Working Away midweek

hurler32

Anyone else out there working and staying away from home midweek , how do you find it ?
End up staying away from family 2 nights most week in Dublin , for last 3 years and for the foreseeable future .kids are 15,13,11, wife manages ok but I find it difficult been away and going away each week.From county limerick Kerry side circa 3 hours from Dublin .
Find it tough to be honest but I guess others have it worse ...is it worth it or is that just modern life now ? anyone else any thoughts

dashoonage

I'm hungry.

Husband done it for a while a good few back.

By the time you get home Friday night you’re exhausted. Have Saturday to do all the family and around the house stuff, still exhausted so asleep on the couch by 9. Wake up Sunday and start preparing to head up the road again.

Only do it for as long as you have to do it.

It's not "modern life", it's your life right now.
My dad used to go 2 hours each way in a trailer for work. Uncles went in the back of vans for an hour or 2. The odd time people had to hitch. Things always sucked for some people.
It's your life, put up with it or change it.

Wanderer78

This kind of lifestyle is 'good' for you and good for society, keep it up!

Lollipops23

My boss does it; works down in Dublin maybe 2-3 days a week and goes to his wife and 3 small kids at the other end of the country. He's also out of the country on business for entire weeks at a time.

I honestly don't know how his wife tolerates it, she may as well be a single mother for half the week. It's also not something that will change any time soon, they have property there and his job here isn't going to get any easier or less time consuming.

jimgoose

Surely you can earn a living without having to schlep up and down to Dublin from West Limerick? Is the Famine still on??

Wanderer78

jimgoose wrote:

Surely you can earn a living without having to schlep up and down to Dublin from West Limerick? Is the Famine still on??

If you think that's bad, there's lads bouncing in and out of the country trying to make a living, mate was doing it from Australia every few weeks for a while

Husband commented back and forth to London during the downturn, not sustainable long-term I don't think. He uses to get up at 3.30am on a Sunday morning to get the air coach and be at work for 9 in the center of London then back on Friday. Why can't you get a job more local? it was different during the downturn. I have heard of people spending long terms in the middle east while their wife and children were here.

Ninjini

My OH can be away for between 1-3 nights a week. The nights he is home, he gets maybe an hour or two before he has to head to bed and he also works one Saturday a month. It can be very lonely, but he loves his job and we simply can’t afford to live where he works.

popa smurf

Ya I did it for a while I didn't mind it hard on the OH though. mate of mine works away from home all the time used hit the local pub Friday evening on the way back, he would go home at closing time hammered and than he was surprised when wife left him.

topper75

Young folks making CAO decisions etc. need to be mindful of these scenarios.

If you want to study aeronautical engineering or pharma or whatever - well and good. But that pursuit may well mean no chance of settling in or maintaining links with you native place. You will have to go where that work is and stay there.

Provincial Ireland has an excellent lifestyle to those who are lucky enough to work there. Great place to raise a family and good to be surrounded by supporting community you are familiar with. It may make more sense to temper career or salary ambitions if location is a long-term priority for you.

Maybe hard for youngsters to look that far ahead in life but this 'issue' is as much a factor in career decisions as any prestige/salary/pursuit of passion etc. Teachers and family should address that in helping with the decision making.

jfk247

I'm currently doing it. Moved down to Clare from Dublin nearly 2 years ago after we had our son, wife is from Clare. I work 2 days in Dublin and the rest at home in my slippers. Currently looking for a job closer to home but at the moment it suits us financially just a bit tough on my wife those 2 days I'm away.
I see my mother more now than I did when I was living in Dublin plus it's a good excuse to meet the lads for a few drinks during the week when I'm up.
There are others that have it way worse so I'm not complaining as it was our decision and my job is very accommodating.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

Wanderer78 wrote: »

If you think that's bad, there's lads bouncing in and out of the country trying to make a living, mate was doing it from Australia every few weeks for a while

I know there were and are thousands of Irish who went to Australia for work, but are you saying your mate couldn't find anywhere closer than Australia, considering he clearly wanted to be in Ireland?

I call shenanigans.

danganabu

mariaalice wrote: »

Husband commented back and forth to London during the downturn, not sustainable long-term I don't think.

