Kids sick, falling behind at work, constant exhaustion

LegacyUser

Where to even start with this - and it's much more than the Sunday night blues. I've two children under three. They are both in crèche, or rather we are paying for them to go to a crèche that they are recurrently too sick to go to. "Viral infection" seems to be the most common diagnosis. We are both working full time but we take turns having to leave work early to collect them as they've a temperature etc and the crèche needs to have them removed. This, understandably, is taking its toll on both of our careers; I had thought that by paying the crèche we could both continue working as normal - that's very, very far from the reality.

Anyway, it seems that the kids are picking up everything there. Before Christmas I was looking forward to the break as my way to have a clear run to catch up on work that I had fallen behind on entirely because my days are cut short so frequently - I can get no work done at home, ever (by the time they're asleep at 9pm I'm exhausted, having been up since before 7am each morning). Nobody told me having little children was this hard on energy levels.

Anyway, the Christmas was awful. Work, any work, would have been unspeakably easy in comparison. Far from the kids going to crèche and my having a week or so to catch up on work, they were both sick and I was looking after both of them (as the wife had to return to work). Through this I've been dying with the flu without any break to rest even at night time when the little ones wake up recurrently through the night. So here I am going back to work tomorrow far, far more exhausted than I was before Christmas and far, far more stressed about the work I've been unable to do. I feel I need a week of 'me' time, but I know I'd have to spend it on catching up with my work. I'm sure I'm not the only person in this predicament and that we must cost employers a fortune (as I said, I'd much, much rather be at work), but how and when does this end? I think I've had my fill of "muddling through" and as stress is inevitably building up in work I'm just going to collapse some day with everything.

Big Bag of Chips

Would you look into a childminder rather than a creche. Viral infections are very common and while a creche mightnt want you sending them in, a childminder might be more relaxed about taking them. Also if they're not in a creche with a large number of other children they are less likely to pick up quite so many viruses.

Something needs to change, before you burn yourselves out.

Cash_Q

I would suggest they very same, child minder coming to your home. It can be one of the conditions of employment that they still come if the child is sick and you need to work (obviously there may be a case where a child is very unwell and you'd prefer not to leave). You could also specify some light housework/cooking for this minder which would alleviate those duties.
At work, I would approach your boss about it. Even if they cannot offer practical support, having them hear you out and assure you that they know you're not intentionally dropping the ball, could help to release some stress. Talk to colleagues with similar aged or slightly older children who can empathise with you.
You really should give yourself some credit, you're holding a lot together by the sounds of things and supporting your wife to go back to work too, I'm sure you're doing far better than you realise.

Wesser

do you get paid sick leave?

If so... take it u til you and the cbildre n are better.

Heroditas

Without meaning to sound flippant, you certainly aren't the only person in that boat!
Main thing is to talk to your manager and explain that they're sick. It happens a lot with young children in creche. Mine were constantly sick when they first went there but gradually built up their immune systems. Without sounding nasty, it's just one of those things and you gotta be prepared to sacrifice your holidays for a year or two to take days off to look after sick kids. My wife and I went through the very same thing about a year to two years ago.
As for Christmas, I don't know a single family with young kids who wasn't affected by sickness. A mate of mine has 3 under 4 and they all got chicken pox as well as a vomiting bug, along with his wife!
It's bloody hard but trust me, hold on until spring and it'll get better.

Icsics

Childminder

LegacyUser

Icsics wrote: »

Childminder

Unfortunately a child minder is out as we're living in a relative's house while we save up to buy our own place (we simply weren't able to save while paying rent), a situation which adds considerably to stress - most obviously in the need to stop, as soon as possible, the kids from getting upset during the night and waking up the relatives, whose patience is understandably frayed now. The current situation is a mess and we've been in it for over two years now well beyond what was expected...

I would get sick pay but as I'm not long in the job I don't want to push things any further; as I mentioned I've had to excuse myself numerous times from work to bring the kids back. It's long past embarrassing having to make excuses so I feel under more pressure to perform at work because of this context. As we are showing we can save/are good with money in order to get a mortgage I really need to keep this income. Furthermore, if I were at home sick I'd almost certainly end up looking after one of the children and therefore exacerbating my current situation. I just don't know how other people with young children are able to handle all this.

sassyj

Childminder in your own home ( on the books and insured) and a cleaner (professional childminders don't clean). Pressure will be off if kids are sick, or if you're running late.

Tenigate

Creches seem to be a big con. You still need backup either in the form of a flexible job or a kind parent.

Heroditas

Problem with a childminder is if they're sick there's no back-up.
Both childminders and creches have pros and cons. Personally I think creches are more useful when the kids are very small and a childminder is better when they're a bit older.

LegacyUser

By the time you lose the cost of childcare and commuting, combine tax credits etc, maybe the higher earning parent staying in work and the other being at home is the way to go for a few years.

njs030

When my daughter was small she went to a childminder in their home who was happy to take her if she wasn't well, her hours were reasonably flexible and she didn't cost more than a creche.

Have you looked into that?

