Should men consider taking the wife's name after tying the knot?

Foxhound38

Just read an interesting poll/article on the subject - link here if you want to read it.

The jist is that the man taking the woman's surname after marriage seems to be on the increase in the UK, and the article asks whether it could catch on here.

I don't personally know of any couples where this has happened in my circle of friends, although I do know of some where the wife has kept her surname unchanged.

Would I go that route myself? Probably not, although I wouldn't be one to insist on my name being taken either. A double-barrelled name would probably be an acceptable compromise provided it wasn't too unwieldy.

What about you fine citizens of AH? Would it be something the lads here would consider? Would it be something the ladies here would expect to be considered?

cantdecide

I personally know one couple that did it. I'd do it no problem and definitely before going for the dreaded 'double barrel' option.

uch

I know a couple of Finn's that have taken their wives names, think it's common enough there, but open to correction

cantdecide

uch wrote: »

I know a couple of Finn's that have taken their wives names, think it's common enough there, but open to correction

Well Finn is a rubbish surname so no wonder they changed it...

judeboy101

Great way to have multiple id's with different names

Riskymove

I don't think either should change name - no need for it these days.

The only issue that should arise is if you have kids and what you want their surname to be

even then the Icelandic people get on ok with their approach!!

The_Valeyard

"The is the dawning of a new age of Equality"



I stopped reading there.

uch

judeboy101 wrote: »

Great way to have multiple id's with different names

Ah if you want a couple of ID's just get one in yer name as Gaeilge

Would the man's original surname be his maiden name? Maiden is a rather female term.

joe stodge

WHIP CRACKING SOUND....

BarryD2

Why not? Particularly if it's an unusual name and worth keeping 'alive'.

kylith

A friend of mine has a very unusual name, in fact were she to take her partner's name should she get married there would then be no-one with her surname in the country. In that case I think her husband should take her name, to ensure that the kids would have it too and save it from dying out.

bren2001

If my wife can beat me in mario kart, I'll take her name.

joe stodge

These are probably the same type of guys who have a shared Facebook account with the wife.

jayobray

Why would I want to be called Deirdre?

SEPT 23 1989

maybe he could wear the dress too

One eyed Jack

If I'd a surname like 'Hoare', I might give it some consideration, unless her surname was 'Ramsbottom', then I wouldn't.

Day Lewin

cantdecide wrote: »

Well Finn is a rubbish surname so no wonder they changed it...

Unless they had the option of a wife surnamed Salmon. Or Codd, Herring, Sharkey...

pwurple

Sure, why not. Pick the cooler name, and go with it. 
Or neither change. Whatever works. Freedom and all that. 

I wouldn't underestimate the clout of a name by the way. The older I get, the more I realise how there can be a difference in the way people treat you, associated with your name. Take you a bit more seriously if there is a well known business associated with your name maybe. 
I've seen some very silly names from the "change you name on marriage" convention where the surname just is ridiculous with the name. 
Grace Grace

seamus

Don't see the issue. Do whatever you want.

Benildus

I would consider it, then swiftly reject the idea.

JimmyMcGill

If she didn't like McGill that'd be a deal breaker. Cant have her chasing me around Boards.ie as well ffs.

Cina

if she's from an exotic country and I can therefore rename myself to Mickey Dos Santos Riviera then absolutely.

DavyD_83

Another vote for 'Do what you want'.
It was up for debate for a while, just to decide what we wanted, rather than to decide what we should do.
In the end, we decided we wanted to have the same name; it's nice, and neither of us wanted a different surname to our kids.
My wife changed her name because she wanted to.

I offered to change mine, genuinely wouldn't have cared apart form the endless explaining I would have to do to people who would see it as something more meaningful than it is and some sort of personal afront. It'd be like not drinking on a stag just because you don't feel like it (not something I'd do myself, but if you want to/ don't want to, fire away).

I did consider us both changing to a 3rd name, but couldn't think of anything I would genuinely want to change to and would be a load of hassle to make some nonsense point to nobody in particular.

c_man

No I wouldn't. I laid out the terms to herself, she could keep her name after marriage but I was insistent that the kids take my name. Luckily for me she wanted in on switching names.

I do know of one man locally who took his wife's name. I never see him out and about without her. Never see him in the pub. Don't know much about him, but tbh from appearances I'd wager most of ye would pick him out of a line-up as the most likely to do so.

Triceratops Ballet

c_man wrote: »

I was insistent that the kids take my name.

Out of curiosity why?

Father Hernandez

Met an American guy a few years ago who married another American lady with an Irish surname.

He took her name to sound 'Irish' and thought it was great how we were both great Irishmen when I met him for the first time.

Therefore, I am against this

Foxhound38

c_man wrote: »

I laid out the terms to herself, she could keep her name after marriage but I was insistent that the kids take my name.

Why would this be so important to you? I'm not judging mind, to each their own - just curious.

It's a bit of a showy wanker move tbh imo

Not that I'd care one way or the other whether one does the traditional or doesn't (my wife kept her name and icgaf).

But doing the exact opposite of tradition is tryhard pointmaking.

