3 year old Behaviour.

tom_tarbucket

Hi all,

We have a 3 year old boy. He will be 4 in December. He has a 2 year old sister and mummy and daddy.

I know every parent has issues with children crying and whining, but our boy is driving us insane.

He cries and whines about everything

If he gets the wrong colour bowl, when he has to go outside for fresh air, if we put the "wrong" jacket on him, of he has to go to the toilet. Does not cry all the time for these events but a lot of the time.

He seems very sensitive sometimes and then lately at Crèche he has hit 2 children.

He gets worked up over small things and tonight he was crying and we told him to stop and it was like he was trying to make himself sick after this.
He started freaking out last week when the creche told me he hit a child and not to tell mummy.........Vice Versa the week before.

He is pottt trained and all but sometimes we have to stand in with him, other times we have to lead him in and pull down his pants, even though he well able to do it himself.

Then he asks us questions like are you happy with me ? And is mummy happy with me, this will make mummy happy, this will make daddy happy. Then tonight after all the tears mummy asked him
Was he happy and he said no. It is not nice to hear a 3 year old say this and it's not nice.

He is loveable and gives hugs and kisses and generally interacts well with other children. Plays with lego, jigsaws, cycles, kicks ball etc.

I notice him sometimes with other children that he tends to annoy them, just kinda in their face making stupid noises and just annoying. And himself and his sister always fight over Filipin toys etc.

He is just driving us insane and we don't know how to handle it, we think he may have some behavioural or sensory or god knows what kind of an issue, it's just hard to admit or deal with when it's your own child.

Anybody heard or dealt with anything similar.

I know next steps may be to bring him to a doctor, but before all that , any similar stories etc ,

beechwood55

He is 3. All of this is very normal.

tom_tarbucket

beechwood55 wrote: »

He is 3. All of this is very normal.

It's our first child so I'm not sure what to expect at this age.

As for this being very normal -- is it though, he is driving us mad.

Halfprice

Trust me it is. I have 6 kids and my youngest is 2 and a half and she is the same. My other 5 never carried on like this at all. She is constantly on the go from 5am-6am until 6pm. Even putting her to bed later has no effect. Still gets up at 5am or so and its non stop then for the day. When she goes to her nannys there isnt a word outta her. At home its just constant. Exhausted Dad😴

Halfprice

We even brought he to the doctor just to be sure and he said he sees this all the time. We start putting her sitting in the corner on a chair and she cant get off untill she says sorry. She'll scream the house down for 5-10min and then she'll say sorry and be okay for a while.

bp

Yep normal. It's hard but maybe try talking through some of the emotions eg I know it is upsetting when you wanted the blue bowl but got orange. Next time tell me which colour you would like before I put food in and if it is clean of course you can have it.

I find this helps reduce the whines - not eliminate but reduce and also gives them a "job" - reminding you is their job. Kids love simple jobs to help so that can be one. Or they make sure the colour bowl they want is in the dishwasher the night before so they bring it over to be washed

shesty

The whining is normal.We have a three year old girl.The whining does my head in.But that said...no, I do not tolerate whining about bowl colours etc.You can end up turning yourself inside out to have the right colour bowl, matching colour cup, right colour spoon etc (we get all of that) and I have decided that I am not jumping through those particular hoops (I jump through enough other ones).My constant, constant, CONSTANT refrain is 'I can only hear whining.I need to hear words to know what you want' or 'I am not doing anything until you stop whining and use your words to tell me what is wrong".....and phrases to that effect.It's a feature of that age.

I think the toilet thing sounds pretty normal too.Our lady will '(finally) go herself but she does generally shout for help to pull up/pull down, and I'd have to keep an eye on her hand washing, wiping etc.She's usually in a hurry!Often she does not want to leave what she's doing to go, so yes, we have to bring her too.

Our no.2 is 1.5 and they fight a lot over toys.A lot.The screaming would do your head in.But it's just part of having siblings.....

The one thing I will say is that your guy sounds a little bit anxious, maybe a bit of a worrier?Maybe try to find different ways to deal with him because he may get worse if he thinks you are constantly shouting at him and view him as bold or annoying.Obviously there are times for that!But maybe try to find other ways of addressing things where you can, just use other language and watch your own reaction to him.Otherwise ( I'm a mum of girls) from what I've seen of little boys that age he sounds totally normal.