Neyite

It's par for the course with kids. If they weren't getting sick at creche, it would be at school that they are picking up infections. It's that time of year unfortunately. In the first year of creche, we had 20 days where the child was deemed too ill to be there. To be honest, it was a bit annoying because I'd say a good half of that was a teething temperature, but the crèche were not taking chances. We juggled, took unpaid leave, used annual leave, worked from home and just kind of muddled along. We had no family near to help us on those days. It was tough. And it must be really tough when you are not well yourself!

But...when I used a crèche, I paid a LOT of money and I'd be well pissed off if it was some sort of drop-off for sick kids, and thereby infecting mine as it's bad enough to keep on top of my own child's sickness and recovery and balance work without pissing off my employer into the bargain. Someone kept doing it with head lice and it really annoyed me. I'd spend hours delousing the entire household only for yet again a day or so later my child gets sent home with new critters that was picked up by a classmate who's parent didn't bother their hole doing it properly. If that was a vomiting bug or something more serious I'd be even more furious.

If the crèche has an unwell and therefore clingy upset toddler, then that's basically a full time task that day for that minder. The other well children then don't get adequate care because one-third or one-fifth of their care staff are busy with one child. It's not really fair on the well ones.

A childminder may not take sick kids either. If they have children of their own, or if they mind other children, they might have the same policy of not accepting a sick child. Plus if your child minder themselves are sick and cant work, you've no alternative carer whereas a crèche will juggle the roster to ensure cover.

We've a child minder now, so we also moved to be nearer to family in order to avail of support offered by them as back up. Then I've backup to my back up and currently cultivating a cohort of other parents who we can help each other from time to time with pickup's and drop offs or other emergency childcare.

All you can do right now is juggle it as best you can. We both worked late to make up hours, plus I made sure we all got multivitamin and all sorts of supplements to boost our immune systems as best we can. We also alternated nights if the child was waking one of us would stay in the room with them and the other parent at least got a full nights sleep. It does settle down usually. Eventually.

shesty

Yes I am in that situation!Although I am the female half.....a 3.5 year old, and a 1 year old and a third on the way, working full time.
Part of my advice is going to be rotten tough love.Nobody should need to be told that kids are hard work.They are.As the mum(and I say this to my husband)...that's life.It won't last forever.In two/three weeks, they will hopefully all be ok and you'll have forgotten this.I know it sounds stupid but it's all very short term.

So next.Why is a childminder out of the question?If the creche situation is causing this much trouble then I really think you need to consider looking at childminders in their home.We have a minder that takes both ours.She will take them when they are sick.I'm not saying we drop them off when at death's door but if they are under the weather with the flu or a cough or whatever she takes them, bundles them up on her sofa and administers calpol and TLC.A creche would be a disaster for us to be honest, wouldn"t work at all.

You are under extra stress too with a new job and the relative's house.All you can do is the best you can at work.Try and work something out with your wife about who takes leave or whatever when the kids are sick, and balance it between you.I have been in a new job twice, both times after going back to work after mat leave so I know you do put pressure on yourself about proving yourself.It's the beginning of the year, so take the opportunity to talk to your manager about it and see if there is any possibility that you could work from home or anything like that when this stuff happens or even the odd day to catch up on a backlog.Obviously living with relatives doesn't help the stress either, so maybe it's time to review that situation or set a very tight new deadline on it.If you have been there longer than planned, you probably should look at it and either now consider renting or put a tight deadline on getting out by june or year end, with whatever you have saved.

None of these are immediate resolutions I realise but you aren't well and are in a bad time of year so things probably seem insurmountable right now.Give it time.And the biggest thing is (and I say this to my husband too!)-make sure you are being healthy.Getting to bed on time, eating properly and the like.It's the only way to have any hope of clearing the bug and staying as healthy as you can.

You are really not the only person in this situation, it has been a lousy month for sick kids.But it will get better and work itself out.

popa smurf

You got a bad run OP , I would inform your employer that its mad at home at moment and your fire fighting but things will improve and hopefully your employer will have been there themselves at some stage and understand, I would try and get out with a few friends or family and have a chat, don't be afraid to tell people the pressure your under, we have all been there well any one that cares for his family has. small kids can be very demanding on your time but like a lot of posters have said they don't be long growing up, good luck OP and keep pluging away.

jester77

The first winter for either child is the worst, it gets better, trust me I've been there. Once you are into the Spring, the virus and colds will pass by and your children will have a much stronger immune system and will not be anywhere near as sick next Winter.

Can you work from home? I had to do this a lot the first Winter our child was in the creche as he was sick for every second week for 3 months straight with different viruses, colds, etc. I could work between nap times and could keep on on top of things.

Regarding a childminder, I can't imagine that there is any out there that wants to look after a sick child on your behalf. Not sure why everyone is recommending that, plus I would not like to leave one of my sick children with someone else anyway. Poor child needs their parents when not feeling well.

As for the "me" time... sorry but that ain't going to happen for a while, I haven't had a half day to myself since my first child was born. If you are lucky and one of you have your parents close by, then you might be able to get some me time that way.