El_Duderino 09

uch wrote: »

I know a couple of Finn's that have taken their wives names, think it's common enough there, but open to correction

Yeah I’ve a cousin who married a Finn and he took her name. Sounded strange until I heard that’s the way the Finns do it so it’s no stranger than taking the man’s name.

I didn’t ask my Mrs to take my name and my sister didn’t take her husband’s name. If we have children they will probably take my name.

I’d no more take my wife’s name than I’d expect her to take my name, so it’s a no got me. But, each yo their own.

Triceratops Ballet

I do know a guy who did it, but his dad was abusive a$$hole and he didn't want to carry the name on

Triceratops Ballet

Triceratops Ballet wrote: »

I do know a guy who did it, but his dad was abusive a$$hole and he didn't want to carry the name on

Ha

I commend him, that's quality

Red_Wake

What balderdash, a man's name is the most important thing he has.

Dravokivich

It's not something that happens often, but there's examples out there of men taking women's names.

Ryan giggs, it's his mothers maiden name.

A rugby player called Billy twelvetrees, i understand it was his mothers name, that his father took on to make it the family name.

wakka12

I woudnt personally. i dont see anything wrong with the tradition of women taking the mans name. Its just the way it is, and she usually can keep her name if she wishes

suicide_circus

Nope soz. The name is carried through the male line. As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be.

Ipso

suicide_circus wrote: »

Nope soz. The name is carried through the male line. As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be.

If by beginning you mean about 400 years ago, then yes.
Let's go Viking and just throw a son or dotter at the end of the parents first name.

super_furry

Dravokivich wrote: »

A rugby player called Billy twelvetrees, i understand it was his mothers name, that his father took on to make it the family name.

Think I'd do the same, Twelvetrees is an awesome name.

buckwheat

joe stodge wrote: »

These are probably the same type of guys who have a shared Facebook account with the wife.

And go shopping with her when the football is on. All the time waiting for the sweet release of death.

suicide_circus

Ipso wrote: »

If by beginning you mean about 400 years ago, then yes.
Let's go Viking and just throw a son or dotter at the end of the parents first name.

400 years?

selwyn froggitt

I changed my name after I got married.


The Bitch still tracked me down though.

fxotoole

If her maiden surname was "Power", and my firstname was "Max", then HELL YEAH

fyfe79

uch wrote: »

I know a couple of Finn's that have taken their wives names, think it's common enough there, but open to correction

The gas thing about all this is, is if there was a debate about Finnish people switching from using the female surname to the male surname, there would be uproar!

My take is that I wouldn't personally do it. When you grow up with the idea that you will die with your name, it's hard to shift that idea to one which involves dropping your name and taking an entirely new one. Plus there would be a multitude of issues to correct regarding official usage etc. Allowances are made for women changing their name but a man changing his name would, I imagine, cause some issues/misunderstandings/delays when it comes to government paperwork. Why put yourself through the hassle, essentially?

Having said all that, if I hated my surname enough I would use the opportunity to change it to something meaningful, such as the name of the woman I married. And, to be fair, her maiden name was a cool one. I'd sound deadly with it!
When we got married she chose to keep her surname, but then changed it to a double-barreled name because she wanted her name to reflect the fact that she was now married. Eventually though she decided that the double-barreled name just didn't look right, so she's now just using my name.

evil_seed

super_furry wrote: »

Think I'd do the same, Twelvetrees is an awesome name.

36 for short

c_man

Triceratops Ballet wrote: »

Out of curiosity why?

No cousins on that side of the family, no male siblings myself. The name is somewhat unusual and has an interesting story behind it. It'd be a shame for it to "die" in my generation.

Grayson

Red_Wake wrote: »

What balderdash, a man's name is the most important thing he has.

I believe you'll find a willy is more important to most.

BrokenArrows

I would hate to change my last name. Thankfully my wife was not a fan of hers to was happy to change.

Ipso

suicide_circus wrote: »

400 years?

Surnames started in Ireland very early (with the UiNiall dynasty I think), but they were mainly used for the elite.
I got into DNA testing and population genetics a while back and it looks like surname adoption was a bit fluid to say the least.
Have a look at www.familytreedna.com , they have surname projects. Go to a few Irish surnames and you'll see they are made of various lineages.
Be it people adopting names for various reasons, being forced to adopt surnames, cuckoldry, informal adoptions etc.
Take Walsh for example, it's something like the 5th most popular name in Ireland and the meaning is basically a Welsh person (implying the Cambro Normans and their cohort), but it's safe to say a large number of Welsh men didn't replace the Irish population.

DEFTLEFTHAND

How would it work with any potential children though.

Personally I don't mind double barreled surnames as an alt option.

Triceratops Ballet

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

How would it work with any potential children though.

I imagine any kids would just have the same name as both their parents, whichever one they decided to use

seamus

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

How would it work with any potential children though.

Personally I don't mind double barreled surnames as an alt option.

Other languages and cultures have their own traditions.

This notion of the women taking the man's surname is relatively recent and certainly not universal.

It's actually kind of fascinating to see not only the variations in traditions, but also the absolute conviction with which people hold onto those traditions, as if they have always been like that and always will be.

The amount of people who seem to be under the impression that their surname has been passed down for thousands of years, hundreds of generations, is incredible.