Passive aggressive female colleague, supported by my (unfair) boss

gpmleg

Hi, I am not a European so not a white person and a female. I currently work in an international but small office.
My colleagues are all experienced in their respective fields and we're all in our 40s or above except the secretary who is in her early 30s or late 20s.
In this thread, I'd like to discuss about the passive aggressive behaviour of a European legal female colleague who has been provocative towards me. Actually also towards a more senior legal colleague who is also a European even though not the same nationality and a female.
I'm giving these details cause I wonder if cultural background might be of influence.
What have been happening in several occassions with the difficult colleague with me are as follows:
- one day I forwarded a question from another accountant colleague in a different office a legal question orally. She pointed me to a local company law's article to answer this question. From memory as I learned a little about this law, I agreed with her and told the colleague what the answer was to his question. Later that day as I stayed late, I remembered that there should be a public text of this article so I googled it, made a screenshot of the article and sent it to my direct boss, the senior legal counsel colleague, Cc the legal counsel who pointed me to this article, and put in the subject "Fyi - regarding ...".
The next morning, the legal counsel came to the office, not replied my greeting (we all have work iPhone to see our work emails so I guess she's seen the forwarded screenshot), went to her office, not long after replied-all to my email saying that I was giving wrong direction to my colleagues cause this article is not the correct one! (for me it's an act of backstabbing me on her part).
I also replied-all saying that I got the article from her when we discussed orally the previous day. My boss then replied-all from his iPhone saying that to stop this email and we should talk to each other. I complied so when I saw her passing by, I asked her what the correct article is, I think in a professional way and in French as she is one and I can speak French even though only intermediate level. She looked annoyed and not answering my question and instead asking me to provide her some financial ratios to her, and she said that we should talk in English from now on then stormed to the kitchen. I just raised my eyebrows and looked at another colleague who is in the open space like me cause he heard the whole thing. When she passed by again, I just said that I can't provide her ratios cause the question from this other colleague is supposed to be for future scenario in the event the company is having big loss when the accounts are done according to IFRS thus fair value valuations. She ignored me and stormed to her office and closed her door.
I get it that she was maybe embarrassed to give me a wrong article no. but to throw me under the bus like that instead of admitting that she mis-remembered the correct article, to me it's really a questionable behaviour...

- She saw me bringing me vacuum cleaner robot when returning from my lunch break and she joked that she also needs somebody to do her grocery shopping for her. I joked back saying that with her salary as legal counsel, she should be able to hire someone to do so. She immediately frowned and stormed back to her office.
The next day, she was saying to me in aggressive way that I mis-informed her that I didn't take my hubby's last name legally so she filled in the banking forms incorrectly. I replied that I did inform her this in a conversation and she should've seen it from the copy of my passport(!) and she denied the conversation and stormed back to her office.
To give her the benefit of the doubt that she forgot this conversation, in my opinion, she could've just corrected the forms, but she just had to be nasty. She's not married by the way, and I did hear from a colleague that for Valentine's day, her bf gave her headphones as a gift so I suppose he's not the man she hopes to be and took her frustration on me?

- The previous secretary/receptionist got fired, and the other colleague who is in open space with me has a lot of calls to make or take for his job. So either him or me who are unofficially in charge of opening the front door e.g. for courier driver. At that time, I was actually also busy with audit of the previous year's accounts even though it's more analysis work so I did this quietly, not talking on the phone as much as the other colleague. I mentioned this to my boss that it shouldn't be only us to be in charge of the door as we both don't send out mails that much and it's rather the legal colleagues who do so, so he agreed to buy a bell door that can be heard by the legal ladies even though they're in their office.
One day, I saw the difficult colleague was preparing an envelope to be picked up by a courier driver as she put it on a tray where the receptionist used to be. A few hours later, the bell rang. The male colleague was on the phone, none of the legal ladies moved, so I opened the door and it's as expected, the driver. I gave the envelope and he left. When I came back to my office, the difficult colleague went out of the office asking if the courier is sent out and I said it should be cause I just gave it as I could see everything was filled in. Then I said gently that as I was also busy at that time, if she prepared a courier then she could have opened the door herself when the bell rang as she could've expected it's most likely the driver. She became aggressive saying that I would've done so if the courier was prepared by the other legal colleague (at that time I was in friendly terms with the other lady, well cause she's nice and always courteous to me) so why asking this to her. I just said no, I had seen that the other lady would've opened the door by herself when she prepared courier for her work. She then just stormed to her office.