Tenigate

Is it possible you praised him a lot as a toddler? Like "oh, that's the exact way to colour in", "isn't he so advanced for his age", "isn't he so good at brushing his teeth?", "he's just the best boy"
I think overpraising kids puts them round the bend a little as they feel they have to live up to that standard & their thinking becomes black and white.

studdlymurphy

All normal. My fella is 6 in March and is fine now but was a little animal back then. It comes.out of them in play school and primary. Nothing to worry about just support them in their good behaviour.

tom_tarbucket

bp wrote: »

Yep normal. It's hard but maybe try talking through some of the emotions eg I know it is upsetting when you wanted the blue bowl but got orange. Next time tell me which colour you would like before I put food in and if it is clean of course you can have it.

I find this helps reduce the whines - not eliminate but reduce and also gives them a "job" - reminding you is their job. Kids love simple jobs to help so that can be one. Or they make sure the colour bowl they want is in the dishwasher the night before so they bring it over to be washed

get ya. thing is when he is whining and crying, he cant hear me and I cant hear him due to all the noise he creates.

tom_tarbucket

shesty wrote: »

The whining is normal.We have a three year old girl.The whining does my head in.But that said...no, I do not tolerate whining about bowl colours etc.You can end up turning yourself inside out to have the right colour bowl, matching colour cup, right colour spoon etc (we get all of that) and I have decided that I am not jumping through those particular hoops (I jump through enough other ones).My constant, constant, CONSTANT refrain is 'I can only hear whining.I need to hear words to know what you want' or 'I am not doing anything until you stop whining and use your words to tell me what is wrong".....and phrases to that effect.It's a feature of that age.

I think the toilet thing sounds pretty normal too.Our lady will '(finally) go herself but she does generally shout for help to pull up/pull down, and I'd have to keep an eye on her hand washing, wiping etc.She's usually in a hurry!Often she does not want to leave what she's doing to go, so yes, we have to bring her too.

Our no.2 is 1.5 and they fight a lot over toys.A lot.The screaming would do your head in.But it's just part of having siblings.....

The one thing I will say is that your guy sounds a little bit anxious, maybe a bit of a worrier?Maybe try to find different ways to deal with him because he may get worse if he thinks you are constantly shouting at him and view him as bold or annoying.Obviously there are times for that!But maybe try to find other ways of addressing things where you can, just use other language and watch your own reaction to him.Otherwise ( I'm a mum of girls) from what I've seen of little boys that age he sounds totally normal.

Thanks.
The fighting and screaming does my head in alright, would drive ya cracked.
Yeah, suppose we need to be more strict with him.

But yeah, he does seem like a bit of a worrier and over sensitive

tom_tarbucket

Tenigate wrote: »

Is it possible you praised him a lot as a toddler? Like "oh, that's the exact way to colour in", "isn't he so advanced for his age", "isn't he so good at brushing his teeth?", "he's just the best boy"
I think overpraising kids puts them round the bend a little as they feel they have to live up to that standard & their thinking becomes black and white.

ok noted, go easy on the praise, dont over do it.

shesty

tom_tarbucket wrote: »

Thanks.
The fighting and screaming does my head in alright, would drive ya cracked.
Yeah, suppose we need to be more strict with him.

But yeah, he does seem like a bit of a worrier and over sensitive

Don't worry about the sensitive, that's just how he is.But do help him a bit with the anxiety, as someone said talk through the emotions etc, ask him how it makes him feel, does he feel scared or cross etc., what does he think he could do about it.

If you can't hear him over the whining and crying then tell him very firmly (once) you will talk to him/listen to him/help him once he has stopped whining and is ready to use his words.If it is over a bowl/cup/coat etc, I would do one of two things....either say you can have bowl X or bowl Y, so chose one (no others on offer).If he doesn't chose, then I just say that's ok, but there's no cereal (or whatever) until you chose.Or else I'd be saying today you are having this bowl.If you don't want it, then I can't give you any food....give him a minute to think about it and if no reply comes, I'd put the bowl away, and proceed with getting your own food, or whatever you are doing.I wouldn't be drawn into arguments or negotiations about it (I'm a horrible mammy!!!)He will come around, and after one or two episodes of that, it should reduce the arguments.

