delayed jealousy of baby?

73trix

forgive the poor typing, using one hand on laptop!

my 3 yr old took to his new baby sister for her first 4 months no prob, surprisingly well, doting on her etc.

fast forward to the past 7-10 days. hes been having tantrums like no other. threw wobblers going into playschool which he loves, has been going for 6 months, wants to "go home". same for a weekend class that hes been doing on and off for the past year, loves and yet last week, got really fretful 10 mins in and wanted to go home. nothing different about the group. he even had a wobbly about going home a few mins into a walk in buggy when he normally loves it! hes happy out at home the most part, v easy going with visitors and yet over the weekend, id visitors who were not strangers and he clung to me and whined throughout the visit. this is so not him. he's actually quite social and charms people. i wonder about new baby cos on the same day, he asked to sit on my knee, which he NEVER does. he's not sick either...

creche reckon this can just be a phase but usually with a younger child 2-2.5 when they just take a notion that they dont want to go to playschool. they tell me he settles and might fret a little, wanting mammy, whens mammy coming but not much. he would be a little immature so perhaps hitting this phase only now?

shesty

Aww don't call it jealousy.
I would say it is definitely a phase.My own three year old started playschool this year and the kids behaved in all sorts of ways.Even recently she told me one of the kids was crying because she was sad because her mammy had gone.They can do this especially after holidays, christmas and the like.

As for the baby-I really am not trying to be rude, but I seriously doubt any child takes to their new sibling with no trouble at all.It may be a delayed reaction-not jealousy exactly but more of a what is this new person in my world and how come they get to stay with mammy all day?type thing.My own was 21 months when no.2 came and behaviour went haywire for many weeks.And it went off again when the baby started to crawl, then stand, then walk-in other words the baby could enter into parts of her world that it hadn't been able to before, and she was figuring out how to cope with it.

I know I read something the other day, it was in a different context but about a four year old who started behaving really strangely -and badly - when his dad was away for a week.As it turned out, because he had more words, he started to talk about it a couple nights later and the behaviour was simply masking his worries...would daddy never come home, had he done something to make daddy go away, had daddy died(he was a bit older so this concept had entered his world).His behaviour is probably just him trying to figure out how he feels with the huge change to his life.I think it's not the couple of weeks after the baby comes that you worry about, it's the couple of months, when the older child realises the baby is there to stay.

I think all you can do is tell your boy you will be there to get him, maybe come a bit early, and give him some guaranteed one-on-one time whenever you can every day.As much reassurance as possible, and ask him about his day every day if you can, did he do anything that was fun and the like.I do know people have used star charts, so everyday there is no tears, they get a star and a treat at the end of a week, but that is up to you.It's really hard, I know how it feels and it's so tough, but if he knows you understand, it's half the battle.

Anne_cordelia

Sometimes behaviour can turn bad when they realise the baby is here to stay. The first while is a novelty and then reality hits.