Did the same myself, always found it very hard to get a straight answer out of them though, twas like I was talking to myself at times

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater wrote: »

I know there were and are thousands of Irish who went to Australia for work, but are you saying your mate couldn't find anywhere closer than Australia, considering he clearly wanted to be in Ireland?

I call shenanigans.

It’s quite easy to get cash in hand over there if you know the right people. Go over on a 3 month holiday visa and (depending on your trade) you could come back with the guts of 20,000 euro.

hurler32

Trying to look at the positive side of it......if I'm away 2 nights midweeks I'm at home 5 nights so maybe its not as bad as those who are gone all week ie mon to fri....an odd week im away 3 nights but largely its 2 nights away....
The Hotels in Dublin seem to be always busy so theres plenty others im guessing working in Dublin midweek....

razorblunt

Did it for a few years alright, I'd leave Monday morning (sometimes Sunday evening) and come back Thursday evening (sometimes Friday evening). I enjoyed it for what it was, I didn't have kids but the gf was left at home on her todd for 4 or 5 days a week, it wasn't really far.
It was continental Europe I was travelling to.

What I found after a while is that I'd be like a zombie over the weekends, I'd be in the local office Friday until 8/9pm trying to catch up on my day job after bringing back other work with me. I'd then sleep in on Saturday morning and I'd get the Fear at 3pm Sunday, so the gf only really got me "on form" for Saturday afternoon, evening, and Sunday morning.

Fock that. Binned the job, moved companies, with limited travel, though that's changing now, but you're talking day here or there, every couple of weeks. Much easier to manage.

MrPudding

I commuted between Dublin and Milton Keynes for a year before the family moved over. That really did suck and I swore I would not do anything like it again.

And now, a good few years later, we live in France but I still work in the UK. I usually work from home on a Monday and Friday. I get a ferry to the UK on Monday night, and then get a ferry back Thursday night. It actually works quite well. I don't like being away, but that is my life for the next could of years.

MrP

Dial Hard

I did it for a while when I was temping in Dublin (lived in Tullow) and the money wasn't worth me driving up and back every day (which I also did for years, and which brings its own set of problems). I'd drive up Monday morning, stay in my mam's Mon-Thurs nights, then drive home after work on Friday. It was only short-term and we'd no kids but it was still tough. My ex was left doing all the heavy lifting with our dogs and ended up spending a fortune eating down in the local most nights because he wasn't arsed cooking for one.

People do it, mostly because they've no choice, but it's not ideal. I used to work for a guy who'd been here for years but his wife and kids were still in Germany. He went home maybe twice a month. I have no idea how they made that work.

MrPudding

Dial Hard wrote: »

People do it, mostly because they've no choice, but it's not ideal. I used to work for a guy who'd been here for years but his wife and kids were still in Germany. He went home maybe twice a month. I have no idea how they made that work.

When I was commuting from Dublin to the UK I met a guy who was commuting the other way. He was a GP in Dundalk, but lived in St Albans. His wife had come over but didn't like it, so moved back. He had been doing that commute for 15 years!

MrP

jigglypuffstuff

It's ridiculous imo...you're supposed to work to live not the other way around...if your job takes up more of you're time than anything else you do...then you are doing it wrong imo and need to re-evaluate

The obsession with the western definition of success and materialism often results in people sacrificing more and more of their time... silly really when you consider it in the greater context

Time is the only currency that's a one way transaction...once you give it you cannot simply earn more.

MrPudding

pone2012 wrote: »

It's ridiculous imo...you're supposed to work to live not the other way around...if your job takes up more of you're time than anything else you do...then you are doing it wrong imo and need to re-evaluate

The obsession with the western definition of success and materialism often results in people sacrificing more and more of their time... silly really when you consider it in the greater context

Time is the only currency that's a one way transaction...once you give it you cannot simply earn more.

Oh please. The "obsession with the western definition of success and materialism"? What about the obsession with paying the rent, or the mortgage, or putting food on the table, or providing for one's family?

Not everyone has the option of working close to home. Working close to home might mean, for example, not earning as much (or more importantly, enough) or not actually doing what they want to do.

I don't work away form home based on an obsession with the western definition of success and materialism, I work away from home because I want to provide for my family and I want to do a job I love. I also want to live in France, because I believe it is better for my family, but the particular circumstances I am in at the moment means I have to work in England.