As for the coat....either we are not going anywhere or you can't come with us unless you have your coat on.End of story.

Trust me, they cut their losses and come round pretty quickly.They aren't stupid!!!!

Moonbeam

I have a 3 and 4 year old and oh the whining ,it is endless.
You have to be strict but fair and although you will need to give in sometimes stand your ground and make sure there are lots of hugs and kisses.

Maglight

tom_tarbucket wrote: »

ok noted, go easy on the praise, dont over do it.

Praise the behaviour rather than the outcome.

As kids get older it's easy to praise them for winning a prize, scoring a goal, getting an A, etc. With a sensitive child this can make them anxious about always having to achieve in order to maintain your love and approval.

Of course you should recognise achievements but not in a 'you are so clever' sort of a way. Instead praise them for the hard work, sticking with it, teamwork etc that made the achievement possible. And don't forget to recognise the effort when things don't quite go to plan also.

One of the hardest things I ever experienced was my child telling me that praising her for achieving good grades made her feel bad because it made her more anxious about exams for fear of letting me down.

tom_tarbucket

Thanks for all the replies so far, some good advice.

nikpmup

Something I've found that works with my four year old is giving him the impression that he has some control over a situation or choice - for example, he'll often go doolally when we ask him to change activities ("put your coat on, it's time to go to granny's house", when he's playing)
If instead, I say " which train would you like to bring to granny's? " he will happily pick a train and get ready - it's a subtle change, but it works well for us. I refuse to entertain demands, he has to ask politely (even if it's for something he can't have) If he asks for sweets, say, I'll answer that he can't have sweets but he can have this fruit or this cracker. It's not foolproof but it fends off the worst behaviour. Making sure he's well rested and not hungry is a priority - he turns into a right pup when he's either of those things.

iamwhoiam

What worked for us was, like the post above , to give toddlers a choice .Its bed time so which book would you like.Its time to go out so which hat would you prefer .Its dinner time so which plate would you like etc .
They feel like they have some control and it distracts the brain from a meltdown .!

Neyite

Choices worked here too - make it a choice of things you don't care either way about though.

I found acknowledging and empathising with feelings helped with meltdowns too. "I know you are sad we have to leave the park, I'm sad about it too - we had a lovely time, didn't we? but it's dinner time and the park is closing soon. Will we come back tomorrow?" That sort of stuff.

It's a phase though. At three they are infuriating and drive you cracked but also terrific fun and would melt your heart.

shesty

Neyite wrote: »

Choices worked here too - make it a choice of things you don't care either way about though.

I found acknowledging and empathising with feelings helped with meltdowns too. "I know you are sad we have to leave the park, I'm sad about it too - we had a lovely time, didn't we? but it's dinner time and the park is closing soon. Will we come back tomorrow?" That sort of stuff.

It's a phase though. At three they are infuriating and drive you cracked but also terrific fun and would melt your heart.

I' m finding 3 to be hilarious (in between arguments about wearing princess dresses to preschool, and going out in short sleeves with no coat or jumper!).She's nuts, but her conversations are very funny-if totally random.Baby sister is picking up all the phrases too :-)

3 is definitely a lot better than 2!!!!

Neyite

For sure shesty. They get you to the point you want to lose your sh!t then do something utterly melty and adorable.

I swear it's on purpose too!

BeardySi

Happened across this by accident..

Asked the soon to be 3 year old "does crying like that ever get you what you want?"

Cue a thoughtful look, a little "no" and the end of the tantrum....

Baby4

This post has been deleted.

iamwhoiam

Baby4 wrote: »

I have a really really cranky 2.5 yr old girl. I swear she’s the crankiest, tantrumiest little child I have ever come across. I’m at the end of my tether with her.
To make matters worse, I’m slowly but surely trying to do all the things described above (giving her choices, praising her, ignoring the tantrums, etc) but she’s still too young to really comprehend.
And her Dad is not on the same page at all. He works shifts so when he sees her after a few days away, he spoils her rotten and gives in to every whim & tantrum.

