Should I tell my gay friend I am bi?

Suitcase102

My friend is gay and is struggling with it. He is only out to a small handful of people of feels he cant tell anyone else.

I have recently realised I am bi. I want to tell him so he might feel less alone because right now he is the only non straight person in our group. On the other hand I don't want to tell him because I don't want to have to out myself to other people.

Its not that I am ashamed of liking men its just that I am a private person by nature and it feels unnecessary. I don't feel as though I am living a lie and I have a preference for women, not a huge one but still.

I have been encouraging him to tell his other friends and family so it will be hypocritical if I tell him I also like men but at the same time don't want to tell others.

Just wondering what other people's opinions are? If a friend came out to you while you were in the closet but didn't want to tell others would you feel less alone or just discouraged from coming out to others?

Thanks

Mr.Frame

I would say yes, go ahead tell him and in my opinion I think by doing so it would make him feel less alone.

Ten of Swords

Hi OP. You're worried about your friend, do you think telling him you are bisexual may help him not feel so alone? It doesn't have to mean anything other than him having someone to talk to about things that he perhaps wouldn't talk to your other friends about.

Suitcase102 wrote: »

I don't want to tell him because I don't want to have to out myself to other people.

If you feel comfortable enough to tell him this doesn't men you have to out yourself to anyone else. Do you trust him enough that if you told him he would treat it with discretion?

Suitcase102 wrote: »

I have been encouraging him to tell his other friends and family so it will be hypocritical if I tell him I also like men but at the same time don't want to tell others.

Your post suggests you're fine with your own sexuality, if so and you're happy that nobody knows then you could explain to him that you're happy with your situation and are OK with people not knowing. You've been encouraging him to tell more people because you feel he is struggling with his situation whereas you are not. Doesn't seem hypocritical to me, though he may not necessarily see it like that.

Suitcase102

Ten of Swords wrote: »

Hi OP. You're worried about your friend, do you think telling him you are bisexual may help him not feel so alone? It doesn't have to mean anything other than him having someone to talk to about things that he perhaps wouldn't talk to your other friends about.



If you feel comfortable enough to tell him this doesn't men you have to out yourself to anyone else. Do you trust him enough that if you told him he would treat it with discretion?



Your post suggests you're fine with your own sexuality, if so and you're happy that nobody knows then you could explain to him that you're happy with your situation and are OK with people not knowing. You've been encouraging him to tell more people because you feel he is struggling with his situation whereas you are not. Doesn't seem hypocritical to me, though he may not necessarily see it like that.

I don't know for sure if it would make him feel less alone but I doubt it would do any harm and I could definitely trust him not to tell anyone.

That is actually a good point about us having different reasons for outing/not outing ourselves hopefully he also sees it that way. Yes I am cool with my sexuality but he is the only person I would want to tell.

I think I may tell him once I gather up the nerve!

wordofwarning

IMO there is no reason to tell him you are bi. Just be supportive to him, asking how he is doing etc.

A supportive friend is better than a half-assed friend saying they are bi.