If you think that is ridiculous, then I guess that is your prerogative, but making a grossly generalised statement, like you have, really shows your ignorance of the topic, and the reason why people might live this way.

MrP

jigglypuffstuff

MrPudding wrote: »

Oh please. The "obsession with the western definition of success and materialism"? What about the obsession with paying the rent, or the mortgage, or putting food on the table, or providing for one's family?

Not everyone has the option of working close to home. Working close to home might mean, for example, not earning as much (or more importantly, enough) or not actually doing what they want to do.

I don't work away form home based on an obsession with the western definition of success and materialism, I work away from home because I want to provide for my family and I want to do a job I love. I also want to live in France, because I believe it is better for my family, but the particular circumstances I am in at the moment means I have to work in England.

If you think that is ridiculous, then I guess that is your prerogative, but making a grossly generalised statement, like you have, really shows your ignorance of the topic, and the reason why people might live this way.

MrP

The Very fact that millions pay their rent and put food on the table without living away refutes the point you made. A mortgage is a "want" not a need. I'd go as far as to argue a luxury even

The rest of your post proves my point. People who earn more away from home inevitably trade their time for a larger salary. Those who want a certain job trade presence and family time for job satisfaction

As for what you've stated about your own situation.... it's a combination of your job satisfaction and wanting your family to remain in France. Yes fine but that doesn't change the point I've made

You can always try to earn more....you can always try to change job...you can always try to relocate... but try spending time with someone after they are dead...like I said..times the one currency that cannot be regenerated...and as such I find it ridiculous and baffling that people can justify trading it for less important things so easily

I think the cases where people have genuinely no choice but to live away almost all the time are a very small minority in comparison to those who could remain in the vicinity with alternative sacrifices

Are you trying to argue against that point??

dundalkfc10

Dial Hard wrote: »

I did it for a while when I was temping in Dublin (lived in Tullow) and the money wasn't worth me driving up and back every day (which I also did for years, and which brings its own set of problems). I'd drive up Monday morning, stay in my mam's Mon-Thurs nights, then drive home after work on Friday. It was only short-term and we'd no kids but it was still tough. My ex was left doing all the heavy lifting with our dogs and ended up spending a fortune eating down in the local most nights because he wasn't arsed cooking for one.

People do it, mostly because they've no choice, but it's not ideal. I used to work for a guy who'd been here for years but his wife and kids were still in Germany. He went home maybe twice a month. I have no idea how they made that work.

Drinking not Eating down the local

Cantona's Collars

Did it for several years,gone from first thing Monday morning and back home Friday evening.Wouldn't go back to it especially with kids in the mix.
Now the trend is the fleets of vans headed up the N11 every morning to Dublin. I've mates back at that game,out of bed at 5am and home at 7.30-8pm every evening.

Mrs OBumble

OP if you were away 4 or 5 nights a week, I'd be sympathetic.

But two nights? Piece of cake. You'll probably both enjoy it, and each other more on the other give nights each week - or more when you have leabe etc.

jeff bingham

Travelled up and down to Dublin from Kilkenny every weekday for 2 months and hated every minute. Nothing worse than waking up and the rest of the day is spent looking forward to going back to bed because your so tired, life just passing by. Know a lot of lads who are at it years, gone at half 5 and home at 7.

Jude13

For most of last year I flew early morning to Jeddah or Riyadh from the UAE to get into the office for 8:30am, worked five days and flew back to get home in the house by 11pm. Wrecked with a load of stuff to do. The last day of the weekend I would just be counting the hours down till I was going back. I think I spent only 8 weeks last year not doing that. I am newly married too so it didn't go down well.

Sadly its that or not have a job. We have won another 5 month commission in rural KSA so I am looking for a new job rather than doing it again.

erica74

OP it's not forever, try not to let it get you down, you're just doing what you have to do right now. Your children are old enough to "understand" you're working to make money to pay for all the things the family need.

I once commuted 6 hours a day for work, up at 5am, home at 9:30pm for about 6 months, another job, I commuted 4 hours a day for a year. These were both 9-5 jobs. It was hell but I just stuck at those jobs for as long as I had to. It was hard but I knew it was short term.
These were jobs I took when there was nothing else. During that time I really examined myself as an unqualified worker and what I wanted to do and decided to go to college part time.