- I was very early in the office and I bumped into the cleaning lady. She informed that none of the water tap was working that morning. There was no office manager (new one not yet hired and the previous one was gone already). The difficult colleague was in charge of communicating with anything related to the office e.g. heater, kitchen stuff, badge system. So I emailed her Cc my boss informing that maybe she should contact the building management cause the water tap didn't work and it may be including the flush and also that my badge sometimes didn't work that week.
My boss replied-all saying that for the badge it's not necessary to raise anything if it didn't work only sometimes. As for the water, he checked when he arrived to the office and magically it worked again. When the difficult colleague arrived to office, she also replied-all saying that it was not necessary on my part to make a big deal out of nothing. I, without thinking, also replied-all saying that I found it strange my badge didn't work that week even though only sometimes cause in the previous months it was working fine and I was concerned about the water taps.
My boss called me and he said that I should be the bigger person and not had this email war and should've just talked to her. I pointed out that all of these what he called email wars were started by her and as she always included him in Cc, I felt compelled to reply-all. He again re-iterated what he said before and I said nothing and left. I never saw any indication that he told the same to her. Even if it did happen, their meeting always ended up by them laughing, so I would guess that it's only a gentle slap on her hand kind of.
- There have been other similar events but not to risk to be too long, I just mention the latest one as follow:
One morning, she came to me to ask me to make 2 transfer orders and she should check them before they're signed by my boss. The previous day, she sent me the parties' i.e. the senders and the beneficiaries bank details and the flow chart of the funds. I complied and I asked her to check on my screen before I printed them to be signed. She insisted on printing them for her to see (even though I have the forms opened still on my screen) and she offered to take the print-outs cause since 1 month ago from that day, I have pain on both feet and everybody can see this as I've been walking with canes. She brought the papers and told me different phrase to put as communication on each of the 2 orders. I complied and at the end they're signed and processed.
I took my lunch break as usual since I had pain by sitting in an empty room to eat my hot lunch (don't like e.g. cold sandwich), study a bit for my ACCA exam, and do my stretching exercises for my feet as suggested by my doc. Apparently during this, she sent me an email Cc my boss as usual, asking me to make 9 other transfer orders according to the chart but she didn't specify what I should put on each order as communication.
I called her as her office is just behind mine and the door was opened and she ignored me. So I made the orders with a generic communication, sent them to her only as attachments, and said that if she'd like to change the communication, she can feel free to do so using her Adobe writer (as they're in pdf).
She replied and Cc my boss, saying that it's not her job to change the orders and I should've followed those of the 2 I did that morning. I also replied-all and said that I can't say which of the 2 phrases I should put in which of the 9 orders and so that's why I suggested that she could do so herself.
My boss came out from his office yelling at me saying that it's my responsibility to take care of the orders and they have to be processed by the bank that day and he didn't like if the orders were changed with Adobe writer after he signed (even though these ones were not yet signed!). I was flabbergasted I think to be yelled at, so I could only say that from the flow chart I had no idea what phrase to put on each of the 9 orders. He told me to go to her office to talk to her. I complied with my cane and when I asked her (I must admit in high tone cause I was upset to be yelled at in front of other colleagues) she told me to print the forms and bring them to her so she can tell me. I said for her to print them cause she had them in her Outlook and I don't save these orders as my macro doesn't save them once they're printed as pdf. She refused, so I just came back to my desk, changed the communication following the previous 2 orders with my best educated guess.
I asked the new secretary to obtain my boss' signature after I would have printed them on the printer next to her desk (it's what she does too usually if there are docs to be signed by him) but my boss again yelled at me telling me to do it myself i.e. took the printouts, obtained his signature, and faxed them to the bank.

So the 2 reactions above by my boss is what I meant as his support towards this difficult colleague behaviour. It can be that he has rapport with her cause he's also a lawyer, even though a tax one. Or/and it can be that because I'm from an ex-colony of his country and perhaps he views me in a lower standing than her.
Since I won't get support from him and neither from his boss (cause when the senior legal colleague complained to the latter about the difficult colleague's behaviour towards her, there was also no action/reaction), what can I do to keep my sanity there?
At the moment, I have the impression that the senior legal colleague is keeping distance from me, for some reason (I can guess and this is for another thread), so at the moment we can say in my office, everybody is for him/herself.
I can't move yet cause I'm not yet there 1 year and with my history of moving company almost every 2 years, except once (the record is 4 years), I think it's not a good point for me if I moved so soon.
Thank you very much in advance for any tip.

