Custody

Tccq

Hi there,

I'm new to this board. I just have a few questions re custody, if anybody is able to answer please.

I'm due in court soon. My sons father (he's a non national) has summoned me. He is seeking full custody & guardianship of our 6 year old. I currently have full custody & guardianship. Our son has split his time almost exactly 50/50 over the years since we split. I've been extremely generous with access and would never deprive the child of a father who he loves.

Things have been getting very messy which is a shame because we always had a very good relationship.

I'm a good mother & have a great relationship with my son. I don't do drugs, nor do I have a history of drug addiction, though I was a cigarette smoker for years. I quit 8 months ago. I barely drink. I don't have a history of mental illness. I've never been neglectful of the child, nor have I ever abused him. He's never missed a day in school, though he was 5 minutes late one morning.

So my question is this: under what circumstances would a court take full custody from a mother and award it to a father?

Everybody is telling me it'll be fine & not to worry, but I've never been in a situation like this before & I'm completely freaked out. I'm trying to think of any "dirt" the dad has on me and really there's nothing.

Big Bag of Chips

There's no reason he won't be awarded guardianship, unless there are genuine safety concerns for your child. I assume there's not if you are happy with almost 50/50 access. He's unlikely to be awarded full custody, if you are the primary carer, but if you already share custody and access 50/50 then it's likely he'll be offered joint custody.

It will all depend on the wording. My friend going through a separation from her husband, so he automatically has guardianship of the children. Because they are married he is also considered to have joint custody of the children with them residing with the primary carer (her).

Get yourself a solicitor. They'll be better able to explain what's likely to happen, the terminology that will be used, and what it means in day to day life.

Purple Mountain

Make sure your solicitor is well experienced in family law.
Get a recommendation from someone who has used one if you can.

Tccq

Thank you for replying & advice. Father is claiming I left child in his care 5 years ago & he had been primary care giver. This is untrue and I have ample proof.

"It will all depend on the wording."
What do you mean exactly?

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

There's no reason he won't be awarded guardianship, unless there are genuine safety concerns for your child. I assume there's not if you are happy with almost 50/50 access. He's unlikely to be awarded full custody, if you are the primary carer, but if you already share custody and access 50/50 then it's likely he'll be offered joint custody.

It will all depend on the wording. My friend going through a separation from her husband, so he automatically has guardianship of the children. Because they are married he is also considered to have joint custody of the children with them residing with the primary carer (her).

Get yourself a solicitor. They'll be better able to explain what's likely to happen, the terminology that will be used, and what it means in day to day life.

Tccq

Thank you. Yeah, I have a very experienced family law solicitor. She reckons I have nothing to be concerned about. I guess I'm having last minute worries. The case is soon.

Purple Mountain wrote: »

Make sure your solicitor is well experienced in family law.
Get a recommendation from someone who has used one if you can.

Big Bag of Chips

Tccq wrote: »

"It will all depend on the wording."
What do you mean exactly?

Well, the wording of my friend's separation agreement is that they share joint custody, with the children residing fulltime with the primary carer with access for the other parent. Access is then also laid out in it, as well as maintenance he is to pay towards his children.

So your agreement might say you have joint custody, but the child resides primarily with you, or with him, or lives between both houses 50/50. You are unlikely to lose custody of him. But it may happen that it is decided that your child lives equally between both houses, with costs shared between both parents.

If you have a solicitor, get a list of questions ready and make sure you go over them so that you are prepared for all eventualities.

Tccq

Ok I understand. Thank you. I'm sure everything will be fine, it's just impossible not to worry about such a big thing. Thanks for responses.

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Well, the wording of my friend's separation agreement is that they share joint custody, with the children residing fulltime with the primary carer with access for the other parent. Access is then also laid out in it, as well as maintenance he is to pay towards his children.

So your agreement might say you have joint custody, but the child resides primarily with you, or with him, or lives between both houses 50/50. You are unlikely to lose custody of him. But it may happen that it is decided that your child lives equally between both houses, with costs shared between both parents.

If you have a solicitor, get a list of questions ready and make sure you go over them so that you are prepared for all eventualities.

One eyed Jack

Tccq wrote: »

So my question is this: under what circumstances would a court take full custody from a mother and award it to a father?

Everybody is telling me it'll be fine & not to worry, but I've never been in a situation like this before & I'm completely freaked out. I'm trying to think of any "dirt" the dad has on me and really there's nothing.

Honestly, just to answer your question and without giving legal advice, but the Courts generally don't do that. It would need to be demonstrated to a high degree that it is not in the best interests of the child for the children to remain with the primary caregiver - think extreme neglect and cruelty, and even then the Courts are generally hesitant.

Guardianship would be an entirely different matter. Your ex should have been applying for guardianship rights when your child was born, so he's left even that fairly late. The fact that you appear to have had an amicable arrangement up to now would probably have a Judge asking themselves the same question of your ex - why now?

In any case, the Courts will act in the best interests of the child with regard to their welfare, and it's likely on that basis that everyone who knows you is suggesting that you have nothing to worry about. It's understandable that you would be worried, but I can't see from what you've written at least, how your ex would have any sort of an argument. It sounds more like wishful thinking on their part tbh.

Tccq

Thank you. There's more to the case than I've written. He's not irish. He stole the child's passport from my house to which he had a key. Locks have since been changed. While I'm not concerned about an immediate danger to him leaving the country, I do believe it's a long term plan. Both he & his partner have both expressed many times how much they love & miss their home.

He has been emotionally manipulating the child. The child has been saying some very distressing things that a 6 year old shouldn't ever say. I have everything documented anyway.

One eyed Jack wrote: »

Honestly, just to answer your question and without giving legal advice, but the Courts generally don't do that. It would need to be demonstrated to a high degree that it is not in the best interests of the child for the children to remain with the primary caregiver - think extreme neglect and cruelty, and even then the Courts are generally hesitant.

Guardianship would be an entirely different matter. Your ex should have been applying for guardianship rights when your child was born, so he's left even that fairly late. The fact that you appear to have had an amicable arrangement up to now would probably have a Judge asking themselves the same question of your ex - why now?

In any case, the Courts will act in the best interests of the child with regard to their welfare, and it's likely on that basis that everyone who knows you is suggesting that you have nothing to worry about. It's understandable that you would be worried, but I can't see from what you've written at least, how your ex would have any sort of an argument. It sounds more like wishful thinking on their part tbh.

Dravokivich

This sounds rather dramatic. The first thing the judge will be concerned about, is the child's safety. if there isn't anything outstanding in that regards, you won't have something to worry about. But don't push that your child hasn't missed a day of school, or has only been late once by 5 minutes. I'd advise you do not panic yourself in to any kind of speech. The father is the applicant, either his representation or himself will speak first. Anything the judge asks you will be based upon those comments.

You should mention taking the passport (and is he currently withholding it / what did he need it for?) and the intentions he's expressed for leaving the country.