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Boyfriend show's lack of affection

  • 22-12-2017 10:02am
    #1
    Diddlers
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10 ✭


    Hi,

    So my boyfriend and I (female) are in our mid 20’s & currently living together. He’s a really great boyfriend, trust him completely, we have a laugh together, ticks a load of boxes. But of course there’s one thing that keeps on niggling at me, his lack of affection.

    We’re both not into PDA (apart from drunkess kisses on nights out!) and we would kiss and cuddle after sex. Just every other time and it’s very frustrating. I never get a hand around me when watching tv, I go to put my head on his shoulder and he shrugs saying he’s not comfortable on the couch anymore.  Then I end up upset/pissed off, and he turns really cute after a while... and this happens the whole time. When we do kiss I always want more kisses, I instigate kisses 90% of the time. Our sex isn’t as frequent as it used to be but still great when we do. Like I know he loves me, he’s just very bad as showing affection. Also I’m the first girl he’s every been seeing or in a relationship with (never mind a serious(ish) one!).

    So my question is this, has anyone been in similar situation and what have you done? I don’t think either of us can change, I need a lot of affection/attention and he’s not great at showing affection in the way I like it (but great in other ways).  Did you reach boiling & breaking point? Did it warrant you both breaking up?


Comments

  • #2
    amtc
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,490 ✭✭✭amtc


    There could be a rational reason. I can't kiss for long as I can't breathe through my nose. As long as you know he loves you really doesn't matter.


  • #3
    Tell me how
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,608 ✭✭✭✭Tell me how


    I think it is possible ye aren't entirely compatible. Physical intimacy is much more than sex and I think it's extremely important neither party feels unfulfilled or pressured.

    Ye are already having less sex than before (which isn't entirely unusual maybe) but I personally would be similar to you and would like the private intimacy of holding hands or hugging.
    If my partner didn't want that, I might know they love me but I would feel I was missing out.

    Have you spoken to him and said how you feel?


  • #4
    witchgirl26
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,253 ✭✭✭witchgirl26


    OP it could just be that you're more demonstratively affectionate than he is. I'm the same with my partner. I'd be very much into hugs, kisses, cuddles etc whereas he isn't to the same extent. After a few years we've found a balance where I get what I need from that side and he also has the space side that he craves. It doesn't mean anything about our relationship but he didn't come from a background where there was any of that either towards him or visible whereas I did.

    You need to talk to him though. While you may need a lot of affection, he may not want it the same level and that is ok. He shouldn't have to completely change for you and vice versa but find a middle ground where both of you are happy.

    In relation to what Tell me how said - I don't feel like I'm missing out. Sometimes I'd like a bit more but relationships involve compromise.


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