Anxiety is destroying me

Noddy Nangle

On the outside I am happily married with two beautiful kids. We live in a beautiful home in the country and that’s where it ends

I have worked in the very same job without promotion for the past twenty years and I never bettered myself. My family have all progressed in life but I remain the same and I never knew why. Out of all of us I was the only one to go to college and I always felt a weight of expectation to succeed. I was supposed to be the brainy one. As life goes on I become less relevant to my peers as I never succeeded. I can never talk about these things as I live in a rural society and I would be stigmatized which would only make me worse.

Anxiety and the fear of change has done this to me and if things keep going like this god knows where I will end up. I really do try to succeed but always seem to fail. Living amongst farmers can be cruel because you don’t share there interests yet if you go out side the farming world people class you as too farmery.

I went to the doctor and told her I think I suffer from anxiety. She gave me ten Xanax and took €60 off me. She didn’t care. I understand why people can commit suicide but my kids would prevent me from doing this. My wife is great and runs a great home but we are no longer intimate and haven’t been for years. I know she doesn’t love me but will never admit it.

If you met me you would never know. Seemingly full of confidence, have spoken in public many times. I am a leader of groups. It doesn’t make sense and life is meaningless. Same ****, different day.

I feel so very alone in this life. As time goes by I see myself as a bigger failure and wonder what’s the purpose of my life. I’m just so so sad but not from depression. From anxiety and what it’s doing to me. FML

northgirl

My circumstances are different but how you describe your feelings are a total match. Anxiety is a b***.

Lumi

Hi Noddy Nangle,

Please know that you do not have to deal with these feelings of sadness, isolation and anxiety on your own. I would strongly urge you to go back to your GP and insist on a referral to see a counsellor.


If you need immediate help:
Aware’s Support Line is open 7 days per week, 10am-10pm on 1800 804 848

The Samaritan’s phone line is open 24/7 on 116 123

Pieta offer one-to-one, face-to-face support. Click 'Contact us' to find the phone number and opening hours of your nearest branch on their site or email mary@pieta.ie for advice on getting an appointment.

If you need non-urgent help:
Aware have a support email service at supportmail@aware.ie

There are some other useful services that you can use also listed here.

gk5000

Hello OP,

You're not alone, but may get better traction in a different forum - search for other threads on anxiety.

I'm currently halfway through a CBT course for similar - too soon to say if it shall work - but try something ...anything and keep persisting till you reach a solution or improvement.

As said above, ask GP for counselor recommendation or find one yourself. You may have to try a few things to find what works for you. And don't rule out medication after trying counseling. Many anti-depression tablets work for anxiety also.

One thing from CBT - don't beat yourself up especially over the past and weight of expectation. How would you treat one of your own children with this or some other problem? With compassion - helping them to find a solution without beating them up - so don't beat yourself up.

So try something, and continue to try.....

dremo

Hello there, and I hope you are doing okay.

You are not alone indeed. I was reading your words about uncertainty and not knowing what to do, and I could see myself there in your place. My anxiety (among some other mental health issues) it was so high back couple years ago, that it actually forced me to go homeless living on the street. Instead of facing rent interviews and looking for place to rent. I waited out two months for house sale to be complete. I literally just packed my travel bag and went with my life on the streets, once the stay in my previous home has expired. Lucky I was able to get overnight stay in hostels (not the best memories). Nothing with me was a substance abuse, or alcohol. My head was lost, and it still is to this day.

CBT has the ability to deal with many of the factors you are describing. It will create the good outcomes in your life, you give your best shot at it. I lived with suicide ideation for a year now. It can be really slippy sometimes. I know you are already talking about it. Once again as good people of this conversation has recommended, good thing to do, is to reach out to professionals immediately.

I like to remind myself often. "Nobody is to save us here, but ourselves."

Stay safe, and I hope you are doing better.

miketheDIYman

I would agree with the other posters above, and urge you to read up on SSRI medication ( Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors ) these take a few weeks to kick in and are usually taken for maybe 6 months or more They work on both Anxiety and Depression and have been refined in recent years to work even better than before. Xanax or Valium are just a quick fix and can be addictive. If you decide to try these and have no joy with your current GP then visit another especially if you are paying.