid things. You know it’s happening, you know it’s wrong, but there isn’t a damn thing you can do to change it. You feel like you are disappearing and at the same time, you feel like you are walking around with a sign on your forehead that says ‘past it’. Your wife wants to cuddle with you, and all the rest, but there is something in her brain, something that she has no control over, that says otherwise. She can’t help it, can’t stop it, feels as bad about it as you do. In fact, she probably feels worse about it than you do. Just know that it isn’t about you. If you can go some way to understanding what she is dealing with, whilst it may not give you what you need right now, it will be the cement in your relationship in the future.

Thanks for that. She is different and I understand what she is going through but unfortunately some other elements have surfaced and it could spell the end for us as a family. Thanks again for the comment.

madmaggie

Hi morphman, I'll try to give a woman's perspective, from one who has been there, and now out the other side. The hot flushes are horrible, like boiling water been poured over you from head to toe, right down to the soles of your feet. There are medications that can help with them. The rage, and then the guilt because of the rage. The feeling of getting old, and ugly, and unattractive, and washed up, and every little thing is just too much, and too hard and pointless. There is a great book called The Wisdom of the Menopause, it's not cheap, but I'm sure she will find it a great help, I did. And she will come out the other side, hard to believe now, but it will get better.

Knit wit

Hi morphman,
As a woman in my early 40s going through perimenopause I empathise ... it is horrendous. It can feel as though you are losing your mind ... hormones make you go crazy. I don't have hot flushes but I get cold flashes which are rotten ... and can last for hours.

A sympathetic doctor will help ... someone who recognises the symptoms as part of a holistic approach.

Emotionally I wasn't ready at 39 to start this ... we were finished having our family so that didn't bother me but I was getting back into my career ... working hard and returning to do a masters when it not without warning. Suddenly my body was no longer under my control and that was really tough.
I hope your wife will feel better soon ... keep being supportive ... she's still in there in spite of the hormones!

Knit wit

Hi morphman,
As a woman in my early 40s going through perimenopause I empathise ... it is horrendous. It can feel as though you are losing your mind ... hormones make you go crazy. I don't have hot flushes but I get cold flashes which are rotten ... and can last for hours.

A sympathetic doctor will help ... someone who recognises the symptoms as part of a holistic approach.

Emotionally I wasn't ready at 39 to start this ... we were finished having our family so that didn't bother me but I was getting back into my career ... working hard and returning to do a masters when it hit without warning. Suddenly my body was no longer under my control and that was really tough.
I hope your wife will feel better soon ... keep being supportive ... she's still in there in spite of the hormones!

madmaggie

Hi knit wit, I suggest that you get a copy of the book that I mentioned. If I had my way it would be compulsory reading for every woman in her forties. It covers before, during and after menopause, some medical jargon, but not a lot. Loads of advice on heart, bone and skin health. I'm about 10 years older than you, but would have been lost without that book. At this point, my symptoms have subsided, except if I eat sugary things, then they flare up again. Apart from that, life is great!

Bredabe

I have a health issue which meant my cycle was always was odd,
I was told in my 30's I was perimenopausal, given a leaflet on what to expect and sent off.

Each time I've had my bloods done for the health issue I ask for a hormone panel, 5 times now they have been 'forgotten about' in the lab, I went back to the Dr who said they arnt worth the work as they need to be done 6 weeks apart and the results are just reflective of that day's level.

I read the menopause care programme from IFPA and it mentions the two tests, so now Em confused. Other than the ubiquitous comments about my weight and advice about ssri's, I've not have any other guidance. Has anyone else had this kind of thing happen?

Martina1991

Bredabe wrote: »

Each time I've had my bloods done for the health issue I ask for a hormone panel, 5 times now they have been 'forgotten about' in the lab, I went back to the Dr who said they arnt worth the work as they need to be done 6 weeks apart and the results are just reflective of that day's level.

Just want to say I doubt the lab 'forgot' to perform your hormone tests. The lab will only carry out tests that the doctor requests.
If your doctor didn't see a need to request them, they weren't written on the request form and therefore not perfomed.

Bredabe

Martina1991 wrote: »

Just want to say I doubt the lab 'forgot' to perform your hormone tests. The lab will only carry out tests that the doctor requests.
If your doctor didn't see a need to request them, they weren't written on the request form and therefore not perfomed.

Thanks, that was my thinking as well, I know some labs are so busy that things get overlooked, but that many times in three venues seemed to be suspicious.

This is a new to me Dr and it just confirmed my suspicions about a few things I've met in the clinic.

Annoyingly it still leaves me in limbo re the need for extra supplement/specialist exercises and the like!!!!!!

raik18

Look for something called Black Cohosh. It's a natural supplement and doesn't interfere with any other medication with the exception of blood thinners and heart medications. It helped with my flushes and mood through my Menopause