The 5 work days were wrote off, get up, go to work, get home, eat dinner, bed. The weekends then were pure exhaustion on a Saturday while running around trying to get all the weekend errands done, groceries, pet shop, pharmacy, anything else. Sunday still quite tired but a little bit better but then getting ready for the week ahead - I used to do meal prep on Sundays and also put together my outfits for the week ahead.
Your whole life revolves around your job. And if there was an event on a weekend, a night out or a party, the whole week would be messed up as I'd have lost out on sleep time, meal prep time or not done all the errands.

clappyhappy

My OH goes to Dublin on a Tuesday morning & home on Thursday evening by 5, has been doing that for the past two years. I honestly don't mind, yes it's hard especially if I'm working those days, 2 kids go to after school, eldest gets bus home. I've to be home by 6 to get them, then whatever sports they are doing each evening, which some evenings they are going in 3 different directions but neighbours are great to help out. I only work 3 days a week. Honestly I think he finds it harder than I do as he knows how busy we are with the kids, but I dont mind. He has a good job and it looks as though it's only going to be one night away soon. But he gets no sympathy from me, stays in a fabulous hotel and others he works with stay there also so he's not all alone, :-)

Ninjini

While it’s exhausting for my OH the days he commutes, he also gets unlimited leisure time when he is away midweek which he has used to go to the cinema or to comedy gigs etc. so it has some positives

MrPudding

pone2012 wrote: »

The Very fact that millions pay their rent and put food on the table without living away refutes the point you made. A mortgage is a "want" not a need. I'd go as far as to argue a luxury even

See, now you are just getting silly. Having a roof over your family's head is not a luxury. I appreciate that you have specifically said a mortgage, but that is not the relevant thing. The relevant thing is the roof. The mortgage is simply one of the possible mechanism that can be used to secure that roof. The fact that millions of people put food on the table without living away does not refute my point, it simply says that millions of people can put food on the table without living away, it does not (which it would need to in order to refute my point) say that everyone can put food on the table without living away, or that everyone can live the way they want to, without living away.

pone2012 wrote: »

The rest of your post proves my point. People who earn more away from home inevitably trade their time for a larger salary. Those who want a certain job trade presence and family time for job satisfaction

There are undoubtedly those that work away simply to earn more money, but there are plenty more that work away from home to earn anything or to earn enough. I have a couple of mates that are freelance IT contractors, and they have to work away from home because their aren't roles for them where they live. Yes, I suppose they could take a job in McDonalds, sell their house, buy a smaller house, have their children share bedrooms etc, so he could work closer to where he lives, but they don't want to do that. Of course, another option is that they could uproot their family, take the kids out of school, their partners could give up their jobs and they could move, but they don't want to.

pone2012 wrote: »

As for what you've stated about your own situation.... it's a combination of your job satisfaction and wanting your family to remain in France. Yes fine but that doesn't change the point I've made

It is a little more than that. I could not get a job of any quality in France. I work in a fairly specialised area which is very different in France, so my skills, qualifications and experience are effectively worthless. I don't really have any choice, but I am lucky that the option I have is not awful.

pone2012 wrote: »

You can always try to earn more....you can always try to change job...you can always try to relocate... but try spending time with someone after they are dead...like I said..times the one currency that cannot be regenerated...and as such I find it ridiculous and baffling that people can justify trading it for less important things so easily

Again, stunning ignorance of what drives this for a lot of people.

pone2012 wrote: »

I think the cases where people have genuinely no choice but to live away almost all the time are a very small minority in comparison to those who could remain in the vicinity with alternative sacrifices

I suspect the number with little or no choice is probably bigger than you think.

pone2012 wrote: »

Are you trying to argue against that point??

No. I am simply saying that your "obsession with the western definition of success and materialism" comment is, at best, an overly simplistic generalisation of the many and varied reasons why people choose, or are forced, to work away from home.


MrP

ace_irl

My dad did it in the 80's just after my brother was born. There was no work here so he had to go to the UK to work. After paying his accommodation he sent every penny back to my mum. Flights were much more expensive back then so he couldn't afford to come home very often. Eventually he came home one day, my brother didn't recognize him and was afraid of him. It broke my dads heart so he had to give it up and move back to Dublin.

