Feckless Children

kig

My daughter finished college this year and has struggled to find a job, although in my opinion she has not tried very hard. She has gone onto the dole and I think that she should start paying rent, any ideas on what I should charge to light a fire under her?

beechwood55

€60 per week.

donegal.

split all bills evenly

Goat the dote

What's she getting on the dole? My friend lives at home and pays €75 a week PLUS half of the utilities like electricity, fuel etc and buys (and prepares) her own food. I personally think she's being taken for a ride by her parents, but she won't move out.

shesty

Definitely start charging her.How much is up to yourself.

Unfortunately she's an adult, you can't actually make her find a job.I've watched parents trying to do that for their kids.I understand the impulse to do it, but sometimes I wonder if you'd be better off to just charge them to live in the house and then after that, leave them at it so they come to the realisation that they have to fend for themselves?hard to know.

Bandana boy

I know in Dublin People are paying €700 a month for a room in a house share , plus equally split utilities.
That much would be very harsh but Half that is probably reasonable , especially when i bet you are feeding her on top of this .

That would be ~€82 a week

riffmongous

What's she doing with her dole? If she is wasting it away then yeah maybe charge her something but if it's a punitive amount but then she might end up resenting you after.

If she is saving it up then charging her might damage her chances of moving out later, I used to help out when needed and would buy food, but if my mother had made me pay rent as well I'd still be stuck at home, I'd never have been able to afford to move out.

Bandana boy

I have friends whose parents charged them rent as soon as they were finished education , when they finally went to buy a house they found out their parents had stuck all that rent in a savings account and gave it back to them to help with their deposit .
I thought that was a really sensible gesture.

kig

Yes that was my idea as well. It's not that we need to fleece her but she needs to understand that it cost to live and to be able to buy things, go out etc.

Cork Lass

Bandana boy wrote: »

I have friends whose parents charged them rent as soon as they were finished education , when they finally went to buy a house they found out their parents had stuck all that rent in a savings account and gave it back to them to help with their deposit .
I thought that was a really sensible gesture.

Our oldest started work a few months ago and this is what we’ve decided to do. Hopefully the money she’s giving us now will help her when she’s ready to move out / buy her own house. We’re both working so it’s no hardship for us to do this.

NinjaTruncs

Unlike one of the other posters above, I think you need to be punitive with your daughter in terms of what you charge her, which is still unlikely to cover her actual living costs if she was renting. I would be taking at least €50 of what she is getting, I presume she gets €100, if she gets more take more. IMO, and others will disagree with me, you need to make it so that the only way she can afford to do/buy stuff is by getting a job, if she doesn't like the job she's in she can find a new one while still working, there is no way I'd be allowing her feck about until she finds a job she likes.

pilly

Depends how much dole she's getting. Whatever that is take half.

gctest50

They're spoiled with all their phones and tablets

All we ever had at their age was the ability to buy property

lazybones32

Sit down with her with your biro and sheet of paper. Go through it with her like the young adult she is.

elperello

I think a bit of mentoring and advice could help as well.

eviltwin

Take some money off her and tell her if she doesn't go out and start doing something productive with her time it will be more. Its not good for her to be doing nothing. Encourage her to do some volunteer work. It will give her something to get up for, help with her mental health and could even lead to a job. Looks better on the CV too.

pwurple

What is her degree? Has she done some career guidance?