bridesmaid duties

StarBright01

Just looking to rant here. Three of us are bridesmaids for my sisters wedding and i'm the maid of honor however the other two are doing absolutely nothing with regards to helping plan the hen etc. Even if I politely ask them to help out with stuff they just leave everything to me. I'm getting really annoyed. Anyone else with similar experiences??

Addle

I've usually found that one person takes ownership of planning the hen.

mcgiggles

I had 4 BMs and I know hands down ALL the planning landed on one of them, my MOH! The rest were either not in the country or if they were they were just useless lol.. Nothing can be done really.. I just got her an extra pressie on the day!

lazygal

This is why I had one bridesmaid.

splinter65

Did the bride ask you herself to plan the hens?

dragonfly!

What does the bride want?
She may prefer to have one person in charge?
Or trust you more?

Ghekko

Why did you take on the task? Did the bride ask you? You need to ask the others if they are willing to help and if they say they will simply delegate the tasks you want them to do via group message and let everyone update as required.

whatdoicare

I've been a bridesmaid a few times and it's pretty much one eedjit does the heavy lifting and all the BMs get the credit. It will always end up, no matter how many steps back you take from the planning, that if the others are lazier or don't give a ****e, either it doesnt get done or you just get on with it.

Make it handier for yourself if youre unwillingly doing the donkey work - don't do anything that requires money collection (you will 100% get stuck paying out for this), nights away or days out of your county.

Reserve a spot in a nice bar (ask around, loads of venues do free food and music for a group over 20) and go to the pound shop and buy all the hen ****e (do not do this part until the money from the other bms is actually in your hand) then send a facebook group message to everyone on her list, make sure it's a group one so that people will have to say yes and will be less likely to use bull**** lame excuses (in case others in the group who know them will call them out on it) then buy the bride a drink on the night or fill her with shots before you go out.

Then that's you done - do no more than that. Walk away and if the other BMs have other ideas - leave it up to them and do not get involved in any way shape or form.

This is my advice as a veteran bridesmaid.

linpoo

It's the maid of honour/ chief bridesmaids job to plan the hens.

I did maid of honour for a friend in November and planned her hens all myself- for 40 people while heavily pregnant. There was 3 other bridesmaids.

Now I'm doing bridesmaid again (not maid of honour) and there's no way I'm being involved in planning the hens. As like I said it is up to the maid of honour.

qwerty13

I actually think this is down to the bride / what expectations are set. Is the bride genuinely looking for say 3 people who will help her with wedding stuff, or 3 people who will look nice on the day standing at the front with her. And do each of the people standing up front know what the bride expects of them?

In my experience, the responsibility bit does generally fall to one person. Often with BM roles, people are asked in order to match the number of groomsmen, because they’re the bride’s/groom’s sister, or because they’re an old friend. They could well be an old friend with a load of stuff going on in their own life. For example, someone who is pregnant or with a young kid might just not have the time to organise a hen or visit lots of bridal shops.

My own view is that the bride should organise her own hen, and do her own bridal stuff. But I know that’s a view others may not share.

SusanC10

I organised my own Hen. I had 4 Bridesmaids. 2 of them lived abroad at the time and 2 were in Ireland. 1 of the ones in Ireland organised a surprise for me over the weekend but I did all of the actual organising :- accomodation, restaurant, beauty salon etc