I can only imagine how hard it was for my mum to have go through it, but sometimes you have to do whatever it takes. I've so much respect for anyone working away from home. Unfortunately, with the way things are I can see it becoming more common place.

rustynutz

I worked in Holland for 12 months during the depths of the recession, I had two small kids under 4 at the time, and although I came home every weekend, it was extremely tough on everyone. Got home at 9pm Friday, and was on the road again at 3.30am on a Monday.

Having said that, the only other option was unemployment, so I was glad to be working.

These days I still travel a bit with work, but work locally a lot too. You get used to it, like everything else.

rustynutz

pone2012 wrote: »

The Very fact that millions pay their rent and put food on the table without living away refutes the point you made. A mortgage is a "want" not a need. I'd go as far as to argue a luxury even

The rest of your post proves my point. People who earn more away from home inevitably trade their time for a larger salary. Those who want a certain job trade presence and family time for job satisfaction

As for what you've stated about your own situation.... it's a combination of your job satisfaction and wanting your family to remain in France. Yes fine but that doesn't change the point I've made

You can always try to earn more....you can always try to change job...you can always try to relocate... but try spending time with someone after they are dead...like I said..times the one currency that cannot be regenerated...and as such I find it ridiculous and baffling that people can justify trading it for less important things so easily

I think the cases where people have genuinely no choice but to live away almost all the time are a very small minority in comparison to those who could remain in the vicinity with alternative sacrifices

Are you trying to argue against that point??

Ok, meanwhile back in the real world, rising rents in urban areas, and people not being able to afford to live where the vast majority of the work is, a lot of people are faced with a choice, a lengthy commute leaving you little time at home anyway, or stay away 4 nights a week. This is only going to get worse, not better.

Chrongen

jfk247 wrote: »

I'm currently doing it. Moved down to Clare from Dublin nearly 2 years ago after we had our son, wife is from Clare. I work 2 days in Dublin and the rest at home in my slippers. Currently looking for a job closer to home but at the moment it suits us financially just a bit tough on my wife those 2 days I'm away.
I see my mother more now than I did when I was living in Dublin plus it's a good excuse to meet the lads for a few drinks during the week when I'm up.
There are others that have it way worse so I'm not complaining as it was our decision and my job is very accommodating.

Tough on your wife? FFS you're at home with her more than the guys who work 5 days a week in a local job.

Chrongen

Strawberry Milkshake wrote: »

It’s quite easy to get cash in hand over there if you know the right people. Go over on a 3 month holiday visa and (depending on your trade) you could come back with the guts of 20,000 euro.

20k in 3 months? My bollocks.

Chrongen

MrPudding wrote: »

I commuted between Dublin and Milton Keynes for a year before the family moved over. That really did suck and I swore I would not do anything like it again.

And now, a good few years later, we live in France but I still work in the UK. I usually work from home on a Monday and Friday. I get a ferry to the UK on Monday night, and then get a ferry back Thursday night. It actually works quite well. I don't like being away, but that is my life for the next could of years.

MrP

How long does the ferry take? Do you still have to get from Dover/Folkstone/wherever to Milton Keynes?

expatin africa

Have done it for almost 10 years, wife and 4 children (1-8 years) at home. work in africa 10 weeks on 3 weeks off, so home for 12 weeks a year, hate it but came an engineer in 2007 there was no work and agreed to do this for a year in 2008 and sold my soul for the money, hard on the wife and she wanted me to come home so last october i handed in my notice and told her i quit and have a job in ireland she nearly collapsed when she realised the difference in pay i be taking home, about a third and tax on the irish pay so agreed to stay till christmas 2018, but hate every minute here, people will say like my family why dont i just come home but there is no construction work where i stay in ireland, but its soul destroying being away from the children, whatapps, skype and facebook have improved things in the last few years but not the same, on a side note their is a fair few irish out here doing the same thing

aido79

Chrongen wrote: »

20k in 3 months? My bollocks.

Why do you say that?

Chrongen

Jude13 wrote: »

For most of last year I flew early morning to Jeddah or Riyadh from the UAE to get into the office for 8:30am, worked five days and flew back to get home in the house by 11pm. Wrecked with a load of stuff to do. The last day of the weekend I would just be counting the hours down till I was going back. I think I spent only 8 weeks last year not doing that. I am newly married too so it didn't go down well.