Diziet

OP, I am sorry but this is a very very long post and hard to follow. Maybe think what your question is and summarise a bit?

A lot of what you are describing are interpersonal relations (which are sometimes smooth, sometimes not). Your colleagues are the people who you work with, not necessarily your friends.

bilbot79

I don't doubt the things you say are happening and perhaps for the reasons you say but it sounds like everybody in the scenario is indulging in interpretation at bit too much.

They are getting the wrong end of the stick when you speak French for example, maybe that comes across condescending?

You are reading SO much into their behaviours that you're freaking yourself out. In my view your overthinking is hurting you more than they ever will. I think a thick skin is the doctor's orders here.

The length of the post you wrote reflects how much internal impact there is, you've got to calm down. Turn the other cheek, dust yourself off and concentrate on the quality of your work. Reading your post it seems like these interpersonal dealings are your top priority but they shouldn't be.

My motto is that you never battle directly with a colleague, instead it's one profile against another. You'll find if your work is amazing you become untouchable. Put your energy into building a great profile instead of getting dragged into this tit for tat one-upmanship.

marieholmfan

Are you a qualified accountant?

For the boss to actually shout at you is unacceptable in any event more so as you are a woman. You need to speak to a lawyer.

marieholmfan

marieholmfan wrote: »

Are you a qualified accountant?

For the boss to actually shout at you is unacceptable in any event more so as you are a woman.

What?

bilbot79

[Deleted User] wrote: »

What?

Good point. Discrimination works both ways

ArthurG

I stopped reading at the part where it appears you (an accountant?) are giving legal advice to a colleague, copying in a superior.

Why would you do this?.

Your legal colleague probably feels a bit awkward over the whole thing.

nibtrix

Sounds like you're both being petty...

She's not married by the way, and I did hear from a colleague that for Valentine's day, her bf gave her headphones as a gift so I suppose he's not the man she hopes to be and took her frustration on me?

You're reading an awful lot into every little interaction. Regarding your boss supporting your colleague more than you, it's likely that (a) he wants you to sort it out between yourselves rather than run to him with every issue and (b) he may support her as a longer-term, proven staff member rather than a new, part-qualified person with a fairly poor record in lasting in previous jobs (less than 2 years in several places).

because I'm from an ex-colony of his country and perhaps he views me in a lower standing than her.

Suggesting that your boss is not supporting you for this reason is just facile and unfair unless you have some proof, such as comments made about your nationality or country. It suggests to me that you are looking for anybody to blame except yourself.

Teyla Emmagan

You both sound difficult.

And you should speak to her directly and stop all this cc-ing your boss every minute, you must be driving him mad.

marieholmfan

nibtrix wrote: »

You're reading an awful lot into every little interaction.

That's certainly true. However for a man to shout at a woman in the workplace contributes to a climate of very real fear - fear of violence.
That's the key issue here.

Also this forcing a woman who has mobility difficulties to take on the movement of paper cheques as part of her role is clearly bullying.

The OP should talk to a lawyer.

beauf

gpmleg wrote: »

....I'd like to discuss about the passive aggressive behaviour of a European legal female colleague who has been provocative towards me. ....

I'm giving these details cause I wonder if cultural background might be of influence....

Its not a cultural issue.

You seem unable to work independently without an excessive amount of instruction. You are also obsessing over trivial details and then over sharing and over communicating. What you've shared here is too much and unprofessional. However it does seem to mirror what you do at work.

You seem to be in the wrong job for you. They seem to have hired the wrong person for the role. I would suggest its unlikely that any of you will change enough for it to resolve itself.

beauf

marieholmfan wrote: »

That's certainly true. However for a man to shout at a woman in the workplace contributes to a climate of very real fear - fear of violence.
That's the key issue here.

Also this forcing a woman who has mobility difficulties to take on the movement of paper cheques as part of her role is clearly bullying.

The OP should talk to a lawyer.

While its certainly inappropriate. The OP hasn't mentioned either as an issue. Never mind being the primary issue. Why would the first point of resolution be a lawyer. It does seem like the OP was hired in the wrong role and the company should be very careful how they resolve this.

pilly

Have to be honest OP, from what you've written it appears that it's you who is passive aggressive tbh.

And a little bit bitchy also. To even comment on the fact that your colleague is not married is out of line and also to comment that you're from an ex colony of your bosses country? Like what on earth has that to do with anything?

My constructive advice would be to try be more pleasant in your day to day dealings and stop ccing your boss on every stupid email.