Pulling my hair out today!!!!!!!!!! 😡

Personally I would be tearing my hair out over her Dad and not the child. Its the mixed messages they can't handle

shesty

How's her language?
My experience was that language played a massive part in it.Once that improved (admittedly mine is far too articulate and always has been) she could communicate her issues a bit easier and we could sort them out better.It helped!
And daddy needs to cop on I'm afraid.

Bazzy

We've twin boys just 3

The choices thing works brilliant get them to pick a bowl from the press the colour they want same with cups etc

We got them small box cereals the variety pack and they picked one of them they went for the same one most of the time and got the big box of that

We still have one lad who'll wet himself hes as lazy as sin and the other fella will go potty all the time (took him longer to get the hang of it first time round)

Keep them in the loop with everything helps as well

Mommy's going to work tell them not sneaking off and say goodbye

we're very lucky in that they like their sleep so come 7 o clock there off up the wooden hill to bed till the morning most times

Like every other parent they wind us up the time out step is used and it works

I also find making them say sorry for what they did works so " Sorry daddy for throwing" helps them recognise the behaviour that is not acceptable

73trix

Bazzy wrote: »

We've twin boys just 3

The choices thing works brilliant get them to pick a bowl from the press the colour they want same with cups etc

We got them small box cereals the variety pack and they picked one of them they went for the same one most of the time and got the big box of that

We still have one lad who'll wet himself hes as lazy as sin and the other fella will go potty all the time (took him longer to get the hang of it first time round)

Keep them in the loop with everything helps as well

Mommy's going to work tell them not sneaking off and say goodbye

we're very lucky in that they like their sleep so come 7 o clock there off up the wooden hill to bed till the morning most times

Like every other parent they wind us up the time out step is used and it works

I also find making them say sorry for what they did works so " Sorry daddy for throwing" helps them recognise the behaviour that is not acceptable

Dear god, throwing is our head wreck at the moment and more so as we have a small baby! We give the warning and the. The missile/s are quickly confiscated and lately bold corner but I don't think he understand s bold corner.So annoying ....

lawred2

shesty wrote: »

The whining is normal.We have a three year old girl.The whining does my head in.But that said...no, I do not tolerate whining about bowl colours etc.You can end up turning yourself inside out to have the right colour bowl, matching colour cup, right colour spoon etc (we get all of that) and I have decided that I am not jumping through those particular hoops (I jump through enough other ones)..

I used to think a little like that but then I thought who the hell cares... This is not a battle worth fighting.

If the kids wants all one colour or all different colours - I'll do it because there are so many far more important things to don the battle garb for.

It's also probably a bit hurtful as well I'd imagine to be told that what you want or like doesn't matter..

ShaShaBear

My eldest girl is 3.5 and the whinging is out in drones. Real shocker, as she was always such a placid child and coasted through just about anything. We never really had a "terrible twos" stage. There was a period of three or four days where she was throwing wobblies and she very quickly realised they were getting her nowhere and that was the end of it. The whinging is over the silliest of things. She'll ask for Peppa Pig on the telly after her dinner and there's a whinging match because I didn't put on the specific episode she was after (the one where Peppa plays with her friends doesn't really narrow it down, kiddo :rolleyes: ) or she'll ask to go see her Nanna, and we'll get her ready, and there's a whinging match because she wants to see her Nanna, but she doesn't want her to come here, she doesn't want to go to her in the car and she doesn't want to walk either :pac:

Although her language is very, very good, I still think that's the root cause. It seems like she knows we understand her but can't understand why she isn't getting what she wanted. She's not quite realising that she isnt supplying enough information (Like Peppa playing with her friends in school when counting or wanting to see Nanna by calling her on the phone). We do get the odd whinge about the cereal she is given for breakfast (which is what she would ask for) and she'll demand something else. This is usually her just testing the waters to see what she can and can't do.

My second girl is almost 2, and it is like raising a wild, rabid animal :pac: she throws tantrums over everything, and has learned to make some VERY impressive noises when she's in the throws of one! I've even watched her throw a tantrum because the initial tantrum didn't get her any attention!