Sadly its that or not have a job. We have won another 5 month commission in rural KSA so I am looking for a new job rather than doing it again.

That's bad. And you can't even have a drink to numb the pain.

MrPudding

Chrongen wrote: »

How long does the ferry take? Do you still have to get from Dover/Folkstone/wherever to Milton Keynes?

I am not working in MK anymore, I work in a place called Marlow (which is closer, so that is nice). Here is a brief summary of my week:

- I work from home on a Monday. After work I usually cook dinner, then help the kids with homework (I am of limited use here as their homework is mostly in French, and my French is not yet strong enough to not actually do them harm. I get the kids to bed, and then leave for the ferry around 2100hrs.
- I get the ferry from Caen. It is about a 40 minute ride (I commute by motorbike).
- The ferry is an overnight ferry. I have a cabin, so I board, go to my cabin, go to bed, usually watch something I have downloaded from prime or Netflix and wake up in the UK.
- Get off the ferry and ride to Marlow. Depending on traffic, this takes around 90 minutes, so I am typically in work between 0830 and 0900.
- I have a room in Marlow where I stay Tuesday and Wednesday night, and I walk between there and work. On Thursday after work I go visit my mum in Buckingham, and then head to Portsmouth from there. That costs me an 90 minutes of travel and about an extra 60 miles, but it is worth it.
- Get the overnight ferry to France, same process as the other way.
- Wake ups in France, ride home, have a quick power nap and start work sometime between 0930 and 1000 (French time).

All in all, that is pretty good I think. Before we moved to France I had a daily commute that could be up to 90 minutes each way, so if you ignore the ferry crossing, I am much better off in terms of the distance I have to travel during the week.

MrP

I am amazed at the people who think their partner is having a great time because they live in a hotel anyone I know who did it described it as both boring and lonely. What did people get together with their partner for or have a family for? The person who is away is away from their home their partner their support their children.

Loneliness is a big issue.

ChikiChiki

Jeez people do mad commutes amd such a waste of precious time. Life is short. Plenty of jobs out there that encourage remote working nowadays.

popa smurf

ChikiChiki wrote: »

Jeez people do mad commutes amd such a waste of precious time. Life is short. Plenty of jobs out there that encourage remote working nowadays.

Where are these jobs you speak off

MrPudding

ChikiChiki wrote: »

Jeez people do mad commutes amd such a waste of precious time. Life is short. Plenty of jobs out there that encourage remote working nowadays.

:rolleyes:

Sleepy

Did it for 6 months during the recession and tbh, it nearly cost me my (now) wife and kids. We were living in a rural area and she doesn't drive so she'd be going stir-crazy by the time I got home on a Friday night while, at the same time, I was going half mad from loneliness being stuck in a Travelodge in Guildford. Ended up working 12 hour days just to occupy my time. The money was amazing but tbh, it didn't work out that much better since I was spending a fortune on flights, taxis and hotels.

I'd still travel for work a couple of nights a month and tbh, I can quite enjoy those trips. Being away from home you can't do any of the usual evening chores, if colleagues are around you can have a few pints on the company or if not, there's usually a cinema nearby or you can just chill out in a nice hotel room with Netflix or whatever.

expatin africa

expatin africa wrote: »

Have done it for almost 10 years, wife and 4 children (1-8 years) at home. work in africa 10 weeks on 3 weeks off, so home for 12 weeks a year, hate it but came an engineer in 2007 there was no work and agreed to do this for a year in 2008 and sold my soul for the money, hard on the wife and she wanted me to come home so last october i handed in my notice and told her i quit and have a job in ireland she nearly collapsed when she realised the difference in pay i be taking home, about a third and tax on the irish pay so agreed to stay till christmas 2018, but hate every minute here, people will say like my family why dont i just come home but there is no construction work where i stay in ireland, but its soul destroying being away from the children, whatapps, skype and facebook have improved things in the last few years but not the same, on a side note their is a fair few irish out here doing the same thing

If you were making 3x as much as a decent wage in Irish terms for over 10 years a bit of decent investment would have you nicely retired I would've thought.